Chapter Text
“bianco, this isnotnecessary.” nico says for what feels like the twenty sixth millionth time. he’s lost track of how many times he’s told his eldest to back off.
bianco ignores him and keeps writing on a piece of paper. 18 years old and he insisted on keeping a notebook wherever he went. nico thought the hobby would’ve died out when he turned 12; but it never stopped.
will sat there, confusion on his face. how had they ended up here? what was bianco doing? why did he steal their phones and insist they sit down? why did nico look so fine in his work attire? and why, why,whywas this necessary?
bianco hums and finishes whatever he was writing. “im sure we’re aware as to why i’ve gathered us here today.” he says pointedly.
“no.” will and nico said at nearly synced times. they looked at each other in surprise.
“don’t care. im doing this for a reason.” bianco says, as though someone said,you don’t have to do this.but no one had.
“bianco. can you stop monologuing and tell us why you stole our phones and computer and insisted we sit here.” nico says flatly, his patience running dry.
”that’s dr. bianco to you.” bianco says and puts on a pair of glasses. they were round and thick-rimmed. nico throws his hands up as if wondering what was going on.
“you don’t have a phd last time i checked.” will says calmly. “now son, humour us. why are you doing this?”
bianco sighs loudly and adjusts his glasses. “it’s come to my attention recently.” he says, then pauses. for an entire minute.
will’s eye twitched as he waits for bianco to finish his statement. but he doesn’t. he stares directly at the wall. will looks at nico, who looks like he’s on the edge of losing his mind.
“son.” will says and bianco stares at him.
“what?” bianco says, raising an eyebrow.
“tell us why we’re here again?” will asks, his eye twitching again.
“oh-! right. uh.” bianco looks at his paper. “recently it’s come to my attention that you two have a dysfunctional marriage.” he enunciates the syllables inmarriage.“so. i’m no longer your son. i’m your marriage counsellor. counsellor bianco, if you will.”
they both stare at their son in complete shock. will wants to shout at him. he truly does. he and nico had afinemarriage, thank you very much. they didn’t need marriage counselling.
“bianco.” nico says sternly. “our marriage is fine. stop nitpicking. this is- this is ridiculous!” nico looks at him angrily.
“your conversations are short. papa sleeps in his office. papa also works long hours and doesn’t greet dad with a kiss when he gets home. you argue when you’re not having two minute conversations. dad says papa spends too long in the bathroom. you disagree. papa drinks a lot when-”
”okay okay!” nico winces and rubs the back of his neck. bianco had a good point. he looks over at will, who was frowning himself.
“exactly. now tell me nico and will-”
“bianco.”
“dr. bianco-”
“bianco. even if we have a few… issues. it’s not your business. we don’t want our son to handle our marriage.” nico says crossing his arms.
“not agreeable. will, would you say nico is disagreeable?” bianco looks at will.
will was frowning and looks at bianco. he blinks. “maybe just a little.” he whispers.
“what.” nico breathes out. he glares at will. “i am not disagreeable! you just agree with everything too easily!”
“i don’t, nico. you disagree with everything. i am more mixed. i know what to say no and yes to.” will says, quite defensively.
“‘i know what to say no and yes to, my ass! you agree with everything minus if isay it. than you have an issue.”
“that isnottrue. we agree on some things, nico!” will spits back.
“like?!” nico hisses.
“that we should definitely potty train our youngest so he doesn’t sh*t everywhere!”
“that’s an issueanyonewould agree on. and it’s your fault he’s not pottytrained!”
“how?!”
”eh-hmmm.” bianco clears his throat. nico and will both look at him. bianco began to talk. “we won’t get anywhere if you two argue. it’s best if we talk one at a time. let’s start with the core problems. nico.”
“yes?” nico mumbles looking at him.
“you say it’s will’s fault that marius isn’t potty trained. why do you say that?”
“because. marius would’ve been potty trained had will not done other sh*t instead of teaching him.” nico says angrily.
“i see. will, what is your opinion on that?”
will took a deep breath. “it’s both of our responsibilities to potty train our kid.”
“mhm. sure you love when he pisses in your lap, then.”
“hush.” bianco says rolling his eyes. “no one likes when marius pisses all over the place. yet you’re both failing to take action.”
“i-” nico starts but bianco raises a finger.
“come on. it’s true. that kid’s gonna be 15 still in diapers. it’s both of your faults, really. also for having a kid so late.”
“bianco-” nico grits his teeth. “he’s only fourteen years younger than you.”
”that’s an issue.” bianco says.
“how?” will asks.
bianco blinks and turns the paper upside down. “ah, there we go.” he says sounding satisfied. will ignores the urge to face palm.
“anyways, let’s go to another topic. how is intimacy going?” bianco asks flatly, as if asking your parents about their sex lives was normal.
“that’s not- it’sfine. sex isn’t essential to a marriage.” nico insists.
“mmm. but intimacy is and they’re almost the same thing.” bianco points out.
nico blinks and sighs. “we last did it- well… fully. two months ago.” he says looking down.
“that’s why you’ve been so pissy.” bianco says crossing his arms.
”hey. i shouldn’t even be telling you this. f*ck o-”
“will what’s your opinion on the lack of intimacy?” bianco turns toward his father.
“uh…” will scratches the back of his head. “i would prefer is we did… y’know… but we’re both busy so it’s under-”
”dad came home last night and spent four hours on the couch watching the first episode of the bear on loop. so… i thinknot.” he blinks.
“oh. oh yeah…”
”bianco. the show is a masterpiece. you can’t truly blame me-” nico begins.
“you prefer a tv show over being intimate with your husband?” bianco asks blandly.
“no- but-”
“thought so. is there something going on?” bianco asks looking directly at nico.
nico sighs. “i guess… i guess im afraid of disappointing him. last time we did it neither of us finished.”
”see. this is alright but you do remember the times you two had scream-inducing, leg shaking, back folding sex?” bianco says incredibly casually.
“bianco!” nico and will shout in sync, both flushing.
“my room is right next to yours. plus…” bianco makes a gesture that they both get immediately.
”right.” will sighs.
“i know.” nico crosses his arms. “we’ll get back to it. it’s not like we want or have anyone else.”
“happy to see we’re both loyal.” bianco smiles.
“yes. i’d never cheat on nico.” will says, a gentle smile crossing his face.
“you either, honey. no matter how often you make me mad.” nico smiles at him as well.
“this is great.” bianco smiles again. “but back to our issues. the bathroom issue.”
their smiles immediately disappeared.
“nico. why do you spend two hours in the bathroom every morning?” bianco asks.
”getting ready.”
”for what? war?” bianco asks, a hint of amusem*nt in his tone.
“my job requires me to look pristine.” nico crosses his arms.
“you work for grandad.” bianco remarks dryly.
“so? he wants me to look my best.”
“it’s alright if you sh*t for two hours.” bianco scribbles something.
“no.” nico’s face flushed.
“nico. it is a long time to spend in the bathroom. you don’t even bring your phone. what are you doing?” will asks, raising an eyebrow.
“i’ll say later.” nico says even though they all knew he wouldn’t.
“rad. next topic. what’s our opinion on … avocados?”
will groans loudly and leans his head back. he slaps a hand to his face.
“hah!” nico smirks at him. “i told you to stop eating them they absolutely f*ck up your digestive system.”
“they’re an occasional guilty pleasure.” will insists.
“is occasional everyday?” nico glares.
”erm… no?”
”stop eating them. our room smells like an abandoned apartment.”
”that’s not a bad smell, per se.”
“william andrew solace.”
”okay fine!” he pouts slightly.
bianco strokes his chin. “okay okay. i got it. i know what to do.” he writes something down.
“bianco-“ will starts.
“shut up. you guys need a date night! good food which you haven’t had in awhile and good sex afterwards. yep, i’m a genius!” bianco smiles big, as if he resolved cancer.
“bianco.” nico says. “we don’t have time-”
”clear your schedules this weekend. come on. find that medicine that one lady gave you. you got this!” bianco claps.
will looks at his eldest son. he truly and fully appeared like nico, but acted like will.
“alright son.” he says softly smiling.
nico sighs and nods his head. “yeah.. we can do that.” he mumbles and smiles at will.
“be home by 1 am.” bianco says bluntly. “or your phones will be confiscated, hear me?”
“no.” nico gets up and grabs his phone and computer, sitting on the table.
“i didn’t say you could have that back.” bianco gets up, taller than nico.
“see ya, bianco.” nico leaves the study.
will gently grabs him phone. he smiles at bianco. “thanks son.”
”anytime, dad.” bianco smiles warmly. he exits the study after will.
downstairs, their other three children sat doing activities that were solely theirs. alessandro was drawing, marius was watching a bright over saturated show, and james was scribbling on a piece of paper.
nico sat in his primary chair and stretched his legs.
“you alright, daddy?” james asks softly.
“yes, baby. im fine.” nico smiles at his second youngest child.
bianco sat criss cross on the floor. he smiles at will who sat next to alessandro who didn’t look up.
it was quiet. for once.
maybe their family was fine. maybe everyone was fine-
“bianco i’m going to stab you through the neck if you don’t get out my way.” marius (aged four) remarks when bianco stands up for five seconds.
alright. maybe not.
