Chapter 1
Notes:
Hello and welcome to a brand new long fic! đ
It's a Scarian Zombie AU that Lock and I have been working on literally all of last year and we're sooo excited to start posting it for you guys! (So if you've been wondering why we had no new fics--this. This is why LMAO) It's been hard keeping it under wraps, but hopefully it'll be well worth it! :D
Heads up that Scar and Grian's characterizations in this fic are based heavily on the first three Life Series installments (Double Life in particular) and not on Hermitcraft. So if they're a lil hostile and a lil angsty, just think of it as them being on their Yellow/Red lives and being super on edge ;)
All that said, this first chapter is a long'un, so settle in for some excitement as desert duo get their lives crumpling disastrously around them :)
We hope you'll enjoy!! :D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The week the world ends sticks out in Scarâs memory as an eventful one, as far as things go. Fast paced, one hit after another, adrenaline pumping, the whole shebang. And really, itâs got to be like that, hasnât it? No good story has ever started with a rolling recap of the mundane. Not the kind that Scar likes to chew over, anyway.
No, the week where his life as he knows it changes forever is explosive from start to finish.
âsh*t,â Cub hisses, the machine in front of him giving a loud, shuddering groan before popping several screws and spewing black smoke from the seams, ominous and foreboding.
From his position laid out on the couch, Scar whistles low, exaggerating a grimace that Cub responds to with an exasperated sigh. He snickers at his friendâs misfortune, comforted in the knowledge that Cub would do the same if their situations were reversed. He then stretches his legs, dangling them to the side and grabbing the cane leaning against the armrest. It takes a minute, but itâs a relatively low pain day so heâs quickly able to get onto his feet and make his way over to where Cub is fiddling with a now pitifully sparking machine.
He looms over his friend in a way that comes only from years working by his side, peering down at the contraption below with curiosity, well in Cubâs bubble without invading his working space. âWhatcha got there?â
âItâs the project I told you about.â
âOhh, the one with the super strict deadline at the end of the month?â
The machine sputters pathetically, another spurt of black smoke escaping from it before the whole thing gives one final shake and dies.
âYeah,â Cub punctuates, grim.
âYikes.â
His best friend sighs, pushing up his glasses to rub at his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose.
âItâs not that bad. I can fix it, itâs just gonna take more time than I anticipated. See, the gears I had were interfering with theââ
âDonât explain it to me, Cub,â Scar interrupts, throwing a hand up dismissively, âIâm more than happy thinking of it as magic. All this engineering stuff is hocus pocus to me.â
Cub snorts, fond in that subtle way that Scar knows is reserved only for him. âYouâre a weird guy, Scar.â
Scar laughs, grinning wide and winking. After a moment more of tinkering, Cub sighs and moves away from the project, side-stepping around Scar and taking a seat in front of his desktop setup several feet from the machine. Now that heâs up, he doesnât fancy sitting down again, so Scar meanders over to the couch and picks up the remote lying on the cushion, flicking through the TV channels while Cub troubleshoots across his spread of monitors.
âIâve got a knack for magic, you know.â He talks over his shoulder in Cubâs direction, teasing, âJust point me in the direction of the crystals and Iâll make sparks fly.â
âThe sparks are the problem, dude,â Cub replies, distracted but playing along good-naturedly.
Scar snickers to himself and turns back to the TV, eyes catching on the drag performers showing off their outfits on a lavish stage. It strikes him that the show might be a good watch for date nights. He lingers for a bit, filing away the information for later before changing channels again and catching the trailing ends of a Halloween horror movie marathon before switching into the news. Almost immediately his stomach drops, a report about a spike of sudden hospitalizations is scrolling through the headlines, and the rows of hospital beds full of sick people on screen twists up his heart. He hated hospitals even before heâd been diagnosed, but it always got particularly bad in this season. He zones out, stuck in his own thoughts.
The last time there was a wave of illness spreading through the city, his doctor had stopped barely short of ordering him to stay indoors. They meant wellâdidnât want to exacerbate the issues with his already fragile immune systemâbut it had been the worst phase of his life for him thus far. Heâd been isolated and alone, unable to leave his apartment or make any real human contact. Staring at walls and text messages day in, day out.
âScar?â
He jolts, clicking the remote and changing the channel to something far less triggering, plastering a smile on his face as he turns back to acknowledge Cub. âMmm?â
His friend looks him over at him for a moment, calculating, but eventually relents, âI was just asking if youâd heard anything about this, seeing as youâre the resident Disney guy.â Cub gestures at his computer screen, likely at some sort of article that Scar canât see from his angle. âIt says here that theyâre closing the parks for a couple days. Thatâs pretty unprecedented right?â
âI suppose so,â Scar hums. He usually loves rambling about the parks, but itâs a little difficult to reorient himself after a near panic. âTheyâve closed before for hurricanes. Canât fight natural disasters!â
âYeah, sure, but itâs not hurricanes thatâre doing it. Theyâre only citing âcirc*mstances beyond our controlâ as the reasoning for it,â Cub counters, tapping the end of his pen against the edge of his computer screen.
âOhh, that is interesting,â Scar says, curiosity piqued.
He tosses the remote towards the couch and starts to make his way over to where Cub is standing when his phone starts to ring. Yelping in surprise, he takes a second to calm his startled heart before reaching into his coat pocket and fishing out the device. Itâs a reminder, scheduled for now. He smiles at the message before muting it and putting it away. When he looks up again, Cub is watching him in askance.
âGrian,â Scar explains, âItâs my turn to cook tonight and Iâm always forgetting, so he set up a little reminder for me! Isnât that sweet of him?â
The sound Cub makes is non-commital. âSure.â
âAw, câmon Cub,â Scar admonishes teasingly. âDonât be that way!â
âIâm not being any kind of way.â
Scar knows he should leave well enough alone, but thereâs this quiet anxiety that settles in his chest whenever he feels like the people he cares for donât get along with one another. It makes him want to solve it. Like if he just forces the subject along far enough theyâll realise they really do like each other, and then everything will be fine.
âYou know, you should come over for dinner sometime,â he suggests, keeping his tone cheerful and optimistic. âItâs been a while since you two have hung out!â
âScar, weâve talked about this,â Cub sighs, leaning back in his chair and sending a serious look his way. âGrianâs fine, I donât have a problem with him. I like hanging out with him, even. Heâs fun.â
âSee? So whatâsââ
âI just donât think heâs good for you. Thatâs it.â
âCubâŠâ
An awkward mood settles between the two of them, Cubâs lip curling up and his brow furrowing.
âYou two have been together like what? Three years? And he still wonât let you call him your boyfriend,â Cub says at last, when it becomes clear Scar isnât going to speak first.
âHeâs just a little shy!â Scar defends, shoulders tensing up.
âThat goes beyond shyness, Scar. Anyone else would be living together by now. Or at least have left over more permanent stuff in your apartment other than a toothbrush and a couple of socks in a drawer.â
Scarâs palm sweats where heâs gripping his cane, knuckles tight around it. His stomach churns. He hates arguing with anyone, but especially with Cub. Thereâs no one who knows him better, except maybe Grian. When they fight it feels wrong.
His heart hurts. The evening was going so wellâhe doesnât want to leave things like this, and he certainly doesnât want to make it worse. The subject of his relationship with Grian is a conversation he and Cub have been having increasingly often lately, and Scarâs not looking to add another strained night to the tally.
Taking a deep breath, he forces his muscles to untense, meeting Cubâs gaze with his own pleading one. âThings are good between us, Cub. I promise. And⊠and if they werenât, Iâd come to you about it.â
âWould you, though?â Cub asks, testing.
His shoulders sag. âCub, come on.â
Thereâs a flash of guilt on his friendâs face, and Scar can see the moment where he breaks. âSorry,â he apologises, and Scar can tell he means it. âI know you would. I just⊠get worried sometimes, I guess. I donât want him taking you for granted, Scar.â
Feeling the tension drain from the air, Scar smiles and crosses the short distance to Cub, wrapping him up in a hug where he sits. âOh, you big olâ teddy bear! Iâll be fine, donât you worry your precious head!â
Cub laughs, a little strained, holding onto Scarâs arms briefly before tapping at them to let Scar know to let go. âYeah, yeah. I gotcha.â
Itâs not the ideal way for them to part, but Scar knows not to push when it comes to things Cub feels this strongly about. One of these days heâs going to have a proper sit-down conversation with his best friend about Grian. Cubâs concerns arenât unfounded, Scar knows thatâheâs had several of them himself. But what do the little things matter when he comes home to Grian smiling at him, and falls asleep with him in his arms? Thatâs got to count for something, right?
Crossing the room again, Scar picks up his phone, taking a moment to check his messages. Thereâs nothing from Grian, but at times like these heâs learned that itâs better to act like there is.
âIâm gonna head out nowâGrian says heâs hungry. But hey, keep me updated on how much worse your project gets, alright?â
Cub raises a brow at him from where heâs already immersed himself back in his bank of monitors. âBold of you to assume Iâll answer any messages before Iâve got this handled. Iâm going into fixation mode, dude. You wonât hear from me until this is done or Iâm dead.â
âYou get good reception from beyond the grave?â
âYou tell me,â Cub grins, âYouâre the one with the magic.â
The retort makes Scar laugh, genuine and heartfelt, and thatâs how he knows things are okay between them. With his wallet, keys, cane, and phone, Scar gives Cubâs shoulder a parting squeeze before he heads for the door. With an extra bit of banter, promises to drop by later in the week, and a wave as he lets himself out, Scar leaves Cubâs apartment for the very last time.
Grian is late for dinner.
Then again, Grian prides himself on being the last to show up to anything, so Scar never really expected him to arrive on time. His stubborn lateness is just one of his many quirks, and Scar loves him for it.
His first text comes an hour after he was supposed to arrive.
âRunning late. Sorry :( See you soon.â
Scar smiles and doesnât let it bother him.
Forty minutes later, he gets another text.
âTerrible traffic. Be there in an hour.â
The excuse settles funny in Scarâs mind. Traffic? He slides his thumb along the screen of his phone, pulling up their messages from that morning, the ones where Grian said he was working from home that day.
Most days, Grian walks to Scarâs place, insisting the fresh air is good for him. Trafficâs never been an issue before.
âArenât you working from home?â
Scar doesnât have time to put his phone down before it lights up with three quick messages.
âYes.â
âI am.â
âSee you in an hour.â
Grianâs never been particularly warm in text. When Scar thinks back on this moment, weeks later, he understands this shouldâve been when a warning bell went off in his head. Instead, he pulls out his cast iron pan and happily begins preheating the oven.
Two hours pass before Scar caves and texts Grian again. Grian had chastised him once for messaging him too often and Scar had since done his best to practise patience, but the low rumble in his stomach forces his hand.
âTraffic still bad?â
It takes ten minutes for Grian to reply.
âI donât think I can make it tonight :( workâs awful.â
He waits for a sorry, he waits for a love you.
He gets silence.
âNo worries,â he replies. âIâll see you soon.â
Dinner sits untouched in the oven, and Scar is ravenous. Itâs past 8 PM, getting closer to 9. A cool fall evening, with the sky still caught in deep blues. The perfect, clear night for taking pictures of the stars. Outside his open windows, Scar can hear people talking, the rumbled sounds of traffic from the side-street, a distant dog barking. Itâs only a short walk to Grianâs place, but his legs already ache, and theyâll ache worse tomorrow if he pushes it now.
Still.
He packs a portion of their dinner onto a plate and covers it in tinfoil. In a cloth napkin he wraps up two large chocolate chip cookies he baked the day before.
Grianâs working late, and Scar already went through all the trouble of cooking for him. Itâs a short walk, but an even shorter drive.
In hindsight, he shouldâve seen it coming.
Grian lives in a townhouse in a good neighbourhood, on a nice street lined with big trees, decorations still out from Halloween two nights ago. Itâs a lovely place, with more than enough room for two. Scar knows it. Everyone knows it. Scarâs stayed overnight countless times, but the longest heâs been welcome to linger in their three years of dating has been the occasional weekend.
Grian has a carport and a short driveway.
Scar almost doesnât think about it when he finds another car parked there.
He parks on the curb, blocking a fire hydrant. Itâs illegal, but heâll only be there for a minuteâunless, of course, Grian invites him in. But then, rules are made to be broken, and nothing is currently on fire. The hydrant will be fine, and so will he.
He has a key to Grianâs front door. Of course. Of course he does. You donât date someone for years and not get the key to their place. So what if Scar had to finagle a copy out of Grian like he was some sort of hostage negotiator? So what if Grian made him swear he would only ever use it for emergencies? Scar has a key to his not-boyfriendâs place, thatâs all that matters.
He still knocks first, though. Still leans on his cane as he stands on the front step, the bottom of the plate warm in his hand, the cookies balanced delicately on top of the tinfoil. He has a moment to think about how he wishes heâd tucked a note in between the cookies, a pen doodle of a smiley face and a big goofy heart.
He has several moments, actually.
Maybe Grianâs not home after all.
Heâs not going to leave a plate of food on the ground, thereâs a raccoon problem and he doesnât believe in feeding wildlife, so he fishes out his key and lets himself in.
âReady or not, here I cooome.â He meant it to sound sillyâit is silly, speaking out loud to an empty house. He nearly trips on a pair of shoes just inside the door, and itâs odd, because when he looks down he notices theyâre bigger than Grianâs tiny feet. Nearly as large as his own shoes, actually. Except heâs never left a pair of shoes at Grianâs place.
The navy blue jacket thrown over the bannister is new as well.
Thereâs a sound he canât place. Something is thumping softly against a wall upstairs. It goes on for a moment as he carefully steps over the unusual front-door clutter, then it stops.
In hindsight he shouldâve turned around.
In hindsight he should never have let himself in.
Scar is in the kitchen, giving a sideways glance to two unfinished glasses of wine on the counter as he opens the fridge to stash away Grianâs meal, when he hears hasty feet on the stairs. He thinks, again, to the car. To the shoes. To the jacket and to the noises.
Grianâs flushed when Scar finally sees him, frozen in the kitchen doorway, and for some reason Scar canât make his body move to shut the fridge as they both stand there and stare.
Grianâs cheeks are bright pink, distressed and embarrassed and something else incriminating and so much worse. His hair is mussed up, pushed out of place by fingers that arenât his own.
Scar has a second to take him in, even as his mind plays catch up in the back, filling in all the blanks. Only a second to fully commit to memory the sight of his boyfriend, caught in the act.
âGrian,â he says, the word forced to sound cheerful despite the immensity of his discomfort, each syllable incredibly heavy in his mouth as he forces them out.
âScar.â If he didnât think Grian was guilty before, the dread in the way he speaks confirms it. Thereâs an inky, black sorrowâbetrayalârising in Scarâs chest, in his throat, that threatens to choke him. He swallows it back.
âI brought you dinner,â Scar says, and the fridge door is forcefully closed, enough so that some of the magnets are jostled off and skitter away across the floor. Grian winces as they clatter and Scar feels nothing. âBecause youâre working so late.â
âScar,â Grian repeats, and it doesnât sound better a second time.
âI only brought enough for one. Thereâs two cookies, though.â
Scar moves and Grian shrinks out of the way like water displaced by oil. Scarâs back in the hall, passing the navy jacket, the shoes.
Heâs leaving.
âScar,â Grian tries it a third time, and thereâs an edge to it now, like heâs angry, like he has something to be angry about.
Scar doesnât hear him.
He doesnât hear him because thereâs a man. Thereâs a man standing on the staircase. Heâs got his clothes on, but itâs clear that, much like Grianâs, they were put on in haste. His sweater looks soft. If they were standing in line together at the grocery store, Scar would ask him where he got it.
He has the same deep flush to his face that Grian has. Like two peas f*cking each other in a pod, Scar thinks.
The manâs expression is unreadableâbut then, Scar doesnât exactly give himself time to properly study it.
Heâs thinking about traffic that never existed. Heâs thinking about the bottom of the plate, warm against his palm. Heâs thinking about the rhythmic sound of the bedframe hitting the wall.
Heâs thinking about Cub.
Heâs thinking about how Cub warned him.
âI want you to come get your stuff.â Scar doesnât recognise his voice when he speaks. It sounds like heâs hearing himself on a television set thatâs playing in another room.
âScar...â Grian tries for a fourth time, and has the nerve to sound hurt as he says it.
âTomorrow. First thing. Itâs gone or itâs on the lawn.â
Heâs shaking as he tries to open the door, and he has to fumble his cane into his other hand to try to get a proper grip on the doorknob. In his periphery he can see Grian moving forward automatically to help him, and a part of Scar feels like heâs going to catch on fire and self-immolate if Grian gets within an armâs length of him. He shudders, feeling sick, and then the door is open. The man on the stairs starts to say something, but Scar doesnât hear himâcanât hear him. Scarâs on the front step, down, cutting across the lawn. Heâs stepping on some flowers, but heâs always hated the look of a lawn with flowers.
Heâs parked in front of a fire hydrant. He was only going to be here a minute.
He feels sick.
Grian isnât chasing after him.
He remembers a morning, months ago, where he woke up from a dream to find Grian sitting up in bed, back resting against the headboardâthe one he just heard traitorously thumping against the wallâreading a book that Scar had thought sounded boring.
âI had a dream you cheated on me,â Scar had mumbled, voice rough with sleep as heâd moved his arm and draped it across Grianâs lap.
âIs that so?â Grian had asked, still reading his book, fingertips moving to idly pet the hair on Scarâs forearm. âDid I trade up?â
âHe had a moustache,â Scar had mumbled, words muffled into Grianâs hip. âAnd a son.â
At least this one didnât have a moustache, Scar thinks, and suddenly realises heâs in his car. He doesnât remember getting in it. The keyâs in the ignition, though. In his rearview mirror he can see Grian standing on the front step, heâs too far away for Scar to make out his expression, but distantly Scar thinks that he doesnât look as sad as he should.
He releases his parking brake and pulls away from the curb more aggressively than heâs ever driven before in his life. Then he jams his fist against the centre of his steering wheel and doesnât let off the horn until heâs several blocks away.
Once at a safe distance, he tries to turn the radio on, but every station is playing a news update, and he doesnât want to hear about sports and the weather right now, so just as quickly, Scar turns it off.
Funny, he thinks as he drives home, ears ringing with silence and heart racing in his chest. The roads are incredibly clear.
Heâs in no state to be driving, but itâs fine because he barely remembers being on the road at all. His mind is racing, connecting the dots, things he overlookedâevery time Grian cancelled plans, his cagey responses about work, sudden friends from out of town he was meeting for drinksâthereâs been months of this. A string of red flags going back further than he wants to admit.
He parks his car in a haze, slamming the door with trembling hands and feeling weaker than ever as he grips his cane tight and pushes himself back towards his apartment.
It had taken a lot of smooth talking to ensure himself a place on the first floor, but right now it makes no difference at all. Scar feels winded, breathing hard like heâs been climbing flight after flight of stairs. His blood rushes in his ears, heart tight in his chest and body clammy with sweat and nerves. Distantly, like an afterthought, it occurs to him that he might be panicking. He doesnât know how he gets his door open, but he does it in his continued fugue state, discarding his coat and his keys on the coffee table before collapsing on his couch.
Breathing still feels difficult. His stomach is in knots. He feels sick to his core, blood churning and the sting of bile sharp in his throat. His vision is watery.
He needs to call Cub.
Scar wipes at his eyes and struggles through a breath. He drops his cane carelessly to the floor and pushes himself fully back onto the couch, bringing his legs up and turning sideways so that they dangle over the armrest.
He promised heâd call Cub if anything ever happened.
Itâs just⊠he never, ever thought anything would.
An awful, mournful noise works its way out of his throat, and even all alone in the dark of his cold, empty apartment, Scar feels humiliated by it. Grian always said he was too emotional, and right now, beat down under the weight of his feelings crushing against his chest, Scar agrees.
No matter how much he spins the procession of events around in his head, he canât make sense of it at all.
How long has Grian been cheating on him? Does this go back half a year? Ten months? More? When Scar had thrown him a surprise party for his birthday a while back and Grian had flushed bright pink, all flattered and enthusedâhad he spent that following weekend in someone elseâs arms instead of busy at work like heâd said? Had he been spending days with his lover and nights with Scar? Was he splitting time evenly, or had Scar always been the lowest priority?
Surely there had to have been a time when he was Scarâs and only Scarâs? Surely?
Another anguished, half-choked noise escapes him, and Scar curses himself for not being strong enough to swallow it back.
What exactly had he done so wrong that Grian felt the need to hurt him like this? If they werenât working out, why didnât Grian just break up with him?
Or was he so indifferent to Scar that he hadnât even considered his feelings in the first place?
On the coffee table, his cellphone comes to life with a shrill ring, black screen lighting up. Scar lurches towards it like a man possessed, clutching it tight in his grip and staring down at the display like itâll somehow magically smooth away the ache of his heartbreak. For a second, for just a moment, he hopes against hopeâonly to fall apart further when itâs not Grianâs name on the caller ID.
Itâs Cub.
Anxiety overwhelms him at once. Logically, thereâs no way Cub can possibly know what just happened. Scar knows that, he does.
And yet, itâs impossible to pick up the phone.
Despite having longed for him only a moment before, now that heâs calling, Scar canât bear the thought of hearing Cubâs voice on the line and having to confirm that his friend had been right about Grian all along. Heâs ashamed of himselfâfor not seeing the signs sooner, for not listening to Cubâs advice, for not heeding his many, many warnings.
Scar doesnât want Cub to see him like this.
He holds the phone in his hand until the ringing stops, shoulders only untensing when the room goes silent again. But he has only a moment of reprieve, because immediately the ringing starts anew, Cubâs name flashing urgently, accusingly, across the screen. Gritting his teeth, Scar switches his phone to vibrate and lets it clatter onto the coffee table once more. The insistent drone of the vibrations rattle against the wood of his table, but he turns his head away from it. When a call comes through for a third time, Scar grabs one of the couch cushions and stuffs his head between them.
Heâll talk to Cub, he willâhe just⊠he needs a minute.
When sleep comes, Scar isnât ready for it. He hardly feels like heâs sleeping at all, forced to relive the drive to Grianâs house in his dreams, the trip both too long and too short, nightmarish in the way his footsteps echo across the kitchen tiles as he turns to see Grianâs face. In the dream heâs smiling. He hadnât been in real lifeâhad he? Scar canât remember clearly, not in this circular hell where he runs out the front door and ends up right back in his car driving to Grianâs place, the ground beneath his wheels shaking like itâs seconds from cracking open and swallowing him whole.
Waking up feels like falling, disorienting on all accounts, and Scar finds himself gripping tight to either side of himself as his foot slips from the armrest where it had been dangling.
His phone is still vibrating.
He stares at it, blinking slowly. It takes him a second to place himself, and a second more to gauge how much time has passed. From the way the light has completely faded from the sky, itâs been a few hours at leastâso surely itâs not still Cub calling.
Scar steels himself and picks up his phone, answering it in the same instant.
He canât avoid this forever.
âHello?â he croaks out, dull.
âScar!â Comes a bright, accented voice, excitable and entirely discordant with his current state. âDid you see the news?â
It takes him a moment to place who it is, having been so sure heâd be speaking to Cub.
âPearl? Is that you?â
âOf course itâs me, who else would it be?â
His stomach twists awfully. âNobody. Sorry⊠what did you call for?â
She laughs, bright and delighted.
âThe worldâs ending!â
Thereâs a feral kind of glee in her voice, and she laughs again with an almost manic enthusiasm that despite everything, still manages to light up a deep, earnest fondness in Scarâs chest. Pearlâs always been like thisâon the wild side of weird. Sheâs always got something new: a conspiracy, a cover-up, a close-encounter. Usually he delights in it.
Today heâs simply too tired.
âThatâs great, Pearl.â
His voice feels flat as he says it.
Thereâs a pause on the line and Scar can almost picture the way Pearl must now be frowning.
âIs everything alright?â She ventures, her voice cautious. âYou sound a little lowâŠâ
âIâm fine.â
Itâs a lie, and she hears it as blatantly as he does.
âOh, so weâre telling fibs now?â She asks, and he hears the sound of her beginning to grin through the phone. âCâmon Scar. You can confess to me, what did you break this time? Tell olâ Saint Pearl whatâs the trouble.â
The words stick in Scarâs throat, thick and tarry. As much as he tries, he simply canât get them out.
â...Scar?â Thereâs a genuine note of concern in her voice, now. He doesnât want to worry herâhates that he canât seem to stop it from happening.
âGrianââ Scarâs throat closes up and he can barely get the name out. He doesnât want to cry like this.
âWhatâs happened to Grian? Is he hurt?â Thereâs an edge to Pearlâs tone, tight with concern.
âNo.â Scar chokes the word out like itâs something rotten.
A moment passes. Then another.
âOh, ScarâŠâ
He can hear the pity now, rolling in like a wave. Itâs kinder than if heâd told Cub. None of the flat âI told you soâ judgement that Cubâeven with the best of intentionsâwould try and fail to conceal, just the deep sympathy of a person whoâs had her fair share of relationships turn sour. Two lonely people seeing each other clearly.
All at once the isolation is crushing. He canât stand another second of being by himself.
âCan youââ
âIâm on my way,â Pearl says, finishing his thought before he has a chance to properly complete it. âJust let me get Tilly in from the yard. You sit tight, alright? Ten minutes and Iâm out the door, tops.â
Ten minutes is more like twenty, but that gives Scar a chance to sit up so that heâs not curled in a ball on the couch when Pearl lets herself in.
Sheâs carrying a six pack of beers hooked on her middle finger and two pints of ice cream in a plastic shopping bag dangling from her wrist. Itâs not that Pearlâs especially good in a crisis, nor has she ever been particularly motherly, but she puts the effort in when it counts. A more than meagre part of Scar has always adored Pearl, and that fondness flares especially strong now as she shucks off her jacket and deposits her food offerings on the kitchen counter before crossing the room to join him on the couch.
âWe donât have to talk about it,â she says, getting the words in before he can say anything, having clearly rehearsed them on the short drive over. âI just want you to know that heâs crazy and an idiot and a fool, and no matter what: you didnât deserve it.â
âI told him to get his stuff first thing in the morning,â Scars says, numb and practical as he states the facts.
âYouâre kinder than me,â she says, blowing out a breath and slouching down onto the couch next to him, her shoulder warm and solid as she leans into his side. Itâs a welcome touch, not as overtly pitying as a hug, but sympathetic and supportive all the same. âWhen I broke up with my ex, I threw all his stuff right out into the snow.â
âHe broke up with you,â Scar clarifies, sullen but still a stickler for detail.
âMaybe so,â Pearl replies, dismissive. She leans forward, reaching for the TV remote and turning it on, an easy way to break any morose silence that might seep in between them.
âNo news channels. I donât want to hear about the world ending,â Scar groans, pressing his forehead into the heels of his palms.
âIâll put on a movie, no worries.â She sounds too casual, and not joining him in the bit takes Scar a bit off guard.
â... Is the world really ending?â he canât help but ask, peeking out at her profile from between his fingers.
âYeah,â she cackles like a witch, attention focused on the TV screen as she flips through channels. âFire and brimstone, the whole nine yards. Itâs what we all deserve.â Itâs clear that sheâs enjoying whatever disaster may or may not be unfolding in the headlines. Any other day theyâd been delighting in it together, gleeful about whatever scrap of chaos sheâs uncovered.
She catches his eye as he continues to look at her, and her grin turns mollifying as she explains, âJust some folk getting twisted out of shape and catastrophizing about a cold thatâs going around. Nothing to worry about, Scar. Weâre fine.â
He could press it further, get the truth about whateverâs going on for his own peace of mind, but the fact is, he doesnât really want to. They could all fall to a plague, or the floor could drop out from beneath them right now, and at this point heâd welcome it gladly. The world ending would be better than having to sit a single second longer with this awful rot feeling currently hollowing out his chest.
Scar lets himself lapse into silence as Pearl finds an action movie from the 80s thatâs already midway through its run-time. They sit in silence and watch it, neither really processing whatâs playing on the screen. During one of the commercial breaks Pearl gets up and retrieves the beer and ice cream from the kitchen counter, and Scar accepts the offering gladly.
Heâs almost done his pint of chocolate-swirled vanilla when he says, quiet, âI walked in on him. Caught him red-handed with some other guy upstairs.â
âHeâs an asshole,â Pearl says cooly, using the side of her spoon to pry a chunk of brownie out of her ice cream.
The pain doesnât feel any less all-encompassing, even with Pearlâs frank appraisal of Grian. For a moment Scar sits, the question heavy on his tongue, before he finally steels himself and asks, âAm I a bad boyfriend?â
Pearl looks at him, eyes wide, and Scar opens his mouth to retract the question before suddenly her hands are on his, her grip dewy and cold from holding the ice cream container that sheâs hurriedly set aside. Dimly, Scar tries to remember the last time anyone held his hand and he finds himself pulling up a blank. Grian was never a fan of public displays of affection and always said they were silly.
Scar grips her hands tightly, struggling not to let himself wonder if all Grianâs cagey distance was because he preferred the feel of another manâs hand instead.
âScar,â Pearl says, firm and broaching no argument. âYou look up the definition of Good Boyfriend and your picture is right there. Youâre an amazing partner, and any man would be lucky to have you.â
Scar can feel the sting of tears biting at the corners of his eyes and he presses the heels of his palms up into them to stem it. He blinks hard in tandem, trying to will them back, which only makes them well up more.
âI hate this,â he says, honest. âWhy did heââ he canât get the word out, still canât make himself face the reality that heâs been cheated on. âf*ckâŠâ he says instead, defeated.
Pearl shifts her weight, tucking her knee up on the sofa before she tugs on Scarâs hand, pulling his body forward so that heâs forced to lean into her as her arms lift up and encircle his shoulders. For a moment he hangs, indecisive in the midst of the gesture, then the weight of the world crushes down on him, and Scar sags into her embrace, burying his face against her neck as he lets out a shuddering sob.
The movie continues to play in the background as Scar cries into the collar of Pearlâs shirt. Eventually the story concludes and the credits roll and the programming turns to infomercials, but neither of them pay any attention. Pearl holds him and doesnât say a word. After a time, her hand finds his hair, and soothingly combs through the short strands. It lulls him, comforting and calming, and he doesnât realise heâs fallen asleep until he abruptly wakes up.
âHey.â Pearlâs awakeâmaybe she never fell asleepâand is smiling softly at him, and the part of Scar thatâs mortified he fell asleep on her finds only the barest comfort that at least he doesnât have to worry about his boyfriend flipping out about it.
Not that said boyfriend had any problem falling asleep on others himself.
âI passed out,â he says, groggy and not yet fully conscious.
âYeah, you were really gone for a while there.â Her smile hasnât fadedâif anything itâs grown wider and more fond as she watches him struggle to wake up. âDonât beat yourself up about it,â she adds, as if able to read his mind and predict where his nerves were about to take him. âYou needed the rest.â
âHow long was I out for?â
Pearlâs eyes slide towards the window, and slowly Scar realises the darkness of late night has been replaced by the early blue-grey that comes before dawn.
âsh*t,â he mutters, sitting up quickly from where heâd dozed off slumped against Pearl.
Grian.
He told Grian to come get his stuff first thing.
Itâs not that he has to explain himselfânot after the state he found Grian in earlier. Not when theyâve already broken up. He just doesnât know if he can handle the inevitable argument if Grian were to come over and find Pearl here.
âDo you want me to clear out?â Pearl asks, reading his tension clear as day as Scarâs hand anxiously combs back through his hair. His leg hurts, a throbbing pain that spikes all the way up into his hip. Everything hurts, actually. His heart continues to ache like an open wound in his chest.
âMaybe thatâd be for the best,â he hears himself say, his own voice sounding unfamiliar and distant, like itâs being delivered by an actor hired to play him on screen.
âWill you call me when heâs gone?â Pearl prompts, resting her hand on his knee. âIâll bring Tilly over. We can trash old photos and get lunch.â
âI thought you said the world was ending,â Scar says morosely, unable to lift his gaze to meet hers, choosing instead to focus on the hand sheâs left resting on his knee.
âWe can still get lunch at the end of the world,â Pearl teases, and gives his leg a pat. Then sheâs standing up, gathering their warm un-drunk beers and the melted remnants of their ice cream before she crosses the floor into his tiny kitchen, where she deposits them all unceremoniously in his sink before patting her pockets to check for her keys and phone.
Sheâs amazing, Scar thinks. Dropping everything to come over and let him cry himself to sleep on her like he was some sort of infant, and then letting him carry on with all his dignity intact.
âWe can make that happen,â he says, and her smile is bright and genuine in response.
âAlright. Iâll get out of your hair, then.â
She pauses just inside his door, lower lip snagging between her teeth for a moment before she says, carefully, âMaybe I can loop Cub in. Send him over while you deal with Grian.â Sheâs cautious as she says it, not wanting to overstep. âYâknow, strength in numbers and all that.â
Scar knows sheâs worried about potentially breaking the news about Grian before he has a chance to tell Cub himself, but in reality he finds the suggestion comes as an immediate and overwhelming relief. It will take the pressure off him to deal with Cubâs inevitable sour reaction, and leave Pearl to talk Cub into not flying off any handles.
âIâd appreciate that,â Scar says, gratitude in his tone. âCub doesnât know. Heâheâs not gonna take it well.â Thereâs a pause, reluctant and grim as he explains, âHe told me to call him, but I justâŠâ
âIâll handle it,â Pearl says, clearly galvanized now that she has something concrete to do. âLeave it to me.â
She quickly moves back across the floor, squeezing Scarâs shoulder in a quick hug before she kisses the top of his head, and then she opens the apartment door and is gone.
With Pearlâs departure, the place seems immediately gloomier. The thoughts that had shadowed the corners of Scarâs mind become abruptly apparent, growing darker as they prowl around his empty walls and lonely rooms.
Thereâs only an hour or so at most until Grian is due to arrive, and despite the ache in his legs, Scar finds himself pacing with restless energy, unable to sit still. Heâs both dreading Grianâs arrival with every fibre of his being and also incredibly anxious for him to get here already. Nothing seems appealing, no matter how his attempts to distract himself. No TV, no games on his phone, no mindless scrolling through the internet.
Instead, he busies himself collecting the meagre few belongings Grian has left at his place after all their years of being together. It all seems obvious in hindsight, now. Of course. Of course Grian hadnât been faithful to him. The signs were strewn throughout their relationship. Like Cub said, anyone else wouldâve been living together after this long, or at the very least had a dedicated drawer of their own in his bedroomâa corner on his bathroom counterâa shelf in the tiny pantry of his kitchen. Grian had never once made any effort to integrate himself into Scarâs life. Heâd never even called Scar his boyfriend aloud, and here Scar had been chasing after him like he hung the moon.
Scar laughs to himself bitterly.
He supposed it was only about time before the moon came crashing down to earth.
Working methodically, Scar assembles a pile of Grianâs belongings. Not in any sort of neat, organised mannerâhe knows better than that, nowâor done with any regard for Grianâs convenience or ease, but because Scar figures itâll work best if he dumps Grianâs things near the front entrance so he can minimise the amount of time he and Grian have to be in contact. Like this, itâll take two, maybe three trips for Grian to carry his things to his car. If Scar helped it would probably only be one butâŠ
He thinks heâs earned the right to watch Grian struggle through this on his own.
Itâs as Scarâs tossing the last of Grianâs things onto the floor and the grandfather clock in his hall shows a quarter till nine that the thought sneaks up on him.
What if Grianâs not planning on coming here at all?
Scar glances towards his partially open blinds. Daylight is now properly making its way into his home and still no sign of Grian, even though Scar had said to arrive first thing or his stuff would be gone. Did Grian not take Scar seriously? Did it not matter to him even if Scar was? Did he watch Scar drive off, laugh, and return to bed in the arms of the man on the stairs, rolling his eyes and giggling at what a nuisance Scar was?
A hot prickle of shame and embarrassment burns through him, heating his cheeks and stinging at his eyes.
He hates this. He hates feeling like this. A bother and a chore. Unwanted.
No oneâs ever made him feel this way before.
He feels so small.
His hands begin to shake as he makes his way back to Grianâs things, swallowing past the lump thatâs formed in his throat.
Fine. If thatâs how it stands, itâll work out for him either way. Having all of Grianâs belongings piled up here just makes them that much easier to throw out.
Burying his aching heart behind his anger, Scar reaches for a stack of notebooks Grian had left from a project at work, debating on the catharsis in tearing each page of carefully articulated writing to shreds.
Itâs as he pops open the front cover of the first notebook that his doorbell rings.
In an instant, his heart stutters in his chest, his body growing cold. He feels robotic, nearly automatic, as he puts the notebooks back down and steps up to his door. Peering through the peephole, he can see him standing there.
Grian.
A numbness settles over him, all earlier feelings of heartache and pain driven from him. Gone is the panic, the fury, the agonizing hurt. All that remains is a cool indifference that heâs not even present enough to hope Grian is threatened by.
He opens the door to Grian looking small on his welcome mat, shoulders tense and nerves evident as he cautiously looks up in order to make eye contact.
âHi,â Grian says.
Scar steps to the side, wordless, leaving room for Grian to enter if he squeezes past. Grianâs awkward half-smile slips a little at the cold reception, and he breathes out a deliberate sigh through his mouth in a way that reignites a spark of anger amidst Scarâs deadened haze. How dare he act as if this is nerve wracking and bothersome for him after what he put Scar through? The audacity of it makes Scar want to yell, if he only had any words come to mind.
Stepping in past him, Grian moves to the side and bends to take off his shoes like heâs done countless times in the past. It makes Scarâs heart wrench in an awful, ugly way, and he finds himself speaking before heâs even fully thought through what heâs going to say.
âKeep them onâyou wonât be here long.â
Itâs a wonder how steady he sounds, considering all he wants is to fall to pieces right there. His voice is firm and unwavering, cold and precise. A perfect mask for the way he wants to drop to his knees and ask Grian why? Did he really hate Scar so much that he had to hurt him like this?
Grian flinches, embarrassment flushing his cheeks, and a distant part of Scar is gratified to see it.
âRight.â He straightens up and clears his throat mindlessly, swinging his hands as he gathers his bearings. Scar can see when he spots the pile of his things because his eyes widen minutely in recognition. âOh, youâve already gathered everything up for me.â
âNot for you,â Scar corrects, still clinging to the stone-faced demeanour heâs created for himself. âYou were late, so I was getting it all set to throw out.â
Itâs a lie, but Scarâs always been a good liar when he needs to be.
And as it turns out, he thinks sardonically, Grianâs even better at it.
Grianâs blush grows deeper. âItâsâitâs still morning, ScarâI just. I lost track of time.â
Against his will, Scar thinks of the unfamiliar car in his driveway, the shoes by his door, the thump-thump-thump of his headboard. His lip curls, his grip on the doorknob tightening enough to make it creak in his hand.
âYeah, Iâll bet. You had a lot to occupy your time after all.â
Grian visibly cringes and Scar wishes he could delight in it instead of feeling the persistent hollowness deep in his chest where every good memory of the two of them used to reside.
âScarâŠâ Grian starts, pleading, but Scarâs not interested in entertaining any more of his excuses and certainly none of his platitudes.
âYou better hurry up with that stuff,â he drawls, backing away from the door, plucking a dining chair from further in, and dragging it the short way back to the front. He takes a seat in it, the perfect vantage point to observe Grianâs miserable little trek to and fro as he collects his things. âCub will be here soon, and itâs probably for the best that youâre gone by then.â
âCub?â Grian bristles, like an electric shock has been put through him. âWhy is he⊠did you tell him?â
Scar shrugs. âHim and Pearl.â Itâs not the whole truth, but itâs close enough that he feels at peace with it.
âPearl too?â Grianâs frustrated now, brows furrowing and annoyance clear on his face. âYou couldnât have given me at least a day to get my sh*t together?â
âOh, Iâm sorry, did you want us to announce it together?â Scar mocks in a singsong, his tone biting. âThis isnât an engagement, Grian. I think I get to tell who I want when I want, when my partner of three years sneaks around and f*cks somebody else behind my back.â
Grian tenses every muscle in his body, cheeks aflame with a guilty blush, but agitation writ in every line of him. âWell if youâd just listened to me and stayed home when I told youâbut no, you had to come over! You know, when you coerced that key out of me, I told you it was only for emergencies! And you justâGod, thatâs the problem with you Scar, you never f*cking listen!â
âAnd what would listening to you have gotten me, huh?â Scar shoots back, refusing to bend in the face of Grianâs misplaced anger over his own guilt. âAnother few weeks of not knowing you were cheating on me? A few more months?â Despite himself, his voice grows hoarse, wavering as he speaks. âTell me, Grian. How long? How long were you screwing around and lying to me about it? Was he the only one? Are there others?â
The silence between them is damning, as is the way Grian refuses to make eye contact.
Softly, stubbornly, Grian says, âWeâre not going to see eye-to-eye on this. So maybe Iâll just start taking my stuff out.â
Scar doesnât bother to grace that with any sort of answer, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms across his chest. After a momentâs pause, Grian stoops down and begins to gather up his belongings and Scar watches him impassively as he heads out the door.
In any other situation, it would be more than a little funny watching Grian struggle to carry his things out by the armful, knocking into the door and accidentally closing it over and over, cursing under his breath every time he did. But then again, in any other situation, Scar wouldâve offered to help him. As a team. Instead, Scar sits firmly on his dining room chair, watching Grian as if heâs a stranger.
In fact, itâs only now that Scar truly takes Grian in, having not really looked at him since that awful moment last night.
To put it lightlyâhe looks a mess. Heâs still wearing the same clothing he was in the night before, all rumpled like heâs slept in them. Only, itâs abundantly clear that he hasnât slept at all, or that if he has, it wasnât a restful sleep in the least. There are dark shadows under his eyes, and a gaunt paleness to his usually bright complexion. Whatever had happened after Scar left hadnât been easy for Grian, clearly.
An ugly part of Scar delights in that, a terrible schadenfreude sinking into his skin.
Heâs not proud of the feeling, but somehow he thinks itâs easier to be bitter and vindictive than it is to crumble as his life falls apart in front of him.
âI think this is the last of it,â Grian grunts as he picks up the remaining items, accidentally knocking the door shut yet again in the tight space when he turns.
The frustrated way he shouts is music to Scarâs ears.
He ought to get up and open the door for him, if only so Grian can get out and leave for good, but instead Scar finds himself watching as Grian tries to shift all the things heâs carrying to one arm in an attempt to open the door with his free hand, only to realise the futility and accept heâs going to have to put it all down and start over. In all honesty, Scar probably would have continued to watch indefinitely if it werenât for the sudden, loud, thudding knock at the door.
âMust be Cub,â Scar hums, enjoying the way Grian blanches at the sound of his name.
Scar gets up from his seat, stretching out his legs and feeling the stiff ache in them. Sighing to himself, he walks forward, side-stepping Grian and doing his best to appear calm and collected, even though the truth is that heâs just as terrified of seeing Cub as Grian is.
What will his best friend say at the sight of him, when heâd been the one warning Scar right from the start?
Scar steels himself for the worst of it, twisting the doorknob and pulling it open wide.
The man standing pressed against his door is on him in an instant.
To say Scarâs surprised would be an understatement. He doesnât even register that heâs been jumped until heâs on the ground, the man on top of him snarling and digging his nails into his biceps. Heâs disoriented, relying on instinct as he shields himself from the strangerâs attack, blindly grabbing for his shoulders and shoving him as far back as he can, still recovering from the shock of the initial lunge.
Distantly, he thinks he hears Grian shout something, but thereâs no time to focus on that when the man snaps his teeth at him, angling his head forward like he means to take a bite out of his throat. Scar tilts his head away as best he can without losing sight of his attacker, adrenaline and instinct fueling him while everything in his brain continues to scream in confusion.
âsh*t,â he wheezes, winded as the stranger digs a knee into his gut. His eyes water from the pain, his mind racing with questions. Whatâs going on? Who is this man? And whatâs Scar done thatâs got him angry enough to try and take a chunk of flesh out of him with his teeth? Scar lives in a good areaâa quiet suburb where he gets along with all his neighbours. Heâs never once in his life been randomly attacked.
The man screeches and makes another desperate lunge towards Scarâs face, teeth snapping and spittle flying from his saliva-wet mouth. From up this close, Scar can see that his eyes are cloudy and bloodshot in a way heâs never seen before. The man kicks, his hard-toed boots sending a sharp pain up Scarâs shins that only compound the pain thatâs already weakening him.
All at once he knows heâs going to lose this fight, and itâs going to be the last defeat heâll ever suffer.
From the corner of his eye, he catches only a flash as Grian runs up and swings down with all his strength, striking something heavy against the manâs head. Scar can hear the crunch of the manâs skull in a way heâll never forget for as long as he lives, blood and brain matter splattering against his face and slopping down onto his shirt.
Grianâs face pales, his grip on the makeshift-weaponâa tire iron Scar had borrowed from Cub a week ago when heâd gotten a flat tireâslackening, his voice pitching as he goes, âI killed himâŠ? Oh my god, I think I killedââ
The strangerâs head snaps back up, despite the gushing head wound. Thereâs no change in his strength as he snaps his jaw at Scar again, as if unbothered by the way his skull has caved in on itself. Scar shouts for Grian, whoâs watching in stunned silence, mouth hanging partially open. His fearful scream launches Grian into action, and Scar stares as Grian brings the tire iron down on the manâs head again, and again, and again, till no normal person, no human, wouldâve still been alive.
It takes a lot longer for the manâthe creature, to go still. And itâs only when he collapses fully that Grian throws the weapon aside and moves to drag Scar away from the carcass pooling blood on the floor.
âHoly sh*t,â Grian pants, chest heaving and voice frantic. âHoly sh*t, Scar. Are you okay?â
Instead of attempting to formulate a response, Scar stares at the body by his feet, shock keeping him from total hyperventilation. âIs heâŠis it dead?â
The body on the floor twitches.
âf*ck,â Grian curses, putting his arms under Scarâs and shouldering his weight as he helps him stagger to his feet. The second Scar orients himself and isnât in immediate danger of falling over, Grian lets him go and races back to pick his weapon up off the floor.
The thing on the ground groans, body undulating unnaturally.
âGrian,â Scar gasps, fear locking his limbs.
âCan you run?â Grian barks at him, taking a defensive stance that Scar does not like one bit.
âGrianââ
âCan you run, Scar?â
He swallows, mouth dry. âNot very far. Not today.â
Grianâs eyes go wide, panic racing through him as he considers their options.
âCan you make it to my car?â
Scar thinks of the spot Grian nearly always chooses to park at. The one he complains about. Not enough guest spaces, why is it always street parking, not enough shade, potholes that are bad for his tires, on and on and on. It would always make Scar laugh, somehow fond of Grianâs constant griping.
He doesnât know if he can make it that far.
He knows he has no choice but to try.
âYeah.â
âGood,â Grian says, fixing himself in place with the weapon raised over his head as the body on the ground slowly struggles to pick itself up, more slowly, more lethargic than before. âThatâs all weâll need. The second this thing gets up, Iâm gonna smash it. That should be enough of a distraction for you to get around it. Get to the carâthe doors arenât lockedâand Iâll meet you there.â
Hysteria lodges itself in Scarâs throat, nervous laughter bubbling its way out of him. âButââ
âScar, for once in your life, listen to me! We donât have time. Are you with me or not?!â
Scar snaps his mouth shut, shelving the argument and a dozen similar ones just like it for later.
âIâm with you,â Scar says, steeling his resolve and looking at the exit just past the grotesque creature thatâs slowly getting to its knees.
âAlright then. Readyâsetââ Grian laughs, hysteria creeping its way into him as well. The shambling thing, skull caved and shoulder dislocated, but still somehow very much alive, gets its bearings at last, standing still for just a fraction of a second before it locates them with what remains of its eye and screams.
âGo!â Grian shouts as the monster charges, putting his whole force into the blow.
Scar watches as Grian smacks the thing down over and over again. Until blood and gore and viscera mark him up like a Pollock painting.
âWhat are you waiting for?!â Grian snaps at him when he finally notices that Scar is still standing there. He grips the weapon tight and attacks a final time, slamming the creature down, good and dead, and standing panting over top of it, strained but victorious. âRun already!â
As he says it, Grian is already rushing from the scene himself, calling back for Scar over his shoulder. And in a way thatâs as familiar to him as breathing by now, Scar chases after him.
Grianâs car isnât far, half a block away at most.
It feels like miles.
Scarâs entire body hurts, itâs in agony. His joints and muscles, everything aches, but the adrenaline keeps him movingâdown the front steps, across the yard, to the sidewalk. Grian is at his side, but even with his shorter legs heâs outpacing Scar, glancing at him and stressingâinsistingâthat he go faster.
âScar, we have to move!â
Itâs adrenaline. Itâs desperation. Scar can see Grianâs car parked on the other side of the street. The back seat is piled with the things heâd been moving out of Scarâs apartment, shoved in haphazard, disorganised and ashamed. The sky overhead is bright and sunny, a clear sky for a temperate, pleasant day.
Grian opens the driverâs side door as Scar rounds to the other side of the car. Heâs fumbling for his keys, cursing under his breath, trying to get them in the ignition as Scar hastily buckles himself in.
Thatâs why Scar sees them first.
Peopleâno, not people, not anymoreâstanding in the middle of the street about three blocks down.
âGrian.â
Grian isnât paying attention. Heâs finally gotten the key in the ignition, heâs buckling himself in, heâs checking his rearview mirror as if thatâs what he has to worry about most right now.
âGrian.â
The bodiesâcorpses; zombiesâare standing in the middle of the street. Thereâs four of them, and they look lost, for lack of a better word, swaying back and forth as if undecided on where to go. Even from a distance Scar can see that theyâre stained with blood and viscera, smeared on their clothes and caked on their hands and faces. He feels sick just looking at them, and glad that theyâre not close enough for him to identify. He doesnât want to recognize them as a neighbour. He doesnât want to spot a former friend.
A fifth zombie lurches out onto the street as Grian finally pulls away from the curb, slow, like he has all the time in the world. At their movement, five bodies twist to face them in unison and begin moving. Theyâre not coordinated, but theyâre fast.
Scar canât take it any longer.
âGrian, for goodness sake theyâre on the road!â
Grianâs never been good when things donât go according to his plans. When he gets stressed, he gets anxious; he panics.
Heâs panicking now.
âI donât know what to do.â His fingers are white-knuckled where they grip the steering wheel. The zombies are advancing, two of them faster than the others. Scar recognizes one, he thinks. His stomach twists.
âGrian!â Scar yells, his voice loud, to the point that Grian startles on reflex. âThe gas! We canât just sit here!â
The front-runner is metres away, arms outstretched and making swiping motions. If they donât move theyâre going to die.
âGrian, now!â
Grianâs leg jerks on reflex, hammering down the gas pedal. For a moment their world is nothing but the squeal of tires on asphalt and the force of the carâs acceleration pushing them back into their seats. Grian veers left roughly, swerving around the nearest zombie. Thereâs a moment, sickening and terrible, where Scar locks eyes with the milky, dead sockets of the creature as their side mirror clips its shoulder. It crumples to the ground in an explosion of gore and a screaming, too-human wailing that Scar will never forget.
Then itâs over and theyâre past, and the zombies are rapidly shrinking in the rearview mirror.
Somehow, it doesnât feel any safer.
âWhere are we going?â Grianâs voice is high and it quivers around the edges. Heâs pale and looks like heâs about to be sick. The last thing Scar wants is to be his emotional support right now.
He becomes it anyway.
âWe have to get out of the city.â
âI donât know where to go,â Grian babbles. Thereâs a frantic edge to his tone, a hairâs breadth away from a panic attack. âWhat even were those things? Where did they come from? Why did theyâoh god, Scar, you almost died.â
Scar thinks back to all the times he listened to Pearl prattle on about hypothetical emergency scenarios, listing the best places to go in a crisis and what areas to avoid. Itâd seemed so amusing at the time, her silly fascination with the abnormal. The Scarlet Witch, heâd teased her, always planning for the end of the world.
He wishes she were here, now.
âWeâll take alleys and side roads,â Scar says, more calm than he has any right to be. âWeâll get out. Pearl always said, you⊠you get out, you get clear, and then you re-evaluate. We need a safe distance toââ
âTo what, Scar?â Grianâs voice is biting, and Scar hates how it makes him bristle. âWhat are we going to do?â
Service roads. They just need to get to service roads. Once theyâre outside the city they can. They canâŠ
âWeâll go to the police,â Grian announces, coming to his own conclusion amidst his panic. âThatâllââ
âGrian.â Scarâs tone is firm. Heâs gripping his hands into fists so tight that his arms ache. âI think we can agree, you owe me at least one thing. So if you could listen, Iâd appreciate it.â
The air in the car grows tense and guilty. Grian stares grimly at the road and says nothing.
âWe need to get out of the city. If somethingâs happening, if thereâs some sort of invasion orâor infection, we canât be here. Be smart about this, Grian. Think.â
Grian is silent. Up ahead there are brake lights, multiple cars backing up at an intersection.
Grian turns left into an alley. He continues driving, taking side-streets, heading in the direction Scar knows leads to the outskirts of town. Heâs listening, and thereâs no need to fight about it, but Scar refuses to feel grateful.
On autopilot, he reaches out and thumbs on the radio, scrolling through the stations.
Thereâs static at first, then music, predictable and casual, as if nothing is going wrong. Every station is playing the sameâradio ads, the weekend top 40, oldies, rock, classical. Scar scans the channels, one after the other, looking for a news report, listening for something to confirm that things arenât alright.
Finally, one station breaks from the rest.
Itâs an emergency broadcast, automated and on alert. The same words repeating over and over: out of an abundance of caution, with no cause for alarm, stay off the roads, stay at home, stay inside.
Grian says nothing.
Theyâre speeding, but it doesnât seem to matter. The side-streets are empty. Emptier than Scar thought theyâd be in a crisis. It feels like the world has already ended, like theyâre lingering in a post-credits scene that no one was meant to see.
âItâll be fine,â Scar hears himself say. In the side view mirror, messy and streaked with gore, he can see a column of smoke rising in the distance. A building on fire; maybe more than one. âIâm sure of it,â he insists.
Next to him, Grian remains silent.
Together, they drive.
Notes:
THERE IT ISSS!! >:D We'll be updating every Friday barring any breaks/holidays so please check in once every week for a new addition! We're excited to hear what y'all think!
Also, please check out the fantastic art Lock has done for our AU so far! You can find it here and here!
See you next week! đ«
Chapter 2
Notes:
Thank you all so much for your comments and support here and on Tumblr for the fic ;w; It was such a warm reception that honestly it made the wait till posting Chapter 2 feel almost unbearable! But it's Friday now, so here we are with the update! :D
As a reminder, both Scar and Grian are a little bit unreliable in their narration--not out of any deliberate maliciousness, but because it's kinda hard to see the best in a person you just broke up with ;) We haven't tagged it, because it's a mild hiccup in terms of the larger overarching plot itself, but it's good to keep in mind anyhow :D
ENJOY!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
âI think we need to break up.â
Cub looks at Scar, expression flat behind the square frames of his glasses.
âYâknow,â Scar continues, voice wavering around the edge of the word. âSpend some time apart⊠see other people.â
Cub remains silent, and Scar can feel the awful bloom of embarrassment from a joke failing to land winding slow up his spine. It makes him want to curl in on himself and hide his face in his hands until he can muddle out an apology and explain himself properly.
He thought Cub would be in on the joke and that he wouldnât have to explain the bit any further in order for him to join in. Now he feels ridiculous, and the hot flush of it makes his face feel like itâs on fire.
âI didnât know you felt that way about me,â Cub says after a silence that feels interminable, tone almost performatively neutral in its delivery. âBut if thatâs what you want, then I suppose Iâm going to have to respect your say on the matter.â
A pause follows, marked only by the smallest up-tick of a grin tugging at the corner of Cubâs lips.
âIâm keeping the diamonds in the divorce, though.â
The immediate relief Scar feels is overwhelming, to say the least.
âCub!â he exclaims, boisterous as the world properly re-aligns itself around him. âThatâs not fair! You know you canât separate a man from his dozens of offshore shell corporations through which heâs embezzled his millions.â
âShouldâve signed a prenup,â Cub says dismissively, focus slanting away as he returns his attention to the paperwork strewn across his work table.
Scar had invited himself over earlier with no forewarning, and Cub had casually welcomed him into the cluttered workspace heâd built up in his garage with practiced familiarity. Heâd assured Scar that he was just wrapping up and that Scar would have his full attention in a moment, but that had been hours ago. Usually, Scar was content to wile his time away in the periphery of Cubâs company, but now, with the light of afternoon fading into evening, Scar was finally forced to jumpstart his true motive for coming over.
âThe thing is, Cub,â he says with careful confidence, hoping the segue lands as well as he needs it to. âAs funny as they are, I think weâre gonna have to start tabling some of those kinds of jokes.â
He can feel the mood shift, the amicable comfort that had spread between them pivoting towards something somewhat sour. Cub turns to look at him, face neutral and hands unmoving where they had just been sorting through the papers on his desk.
âJust,â Scar adds, doing everything in his power to avoid making direct eye contact with Cub. âYou know, in case.â
âIn case,â Cub repeats, flat.
âIn case someone thinks weâreâŠâ
âWeâre...?â
The sigh wrenches itself out of Scar before he can think it through, mild frustration with Cubâs obstinance mixing with annoyance that he even has to say any of this in the first place. âThe thing is, Grian doesnât find it as funny as we do when we joke about, yâknow⊠us being a couple.â
âAh,â Cub says, and Scar can feel the judgement pressed effortlessly into the single syllable of the word. âGrian.â
Scar doesnât want to do thisâdoesnât want the responsibility of curating his friendships this way. He gets where Grian is coming from, of course he does. Itâs just⊠he wishes Grian hadnât acted as if his friendship with Cub was now secondary in the face of their future together.
He wishes Grian had brought it up sooner if it bothered him so much, instead of letting it linger till he served an ultimatum and sent Scar off to âdeal with it nowâ, forcing him to rush into Cubâs home unannounced. He resents everything about this, really, but Grian had made it clear to him that the jokes had to go, so Scar was going to do the right thing and smooth out the creases before they had a chance to tangle up further.
He braces himself for the worstâan argument, a dramatic production of anger. At the very least heâs expecting Cubâs calculating gaze and the weight of their years of friendship levied against the short span of his relationship with Grian.
What heâs not prepared for, is an immediate, uncomplicated understanding.
âThat makes sense,â Cub agrees, and if Scar were standing heâs sure his feet would have slipped right out from under him in shock. âIf it makes him uncomfortable, Iâm glad he said something.â
Scar doesnât expect the relief that washes over him to feel as good as it does, his anxiety draining away in an instant. The fact that this doesnât have to be a messy situation, that Cub simply takes him at his word and just understands⊠but then, when has Cub ever done otherwise? For a moment, heâs embarrassed that he expected Cub to shout at or scold him when his friend has never been anything but patient and accepting.
He doesnât know why he came here preparing for the worst.
âI guess that must make it official then,â Cub adds, shuffling a stack of papers into a loose pile and tapping their ends to bring them in order. âCongratulations on the boyfriend, Scar.â
âWell,â Scar starts, drawing the word out as his face flushes and he busies himself with looking at a spot on the ceiling. âGrian doesnât want to rush putting a label or anything on us just yet, soâŠâ
He can feel Cubâs gaze on him, level and direct.
His silence speaks volumes.
âHe wants us to take it slow,â Scar finishes lamely, levelling it like an excuse, aware of how flimsy it sounds.
Another tap of papers, Cub working efficiently now to clean up his workspace.
âSure, Scar,â he says with a forced deference, like he has no emotional investment in the topic at all. âI understand.â
Scar knows he has more to sayâthat heâs about to say itâwords stocked up in the back of his throat, ready to defend Grian and the meticulously ill-defined shape of their relationship. Instead, the garage jerks suddenly, like a film knocked off its reel. The memory stutters in Scarâs mindâs eye. The images buckle and shake before they begin to fade away, forced into a sudden over-exposed brightness as Scar reluctantly opens his eyes.
He finds himself awake, bent awkwardly in the passenger seat of Grianâs sedan, arms cramped from how tightly heâs had them folded across his chest, his neck aching from the uncomfortable angle of the headrest. He hadnât meant to fall asleep, and itâs disorienting to find himself surfacing up out of a dream made from a memory he remembers so well.
The last thing he recalls is a spluttering radio broadcast fading into static, Grianâs tight grip on the steering wheel as theyâd driven out of town, and an uneasy silence laying wretched between them. The roads had been surprisingly empty, which Scar had thought was strange. Heâd imagined more chaos in a catastrophe. Traffic backed up for miles, sirens and screaming, with helicopters hovering overhead. He still doesnât know if the empty roads had been a good sign or not.
He sits up, clearing his throat as he drags himself out of the lingering dredges of the dream, his brain reluctantly reorienting itself.
âOh good, youâre awake.â
Next to him, Grian is putting the car into park and pulling on the emergency brake, his fingers settling tense on the car door as he casts a wary glance around them. From the looks of things, theyâre in the parking lot of a rest area pulled off the highway via an exit ramp. Thereâs a squat, nondescript building for a public washroom, a gas station, and a drive-thru burger chain arranged around a small green space edged with concrete picnic tables and trash bins.
There are no other cars aroundâin fact, there seems to be no sign of life near them at all. It wouldnât normally be all that alarming, but theyâre not far enough out of the city for a place like this to be completely abandoned at midday.
Scar doesnât want to investigate it, and blessedly, Grian doesnât seem inclined to either. Theyâre parked on the edge of the asphalt, as far away from the cluster of buildings as possible. The car is pointed towards the exit back to the highway, as if anticipating the need to make a hasty escape.
âWe need to take stock of what we have, so we know what we need to pick up along the way,â Grian explains. Matter-of-fact, like heâs done this before. âWe should also get gas while weâre here. I didn't think to fill up the tank before I left home this morning.â
Thereâs an edge to his tone, a subtle shifting of responsibility that makes Scar feel like he has something to apologise for. It sits like an uncomfortable weight on his shoulders, making his throat tight as his brain reminds him of just what Grianâs put him throughâthat he doesnât need an attitude like this from him already.
The urge to run and put some distance between them claws at Scarâs chest, but he knows itâs impossible. Heâs stuck here, and Grianâs stuck here too.
The two of them.
Together.
Picking up on his silence, Grian finally drags his eyes away from scanning the parking lot and looks at Scar. His expression is pinched, a crease between his eyebrows beginning to form a frown.
âWhat?â he prompts, and itâs clear from his tone that heâs already on the defence. âAre you still mad? I told you it wasnât safe to go back, Scar.â
While Scar has, quite frankly, more than a few reasons to be mad, thatâs not the primary emotion Grian evokes from him when he thinks back to the city.
Itâs incredible really, how quickly the narrative has shifted. Grian had stubbornly wanted to stay within city limitsâjust in case the police managed to sort things out; just in case this was a one-off scenario that would soon be dealt with. Scar had had to guilt him out here in the first place, and Grian had been obstinate about it the whole time.
It stings more than a little that Grian had shut him down the second Scar had remembered there were others that might need saving.
Or maybe thatâs the guilt talking. After all, it had only been when the radio alert had instructed people not to venture out in search of loved ones that Scar had found himself scrambling for his phone, realisation coming too late that theyâd fled the city long before heâd ever thought of Cub or Pearl.
The horror of it churns in his stomach even nowâscrolling through text after text from Cub, the usual bluntness of his requests slowly transforming to outright begging for Scar to pick up, to respond, to let him know he was okay, did he see the news, did he need Cub to come get him, please, Scar, donât do anything reckless, itâs dangerousâ
Scar chokes back a staggered, wet, breath.
It was the dozens of missed calls from Cub, the single cryptic text from Pearl, and the fact that neither of them were picking up when Scar had tried to call them that had changed Grianâs tune. Suddenly, he no longer wanted to wait for news while crouched within the city limits. Suddenly they needed to stay on the highway.
Suddenly, they had no reason to turn around.
âIf Cub was trying to call you, that means he was smart enough to get out,â Grian had argued, vehement, shoulders square as the speedometer crept above the speed limit. âIf we go back, all weâre going to find is that he left ages ago. If youâre out, stay out. Thatâs what the broadcast said.â The words had settled awful between them, Scarâs body taut with tension as he resisted the urge to rip the steering wheel out of Grianâs hands and turn them back towards his friends.
It had been a meagre olive branch, offered as a paltry comfort, when, after several minutes of bitter silence, Grian had cast a quick glance in Scarâs direction and added, âIf anyone is going to stay safe and survive in the face of⊠whatever this is, itâs Cub.â
The comfort hadnât been well-received. Scar had bit the inside of his cheek and stayed silent, knowing the argument had already been lost and that Grian wasnât about to budge.
It didnât matter that Cub had tried to call him. It didnât matter that Scar knew full well that without an answer Cub would have tried to come looking for him. It didnât matter that Scar knew the scene that wouldâve greeted him was blood and viscera splattered across his entryway, front door left open, his own car still sitting in his driveway as what remained of his neighbours lurched across his lawn.
Grian was driving. And to Grian it wasnât a priority, so it wasnât going to happen.
He hadnât even told him about Pearl coming over the previous night, not willing to face the brunt of his misplaced jealousy. Scarâs stomach still twists thinking of her. Had she made it back home safe? Had she found her way to Tilly and gathered up her things in time to escape? Or had she been overcome along the way, taken by surprise because her focus was on Scar and helping him out?
If only heâd listened to her musings about the troubling state of the worldâmaybe that wouldâve clued him into something. Maybe then they couldâve escaped together. Maybe theyâd have met Cub along the way, and all three of them wouldâve been okay.
But sitting here like this, miles away and unable to contact either of them⊠it feels like he might as well have killed both of them himself.
The sigh beside him is impatient and cutting, dragging Scar back to the present.
âScarââ
âDo you thinkâŠâ Scar interrupts, still in somewhat of a daze. âDo you think there are more of those things out here?â
The expression on Grianâs face flickers, changing from annoyance to something milder and more human.
âI donât know,â he admits at last, casting his attention uneasily towards the too-quiet gas station sitting across from them. âWhile you were asleep we passed a police barrier about an hour outside the city, but no one was at it. The traffic seemed normal, butâŠâ Uncertainty flickers in his eyes, lasting for a moment before itâs replaced by something more focused and determined. âThe best thing we can do right now is take stock and get gas, and then keep going.â
âKeep going where?â Scar canât help but ask.
âWell I donât know, Scar,â Grian snaps, exasperation returning in an instant. âItâs bad enough with theâwith those googlies running around. I donât have answers, alright? Weâre going to get gas, and weâre going to keep going until we find someone that can tell us whatâs going on. Thatâs all.â
The buckle of his seatbelt clicks as he unfastens it. Grian moves with determined confidence, opening the door and stepping out onto the asphalt. Thereâs a moment of stillness as they both take a breath, waiting for the world to dissolve into bloodlust around them, but nothing reactsânothing lurches at them out of nowhereâand with it Grianâs confidence grows even higher.
âCome out and help me,â he instructs, and obediently, Scar follows.
He steps out in the heat of noon, the sun shining high in the southern sky with only scant wispy clouds above to offer a fleeting shade.
Itâs a beautiful day for the end of the world, the kind of fall weather that Scar wouldâve used to enjoy a stroll in the park, watching people having lunch, playing with their kids, and walking their dogs. Heâd have settled back against a park bench and relished the warmth, daydreaming of pulling Grian away from work long enough to seize the day with him.
Instead, he keeps Grian at armâs length as he walks around the perimeter of the sedan, gaze constantly scanning the area for any danger before he settles at the trunk, hauling it open and studying the mess Grian has crammed inside.
The time it takes them to assess the contents of the car is passed with Grianâs usual brusque efficiency. The cardboard boxes and canvas tote bags containing the leftovers of his life are unloaded. His toothbrush, his extra sleep shirts and workout clothes, his breakfast cereals, several of his DVDs, his non-functioning iPod. There are two blankets rolled up in the trunk, remnants of a picnic date Scar had planned weeks ago that Grian had cancelled on at the last moment. Heâd been busy with work, heâd said. Scar knows what that means nowâknows that work was a confused looking man standing near the bottom of the stairsâand the way Grianâs fingertips flinch when he touches the fabric says heâs aware of it, too.
Scarâs not polite enough to look away and give Grian a moment to collect himself, and Grianâs not foolhardy enough to ask for it, so they continue sifting through his things wordlessly. A lot of it is junk in terms of survival gear, but luckily Grian had kept an emergency bag and first-aid kit in his car, and itâs stocked well enough that it feels like they have something to go on, at least.
The monotony of sorting through items makes the earlier tension between them fizzle away, and soon they have an assortment of mismatched goods piled together. They put the things they have no reason to keep with them to one side for discardingâa plastic cactus in a clay pot, magnets Grian had bought as souvenirs but insisted on keeping on Scarâs fridge, and a large stuffed bee that Scar had won Grian at a fair several summers ago.
âAw,â Scar mourns as Grian sets the bee on the curb. âYou donât want to keep Mr. Bubbles?â
âI just donât think weâll get much use from it,â Grian reasons, though thereâs a guilty tilt to his voice as he says it, eyes casting down towards the plush where it sits in a sad lump on the concrete.
Scar doesnât push. Thereâs not much to say anyhow when he essentially agrees with Grian. The truth is, heâs just making conversation. Despite how much heâd rather have some distance from the person who tore his heart in two, heâs always been a social person, and spending time with Grian in silence is far worse than trying to maintain some sort of dialogue with the only person around for seemingly miles. Even if that person is now officially his ex.
Still, it settles melancholy in his chest that everything they have available to them right now originally belonged to Grian. Thereâs nothing of Scarâs leftânot his clothes, not his books, not the new couch heâd only just bought, not his favourite cane⊠not so much as a scrap of paper with his name on it. He supposes he should be grateful they have anything to pick through at all, but itâs not lost on him that the only reason they do is because Scar had told Grian to take his things and go. He tries to ignore itâdoesnât want to pick at a wound that is so fresh it hasnât yet had the chance to scab overâbut it stings in a way thatâs unfamiliar and new. It hurts that while he has nothing to get sentimental over, Grian has the luxury of picking out the excess from his trove and choosing to leave parts of it behind.
Scar hasnât had the chance to make a choice. Not in any of this.
âCome on,â Grian prompts, changing the topic before Scar has any chance to spiral in his thoughts any further. âWeâll get water and snacks in the gas station, weâll refuel, and then weâre gone.â
The walk across the empty blacktop takes longer than Scar wouldâve thought, the cautious way they approach making them slow. He feels the tension coiling a tight knot between his shoulders as they approach the double doors of the gas station. Sunlight slanting down from overhead makes it impossible to see inside, showing only their reflection in the streaked panes of glass. Scar catches sight of the same nerves he feels mirrored in Grian, who looks likely to bolt at any second. There are still no sights, no sounds, nothing out of the ordinary to alert them that anything is remotely askew, but in its normalcy it all feels so wrong.
âShould we have brought something? Like a weapon?â Scar asks, hopeful that maybe Grian kept the tire iron from earlier and hadnât left it behind when they ran. He keeps his voice quiet, as if afraid to disturb the stillness that wraps all around them.
âWhat weapon?â Grianâs reply comes equally hushed, though itâs sharp enough to dash Scarâs hopes all the same. âDid you happen to hide a handgun in my glovebox? Or do you just want to wail on someone with Mr. Bubbles?â
âOkay,â Scar bristles, feeling his nerves smoulder under the prickle of Grianâs ever-critical personality. âIâm sorry for asking a questionââ
With a sigh and a dramatic roll of his eyes, Grian carefully pads forward, cupping his hands around his eyes as he leans against the glass of the gas station door and peers inside.
âI donât see anyone,â he announces after a careful study of the interior. âSome stuffâs knocked over, but it looks dead in there.â
Scar hesitates, reluctance written in every line of his body as Grianâs hand settles on the push-bar of the door.
Itâs as Grianâs about to enter the gas station that Scar notices it. Off to one side, by an outdoor freezer that looks like it used to have bags of ice inside, is a bucket of sloppy grey water.
Thereâs a squeegee sticking up out of it. A squeegee with a long, sturdy handle.
âHang on,â he whispers, moving towards it despite Grianâs small hiss of annoyance and whispered snap of his name. Pulling the squeegee out of the water, Scar lets it drip on the ground, casting Grian a proud grin as he returns and nods towards the door. âOkay, ready.â
It takes Grian a moment, a flurry of micro-expressions crossing his face before he settles on a look of bewildered exasperation, shaking his head as he carefully pushes on the door and nudges it open.
They both wait, poised and ready. Scar doesnât know what he expectsâan explosion of activity maybe, a zombified body lurching up from behind every shelf and counter, grasping and clawing and terrible.
He holds his breath, anticipating, but the door simply swings in on its hinges, letting out nothing but a curl of air conditioned air and silence.
Carefully they step in, one after the other, but there are no spring-traps and no sudden horde of undead to disturb them.
âGuess everyoneâs got somewhere better to be,â Scar suggests, optimistic for lack of anything better to say.
Next to him Grian rolls his eyes, but Scar can see the way his shoulders relax, the tension ebbing out as it becomes clear no fresh horror is about to unfold around them.
âGet water, and as many energy drinks as we can carry,â Grian instructs, and despite the friction between them Scar finds himself following his directions, skirting around a rack of chips towards the stacks of water bottles piled next to the refrigerated walls of pop and soda.
Itâs a little awkward to lift the plastic-wrapped cases with one of his hands encumbered by the squeegee, but Scar finally manages to heft two of them up onto his shoulder, casting his eyes around for Grian, who he finds with a wad of plastic bags in his hand, grabbing all the protein bars and beef jerky he can carry with focused determination.
âTheyâve got that cheese-flavoured popcorn you like,â Scar remarks, but if Grian hears him he doesnât react, shaking out another plastic bag with a flick of his wrist as he moves over to the stand of chocolate bars, pulling entire boxes off the shelf and bagging them.
He canât help but feel silly, pointing out Grianâs favourites during a crisis while Grian fails to acknowledge him at all. But then again, itâs not exactly new behaviour. Their entire relationship was a series of times where Scar put Grianâs preferences first, and Grian failed to ever acknowledge Scar had any of his own. He used to dismiss it, making excuses for Grian, justifying him each and every time. Now he knows itâs simply because Grian never cared enough to pay attention to him in the first place.
It makes something desperate and spiteful curl in Scarâs chest, the sudden desire to be prioritised, to have his needs addressed.
âCan you get me the Reeseâs?â he asks, shifting the water as he attempts to better redistribute the weight.
âIâm not a fan of peanut butter,â Grian answers absently, a fresh plastic bag snapping as he moves to the candy aisle, making a pleasantly surprised noise in the back of his throat. âThey have the good gummy bears, though.â
Scar feels the sting and pushes out a breath to stay calm through it. He wants to believe itâs not Grianâs intentional callousness. He wants to blame the tension of the situation, the adrenaline, the uncertainty, but he knows from experience this wouldâve played out exactly the same way with or without a zombie invasion unfolding all around them.
âGrian,â he repeats, stern, knowing heâs making an issue out of something that would seem ridiculous to anyone else. He doesnât know how to explain that he simply needs this. Needs the chance to assert himself when Grianâs already taken so much from him. Itâs stupid, he knows, but itâs currently all he has. âI want Reeseâs.â
Grianâs eyes connect with his over the racks of snacks. Thereâs a frown on his features, something frustrated, ready to boil over and cause the same scene Scar desperately wants for himself.
âFine,â he spits at last, like heâs been tasked to do a chore unfairly. âIf itâs so important to you.â
Stubbornly, he rounds the aisle and pushes more chocolate bars into his bag. Thereâs a pettiness to it that begs a confrontation, but Scar lets it pass, focusing instead on hefting the water back to the car. He leaves the gas station on his own, and something about that feels both incredible and frightening. The first deep breath heâs taken since it all went wrong.
He pushes the cases of water into the back seat and then leans against the side of the car for a moment, taking in the sunlight and the fresh air.
Itâs hard to believe anything could be wrong when the world goes on looking so beautiful. Itâs idyllic and yet⊠heâs unable to stay for long before the anxiety starts to creep in, a concern for safety heâs never felt before, forcing Scar to return to the store to make sure nothingâs gone amiss.
Grian is just as heâd left him, picking and choosing more items to take off the shelves and only glancing in Scarâs direction for a moment as he enters before deliberately looking away again. Feeling magnanimous, Scar picks up a bag of the cheesy popcorn anyway, determined to be the bigger person.
Determined not to stoop to his level.
Itâs on their final trip back to the car that it occurs to Scar to check out the drive-thru. At a glance itâs equally deserted, and they havenât even given it a passing look.
He doesnât know what compels him to veer off from Grian without a wordâa careless action he himself wouldâve scolded Grian for if their positions were reversed. Maybe itâs prompted by the earlier serenity he felt, when he was alone in the sunlight, far from the man that had caused him so much grief. Maybe itâs prompted by a spiteful independence, the need to prove heâs still in charge of some small thing in his life. Maybe heâs simply being thoughtless. Whatever the case is, Scar ambles towards the restaurant with a relaxed air, like he has nothing in the world to worry about. Heâs not cautious when he puts his shoulder against the door to nudge it open, the abandoned state of the gas station giving him a false sense of security thatâs rewarded with hubris as a ghoulish figure lurches out at him, arms extended as it snaps and snarls.
He falls back, nearly tipping over, arms too full to counterbalance himself. The squeegee is completely forgotten, clutched uselessly at his side as the surprise immobilises him. Itâs only Grianâs shoulder pushed against his spine as he runs up from behind him that keeps Scar from toppling over, saving him from being descended upon and torn to pieces.
Grianâs scolding yell catches in his throat as he steadies Scar, pulling him back with desperate urgency.
âScar, what are you doing?!â
The creatureâ personâ thingâdoesnât move quickly, shambling on what should be an irreparably broken ankle as it limps through the door and follows them. Blood and spittle slick down its jaw, part of its shoulder mangled with a bloom of grotesque looking bite-marks, groaning wretchedly as it stumbles after them.
Scar watches in haunted fascination as it makes desperate motions towards them, hunger writ in every swipe of its protruding digits. Beyond its mangled arm, affixed to the front of its bloodied shirt, Scar catches sight of an employee name tag, innocuous and unassuming. It sticks ugly in his chest, the idea of a person being reduced to this.
It takes him a second to realise that Grian is shoutingâhas possibly been shouting this entire time. His hand is fisted tight into the back of Scarâs shirt, and heâs pulling, pulling, hauling Scar towards the car with a desperate urgency, even when it becomes clear the shambling mess of a body canât possibly keep pace with them.
ââin the car, we have to go. We have to go now, Scar. Why did you open that door, what were you thinkingâ?â
The shock and surprise of the encounter has Grianâs fury tuning in and out of Scarâs hearing. He finds himself pushed into the passenger seat, door slamming as Grian scrambles to the other side of the car. Through the windshield, Scar watches the stumbling figure. They look to have been about his age, with a beard that wouldâve made them look handsome before it became clotted with gore. Beneath their employee apron theyâre wearing a t-shirt with the logo for Disneyland on it, and the part of Scar not frozen in shock finds that detail amusing.
The zombie is still yards away, barely having passed the picnic tables when Scar spots several others begin to shuffle out after it through the now open restaurant doors.
It solves the mystery of where all the people went, but it doesnât feel at all satisfying to now have the knowledge.
He doesnât know if Grian sees the others, but thinks he probably hasnât when all his attention is focused on getting them out of the parking lot. The tires spin for a second with the speed that Grian applies the gas and then theyâre back on the road and entering the on-ramp for the freeway.
âIâm fine, by the way,â Scar says, still dazed from fright. âIt didnât even touch me.â
Grian yells something, loud and upset and angry, speeding too fast as he merges onto four empty lanes, but Scar, still thinking of blood and viscera splattered down the front of a theme park shirt, simply doesnât hear it.
Notes:
Lock has posted some references on their designs for Scar and Grian in this AU which you can check out here! đ
Thanks again for reading! See y'all next week! >:D
Chapter 3
Notes:
WE GOT FANART! đđ
Thank you so much to Flykering for this gorgeous piece capturing the end of Chapter 2! Absolutely didn't expect any fanart, so this had us on the floor sobbing fr đ« Please check it out and send Flykering your love!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The farmhouse is a bad idea, but itâs the only option they have.
From where they sit, parked on the gravel shoulder of a service road that splits off from the highway, they can see the proper entrance to the farm. It lays at the end of a long road that skirts around the edge of several fields. It crosses a culvert and empties into a gravel driveway set between two large silos, a barn on one side and a simple saltbox house with a large garden next to it on the other.
Itâs a three minute drive, four at most.
They donât have enough fuel to get them that far.
While Grian had had the foresight to grab a gas can from a stack by the fuel pumps back at the gas station, they hadnât exactly had time to fill it up during their hasty exit. Neither of them knew how to syphon fuel, but when theyâd found an abandoned car on the highway, theyâd stopped to try. Scar, at least, had an idea of how to do it, having watched Cub syphon gas a handful of times, an action that had always seemed both in and out of character when coming from the type of man Scar had always known Cub to be.
Heâd tried, at first, to call Cub again for adviceâall while Grian gave him an impatient look and scolded him for âwasting limited batteryââbut unlike earlier, his phone didnât even connect to Cubâs answering machine.
âWeâre sorry, all circuits are busy. Please try your call again later.â came the dull, electronic voice over the line, and Scar had to wonder how bad the spread had gotten for all phone lines in the areas to be filled to capacity. It had been several hours since theyâd left Scarâs apartment, but surely that was too short a time for communications to collapse?
Heart heavy in his chest, Scar had typed out yet another text to Cub, letting him know he was still fine, he was still alive, and that if Cub somehow received his message, to please let him know if he was okay. Heâd sent the same message to Pearl, and tried not to think too hard about whether she mightâve been safer if sheâd never come to comfort him at all.
The texts went through, which had been a relief, but it had also pinged a thought in his head that had made Scar quickly scramble to pull up the browser on his phone. Grian had peered over at his screen out of curiosity, eyes widening as he too remembered the data on their phones. Together, the two of them had tried to pull up site after site, desperate for answers. Unfortunately, it had been to no avail. Whether it was the news or a government webpage or any number of social media sites, nothing connected, either timing out or displaying errors or infinitely loading.
âThere must just be too many people trying to connect right now.â Grian had reasoned, awkward in his delivery. âLike the phone lines.â
Or the internetâs gone down entirely, Scar had thought, but hadnât said aloud. He knew Grian felt the same thoughâcould see it in the set of his jaw.
âWeâll just have to wing it,â heâd declared, with more confidence than he felt, crouching by the abandoned car and trying to remember exactly what heâd seen Cub do.
It had been an awkward few minutes, struggling with the length of hose theyâd pulled from Grainâs emergency roadside kit, but Scar had finally managed to coax a few litres of fuel out of the car. Litres that theyâd burnt through sooner than heâd thought they would, leaving the needle of Grianâs fuel gauge deep in the red without a single other vehicle on the road.
Desperation is what had driven them to take the exit off the highway when theyâd spotted the farm from a distance, and desperation is where they stand now.
âI still donât know if this is a good idea,â Scar says, voice deceptively calm.
âI can see three trucks from here,â Grian reasons, impatient and defensive all at once. âBetween them thereâll be more than a full tank of gas. Thatâs what we need right now, Scar.â
Thereâs a multitude of reasons that Scar isnât a fan of this idea; itâs too quiet for one. While the roads have been deserted with no sign or trace of the kind of carnage Scar had come to expect from the copious amounts of apocalypse movie watching with Pearl, it doesnât bode well that thereâs no one around. The silence is eerie and unnatural, the kind that winds a coil of tension tight in his stomach.
Of course, the alternative is coming across unfriendliesâwhether that be living survivors with no intention of working together, or the corpses of those that hadnât escaped fast enough.
Admittedly, the threat of running into infected ranks at the top of his list.
The large drain water pond that separates them from the farm is a close second.
Itâs wideâtoo wide to jump across, its banks edged with tall grasses and reeds. Scar doesnât know if itâs ever been used for swimming, but he can see a tatty lawn chair on the opposite bank, left by someone for enjoying secret smoke breaks by the looks of the white butts he can barely make out on one of the armrests. On either end the pond empties into ditches, choked in duckweed and cattails, their sides too steep to clamber out of should they attempt to cross it there.
âI canât believe they didnât bother to build a bridge,â Grian mutters, like the waterâs lack of a proper crossing is in every way intentional. âItâs gonna take us forever to walk all the way around.â
âWeâre not gonna walk around,â Scar scoffs, undoing his seatbelt and climbing out of the car. He doesnât bother to shut the door behind him as he walks towards the trunk, already pulling the hem of his shirt up in preparation to lift it off over his head.
âScar, jesus!â Grian squawks, looking away like thereâs any semblance of modesty left to protect between the two of them.
âCome on, do you really think thereâs anyone out here to see me?â Scar asks, deadpan, as he undoes his belt. He wants to add more, wants to press that itâs nothing Grian hasnât seen before, but it feels too raw; too soon to be making anything close to approaching a joke like that.
He shimmies out of his pants, leaving him in his boxers as he pops open the trunk and shakes out one of the many plastic bags Grian took from the gas station. Packing his shoes into one, and looking it over briefly before deciding that itâs as waterproof as itâs going to get, Scar pads barefoot towards the pond. Over his shoulder he can hear Grian muttering a disbelieving, âYou canât be serious,â and then heâs ankle deep in cold water.
He sinks deep and quickly as the bank slopes down under his feet, and he does his best to keep balance while holding his bagged shoes above his head with one hand. In the end, itâs a simple task to effortlessly swim across to the other side.
Itâs an easy breaststroke, albeit one-armed, the kind heâd do as a warmup before a real swim. After his diagnosis, swimming had become a lifeline for himâa physical activity that was easy on his joints and good for when his muscles were feeling particularly stiff. Heâd spent a lot of his time swimming before heâd met Grian and started spending all that time with him instead.
The distance across the pond is shorter than the full length of a swimming pool. Scar doesnât even strain for breath.
On the other side he hauls himself out onto the far shore, dripping water down the planes of his skin. Grinning from the exertion, he casts his attention back towards Grian, finding him standing with his hands on his hips, a mixture of a scowl and an expression that could almost be mistaken for pleasant surprise mixing on his face.
âItâs not that bad,â Scar calls across the water, raising his voice to be heard. âNot even cold, I swear.â
âI canât swim,â Grian objects, cupping his hands around his mouth to amplify his words, even though Scar can hear him just fine. âNot when I canât see the bottom.â
Dimly, Scar feels that he knew this, and itâs not something Grian is making up to be intentionally difficult. He could coax Grian overâwith enough persuasion he knows itâs possibleâbut instead, he upends the plastic bag on the shore, shoving his wet feet back into his shoes before he walks the short distance to the trio of pickup trucks they intend to syphon from.
The first oneâs truck bed is empty, but the second yields what heâs looking for; a stepladder, just long enough for what he needs, shoved in among a yellow plastic egg crate and several uneven pieces of plywood.
âHere.â Scar makes his way back, Grian frowning as he returns not to the shoreline, but to the edge of the ditch. âBe careful.â
Itâs not an ideal solutionâin fact, itâs barely a solution at allâbut it does what they need it to do. The ladder lays flat across the ditch, making a simple bridge that stays stable once Scar jiggles it into place. He nods encouragingly at Grian, gesturing to how it connects either side.
Grian eyes it, openly reluctant as he stands with one foot braced against the rung that anchors the makeshift bridge to his side.
âScarâŠâ
âYou just walk. Try not to look down. Once you get past the halfway point, Iâll put my arm out and Iâll catch you, okay?â
Scar explains it with confidence and ease, oozing the kind of charm that got him so far in his career before he had to leave it behind. Heâs not trying to manipulate Grianâhe knows he can catch him if things go wrong, or swim to fish him out if need beâbut he doesnât think itâll come to that. This should be easy, and will be easy if Grian just agrees to go along with it.
âIâll⊠I can crawl,â Grian says, after a moment spent scrutinising the ladder. âJust make sure you hold it steady.â
âItâs steady,â Scar assures him, crouching down to brace his hands against either edge of the ladder, holding it in place as Grian tentatively sets his foot on the first rung.
His crossing is not graceful or dignified; nothing like the standard Grian usually holds himself to. But one awkward, shuffled, crawl-step at a time, Grian manages to creep across the ladder-bridge to the other side. Heâs ungainly as he puts both hands, then knees, on solid ground, pulling himself up into a crouch, entirely ignoring the hand Scar extends out to him as he gets up on wobbling feet.
âPut your clothes back on,â he mutters, pushing Scarâs shirt and pants into his outstretched palm before he proceeds to brush himself off. Scarâs hand closes around his clothes automatically, and he steps back to give Grian space. He pries his wet feet out of his shoes, stepping one foot and then the other into his pants, legs still damp from his swim but not about to complain about it to Grian.
Scarâs never been easily embarrassed about nudity, but heâd have at least hung his head a little at the scolding if he hadnât noticed the way Grianâs eyes had glanced down his chest and torso as he handed him his shirt. He looks from top to bottom, his gaze roaming across Scarâs body in a quick once-over that Scar is so familiar with; used to take pride in, even. Before Grian threw it all away, his lingering attentions would curl up warm in Scarâs chest. Now all it brings is a mix of melancholy and regretâScar doesnât care to be attractive to Grian anymore. Heâd rather not feel seen by him at all.
âI didnât know you could swim that well,â Grian says, awkwardly conversational as Scar wrestles his pants up his thighs.
âWell. You donât know everything about me,â Scar replies, more short than he intends to be. Heâs not being callous on purpose; thatâs never been his style, though a part of him argues that after everything he has a right to be. Itâs just⊠he may be stuck with Grian for now, but it was only yesterday that heâd caught him with another man. This is part of setting a clear distance between the two of them and reminding Grian where they stand.
Theyâre not dating.
Theyâre not friends.
Theyâre not anything.
Not anymore.
Regardless, his curt response puts an end to their chit-chat and Grian looks away, face flushed with what Scar hopes is some semblance of shame.
âIâll get the gas,â Grian says, scuffing the sole of his shoe into the grass, pushing up a clump of soil. âYou check the house.â
âCheck for what?â
âStuff we can use,â Grian explains simply, and it sticks weirdly in Scarâs head. Grianâs tone suggests that he doesnât expect any other people around. It pushes something uncomfortable into the back of Scarâs mind, fearful and desperate.
For all that Scarâs grateful not to be alone in the apocalypse, heâs not about to accept a future where he has only the man who cheated on him for company.
âWeâre not the only survivors,â Scar reasons, as much a rationale as it is a request for reassurance.
Grian studies him, eyes dark and hand flexing on the plastic handle of the gas can. It takes him a moment before he says, deferentially, âWell, if there are others inside, maybe you can make some new friends.â
His words make Scarâs heart jump in his chest, surprised by how close Grian got to Scarâs line of thought. He doesnât refute the statement, and Grianâs lips thin as his mouth twists, his expression unreadable as he turns away. The exchange brokers no additional conversation, and before Scar can so much as wave, Grian is setting off in a direct line towards the pickup trucks on the driveway.
With a sigh, Scar heads off towards his own task.
As soon as he gets close, he can tell from the state of the porch that no one will be inside the house to greet him. The front door hangs open, innocuous but telling, the screen door torn to one side. Scar wants to imagine that itâs for a reason far better than the one that caused him to leave his own front door open in his desperation to get away, but he knows in his heart thatâs impossible. He hesitates to ring the doorbell, and instead raps his knuckles against the wood frame, giving his eyes a moment to adjust to the dark of the mudroom before he fully steps inside.
He can tell at a glance that this is a house that held generations. Family portraits line the walls; graduation photos, snapshots from weddings, baby pictures in pretty frames. The kitchen and living room are full of the clutter of busy people and overlapping lives, a harvest schedule pinned on the fridge right next to a chore wheel and grocery list. Dishes sit in the dishrack, a fresh round of dirty plates piled expectantly in the sink. Thereâs a basket of laundry set on a footstool in the living room, mismatched socks layered on top of neatly folded sets of sheets ready to be put away. Everything about the home has the look of busy people caught mid-sentence.
He wants to believe their absence means they got out in time.
He hopes they had the chance to take more with them than he did.
Normally, Scar considers himself an opportunist, but he finds that he doesnât like the way it feels to pick through the home of people heâs sure will never be back to see it again. The feeling constricts around his heart, overwhelming empathy for a family heâll never know.
He doesnât open any drawers or cupboards, doesnât pry too deeply into the lives of unfortunate strangers. He feels bad for them, and honestly, not that much better for himself. He regrets his intrusion into a scene that looks so quietly untouched, and yet a part of him feels that this is important, that he needs to see all this so that he can better understand the magnitude of whatâs unfolding all around them.
Quietly, he takes the stairs up to the second level, feeling the mounting pressure that heâs trespassing where he shouldnât be. The stairs creak with the familiarity of old wood, and he canât help but picture children stepping in precise locations to avoid the noise, the secret codes of the house passed down through generations. Heâs expecting bedrooms when he reaches the landing, and thatâs exactly what he finds. The doors are left open, everything ready to be returned to.
He tries not to look at the walls, avoiding the pressure of humanizing the homeâs former occupants any more than he already has. He tries to remind himself that survival is whatâs important here. That he has to prepare for the worst of what the elements could offer. He hopes it wonât come to thatâhopes things will somehow sort themselves out before the chill of fall fades into the frost of winterâbut something in his gut tells him that itâs a foolâs hope.
With staunch practicality, Scar picks a throw quilt up from the foot of an unmade bed. He uses it like a makeshift pack, grabbing two clean towels from the linen closet and a plastic-wrapped six-pack of toilet paper from the hallway bathroom before rolling the whole thing up securely. He hesitates for a moment in the bathroom, contemplating if heâs about to take a strangerâs toothbrush, but ultimately turns away instead. He grabs a large red flannel overshirt thrown into a laundry hamper as he leaves, the colour catching his eye because itâs always been Grianâs favourite.
Itâs not stealing, he tells himself; repeats it over and over like a mantra. Itâs borrowing. Heâs borrowing. And if the owners want their stuff back, then they can show up and tell him so themselves.
Itâs in the last roomâclearly the master bedroom by the size and layoutâthat he finds it.
A brown aviator jacket, sheepskin collar and dappled with patches, draped over the back of a chair. He almost passes itâheâs not here for a fashion statement, and Grian would roll his eyes at the choice for sure, but the cut of the coat looks wide, and itâs rare for him to find clothes that fit his broad shoulders. Itâs a bit awkward, setting down his pile of borrowed items, but he manages to do it without unraveling the throw quilt and spilling things everywhere.
Scar grabs the jacket and takes a second to slip his arms into the sleeves, hiking it up his shoulders and grinning when he feels how well it fits him. The leather is realânone of that plastic, faux nonsenseâand itâs soft to the touch. Although there are some worn in creases from years of use, itâs obviously been well taken care of, if the absence of scuffs and general sheen of it is anything to go by. It mustâve meant a lot to the original owner, and Scar feels like it would be doing a disservice to them if he didnât take a moment to appreciate how it looks, despite the mounting pressure that makes him feel they cannot linger here.
Grianâs probably already filled the gas tank. Heâs probably standing impatiently by the ladder bridge, arms crossed and sighing in annoyance every few seconds. With a wistful sigh, Scar turns to leave the room without looking for a mirror, making sure to grab their scavenged goods as he goes.
Heâs on his way back down the stairs, the few borrowed necessities tucked under his arm, an out of place spring in his step and a hum in his throat at the thrill of a new jacket, when he finally notices it.
Set off to the right of the staircase, recessed down a shallow hall, thereâs a doorway, the kind that leads into either a basem*nt or a crawlspace.
The door is shut tight, wedged in place by a chair that, from the looks of it, was dragged in from the dining room. On the front of the door itself, marked quickly by a duct tape roll that lays discarded on the floor a few feet away, is a huge X, marked so prominently that it feels jarring.
A warning.
Scar takes a moment, pausing midway down the stairs. Part of him wants to creep in and investigate closer, but he remembers with clarity the drive-thru, and what happened the last time he went poking around somewhere without letting Grian know.
Thereâs a nauseating, dreadful twist in his gut as he continues to stare, understanding with perfect clarity what lies behind the barrier.
There were people here. Not all that long agoâhours, maybe. A couple days at most, if it started here before it hit the city where he and Grian lived. People just like him, just like Grian⊠Just like the neighbour who had thrown their mangled body full speed at Grianâs car. Just like the stranger at the gas station who had stumbled out of the restaurant.
For a moment, Scar stands on the bottom step, overwhelmed by the sheer scope of it, the reality that this isnât a concentrated event or an outlier. That thisâwhatever it isâis widespread, and not something they can simply drive away from. He feels the pressure like a vice gripping his chest, pressing tight to his sternum as it becomes suddenly difficult for him to take a proper breath. This isnât the time or place to have a panic attack, but he feels it looming, a wave rolling above him, the full force ready to crash down.
If theyâre the only people left aliveâif itâs just him and Grianâif the last person heâs ever going to know is the man he caught cheating on him less than twenty-four hours ago. If his choice is a life with him, or a life entirely aloneâ
The blocked door thumps suddenly.
Itâs a listless sound, less like itâs being intentionally knocked against and more like itâs being nudged by the meandering passage of a shoulder dragging against the wall as a body circles the interior of the room.
Immediately, the noise is answered by a clattering in the kitchen, and the existential panic gripping Scarâs chest shifts into something far more pressing.
Itâs not Grian. He knows itâs not Grian.
Grian wouldnât wander in silent. Grian would announce himself, loudly.
He doesnât like what else that means it could be.
With his arms full of jackets and blankets and towels, Scar moves quietly down off the last step.
The living room is in front of him, and through an open doorway he can see into the kitchen. Itâs there, stumbling slowly out of the walk-in pantry, that Scar spots the source of the sound.
A womanâonceâmaybe the same age as him, maybe younger, skin mottled and blotched, dark with blisters that bloom around a series of bite marks trailing down one arm. The gore itself seems contained, less mutilated than the others Scar has seen in his short induction into this awful horror.
Her movement is aimless, dragging herself against the edge of the kitchen counter until she bumps blindly into the fridge, heedless of the magnets and coupons she sends scattering to the floor. Scar doesnât know if she can see, doesnât know if she knows if she can see. All he knows is that he needs to leave. Every second spent standing in the living room is a second towards her noticing him, and the catastrophe that will inevitably unfold the moment that happens.
And yet, a terrible sort of sympathy grips him in place, and he finds he canât bear to move.
Sheâs wearing a hoodie with âGraduating Class 2004â printed on the back. Itâs well worn, the kind of sweater youâd only put on while at home, on a day where you donât have plans that take you outside. Scar canât help but try to imagine how her last moments unfolded. Who was the first to turn in this house? Was she weeping, when sheâd been bitten all the way down her arm? Was she shaky and delirious, pressing her already infected family members into the basem*nt and barricading the door? How long after that had it taken for her to succumb? How quickly until sheâd been lost herself? Did she have time to apologise? To say goodbye?
Scar canât push forward, canât wrench himself away from the sight of her. She turns slowly to face the other wall, hands grasping blindly at the sink. Itâll be only a matter of seconds before her wandering has her turning in his direction. Scar has a rapidly closing window of opportunity to sneak out past her, to leave her be and to put all of this behind himâ
The axe comes out of nowhere, swinging down harsh and violent. It embeds deep in her shoulder, sticking for a second before itâs jerked free and brought down again into her skull right above her ear.
Scar doesnât have time to brace, isnât at all prepared. The axe rises and falls again, againâthereâs no fight, no struggle. Any instinctive reaction she might have had is robbed of her as she collapses in a pile of loose, disorganised limbs.
Putting his foot against what remains of her shoulder, Grian jerks the axe free, looking at Scar with his face pursed into a scowl.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â
Itâs snapped rhetorically, giving Scar no time to reply before Grianâs stomping forward, hands out, snatching the bundle of blankets from Scar and turning sharply towards the kitchen door.
âYouâre going to get yourself killed, and then where will that leave us?â
Scar knows Grian isnât expecting an answer, and heâs not sure he wants to provide one.
âShe was just getting a drink,â he hears himself say, deflecting the question with as much casual humour as he can manage with his mind still so deeply unsettled. âYou got something against staying hydrated?â
âNowâs not the time, Scar,â Grian sighs, and Scar can practically hear him rolling his eyes. He stops at the front door, holding it open expectantly, but when Scar hangs back, looking down at the corpse thatâs mangled and spread out on the floor, Grian doesnât wait for him.
âI got the gas,â Grian passes back over his shoulder. âIâm going back to the car. Donât dawdle. Who knows how many more there are lurking in the corners.â
Behind him, in the living room, Scar can hear the low moaning from behind the door, alerted by the commotion. Itâs disconcerting, the rhythmic thump of bodies pressing against it in an effort to break free. He tries his best not to think backâto soft thumps coming from upstairs as he stood on the threshold of Grianâs front door.
He tries not to think at all.
Making his way into the kitchen and stepping over the corpse, Scar reaches into the dishrack, removing a glass and leaning awkwardly against the counter to avoid getting his feet in the gore. He fills it slowly with water from the tap, kneeling down and setting it on the floor near to what was once her outstretched hand.
âIâm sorry,â he says; to the corpse, to her infected family members barricaded behind the door, to the world at large, to himself.
He stands back up, wishing there was something more he could do, knowing his gesture is silly and pointless at best. He leaves the house, carefully shutting the door behind him as he goes, like heâs closing the final chapter on the people who used to reside within.
Grianâs already crossed the ladder bridge, standing near the car with his arms folded across his chest, looking impatient even from a distance. Feeling guilty for making him wait, Scar jogs across the driveway to catch up to him, ignoring the spike of pain that spiderwebs up from his knee and digs into his pelvic joint.
âItâs about time,â Grian grunts, hefting the second gas can into the trunk as Scar finally catches up.
Without a word he gets into the car, continuing to process the way the world around them has forever been changed, silent as he closes his door and looks out through his window at the farmhouse sitting still across the pond. Grian shuffles into the driverâs seat with some mumbled words Scar doesnât hear, though he does catch the way his gaze lingers momentarily on the new coat heâs acquired.
When he notices Scar watching him, he scowls.
âYouâre welcome, by the way,â he says, and Scar is forced to confront the fact that Grian, in no uncertain terms, has now killed for him. Twice. It doesnât matter that they were technically these grotesque undead. What counts is that Grian moved without hesitation, valuing Scarâs life above anything and anyone else.
Scar doesnât know how to feel about it. He supposes he should show some gratitude, offer some words of thanks⊠but all he can think of is how itâs funny that Grian is willing to put his own life on the line for him, is willing to kill for him, but still somehow didnât care enough to stay faithful to him.
Grian saved his life.
Grian broke his heart.
Scar stays silent.
Itâs obvious that Grian was expecting some sort of response, but when the acknowledgement fails to come he turns away from him, tone rough and prickly as he says, âLetâs go. Thereâs a rest area six hours from here. If we drive straight through, we can sleep there for the night and see what the situationâs like in the morning.â
Thinking of the family of strangers, alone in their farmhouse, far from the ravages of the city⊠Scar doesnât believe the morningâs going to be any better. Nevertheless, he nods, works up enough of his voice to say, âLet me know if you want to switch off on driving.â and thatâs as close to âthank youâ as he thinks he can get.
He can feel Grian staring at him as he turns back to look out the passenger-side window, but despite the momentary pause, thereâs no further conversation as Grian starts up the car and steers them back onto the road.
Notes:
We've updated our tumblr a bit! :D Dunno how many of you still use it on desktop, but check out our Scarian theme and our new pinned post! (It's got some lovely new TAMN art ;3)
Things will slowly start to pick up from next chapter! Stay tuned >:)
Chapter 4
Notes:
More gorgeous fanart!! đ Please show your love to the artists for all their hard work!!
First, this fantastic little comic by i-crave-sleep from Chapter 2!
Second, another lovely piece by Flykering from Chapter 3!
And third, this gorgeous, vivid work by Dizzovskey!
Thank you all sooo much! đ« Honestly, we're both so overwhelmed with gratitude for the love and encouragement--really didn't expect this level of support for the fic and we're lowkey still dumbstruck that we now have all this art to print and put on all our walls HAHA To you three and to everyone reading along, we're so, SO thankful to you for every kind word and action đ
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The sun rises. A rusty smear against an overcast horizon.
Itâs chilly in that southwest November way. While theyâre too far south for it to get particularly cold when the sun is shining high up in the sky, in the early hours of the day itâs another story. Thereâs a bite in the air; a warning for the winter season to come.
Scar is awake. Heâs been awake since just past five in the morning, when Grian had nudged him with his elbow and said it was time for him to take his turn on watch. Wrapped up in his borrowed coat and a throw quilt, heâs been able to keep mostly warm, though heâs glad to see the sun rise through the windshield with the promise of the dayâs heat to follow.
Itâs surprisingly boring being on watch. Heâs never had to do it before, sitting up alone in the dark on the off-chance that something might happen. From what he had seen in movies and shows, heâd expected it to be more nerve-wracking. Constant tension and watching your back to make sure no one snuck up behind you. Instead, the hours had passed, slow and miserable, with too much time to think and nothing to distract himself with.
Behind him, spread across the back seat in a far more comfortable looking sprawl than the one that Scar had managed for himself, Grian is still asleep. His shorter stature fits snugly in the back in a way Scarâs long limbs simply couldnât, his joints still aching from having attempted it hours ago.
Grianâs breath is heavy, bordering on a snore. Scar used to find the sound endearing. Now it grates on him. One of a myriad of Grianâs formerly delightful quirks that suddenly rub him the wrong way.
âGrian,â he says, coughing to clear his throat as the syllables catch on his tongue. He waits a moment, but when Grian doesnât stir, he reaches back and shakes him twice, firmly. âGrian, câmon, time to wake up.â
Grianâs eyelids flutter but stay closed, brows furrowing in sleep-addled confusion.
âB?â
Itâs an unconscious accident, surely, a slip of the tongue that Grian isnât awake enough to catch in time, but Scar feels it like a blow to the chest.
A sharp burst of pain and fresh betrayal rushes through him, hot and humiliating, running all the way down to the very tips of his fingers.
Unaware, Grian breathes a frustrated sigh, mumbling quiet into the bend of his arm. âYou shouldnât have stayed over. I told you not to.â
He should have expected this, really. Scar had assumed that Grian cheating on him hadnât been a one time thing, and yet, somehow having it confirmed by the familiarity in Grianâs voice as he mumbles out the name of his lover is suddenly too much to bear. Scar feels like his heartâs been swallowed by his lungs; squeezed and constricted into breathlessness.
Sensing the silence, Grianâs eyes shoot open, reality setting in fast as he sits up, face flushed and expression twisted into something both guilty and ashamed.
âScar.â
The inside of the car feels impossibly small, not remotely large enough to contain the two of them and all the emotions Scar is feeling, welling up hot and heavy and ready to explode. He doesnât realise the car door is open until heâs slamming it behind him, taking long strides away from the vehicle as he stomps down the soft shoulder of the rest stop parking lot theyâd pulled off into for the night. The arid soil kicks up dust clouds under his feet and he knows heâs making a scene, but thereâs no oneâno oneâhere to see it but Grian. And frankly, Scar doesnât care what Grian thinks about his reaction.
Bitterly, he wishes he could skip to the part where he doesnât care about Grian at all.
He takes a deep breath, staring up at the brightening sky, hands clenched into fists so tightly they hurt. He hates this. Hates being stuck, trapped next to the person who caused all this. Hates feeling anger with nowhere to put it. Hates feeling stupid and short-sighted and broken-hearted. Hates knowing that this is as much distance as heâs going to get from the source of all his anguish, that the most he can afford is several minutes kicking sand next to the clumps of sagebrush and brittle, dry grass before the risks of drawing unwanted attention outweigh the catharsis of physically working the negativity out of his system.
In a normal world heâd spend several weeks pouring his heart outâsubtly, too-politely, trash-talking Grian to everyone he knows while also painstakingly removing him from every single one of his social media posts; heâd have his friends to keep his head above water every time his mind spiraled, trying to insist he mustâve done something to deserve it, that this was his fault, really. That he pushed Grian into this.
Theyâd be exes, and heâd eventually get on with his life.
In this world heâs seen Grian cleave a blunt object through the skull of an undead monster. For him. Twice.
In this world, Grian calls out someone elseâs name while he dreams.
In this world...
Grianâs the only one he has.
He feels sick.
It takes Scar a few minutes to calm down, clutching to the front of his shirt and leaning over just in case he vomits. He tries his best to stay grounded, thoughts swimming with a sharpness that warns of an impending headache. He squeezes his eyes shut tight enough to see static, and breathes in and out shakily.
When he finally comes back to the car, Grian is sitting in the driverâs seat with the door kicked wide open, eating a granola bar and refusing to make eye contact.
âThought I saw something,â Scar lies, and Grian doesnât press it.
He accepts the granola bar Grian hands him even though heâs not remotely hungry, opening it and chewing on automatic. He doesnât notice until the last bite that Grian had given him the peanut butter oneâhis favourite.
He doesnât know how thatâs supposed to make him feel.
âShould we look around?â Grian asks, a foghorn in their silence. Itâs obvious that heâs desperate to bleed out the tension thatâs blocked up between them by changing the subject and Scarâs too tired to fight it. âWe got through the night in one piece. Donât think there are any googlies here.â
It makes sense. From what Scar has been able to discern, they mustâve been hit by the very start of the infection and acted quick enough to avoid the chaos. Theyâd left the city immediately and then stayed far off the beaten path. Grianâs navigation has kept them out of the thick of anything consequential or dire, staying ahead of any horde that mightâve been created in the home they left behind.
Theyâd been lucky to get this far and only see a handful of corpses in the distance, shambling aimless around rest stops and overturned vehicles.
Scar just hopes that luck doesnât run out the second they let their guards down.
Theyâve gleaned a few meagre updates from looping radio broadcasts that have phased in and out as theyâve drivenâitâs all a mish-mash conflicting instructions; calls to avoid city centres, to shelter in place, to head for designated safety areas, or that itâs every person for themself. The last transmission theyâd heard was an advisory for people to move north if at all possible in order to avoid epicentres of infection, which had seemed as good a direction as any. Neither of them wants to recreate the chaos of their first encounter, so sticking to isolated rest-stops and out-of-the-way gas stations has served them well thus-far.
âNot like thereâs anything better to do,â Scar says, brusque despite himself. In his periphery he sees Grianâs head shrink down into his shoulders and he tries his best not to feel a bitter curl of satisfaction at it.
The place theyâd chosen to spend the night is slightly more extravagant than their previous pit-stops. A roadside attraction, advertised by large hand-painted billboards propped up by old cars spaced along the side of the highway, boasting genuine extraterrestrial artifacts and proof of alien encounters. The displays trackâtheyâve been skirting the edge of Roswell, after allâbut itâs still a bit darkly comedic. The proof of aliens sits largely out of place and grossly inconsequential in the face of a true-to-life, zombie outbreak.
Still, by the light of day, with seemingly no one else around, it seems worth exploring. If nothing else, Scar figures it will get his mind off of the enormous, traitorous elephant sat between them.
âCome on, then,â Grian mumbles, and Scar glances over the gear he wants to take with him while Grian takes the car out of park.
They drive closer to the cluster of adobe buildings covered in bright signage and colourful streamers. Light-catchers flash in the early sun as they twist from strings hung off the overhangs outside every doorway. Itâs a kitschy tourist trap, the kind Scar wouldâve wanted to stop at anyway were the situation not so dire. The irony of it is not lost on him as he gets out the second Grian parks the car, impatiently tapping his feet while he waits for Grian to join him.
Scarâs got the axe from the farmhouse wielded in front of himself protectively. The bladeâs been cleaned, and Scar wonders if thatâs what Grian had been doing as Scar had taken his time leaving the house. Somehow, the picture of Grian crouched over and wiping down grime and gore with nothing but water and scrap cloth is not as jarring to imagine as it should be. He wonders if maybe heâs already becoming numb to whatâs happening. If it all somehow pales in comparison to the heartache in his chest.
Nevertheless, heâs glad for the safety the weapon provides, and when Grian finally joins him by the entrance to the building closest to them, he sees the way he eyes the axe in Scarâs hands with approval. The two of them pause for a moment, wordlessly looking around for any signs of life; reanimated or otherwise. When they donât see or hear anything, Grian nods at him, and Scar pushes open the door.
The building they enter is a single large room, lit with soft fluorescents and cluttered with shelves, glass cases, photographs, and shadow boxes. Itâs filled to the brim with hundreds of maps, diagrams, photographs, and newspaper headlines amassed into an organised chaos, a lifetime of sifting and collecting conspiracy theories and government cover ups. At the centre of the room, there are two small pedestals hold bits of plaster and papier mache, a diorama supposedly recreating the sight of an alien landing in a nearby valley, and a variety of pebbles and stones set in a hermetically sealed box that alleges proof of an extraterrestrial encounter.
Nothing charges at them, no bodies lurking around the displays.
Itâs empty, and theyâre alone.
Scar wanders inside, catching a sign marking this building as a âMuseumâ and smiling to himself about it as he leans over the glass and inspects the contents inside more closely. Grian shuffles behind him, much more reserved. Together, they meander from display to display, but only for a handful of minutes before Grian abruptly disregards the space, classifying it as useless and urging them on.
âWe canât dawdle,â he insists, but thereâs a reluctance to it, the words said cautiously, hyper-aware of the fragility of their dynamic.
âCâmon Grian,â Scar says, unable to help himself from getting a little caught up in the novelty of the place. âThereâs always time for legitimate proof of an alien encounter.â
âThereâs nothing legitimate here, Scar,â Grian sighs. âThis is a lot of hokum and you know it.â
âTheyâre pretty persuasive totally-normal-looking rocks,â Scar counters, and the sigh it evokes from Grian warms something deep and satisfied within Scarâs chest.
In the past, he used to delight in the ways he could get Grian to heave a beleaguered sigh at his antics. Now, he tries to convince himself that he simply enjoys grating on Grian as much as Grian grates on him.
They leave the museum at as much of a snailâs pace as Scar can muster and cross a small paved courtyard between the buildings to enter whatâs garishly labelled as The Extra Terrestrial Emporium and Gift Shop. This fares them slightly better, though not by much. The normal gas station fare is juxtaposed with more alien-themed tchotchkes than Scar thought existed in the world. On t-shirts, coffee mugs, shot glasses, fridge magnets and moreâall have the classic bulging black eyes on a bulbous-shaped head, and disc-shaped flying saucers.
They help themselves to a display of local beef jerky, emptying the majority of it into a tote bag Grian pulls down off a display board next to some t-shirts and hoodies.
Next to the cash register thereâs a slushie machine, which continues to churn despite days without any human interaction. The flavour is listed as Alien Green and a part of Scar wants to try it.
âDo you dare me?â He asks, nodding towards the neon green slush.
âI dare you not to,â Grian says, beleaguered.
A petty part of Scar wants to drink it to spite him, but he loathes the idea of food poisoning, imagining himself hunched over the side of the road with Grian condescendingly saying âI told you soâ while a shambling undead horde advances.
Instead, he takes a selection of puzzle books and crosswords off a wire rack. Things that will occupy time on the road and give them something to do outside of sitting in animosity and silence. He grabs a couple of pencils too, with alien shaped erasers on the end, as well as some other knick knacks that might come in handy, like a lighter with a bright green sun screen printed on the casing and a metal nail file with planets painted on the handle. Itâs as heâs rummaging through a bin of discount plushiesâall cheaply made and unravelling at their seamsâthat he spots it.
âOh my god.â
The words escape him on instinct, a knee-jerk reaction as he abandons the toys and races to pick up the item that caught his eye.
Itâs a disposable camera; the cheap plastic shell wrapped in green decal with the word FUJI printed on it in large capital letters.
âGrian.â He holds it up like a prize, something remarkable, every other emotion sliding away as he gets swept up in the novelty of his discovery. Even Grian looks excited, a grin of recognition spreading across his face as he steps closer.
âHavenât seen one of those in years,â he says with the fondness of youthful nostalgia.
Itâs true, Scar hasnât either. Not since he was a teenager, away at summer camps and out on weekend trips. He remembers counting down how many photos he had left, mindful not to waste the limited roll of film. And yet they were always photos taken in haste regardlessâwashed out or reflecting too much light from the sun. That never mattered in the end though. Once theyâd been developed theyâd been precious snapshots to him all the same.
âI canât even remember how these work,â Scar mumbles, turning the camera over in his hands, squinting at the tiny instructions on the back, and sighing when the letters swim in front of eyes, unreadable. He rips open the packaging, making note of the bold â27 photosâ marked on the front and committing it to memory as he marvels at how little of the cameraâs design has changed in the decade since he last held one. âIt shouldnât be too hard to guess though, right?â
âYou gotta wind it. Hereââ Stepping forward, Grian inserts himself into Scarâs personal space without a second thought, deft hands taking the camera from him with familiar confidence. It sends a tension up Scarâs spine, an urge to back away crawling through him, but he resolutely shoves it aside. Instead, he watches Grian focus on the camera with his head bent, heedless of the stiffness that has crept into Scarâs posture; a rigid discomfort at having him so near.
Confident fingers advance the film, Grian popping up the flash prior to tilting the camera up at Scar, snapping a photo almost before he says the words.
âSay cheese.â
The camera clicks and Grian immediately passes it back to Scar, their palms brushing at the gesture. With the camera pressed into Scarâs hands, Grianâs focus slides easily, unaware of the subtle shift in the air. His attention alights like a bird as he gravitates towards a rotating rack of keychains and fridge magnets set next to a shelf of large, alien-head shaped mugs.
Scar feels a tingling in his fingertips, like an electric current running through him. Itâs the first scrap of entertainment heâs had in days, the first thing theyâve done thatâs been fun and not linked to survival and horror and grief. Heâs near giddy with it, delighted by the simple accomplishment of taking a picture. Grianâs hands around the camera, the smile on his face prompting one of Scarâs own, even before heâd said the wordsâŠ
He doesnât want to admit it was nice. Doesnât want to give Grian the kindness.
âDo they have our names?â he asks, forced-casual as he stays rooted in his spot, busying himself by winding the camera to line up the next photo.
âThey never have our names,â Grian commiserates, distracted as he scans the keychains, letting them rattle together as he slowly turns the display. âGood news if youâre a Karl or a Dave or a Xelqua, though.â
âOh good, we know plenty of them. Some souvenirs for the office.â
Grian scoffs absently and itâs enough mild approval that, out of habit, Scar pursues it. Itâs better this way, he reasons. Itâs better to keep the line of communication open and not let things stumble back into awkward, disjointed interactions between them. For better or worse, they only have each other after all.
âHow âbout this, Grian?â He picks up a t-shirt that has âI went to Roswell and all I got was [censored by AREA 51]â printed on it in neon green.
âEverything here is awful,â Grian says, rolling his eyes before he holds out his hand. âHereâgive me the camera and Iâll take a picture of you with it.â
Scar canât help himself, grinning as he passes it over to Grian. He doesnât think as he holds the t-shirt up to his chest, winks at the camera, and waits for the click of the shutter. Thereâs no way theyâll be able to get the film developed. He's not even sure if these are memories he really wants to preserve. But he doesn't think about any of it, simply letting himself be led around the abandoned gift shop, posing for Grian when prompted, and chuckling together at the absurdity on display all around them.
He counts down the remaining photos, click after click after click, a force of habit. He tries not to dwell on how monumentally pointless it all feels now.
Itâs only when Grian grabs his hand as they exit the gift shop that it all comes crashing down.
The fun fantasy of wandering through a store together, laughing and teasing like they used to do, abruptly shatters the moment Grianâs hand interlocks with his own. Suddenly Scar is thrown back into the foyer of the townhouse, the grim resignation on Grianâs face when he met him in the kitchen, the stranger standing on the stairs as Scar told him they were throughâthe stranger whose name Grian had murmured into his elbow while half asleep only an hour ago.
âIs there a timer on the camera?â Grian asks, smiling, swept up in the moment and oblivious to Scarâs abrupt change of mood. âLook, you can set it up here and we can go pose.â
He points excitedly to the lid of a trash can directly across from a plywood photo-op. On it, there are two gangly grey alien bodies standing in front of a flatly painted scene of the desert at night, a flying saucer glowing and hovering in the background. Holes have been cut in the painting where the alienâs faces would be, leaving gaps so that people can stand behind and stick their heads through. Itâs the sort of thing they would have done as a couple, that Scar would have enthusiastically dragged Grian to, that theyâd laugh and joke about looking at the pictures later.
Scar canât stand the thought of doing it together now.
âThis isnât a date,â he remarks, blunt, noting the way Grianâs eyebrows fly up before he flinches and pulls his hand away. âIâll hold the camera and take a picture of you, if you want.â
âNo,â Grian replies quickly, cheeks flush with embarrassment that Scar canât help but feel he deserves. âI was being stupid. Nevermind.â
Scar wants to drive the point home, but he canât bring himself to muster up the effort for it. Itâs a bad crash. He got too caught up in how much he was enjoying the moment, relieved at the sense of normalcy after everything theyâd gone through. It lowered his guard. Stupid.
Thereâs no going back thoughânot to moments ago, and certainly not to how they used to be.
Itâs all gone now. Completely erased.
âAlright then.â As easily as that, their lighthearted exploration is over. Scar shoulders what little theyâve pilfered from the gift shop and adjusts his hold on the axe before he starts back towards the car. âLet me know when youâre done looking around and we can go.â
He doesnât look at Grian as he says it, opening the trunk and dividing their new supplies between the space there and the backseat. He hopes Grian takes more time to poke around the area. He wants to be alone.
Getting into the car, he pushes the passenger seat back and flattens it out as far as itâll go before settling into it properly. He waits a minute, and then another, but thankfully Grian doesnât show up. His impulse is to take a nap, but the only thing worse than falling asleep and being woken up by an irritable Grian, is falling asleep in a vulnerable place and waking up surrounded by a horde clamouring for his flesh, so he figures heâll need something else to occupy his time.
After a moment of hesitation, he pulls out his phone again, staring at the black screen quietly. Heâs been keeping it off to conserve battery, because who knows when heâll ever have the chance to charge it again. He wants to get in the habit of checking it once a day, in case thereâs any news from the people he still cares about. Bracing himself, Scar powers on the device, holding his breath as the lock screen appearsâa picture of cats from a shelter he and Grian had visited together, back when Scar had dreamt about adopting one with him.
He types in his passcode.
Thereâs nothing.
No new alerts. No texts, no missed calls, not a word from anyone.
Heart heavy in his chest, Scar aimlessly scrolls through his last texts, as if somehow staring at them will make new ones appear. Thereâs people from work, people from the gym, the park, neighbours and strangers he met out on strollsâheâs always been charismatic, always been friendly, and somehow that just makes the isolation feel that much worse. A whole world of people at his fingertips, but not one still around to reply.
With a shaky breath, Scar dials Cubâs number and holds the phone to his ear. The same message from yesterday greets him. Mouth dry, and knowing it likely wonât be any different, he calls Pearl. Again, the same monotone voice. The same, âAll circuits are busy.â
He needs air.
Despite wanting distance from Grian only moments ago, getting no response makes him feel more alone than ever, and Scar hops out of the car and walks back in the direction of the museum. He sees Grian sitting by the alien photo-op, his back to Scar, and it settles that anxiety in him about being alone. He considers approaching him, but ultimately decides against it.
Instead, Scar looks back up at the museum and all the hokey decorations surrounding it, and thinks of the disposable camera still in Grianâs hands. He remembers all his time spent on day trips and vacations with friends, good times filled with laughter. He pulls out his phone. It takes a bit of finagling, to get both himself, Grianâs back, and the Museum all lined up in one shot, but he manages it and takes a couple of selfies with a wry grin on his face. Satisfied with his results, he fires off the image to both Cub and Pearl.
âWish You Were Here,â he writes, which is accurate and, at the same time, not nearly enough.
The images mark as delivered, but donât change over to âread.â
âWhat are you doing?â
Scar jumps, startling and nearly dropping his phone as he fumbles it, clutching it tight to his chest.
âGrian! You nearly gave me a heart attack! You canât just sneak up on a man like that in the middle of the apocalypse!â
Somewhat amused but still managing to look exhausted, Grian raises a brow at him, âShouldnât you be more aware of your surroundings? What if Iâd been a zombie?â
âIâd have taken you out with the axe!â
âWhat axe?â
Opening his mouth to respond, Scar immediately snaps it shut again, remembering heâd dropped it off in the trunk with the rest of their supplies. Grianâs expression is smug and Scar has nothing but a sheepish shrug to offer in return. With a shake of his head, Grian turns away from him and walks towards the car.
âThereâs nothing left for us here,â Grian calls back over his shoulder, âLetâs head out.â
Scar takes one last look down at his phone, at the selfie he took and texts heâd sent. He waits one second, and then another, but as the moments pass and no response comes, he gives in and powers the device down again.
Heâll try again tomorrow.
His long strides catch him up with Grian easily, and the two of them get back to the car in tandem.
âI think we should just stick to the road and keep driving through the state,â Grian says as he locks in his seatbelt. âWeâve got food, weâve got a weapon, and weâve got this car. Itâs not worth stopping for anything but gas.â
Scar nods. âStill going north?â
âThatâs the plan. Weâll make use of the daylight and get as far as we can before nightfall. We can trade off driving and keep an eye out for any places that might make a good camping spot as the sun sets.â
His voice is all practical and matter-of-fact. A natural born leader. Scarâs always been fond of that about him, and even now, after everything, he finds it a comfort more than anything else.
âWeâve been lucky so far,â Grian mumbles,taking the car back onto the road, âNot a soul blocking our routes, and only a handful of monsters to deal with.â
âWhy do you think that is?â Scar muses.
âHow do you mean?â Grian asks, checking over his shoulder out of habit as he merges onto the highway.
âLike⊠isnât it strange that weâve had no issues getting this far?â
âI wouldnât call being attacked by zombies multiple times âno issues,â Scar.â
âNo, I mean,â Scar sighs, unsure how to phrase it. âBesides right at the start of all this, back at my place... weâve had it relatively easy. I wouldâve thought it would be worse, yâknow? Cars backed up, blocked roads, massive wandering hordes of the undead⊠it just seems really quiet for the end of the world.â
âAre you saying youâre disappointed?â Grian laughs, bemused.
âNot disappointed, just⊠worried, I guess. Worried that this is it. That this is all there is.â
Just you and me and endless miles of road and no room to breathe, he thinks.
Thereâs a beat and then Grian prods, cautious. âIs this about Cub again?â
It is and it isnât. Not exactly. Despite himself, the line of questioning gets his hackles up, but Scar takes a breath and relents, âIâm worried about him. About everyone we knew. Arenât you?â
âNo,â Grian retorts, blunt, his grip tightening around the steering wheel, brokering no argument. âWe canât waste time worrying about anyone else when weâre not safe yet, Scar.â
Scar stares at him. âYou donât mean that.â
Grian doesnât respond, gaze fixed resolutely ahead as he continues to drive.
âGrian, come on. Youâre worried too, I know you are.â
For all that Grianâs broken his heart in ways he never couldâve seen coming, Scar knows him. Heâs had years to know him. And while Grian is great at putting up a tough front, Scarâs seen the anxiety, the stress, the insecurity and fearâheâs seen the worst of Grian; from the breakdowns to the cheating. Grianâs not made of stone. Heâs more than capable of warmth and love and affection. If he hadnât been, breaking up wouldâve been so much easier.
Grianâs worried too. Heâs just better than Scar is at compartmentalizing it.
Frustrated, Grian argues, âHow I feel isnât going to change anything, Scar. Getting emotional never helps. All itâs going to do is make it more difficult, and then where does that leave us? No. No, we have to stay focused. Whatâs important right now is going north and getting there in one piece. Everything else is secondary.â
Hearing Grian now, forcibly detaching himself from the life theyâd lived for years, some part of Scar can almost understand it. He can almost see why Grian wouldnât think twice before throwing water over all they built together. Itâs just who he is in the face of things new and uncertainâflighty, like a bird.
âItâs early days yet,â Grian says, somber, and Scar knows itâs the end of the conversation. âMaybe this is just how these things happenâmaybe weâre fortunateâbut I donât fancy being caught unaware when our luck runs out.â
Silence settles between them, nothing but the hum of the engine to fill the space. Wordless, Scar turns back in his seat and digs through the pile of knick-knacks heâd grabbed from the gift shop. With a crossword book in one hand, and a green pen with an alien shaped cap in the other, he settles back in his seat and starts in on a puzzle.
Grian glances over at him, but ultimately doesnât say anything.
Itâs for the bestâScar needs to focus.
Crosswords are a bitch with dyslexia.
Notes:
Close-ups of our banner art can be seen here!
You guys have to help me convince Lock to get this printed as washi tape so I can stick the zombie au boys everywhere frNext week's chapter was a lot of fun to write! We can't wait to share it with you guys >:D
Chapter 5
Notes:
Happy day before Hermitcraft Season 10 everyone! đ
To celebrate, we have a new chapter where everything goes fine and nobody lashes out at anyone! :)
(... unless...?)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Itâs frustrating, at times, how disorganised the world has become.
Cosmically cruel, is how it feels. Because while the apocalypse brings its own chaos, thereâs something else to itâsomething more. The fact that the world has chosen to fall apart right as Scarâs relationship crumbled seems too on the nose. Ironic, in a cold and callous way. Itâs messy, itâs painful, and it hurts. His life unravelling as society slips into disarray all around them.
He and Grian have continued heading north as best they can, with the limited navigation skills they share between them. Mostly it means following the roads west in order to cross into the next state. The radio repeats the same message over and overâshelter in place, isolate, take only what you need with you to surviveâso they press on with a single-minded, almost desperate focus. Rest stops are minimal, only taken when they canât put off refuelling any longer.
They sleep as little as possible.
Outside the car, the familiar desert has transitioned into low hills covered in dry, weathered grass and the occasional scrubby cluster of short, leafy trees. Although he knows itâs only a matter of time before they hit the next stretch of desert when they pass through the Mojave, Scar appreciates the change in view. Itâs distinctly different from the environment Scar is used to, and for the first time he feels like theyâre actually getting somewhereâeven if heâs not entirely sure where exactly they are getting to.
For the last ten or so hours, he and Grian have been switching off at the wheel, taking turns driving so neither of them gets too cramped or too complacent on the road. Itâs nice to be able to take a break, but if Scar is being honest, no matter what they do, he feels anxious and uncomfortable. Itâs gotten worse the further theyâve drivenâthe looming, impending anxiety. Though the roads remain mostly empty, they pass through the outskirts of small towns cautiously, and as quickly as possible.
They pass through without stopping because they have to. Because they have no choice.
They do it because itâs too dangerous to linger.
Because theyâre everywhere, now.
They see them, hoards of them. The shambling bodies of people who arenât people anymore. There havenât been any altercations because theyâve kept their distance, but itâs impossible to ignore how many there are, in clusters and pairs and large, roving crowds. It gives Scar a sinking feeling. A fear he canât escape.
He had hoped, somehow, that heading towards larger populations wouldâve meant more coordination, more organisation, more chances of survival in the face of the outbreak. Instead, they pass through abandoned towns strewn with bodies and riddled with zombies, roaming aimlessly and seeming without motive. Itâs as if every piece of media heâd ever consumed had it rightâ the devastation over only two short days is immeasurable.
Itâs disheartening, and itâs terrifying.
Scar doesnât know what theyâre going to do.
âThis is a mess,â Grian says from the passenger seat, stating the obvious. His arms are crossed tight over his chest, posture stiff, looking every bit as miserable as Scar feels. âWhat are we supposed to do here?â
Theyâre pulled off to the side of the road, surveying the entrance of a shopping mall. The sun set over an hour ago and theyâre losing whatâs left of the daylight. They have to find a place to park and camp for the night but⊠this isnât it.
The building itself barely remains, only a fraction still standing, the rest collapsed in on itself in a mess of tilted rebar and masonry after what looks to have been a colossal fire. Thereâs no sign that anyone tried to stop it- no fire trucks, no barricades, no emergency response at all.
Aside from the blackened, tilted structure, everything else looks untouched and unaffected. The garden beds immaculate, cars left in orderly lines on the large stretch of parking lot.
Closer towards what once was the glass-faced front entrance, are dozens of wandering infected.
âWe need gas,â Scar says, flat. Heâs tired. His body aches and he feels filthy. He longs for a long shower and a proper bed, neither of which heâs going to get.
Heâs not in the mood for Grianâs attitude right now.
âI hate malls,â Grian remarks, as if itâs remotely relevant to their situation right now.
âWell lucky for us weâre not here to window-shop.â The words come out meaner than Scar intends them to, and Grian bristles at his side.
âYouâre in a mood today,â he grumbles, like he has a leg to stand on.
âIâm exhausted, Grian,â Scar sighs. âLetâs not do this right now.â
He parks next to a cluster of abandoned cars, as far from the group of corpses congregating towards the front of the mall as he can, and together they carefully sneak around and check them to find which will be the easiest to syphon from. Luckily, thereâs a contender in the form of a cherry red convertible, which at least means they wonât have to creep any closer to the wandering ghouls.
With now practiced ease, Scar dips the hose into the tank and tries to ignore how illicit the activity still feels. He canât shake himself loose from mentally bracing for an accusatory shout every time he pries off a strangerâs gas cap, expecting someone to ask what the hell heâs doing, or threaten to call the police.
Part of him longs for it. The grounding normalcy of a stranger's accusation to prove heâs not alone.
While Scar fills up their jerry can, keeping a wary eye on their surroundings lest they be caught off guard, Grian walks the short distance back to their car and pops open the trunk. Scar glances towards him for a moment, watching Grian as he rifles through their supplies. Itâs been several days of gas station junk food and snacks, and Scar longs for something more substantial. He feels grimy, every inch of him uncomfortable.
At this point, heâd settle for just brushing his teeth.
âI wish I had a toothbrush,â he voices aloud, conversational as the gas can continues to fill.
âWhy?â Grian asks, bristling slightly in that instantly defensive way heâs had ever since they escaped Scarâs apartment together. Scar gives him a moment, and when the question properly settles into him, Grianâs shoulders relax. It takes him a second to consider it, unwrapping a granola bar and chewing on it before he offers, âYou can use mine.â
Itâs a stupid thing to get paranoid about, and Scar knows it. But heâs dirty, his body aches, and heâs not at his best right now. Thereâs literally nothing to read intoâin fact, if anything, Grian is being uncommonly generous.
Itâs stupid to spur an otherwise kind offer. And yetâŠ
âSince when do you share your toothbrush?â Scar canât help himself from asking, a snap in his words that has no reason to be there.
âWhat?â Grian begins to respond, caught entirely off guard.
âDid you share yours with âBâ?â
It comes out sounding hostile, saying the name Grian called in his sleep.
It is hostile.
Thereâs no reason to drag him into this. A dead man Scar will never properly meet. Itâs unnecessary. Petty.
Grian looks as shocked as Scar is that he said it. But Scar doesnât regret it. Itâs out there now, and Grianâs wide eyes and hand clutched tight around the remainder of his granola bar donât offer any excuses.
Roughly, Scar yanks the hose up out of the gas tank heâs syphoning from, twisting the cap back in place before he hefts the jerry can and carries it back towards the car.
âWell?â He prompts, looking pointedly at Grian as he goes about refilling their car.
Grian doesnât look upset; doesnât look angry either. He casts his eyes away as Scar stares him down, colour rising to his cheeks as he chews the last bite of granola bar and swallows it.
It might as well be confirmation, as far as Scar is concerned.
Itâs not about the toothbrush. Not really. But Grianâs silence speaks volumes.
âIâll take the bad breath and tooth decay then, thanks,â Scar chirps, more cheerful than he has any need to be, tipping the jerry can up at an angle to wring out the last drops of fuel. When itâs empty he pulls the spout back, holding it out towards Grian, murderously bright as he says, âYour turn.â
Itâs not unfair. It takes more than one fill from the can to raise the fuel gauge in the car. If they want to travel any real distance without stopping to syphon again, itâs best to do it all here now, while they have an abundance of cars around them and the relative safety to do so.
It just sounds snide and nasty the way he vocalises it with weaponised cheer, passing the jerry can into Grianâs unenthusiastic handsâ and it sounds that way because it is. Though Scarâs never been the confrontational type, heâs not a pushover either. Heâs always been able to sweet talk would-be aggressors, and deter bad-faith encounters with a little mirthful sarcasm; barbed words coated in honeyâa warning to anyone underestimating him.
No, his reaction to being slighted isnât new, itâs just that heâs never had a reason to turn those skills in Grianâs direction before.
To his credit, Grian doesnât say anything haughty in return. Doesnât put up a fight or resist. Instead he gives Scar a clipped, tight nod and turns away, walking to the furthest car in their corner of the parking lot as he retreats to lick his proverbial wounds.
It gives Scar a moment to feel and a moment to breathe.
Not for the first time, he wishes he had the company of someoneâanyoneâelse. Even if it wasnât a close friend like Cub or Pearl, it would just be nice to have companionship from someone who he isnât at odds with. He doesnât enjoy arguing, and heâd much rather spend the little down time they have relaxing instead of lashing out over ridiculous things that donât actually matter.
Honestly, now that the moment has passed, he feels the predictable and immediate rush of remorse for attacking Grian like that. Itâs not that Grian doesnât deserve it. As far as Scarâs concerned, heâs been kinder about this whole situation than most others would be. It just seems⊠pointless. Itâs silly to be affronted by the prospect of shared toothbrushes when the worldâs been turned upside down.
Heâs just got all these building emotions with nowhere to put them. He canât talk it through with a friend, he canât get distance, he canât untangle the mess in his head through any healthy means, so here he is instead, taking it out on the person who caused them in the first place. Itâs not the way he would have chosen to do this had he any say in the matter. Itâs not the person he wants to be.
Still.
Heâs not going to apologise for it.
He continues turning over his reaction, feeling it gross and wormy but objectively not wrong in his chest, until the trunk, left open by Grian, catches his eye. Itâs a mess, things haphazardly shoved in with haste and no consideration for order or accessibility. Itâs not in Scarâs nature to organise, but his squabble with Grian mollifies him a bit. Sorting through things can be his non-apology. Something thatâll benefit the both of them.
He finds himself arranging their supplies, methodical and slow. Once heâs gotten started, itâs easy, just putting the most often used things within arms reach and the lesser used items at the back. He hums and haws over the axe for a moment, not sure if having it too close might mean accidentally cutting himself while grabbing a snack, but ultimately decides to leave it within easy grabbing distance. A little extra insurance, just in case.
Itâs as heâs cleaning that he wonders if maybe he could just use a little toothpaste to freshen up. Even if he doesnât use Grianâs toothbrush, he figures rubbing some paste on his teeth and gums will do better than doing nothing at all. At the very least itâll make him feel more put together.
However, it quickly becomes clear that none of Grianâs toiletries are in the trunk, so once the last of the supplies are sorted, Scar shuts the truck and pulls open the back door of the car. He might as well air out the nest of blankets that Grian has piled into the back seat while heâs at it, searching for wherever his things are squirrelled away.
Scarâs bent over, pushing aside empty cans and food wrappers from the floor of the car, when he spots it.
Not a toothbrush, not a tube of toothpaste.
A used condom wrapperâgold, foil and square, torn open along its side.
Itâs laying down beneath the driverâs seat, in a place that would be easy to miss if someone wasnât actively searching for it. Scar picks it up, feeling crushingly numb all over.
He inspects it mutely.
Itâs not a brand heâs ever bought before.
Not that he needs the confirmation to know whose it is. He and Grian have never messed around in Grianâs car. Scarâs too broad and tall for the back seatâcontorting that way would do a number on his joints, his chronic pain making it basically impossible. It had never been an issue, though. Theyâd talked about it once, on a whim, and Grian had said that he wasnât interested in things like that anyway. Too old, now. Too mature. Not one for college-age shenanigans in sweaty cramped back seats.
It hurts more than anything to know that had just been another lie.
Spiralling, Scar canât help but wonder how many more lies there are. How far back it all goes. Andâwith a sick twist of his gutâhe wonders how much of Grianâs cheating was motivated by exactly this. The desire to be with someone who could do all the things Scar simply couldnât. Someone who didnât feel the muscles cramps and exhaustion. Someone who didnât have the bad days. Someone who woke up and got out of bed each and every morning, and never had to wrestle or compromise with their body and what it could manage at any given time.
Panic tightens his chest. Negativity shrouding him in darkness, cloying and thick in his throat, making it hard to breathe. The guilt. The fact that maybe this was his fault.
That maybe he deserved this.
He tenses painfully, fingernails biting so hard into his palm he can feel the sting of his skin splitting under the pressure.
Thereâs a loud scuffing of feet coming up behind him, and Scar jolts up and out of the car, heart thudding rancorously behind his ribcage, loathsome discovery cut short.
Itâs not a zombie. His immediate fear congealing into a revelation far worse. Just Grian, dragging the soles of his sneakers against the pavement as he trudges back towards the car, the gas can thumping against his leg as he walks. Itâs performative, and if Scar was being generous heâd think Grian was trying to lighten the mood. A little slapstick pantomime in an attempt to make him smile. However Scar can barely pull himself together quick enough to appear neutral, much less appreciative of his theatrics.
Scar pushes the condom wrapper into his back pocket, turning to meet Grian, who blows out an overdramatic breath as he drops the gas can at his feet. The noise it makes sounds hollow, and it only takes a second for Scar to realise that Grian hasnât returned with anything.
âWe arenât the first people to think of this,â Grian says, matter-of-fact. âTheyâre empty already. All of âem. Unless we want to search through the cars near the horde up frontâŠâ
They turn towards the entrance to the mall in tandem. The corpses continue to shamble around aimlessly, heedless of the way the light has faded from the sky and the temperature around them cools. Theyâre still oblivious to Grian and Scarâs presence, and itâs best to keep it that way.
Grian sighs, resting a hand on the hood of their car as he mourns, âIf we canât refuel her weâre gonna have to leave her behind.â Heâs being over the top in his sadness, lower lip pouting as he speaks. Scar knows heâs doing it intentionally, trying to clear the air between the two of them with an attempt at levity. In any other situation it might work, but Scarâs in no mood for it right now.
âPoor Ariana,â Grian continues, sounding genuinely crestfallen in amidst his theatrics. âSheâs got so many good memories attached to herâŠâ
Scar doesnât know what to say or how to react. Heâs still processing, still holding back a tide of emotions that threatens to overwhelm him. Thereâs just no ounce of strength in him left to respond to Grianâs obliviously tone-deaf behaviour. In the face of all theyâve gone through, after all Scarâs lost, mourning his car, of all things. It feels like a slap on the face of everything else heâs had to deal with.
Unaware, Grian merely sighs nostalgically. âI got her when I was still studying at uni. Sheâs been through so much with me⊠God, actually, I think I drove home from my first date with you in this car.â
Itâs entirely too much. Scar canât handle it.
Canât cope with Grian waxing poetic over his fond memories while Scar stands with further evidence of his cheating burning a hole in his pocket.
âWe should go,â he says, brusque, ignoring the way Grian looks at him, surprised and put out, like Scarâs ruined some grand gesture he was trying to make. âWe canât camp here, and weâve already lost our daylight. Weâll have to find somewhere else to stop on the fuel that weâve got.â
âMaybe weâll find somewhere else to syphon along the way,â Grian suggests, optimistic as he packs the gas can back into the trunk, oblivious or intentionally ignoring the edge in Scarâs tone.
Scar hopes they donât.
He has a good mind to use what little fuel they have left to drive them headfirst into a wall.
They resume driving in silence with Grian at the wheel. Scar canât focus enough to give another puzzle book a try, so he returns to apathetically staring out the window. It gives him a chance to fester, the deep well of hurt within him mixing with an ugly bitterness and a growing revolt. He feels trapped, now, confined to a car thatâs been defiled who knows how many times.
He canât help himself. Canât help but wonder how often Grian said goodnight to him, left his apartment, and slipped out to meet up with another man. Had it been months of this? Had he come to expect that Scar would leave him unsatisfied? Is that why it started? Was it just sex, or had it blossomed, ugly, into something more?
Scar wants to ask. Wants to grab the wheel and pull them off to the side of the road and demand Grian give him answers until he has no questions left to ask. But the thought of hearing his worst fears laid bare stops him. He doesnât think he can handle having Grian tell him plainly that he lacked in ways he could never physically overcome.
It terrifies him.
So he keeps his mouth shut and stews in the rot of his own misery, letting it swallow him whole.
Theyâre alone in the darkness on the highway when the fuel gauge starts to ding. Scar watches, detached, from the corner of his eye as the tension begins to creep into Grianâs shoulders. The slow realisation that their luck, such as it were, is running out settles on Grian visibly, heavy and inescapable.
âItâs not fair,â Grian shouts abruptly, loud, frustrated, and angry, slamming his palm on the steering wheel and breaking the silence theyâve shared since they left the burnt mall parking lot. âWe have so many supplies! Our water! Our gear! We canât possibly carry it all! Everything we own is in this carââ
âEverything you own,â Scar mumbles, pedantic to a fault.
âDo you really want to do this right now?â Grian snaps, bristling at the apparent audacity of Scar daring to point out the truth. âThey were my things because you were making me take them, remember. But I feel like itâs reasonable to say theyâre ours now, considering theâconsidering⊠bloody hell, just look around, Scar!â
He makes a gesture with his hand, taking in the state of the world around them.
âI donât know what you want,â Grian continues, irritable, like heâs the one who has any right to be offended. âI donât know why youâre short with me one second, and fine the next, but like it or not weâre all weâve got right nowâ so we can split hairs and dither over which of us has it worse, or we can get it together, because I donât know if youâve realised, but without a car this is going to be so much harder for us.â
Thereâs a sharpness to him, an undercurrent that Scar has never heard before.
Grianâs been frustrated with him beforeâannoyed, blowing out his breath and rolling his eyes more times than Scar can count. Heâs never gotten angry with him though. Not to the degree that he is now. It stirs something in Scar, something vindictive. The nerve of him to imply that Scarâs the problem here, that heâs the one making this difficult.
âAlright,â he says simply. Petulantly. Filing all his simmering defiance away for later.
Grian nods his head; a single, rough jerk of a motion, his hands settling back on the steering wheel, fingers flexing to grip it white-knuckle tight.
âAlright,â he agrees with finality.
They resume driving in silence, a cold animosity settling between them until the periodic ding of the gas gauge becomes a more frequent, insistent alert.
Thereâs no other option. They havenât come across a single car or gas station.
Reluctantly, Grian takes an exit off the main road, following the signs in a too-quiet area towards a regional park. It doesnât take long before theyâre turning into an open area with an empty gravel parking lot surrounded on all sides by tall, towering trees. Itâs one of those nice, tame parks, tucked safe within the city limits. A large sign posted at the entrance illustrates the abundance of walking paths and green spaces for ball games and family picnics. Itâs the kind of place people go to jog and teach their kids how to ride a bike. It feels safe.
They know enough by now to understand that it isnât.
âI donât want to stay here for the night,â Grian says, brokering no argument as he scans for a place to permanently park the vehicle. âItâs too close to the city and too open. Weâll get swarmed before we even know it. We just need to pack up as much of our stuff as we can carry and get going before we attract any attention.â
Past the signs and by the trees, Scar can see a lake large enough for swimming and paddle boats, the surface of the water illuminated by the moonlight overhead.
It sparks an idea.
âWait, waitâpark it by the lake,â he insists, sitting up in his seat. Before Grian can dismiss his suggestion, he offers an explanation. âWeâll be able to see anything approaching better from the light reflected on the water.â
The look Grian gives him is dubious at best, but he complies at least, driving up over the grass and stopping a few feet from the edge of the lake. Maybe he does it because heâs glad Scar isnât giving him the cold shoulder anymore. Maybe heâs already lost to the grief of leaving his car behind. Whatever the case, Scar canât stop the strange excitement bubbling in his chest as they both sit and stare out at the water through the windshield.
âI think we should have a funeral,â Scar announces. âIf we have to say goodbye to her, we should pay our respects.â
Heâs prepared for a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes.
Instead, heâs met with silence. When he turns to look, Grian is staring at him with a sort of vulnerable tenderness in his eyes. The expression of someone whoâs being given something that means a lot to them.
Scar tries not to let it get to him.
âYeah. I⊠I like the sound of that,â Grian says at last, nodding.
The process of unpacking the car is a tedious one, but Scarâs earlier sorting makes it easier to decide what to keep, at least. With no clothes and barely any survival supplies, their key focus is on portioning out the food and deciding whatâs going to get left behind. Theyâd pulled backpacks out of a camper van theyâd found tipped over at the side of the highwayâsmeared in blood but with no sign of any bodiesâhundreds of miles ago, and those come in handy now, packed full with as much as they can manage.
Without making a big deal about it, Grian ends up hefting the heavier of the two bags onto his shoulders. He adjusts the straps so that they hug his body and donât droop, settling the weight properly on his hips so that heâll be able to walk without feeling overburdened. He grabs the axe too, and Scar doesnât stop him, too busy setting the car in neutral and making his own final preparations. When Scar steps back, he takes a good long look at Grian, whoâs staring at his car, visibly upset, the reality of having to leave it behind clear on his face.
âShe was a good car,â Scar says as he straightens up, taking a deep breath and speaking from his chest. He sounds as sombre as he does formal, speaking just as he would at a real funeral. âIt may be true that I only knew Ariana for a few yearsâI met her one stormy night, when she and Grian gave me a ride home rather than forcing me to walk in the rainâbut I cared for her all the same. She was truly up for anything, be it a late-night drive or a weekend adventure. And Iâll never forget the smell of her Sahara Rift air freshener, whatever that label means. She always got us where we needed to go⊠except right now, of course, what with her empty gas tank and all.â
âScar,â Grian hisses, but itâs lighthearted, and Scar can see him smothering a grin even as he says it.
âWhat matters is, we will miss her,â Scar continues, clearing his throat as he gets back on track, Grian bowing his head mournfully as he plays along. â⊠And her broken cup holder that Grian never found the time to fix. And her CD player that ate every disc we ever tried to listen to.â
âExcept for Christmas Cats volume 2,â Grian adds.
âExcept for Christmas Cats volume 2,â Scar amends, nodding in agreement.
They stand in silence for a moment, Grianâs hands clasped in front of him while Scar tucks his own into his jacket pockets, one hand closing around the small, foil wrapper.
âMaybe youâd like to say a few words,â he suggests, prompting Grian in a way that seems to genuinely surprise him.
âOh,â Grian says, eyebrows rising. âYeah. I should, shouldnât I?â
He takes a moment to collect himself, twisting his fingers together as he rubs his thumb absently over his knuckles before he opens his mouth and speaks.
âI bought Ariana because I needed a car,â he says simply. âI chose her because she was fuel efficient and in my budget.â
Scar snorts at that and Grian smiles.
He pauses, taking a long, reluctant breath. âI always felt it was a bit silly to care about a carâwhich is just a thing, and doesnât have feelingsâbut Iâm pretty sad right now, so I guess I cared about her more than I realised. She was always reliable and got me where I needed to go. For every milestone in my life, Ariana was there, costing me a fortune in parking tickets because I just fundamentally donât believe anyone should have to pay for the privilege of parking at the side of the same bloody road we all drive on.â
âHere, here!â Scar enthuses, egging Grian on as he inches closer to the vehicle.
âThank you for everything you did for me, Arianaânamely getting me from Point A to Point B. Iâm sorry I hit a zombie with you⊠and a squirrel that one time. And also got too drunk that New Years that Scar had to drive me home and I threw up in you.â Grian bows his head, contrite. âGoodbye.â
Together, they take a moment of silence.
Itâs as Grian is still taking a moment to reflect that Scar makes his move.
The click of a lighter sounds loud in the silence. Grianâs head snaps up, immediate, but itâs already too late. Effortlessly, Scar rolls the igniter with his thumb as he steps forward, opening the back door and dropping it on the seat. It lands on top of a tinder pile of crumpled papers and forgotten receipts, all left intentionally by Scar when they were unloading.
The flame catches fastâfaster than Scar had anticipated, spreading quickly from the point of ignition as it flares up over the upholstery.
âScar⊠Scar, whatââ The stunned horror from Grian is satisfying enough in its own way.
Scar doesnât respond, simply smiling as he walks back to the trunk and pushes the car with all his might, its roll forward made easier by the gear heâd left it in and the gradual slope of the ground underneath its wheels. He stops it just at the edge of the lake, where one final shove will send it over. Itâs there that Scar steps back, watching passively as the flames lick up the back seat with a hungry crackle, orange light spilling from the windows. Grian remains mute, eyes fixed on him, horrified, stricken, and dismayed.
Scar waits until the fire is past the point of extinguishing before he reaches into his other pocket and pulls out the condom wrapper, gold, open, and accusing as its foil catches the fire light. He makes sure to hold it up. Makes sure that Grian sees it. He keeps eye contact, smile fixed on his face even when Grianâs eyes widen in recognition.
And then, he reaches out and tosses it into the flames, letting the fire swallow it in its destruction.
Finally turning away from Grian, Scar braces both hands on the quickly warming trunk of the car and gives it a decisive push into the water, something maliciously content settling in his chest.
âViking funeral,â he says, flat.
Thereâs nothing. No argument, no fervorous reaction. Grian stands in place as Scar returns to his side, watching as the flames grow, consuming the car, a beacon in the growing gloom of the evening. They crackle loud and ominous, metal creaking and airbags popping from the heat. The car wonât sink immediately, maintaining buoyancy in the water, shallow beneath its wheels, so Scar takes a minute to enjoy the heat and light that comes with a job well done.
When the imminent threat of a signalling bonfire outweighs the satisfaction of watching the car burn, Scar sighs and bends down, lifting up his backpack and hefting it onto his shoulders before he glances over at Grian, whoâs staring at him like heâs seeing him for the very first time. Scar lays on the sweetness as thick as he can manage.
âAll those memories, eh? Bye bye!â
Thereâs something concentrating in Grian. A vitriol ready to burst.
âWeâd better get going,â Scar explains, eyes cold behind his smile as he turns away from the bonfire. âA lightshow like this is bound to attract some unsavoury attention. Theyâll be out here in droves before you know it.â
Itâs mean, but he feels like heâs allowed that. An eye for an eye.
Justified.
Grian takes a moment longer to process, staring dumbstruck at the fire before he turns on Scar, shoulders hunched and tone furious as he spits out, livid, âScar.â
âWe donât have time for dramatics,â Scar says, aloof in a way he can tell slides under Grianâs skin like a papercut. âEvery zombie in the area is on high alert right now. Either we do couples counselling or we leave while we can, you decide.â
Behind the two of them the flames roar, brighter and hotter than Scar had anticipated they would be. It sends a prickle of adrenaline up his spine, an exhilaration he enjoys more than he fears. Beside him, Grian casts one more glance back at his carâat the beacon and pyre itâs becomeâbefore he angrily twists his fingers into his backpack straps, straightening his shoulders as he stomps ahead of Scar, head bent and refusing to engage in any sort of interaction with him.
âGood choice,â Scar needles, loud enough for Grian to hear.
The flames are warm against his back as he sets out, following in Grianâs wake.
He doesnât look back.
Grian doesnât either.
Notes:
Catharsis. đ„
Gonna need a new summary after this one--can't exactly have a road trip without a car ;)
fr tho send summary suggestions in the comments please, I'm very much at a loss OTL
Chapter 6
Notes:
Starting off strong with some fantastic fanart of Chapter 5 from Linkito! đ« Love, love, love the way it turned out! Thank you so much ;w;
As for today's chapter, we're finally going to get a little bit of Grian POV ;) It'll probably leave as many questions as it answers, but we hope you enjoy it all the same! >:D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Grian wakes up to a stiff neck and aching shoulders.
He feels a lot older than thirty. Forty-five at the very least.
The morning air is dewey as he slowly uncurls from the mess of blankets heâs buried under. It takes him a moment to reorient himself, his brain struggling to catch up with the reality of where he finds himselfânot in his bed, not on his sofa, not even in his backyard hammock. Heâs sleeping on the bed of a pickup truck, tucked down safely out of the eyeline of any meandering ghoul, everything he owns in the world is stuffed into a backpack settled at his feet, and Scarâ
âScar?â
His voice catches in his throat, rough with the earliness of the hour as he sits up and looks around.
He remembers now. Theyâd been walking, leaving behind the flaming wreck that had formerly been his beloved car, her smoke a twisting plume that rose up like a spire into the sky. Grianâs initial fury with Scar had tempered into a grudging tolerance once heâd realised that by setting the car on fire, Scar had successfully drawn the attention of every zombie in the area. It had left them entirely unbothered as they walked west towards the sunset. Almost like heâd planned it that way.
With the sun having set in the steady advance of mid-autumn, and no light reflected off the water to help them see along the way, theyâd eventually had to agree they couldnât progress any further until dawn. Theyâd chosen the back of a pickup to sleep, for lack of anywhere else to shelter. Abandoned on the side of the road, its windows smashed, enough dried blood smeared along the side of it to paint a clear pictureâit was as good as they were going to get in the circ*mstances, and beggars couldnât be choosers. Grian had offered to take the first watch, seeing the weariness around Scarâs eyes and something deep inside wanting to relieve him of it.
Why though, when Scar had just destroyed something that meant the world to him? Any act for which heâd shown no remorse, no sympathy at all.
Out of guilt, maybe. Out of some sentiment clinging at the back of his mind that insisted he owed it to Scar to help out; that it was the least he could do. Or something like that anyhow.
Heâd been trying not to think about everything that had happened, and he certainly wasn't about to start now. Not when even a momentâs distraction could mean the difference between life and death.
Theyâd eaten a simple, cold dinner, not daring to light a fire. Afterwards, Scar had dropped off to sleep almost immediately. The sound of his breathing, heavy in the dark, had been a comfort to Grian as heâd sat up, staring out into the night. It had been something reliable in its repetition, calming his heart while he periodically checked the soft, backlit, LCD glow of his wristwatch, unsure what heâd do if something were to actually happen.
Heâd dozed off roughly an hour and a half into his watch, and only his own nodding head pitching down into his chest had woken him. Heâd snapped up, disoriented and panicky, doing a quick once-over of their surroundings to ensure his impromptu nap hadnât cost them their safety.
Heâd tossed a guilty look back in Scarâs direction afterwards. Anxiety bruising his conscience at the reality of having betrayed his trust. Again.
The thought, âwhat Scar doesnât know wonât hurt him,â felt a little too on the nose, but heâd swallowed it down anyway.
Heâd restlessly rubbed at his eyes before patting his cheeks to force himself awake. The next few hours had passed slowly, and it was a relief when heâd finished the final minutes of his watch and been able to wake Scar. Heâd taken over without protest, seemingly bright and alert the moment he opened his eyes. Grian had gratefully hunkered down into their single bed roll, still warm from Scarâs body heat, with a wool blanket Scar had taken from the farm layered on top of it, and his arms under his head to make a pillow.
Heâd fallen asleep faster than he had in years. Deep and dreamless.
Itâs just a shame that waking up hadnât cured him of his utter exhaustion, body and soul.
âGood morning, sleepyhead,â Scar chirps, and if heâs tired he doesnât show it. His voice has the forced bright quality it takes on when heâs trying to prove a point. âAll rested up?â
âI could sleep for at least another eleven hours,â Grian admits, rubbing the muscle in his shoulder to work out an ache before it has the chance to settle any deeper. âAnything exciting happen while I was out?â
âOh yeah, we were jumped by at least thirty googlers. I dispatched âem bare handed, though. So youâre welcome.â
Grian wants to smile and shake his head at Scarâs mispronunciation; wants to at least pretend to play into his joke. He canât feign the emotion though, the events of last night still weighing on him, so he merely nods, neutral, working his shoulder for a moment longer before he pulls his backpack towards him and starts rooting around for anything that can serve as breakfast.
âWeâll get going in a minute,â he states, matter of fact, and if Scarâs shoulders drop slightly, Grian pretends not to notice. âThereâs no use sitting around just waiting to be found.â
It takes twenty minutes for Grian to pull himself together, chewing his way through a protein bar and a piece of beef jerky before he packs up their sleeping bag and shifts his backpack onto his shoulders. Thereâs nothing to do but continue walking in the direction theyâd been driving, and Grian doesnât feel he has to explain the plan as he climbs off the back of the truck and begins walking along the shoulder of the road.
âNo stretches?â Scar asks, conversational as he falls into step beside him, more cheerful than he has any right to be considering their situation. âYouâre going to turn your calves into string cheese that way.â
âIâll be fine,â Grian grunts, and itâs clearly not worth the hair-splitting because Scar shrugs and lets it slide.
Thereâs a mood between them, a simmering tension ready to fracture and erupt at any moment. Grian feels, in a word, bad. Like overworked dough or underproofed bread. Itâs like a key ingredient of him is missing, and he wishes he could lay in bed and nurse it until it smoothed itself away. Thatâs not an option, though, not in the middle of an apocalypse. So he broods as they walk, hoping Scar can read his body language well enough to leave him alone.
âWe should talk about something,â Scar suggests instead, his timing catastrophically poor.
âWhat would you suggest?â
âI donât knowâŠâ Scar says, shrugging. âMaybe what our plan is now that we no longer have a car?â
Scarâs tone is conversational; frustratingly up-beat. He chats like theyâre discussing the weather or he's describing a friendly cat he met.
It sets off the short fuse in Grianâs patience.
âWe donât have a car because you set it on fire, Scar,â he snaps, angry.
Grianâs never been good at putting on a brave face. He canât act like things are fine when theyâre not. A part of him had always admired how Scar could smile no matter the situation. Though recently, more and more of Grian resents him for it. Bitterly.
âI set it on fire to honour its memory, Grian.â Scar is wide-eyed and guileless, blinking at him in surprise. Grianâs stomach twists at the obvious mockery, unused to being on the receiving end of Scarâs honeyed sarcasm. âThat car meant a lot to you, it was only fair we found a way to pay our respects to it, donât you think?â
Grian keeps his voice low, like a warning. âI donât want to play this game with you right now.â
Thereâs a beat. Abruptly, Scar stops and faces him, expression leveling out, the false cheer in his voice evaporating in an instant. âYou and I both know you had him in that car with you. So forgive me for indulging in a little bit of old-fashioned cleansing with fire.â
It stings to hear it, the confirmation that Scar knows what he did. Guilt and humiliation curl rotten and searing hot in Grianâs chest. He wants to deny it, but thereâs no point in lying, not now. He knows thereâs nothing he can say, not when the world is falling apart around them and there are more important things to focus on.
It doesnât matter in the end. Heâs not talking about it.
Scar doesnât expect him to, anyway.
Bitterly, Grian grips his backpack straps and stomps ahead. Itâs better this wayâputting space between them as they both struggle to calm their emotions. He just wishes his bodyâs response to being overwhelmed wasnât to well up with hot, stinging tears that bite incriminatingly at the corner of his eyes.
For the better part of an hour they walk in silence, Grian keeping himself resolutely ahead of Scar. It feels terrible, and itâs not for the physical exertion of it. Without the protective shell of the car insulating them, the end of the world feels much more apparent. For days, as theyâd driven through the desert, it hadnât felt like much around them had changed. The absence of other people was unusual, but hadnât felt too alarming, and the hours of dead radio had felt just like any other time theyâd gone out of signal range.
Now, with society crowded up all around them, it truly feels like the world is over.
The wreckage all around them is unavoidable and seemingly endless. Cars and trucks piled up on the roads in a jumble of twisted metal and shattered glass. Entire neighbourhood blocks burnt down to nothing. In some places they see police barricades and pieces of riot gear, but everything bears the marks of chaos and disarray.
At one point they pass the open field of a high school and see a helicopter crumpled into what used to be the schoolâs baseball diamond, co*ckpit shattered, propellers dug deep into the earth.
The worst part is the bodies.
Theyâre everywhere, in numbers too high to count. Grotesque, mutilated corpses, torn apart and left in pieces on the pavement and spread across lawns. If there are survivors, they arenât anywhere nearby. They see no signs of them.
They donât see anyone living at all.
In his silence, walking out ahead, alone, Grian canât help but wonder how things could have gone wrong in such a short time. Had it really taken only a handful of days for everything they knew to collapse? Surely there had to be people fighting somewhere stillâpushing back the ghouls and setting up safe zones for survivors.
There had to be more left than these mile-long stretches of total devastation and nothingness.
Itâs eerie. At the very least, Grian was expecting the undead to be wandering aimless in incalculable numbers. However, as they continue to walk he sees no signs of them, either. It feels foolish to jinx it and ask where they are, but he canât escape the creeping dread that the world has become an enormous ghost town, and that the two of them, alone, have been left to pick their way across the ruins forever without a clear destination.
It doesnât help that Grian feels the furthest heâs ever felt from Scar. Their animosity curls sour between them, masked like an afterthought by Scarâs forced-easy demeanour that only serves to bear down on Grian like a weight. He wants Scarâs familiar affable reassurance. He wants a warm hand on his shoulder, pulling him close in a comforting embrace. He wants Scarâs voice, mumbled soft against his hair, telling him things will be alright.
Instead, all he gets is Scar's emotional distance.
He doesnât know how Scar feels about the hellscape theyâre wandering through, watching him hum to himself, seemingly at peace with their situation. He tries, desperately, to seek comfort in that; to let the repetitive tune push away the noisy static in his head. After a dozen or so tries, he actually manages to get the hang of it, body and mind relaxing.
And then Scar stops humming, heaving a gasp so abrupt it startles a yelp out of Grian on instinct.
âScar! What on earthââ
âGrian,â Scar says, eyes fixed ahead. âWe have to go.â
Heart in his throat, panic seizing his chest, Grian whirls to face what Scar is looking at. Heâs expecting carnage on a level theyâve yet to see. Heâs expecting a band of zombies shambling towards them, innumerable, with nowhere safe for them to hide.
What he doesnât expect is for Scar to be staring at a road sign staked on the shoulder of the highway, a list of places of interest marked in large white capital letters.
The name âDISNEYLANDâ is second on the list.
Grian feels his panic dissolve in an instant.
âYou have got to be f*cking kidding me.â
âGrianââ
âNo.â
âItâs only seven miles.â
âAbsolutely not.â
âIâve always wanted to go. Iâve been telling you for years.â
âYou canât be serious, Scar!â
Any other time, Scarâs needling might have been amusing, mightâve been cute even. But the audacity of him to think they have time for thisâfor sightseeing at the end of humanity as they know itâGrianâs voice pitches up, rising into the vehement tone he uses when heâs determined.
âI said no. And I quite honestly canât believe you think it sounds sane to even suggest it.â
Heâs firm, and itâs usually enough to dissuade Scar from pushing any further.
This time, however, Scar pushes back.
Hard.
âI can safely say you owe me this,â he says, flat and far harsher than Grian is used to hearing him sound.
He recoils. âYou canâtâyouâre seriously bringing that up for Disneyland?â
âI think Iâve earned the right to bring it up whenever I want to,â Scar replies, cool.
It incenses Grian further.
âScarâdonât act like Iâm doing this to be petty!â He snaps, voice pitching up into a shout. âOf all the stupid thingsâthere are zombies, Scar! There are corpses walking about everywhere, and you want to go deeper into one of the most populated places in the country forâfor what? A theme park? What are you thinking?â
âIâm thinking that maybe Iâll just go without you.â
The words send a chill up Grianâs spine, closing his mouth as he stares at Scarâs entirely indifferent expression.
Itâs a bluff. He knows it is. Scar hates being alone, maybe even more than Grian does. He wouldnât split off from him without another soul around for miles, itâs unthinkable. And yetâŠ
That doesnât reassure him. Doesnât stop fear and dismay from gripping tight around Grianâs heart. Squeeze, squeeze, squeezing it until it feels like he can barely breathe.
It must show on his face how stricken he is, because Scarâs expression softens.
âCub told me the parks had shut down. We didnât know why at the time, of course, but⊠theyâve been closed. I doubt there was anyone there other than a handful of maintenance staffers when things went sideways, and they werenât going to stay at their post and go down with the ship⊠I donât think going there will be any more or less dangerous than us being out here in the open, wandering down the middle of the freeway.â
Grian doesnât respond, taking Scarâs words in and trying desperately to see the sense in them.
He breathes in and out through his nose, calming his racing pulse as best he can.
âI just want to look,â Scar adds, a gentler bargain than Grian deserves. âSee the castle from a distance, take a peek at the front gates⊠weâre heading in that direction anyway.â
Grian chews at the inside of his mouth, struggling against the tide of petulance that rises up to battle the despair within him; the dismal sense that heâs already lost. That he lost the moment Scar saw the road sign in the first place.
Itâs not that he doesnât feel Scar has earned this. Before things had all gone wrong he liked to imagine that heâd always been happy to indulge the easy passions in Scarâs life.
Itâs simply the reality of their current situation. The persistent pressure of his anxiety, placed like a heel against his throat, that rankles him, causing him to twist in on himself with a defensive pettiness he knows is unfair.
âWe look at it as we walk by,â he manages after a silence that stretches on too long, offering the words like a magnanimous compromiseâlike he hadnât been thoroughly shaken by Scarâs threat to leave. âWe donât get carried away.â
When he looks up, Scar is beaming at him.
The genuine brightness in the enthusiasm of his smile makes Grian flush warm, unused to it after their fallout, and the awful, uneasy days that have followed it. It almost makes his concession worth itâ if not for the sting of his pride, and the apprehension thatâs now buried deep in his heart.
âNo aways will be carried,â Scar reassures him as he resumes walking with renewed vigour, setting a pace Grian has to struggle to keep up with. âThis I promise you, dear Grian.â
They get carried away the moment they arrive.
Itâs a four hour walk to the entrance of the park. Much like the rest of their journey, they donât come across another living soul, and the undead they encounter are few and far between, easily avoided with the aid of daylight and plenty of space for them to maneuver. The time spent feels easier- more light-hearted than the hours immediately following Scar burning Grianâs car, If nothing else, his mood is far more agreeable now that Grian had acquiesced to his request.
While Scar had passed the time with idle conversation, discussing the history and trivia of the theme park they were heading towards, Grian had spent the walk calculating how to curb Scarâs enthusiasm. For all that they're holding each other at a distance now, he knows Scar, and he knows thereâs no way he would stop just to appreciate the scenery from afar.
âGrian, please.â
The only word to describe Scar is vibrating. His hands grip the straps of his backpack tight, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as they look up at the gates of the park. Because of course, of course,âlooking at it from a distanceâ had become âletâs just walk to the bus drop-offâ had become âwe might as wellâthe ticket booths are right thereâ had become âI just want to look through the gates and take a peek.â
It would be comedic if it werenât so tense. Grian doesnât want to do this. There are a hundred reasons why itâs a bad idea, but he canât voice any of them for fear of Scar calling it the final straw and leaving him standing on his own while he forges on ahead. Instead he stands stiff in place, coiled in a knot of his own nerves as Scar reaches out, wraps his hand around the iron gating and gives it a tug.
It doesnât budge, which they both expected, but that doesnât seem to deter Scar in the slightest.
âHere. Put your hands on my shoulders, Iâll give you a boost.â
âScar.â
They canât do this. They canât risk it. Thereâs a tension in the air, like the lead-up to the jumpscare in a horror movie. Grian can already tell that their guards are lowering, lulled into a false sense of security by the quiet ruin all around them, seemingly devoid of survivors, living or undead.
Scar had said the parks had closed days prior to the final outbreak, but somehow Grian had still expected to find crowds surrounding the place. Looking around now, it makes sense to find it so desertedâthe area surrounding the park is all restaurants and shopping and hotels; a wide swath of commercial land designed for tourists.
If the parks were closed, and people instructed to go home, it makes sense why the area isnât like the residential neighbourhood theyâve skirted around. The ones where residents were told to shelter at home, before they were driven wild by whatever sickness had compelled them to lash out and attack one another.
Still. Some innate instinct in Grian says that entering the park is a deathtrap, ringed on all sides by a wall and gates, tricky to enter and cloaked in greenery. If they go, his gut insists they wonât come back out.
And yetâŠ
âCome on, Grian. Before my knee seizes up.â
Scar is crouched down, fingers woven together to make a step for Grian to put his foot in. At a glance it looks like heâs proposing, but the absurdity of that idea is enough to make Grian feel embarrassed for even thinking about it.
He knows better. He knows he knows better.
âI just want to see,â Scar says, quiet, and for the first time in days Grian finds Scar looking at himâat himâdirectly. Not casting his gaze aside, not pinning his attention somewhere on Grianâs shoulder or up by his ear. He looks him straight in the eye and asks, âPlease. Weâre never going to be here again.â
The sentiments are implied, heavy and potent. It would mean a lot to me.
Without a word, Grian fits the sole of his shoe into Scarâs grip, hoisting himself up, using his shoulder for leverage as Scar boosts him off the ground and helps lever him over the top of the gate. He lands heavily on the cobblestones on the other side, grimacing as his knees take the impact, but already Scar is hefting his bag over, forcing Grian to scramble to catch it so he can let it down gently.
Itâs a testament to Scarâs athleticism, the way he effortlessly grabs the wrought-iron bar that runs along the top of the gate and uses it to haul himself up and over without a second of struggle. It sparks a warm appreciation in Grianâs gut, the kind of thing he used to praise and compliment Scar for. He opens his mouth out of habit, but ultimately doesnât say a word. It feels weird mentioning it now, when things are so strained between them.
âCome on,â Scar grins, oblivious to Grianâs internal turmoil, reaching out to grab his hand presumably on instinct as he pulls him towards the park. âIf we wanna make the most of our time, weâve gotta be quick. Did you know the rail line was an opening day attraction? Disney had it built based off of his own miniature train Lilly Bell. He has it in his backyardânamed it after his wife.â
Thereâs an excitement in Scarâs voice thatâs contagious. Grian canât remember the last time he heard him like this; openly and unabashedly enthusiastic. How long has it been since Scar had rambled to him? How long since Grian had paid any attention?
His heart aches. Sudden, guilty, and profound.
They walk through an arched tunnel that runs beneath the railway that encircles the park, and emerge out onto a large central avenue. The road is flanked by wide sidewalks in front of an immaculate recreation of a classic American main street. Itâs deserted and silent, but somehow still manages to feel magicalâlike something pristine transported out of another time, and not currently mired in the midst of an unfolding catastrophe.
The sun shines bright overheard without a cloud in sight; itâs a beautiful day for a hellscape. Past balmy, verging on too hot, enough so that Scarâs pauses to take off the coat heâd donned back at the farm, wrapping it around his waist. Grian tries not to stare at his shoulders and the broad lines of his chest, but itâs difficult not to when Scarâs hand is warm as it holds his, as if theyâre simply on a date.
Grian isnât sure Scar knows theyâre still connected, or if heâs simply so swept up in the moment that heâs forgotten their animosity entirely. Thereâs a light in him Grian doesnât want to dampen though, so he doesnât draw attention to it. Instead, he threads his fingers between Scarâs as they walk down the centre of the otherwise empty street, sunshine bright above them, reflecting off the storefront mirrors.
âItâs all t-shirts and knick-knacks now, but in the old days they used to sell actual goods here,â Scar explains, gesturing at the shuttered store-fronts. âInfamously, one of the shops sold bras, back when the park had just opened.â
Grian smiles, unable to resist Scarâs infectious attitude. They walk the length of mainstreet and end up standing at a central hub, the road encircling a statue and gardens before splitting off in several directions, each avenue leading to another portion of the park. Directly in front of them the iconic castle rises up, somehow smaller than Grian thought it would be.
He glances around, trying to maintain at least some degree of caution, but thereâs nothing but beautiful landscaping and empty park benches to greet them.
âI always wanted to come here,â Scar says, an aching fondness in his voice. âWhen I was a kid, yâknowâŠ? But we could never afford it.â His smile turns bittersweet, emotion welling in a way that makes his voice waver before he adds, âCub and I were gonna visit once. The summer before I met you, actually. But then he got a grant and had to work so we put it off, and then after that we just never really had the time.â
The revelation twists jealously in Grianâs stomach, his hand tightening on Scarâs.
âYou couldâve asked me,â he says, trying not to sound as petulant as he feels.
Scarâs responding grin is equal parts amused and cynical, raising his eyebrow as he glances sidelong at Grian.
âWould you really have come if I asked?â
The question sticks an uncomfortable accusation between Grianâs ribs. He canât help but think of all the weekend trips, the holiday plans, the impulsive vacations suggested by Scar that he had deferred and declined, time and time again. Just another facet of his reluctance to commit to any level of their relationship.
Sometimes, itâs a wonder to him that Scar didnât leave sooner.
He tries not to think about it.
âI never knew you cared about theme parks so much,â Grian says, deflecting Scarâs question as they continue to walk. They pass the statue of Walt Disney himself, heading towards the wide road that takes them directly through the castle.
âThen you werenât really listening to me,â Scar answers easily, and Grian tries not to flinch. âI like this place in particularâsomething about the passion project of one man, you know?â He pauses, joined hands swinging between them as he considers the castle, a large mountain capped in fake snow rearing up to its right and a lagoon beneath the drawbridge to its left. âI know itâs all a corporate, capitalist mess now, but the thought of having a dream and building it yourself from the ground upâŠâ
He shrugs, a roll of his shoulder that feels a bit sheepish.
âI know itâs silly,â he adds, almost like heâs getting the words out quick before Grian has a chance to.
Grian doesnât want it to hurt as much as it does. It stings his ego that Scar doesnât trust him to not say something cruel. Heâs known for his biting sense of humour, sure, but heâs never intentionally turned that on Scar. To think that he would start now⊠itâs a painful blow to his ego.
âIâve always liked that you like things,â he says softly, and itâs honest. Scarâs enthusiasm has forever been one of his best qualities. Grian likes it about him.
He likes so many things about him.
Scar smiles, but itâs weak, like he doesnât actually believe Grian is offering him anything more than lip service.
The conversation falters as they walk through the magnificence of the castle. Dwarfed by its towers and arches, their heads tilting up to admire the swooping architecture above them.
On the other side itâs like entering into a fairy tale, the area filled with colourful recreations of something magic and idyllic, pulled straight out of a storybook. There are cobblestone buildings with thatched roofs and stone spires, bright banners strung between eaves, beautiful flowers sprouting up between sculpted hedges, and hundreds of brass stanchions forming empty queues for motionless rides.
âI wish I knew how to turn them on,â Scar sighs as they pass by a ride for Peter Pan, a tattered pirate flag hanging near the entrance. âI donât think anyone else on earth has had the chance to have the entire park completely to themselves like this.â
âThe sounds might attract something,â Grian cautions, not convinced that thereâs absolutely no one inside.
Theyâre here, after all.
Out of the corner of his vision, he sees Scar roll his eyes.
Somewhat condescendingly, Scar says, âIâm just daydreaming.â
Grian canât help but feel chided. However, before he has a chance to let the hurt settle in, Scar gives his hand a squeeze, bringing his attention back up and out of himself.
âTake a look at that.â
Ahead of them stands an enormous carousel. Dozens of gilded white horses, their legs lifted in spritely steps, prance under a large pink and blue tent. For a ride that likely sees a lot of traffic, it looks remarkably polished, the figures clean and unscratched. They gleam in the sun, gold and sparkling.
Itâs stunning. It feels magical.
âCâmon,â Grian says, nudging Scar with his elbow. âLetâs sit on one. Even if we canât make it spin.â
For a second Scar looks at him, wary reservation on his face, as if he canât quite decide whether or not Grian is teasing him. Then he smiles, broad and genuine, and suddenly he and Grian are racing through the empty queue, Scarâs hand tight around his. It pulls a laugh out of him, and that in turn makes Scar laugh as well. Itâs unthinkable, somehow. Theyâre laughing together. Grian canât remember the last time they were like this.
The last time it felt like they were truly having fun with zero reservations.
âPick your favourite,â Scar encourages, and Grian nods. Heâs attentive to the personality of each and every horse as they walk the perimeter of the carousel. Finally, he points towards a figure with a radiant mane and a candy pink bridle caught in its open mouth. Without a momentâs pause Scar boosts him up, and Grian feels giddy as he sits astride the horse. Silly, maybe, but really, truly enjoying himself.
âAre you picking one too?â Grian asks, but Scar is already shaking his head.
âWith all the walking weâve been doing, my joints are already aching like crazy. I donât wanna push it,â he explains, and it makes sense but still feels unfair.
A thought occurs to Grian, impulsive but insistent.
âWait.â
Itâs awkward, but he manages to shift his backpack into his lap. He searches through it deftly, reaching into one of the pockets to pull out the disposable camera from the Area 51 tourist trap. He winds it, turning towards Scar in order to capture his picture next to the nearest horseâa candid snapshotâbefore Scar stops him, holding out his hand.
âHere, let me.â
Grianâs heart sinks. Heâd wanted to make a memory for Scar, even if itâs unlikely the film will ever be developed. He doesnât want to be photographed alone. Nevertheless, he silently hands the camera off to Scar, less enthused now that his efforts have been rejected.
OnlyâŠ
Scar takes it and immediately turns the camera around, holding it as far away as the reach of his arm will allow as he offers out his other, inviting Grian to lean in for the photo.
A picture of the two of them. Together.
Grian tries not to let his emotion show. Tries not to read too much into the gesture, even as his heart races rabbit-fast in his chest. He leans in, a surge of happiness filling him in a way heâd forgotten it could.
He smiles and the camera shutter clicks.
Realistically thereâs no way the photo will turn out. Even if all the zombies collapsed at the same moment, photo centers will probably be the last thing on peopleâs minds as they attempt to rebuild society from the ground up. Grian knows that this image of the two of them, side by side, no matter the strain between them, will likely remain embedded, undeveloped, on this roll of film forever.
Still.
He treasures it, all the same.
They exit the carousel after that and carry on through the park. The warm afternoon weather keeps them company, light streaming over them and brightening their path. Scar points out the spinning tea cups and the miniature storybook boat ride, having a story for each of them that Grian listens to attentively. When they reach the outer facade of Itâs A Small World, they stop as Scar stares in genuine wonder and delight at the display. Grian watches him, a fond smile never leaving his lips.
It feels surreal, like something out of a dream. Despite Scarâs earlier suggestion that the park might still have a skeleton crew within despite having been closed to the public for days before the major outbreak, theyâre entirely alone every step of the way. They walk through the stillness, taking in the scenery hand in hand. Everything is frozen and left immaculately in-placeâevery kiosk and popcorn cart sitting patiently on the sides of paths and avenues; every storefront fully dressed and stocked; all of it waiting for the park to reopen and for people to return as normal.
They turn and retrace their steps back through the fantasyland and end up walking alongside a large lagoon with an island at its centre, a masted sailing ship sitting on its calm, glassy waters.
âThatâs the Haunted Mansion,â Scar explains as they walk past a foreboding looking house sitting on a hill in the midst of a dark and dreary garden. âThe house itself is fake, the rideâs all hidden underneath it. They put you in a room and make it look like the ceiling is stretching up, but itâs really an elevator taking you down.â
They pass through a recreation of a New Orleans avenue, and Scar stops to point out an innocuous doorway marked with a number 33.
âThereâs a really fancy restaurant in there,â he explains. âThe waitlist to get a membership for it is years long. I couldnât even pretend to afford it.â
âLetâs go in,â Grian insists, sudden and determined. Without waiting for a response, he walks to the door, wrapping his hand around the handle and giving it a push.
It doesnât budge, which he probably shouldâve expected. Instead of giving up however, he gives it a reproving look before he dips his shoulder down and puts it against the grey-blue door with a rough shove.
Nothing happens.
Itâs laughable, probably. Definitely. Grianâs not particularly large, and though heâs strong in his own right, heâs certainly not the kind of person that can break a door in simply by pushing on it.
Embarrassment heats his cheeks, but luckily, Scar is sympathetic.
âI donât think the two of us together could get in there,â he says, humouring Grian, if nothing else. âCâmon, letâs leave it a mystery.â But he pauses, considering the door for a moment before he adds, with a stupid kind of optimism that Grian has always rolled his eyes at, âWeâll try the waitlist when the worldâs gone back to normal. I bet itâll be way shorter because of, yâknow, the tragedy.â
Grian doesnât want to sully the sentiment. He doesnât want to insist that heâs reasonably sure there will never be a âback to normal.â Instead, he gives the door a kick with the toe of his shoe, and turns to Scar with his hands planted on his hips.
âWell, since this dump wonât have us, where are we off to next, then?â
âI want to see the Enchanted Tiki Room.â
The name sounds preposterous and ridiculous and very Scar, enough so that an immediate smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.
Grian motions at him with a gesture of his hand. âLead on, then, Mr. Disney.â
âPlease,â Scar dismisses with a grin. âMr. Disney was my father. You can call me Mickey.â
âAbsolutely not,â Grian snickers. He makes a face and they both laugh.
They leave the faux alleys of New Orleans behind, and find themselves in an area thatâs lush and overgrown, like a genuine jungle. The wide footpath is lined with bamboo signposts and awnings overhung with trailing vines, sandstone sculptures towering above them, torches and dangling lanterns left unlit.
The Enchanted Tiki Room is tucked away, shaded by palm fronds and festooned in wood statues and carvings. Unlike the rest of the rides, thereâs no organised queue switch-backed outside of it, and when Scar leads Grian up to the thatched roof building theyâre met only with two doors, one of which has been left propped open.
It should be a warning sign, but they step inside anyway, caught up in the enjoyment of the moment.
âItâs dark.â
Itâs a statement of the obvious but funny in its own way, and Grian canât help the little laugh that escapes him at it. The building theyâve entered doesnât contain a ride. Outlined in the dim glow of the emergency lightning, he can see rows and rows of benches arranged around a central carved pillar overflowing with flowers, things hang in bunches from the ceiling, but itâs too dark to make them out.
âHang on. Iâve got a torch.â
Shifting his backpack off one shoulder and pulling it under his arm, Grian opens the large zippered front and roots around until he produces a small flashlight, the kind youâd attach to your keyring. It casts so little light it might as well be useless, but itâs enough for them to get a glimpse of the room. There are masked carvings on every wall, oversized flowers hanging from every joist, and perches full of still, silent animatronic birds dangle from the exposed rafters.
âThey sing,â Scar explains, reaching up to touch one of the long tail feathers of a red, yellow, and blue macaw. âIt was a whole musical animatronic show. The very first of its kind.â
The longing in his voice is palpable, the desire to see the thing heâs heard about for years. All at once, Grian wishes theyâd come here before everything went so wrong. He wishes heâd made time for it. He wishes heâd cared enough to notice how important it was.
The realisation twists something resolute in his chest, creating a sudden determination to make at least this one sliver of Scarâs dream a reality.
Holding the flashlight up, he walks further into the room, inspecting the walls and the large columns covered in masks that hold up the ceiling.
âWhat are you doing?â Scar asks, fondly curious but clearly confused.
âThereâs got to be a button or a switch or something to turn it on,â Grian explains stubbornly. âThere are lights on in the streets outside, the world hasnât gone dark. Surely thereâs a way to get this rigamarole started.â
He doesnât notice it until he steps too closeâa back door, clearly intended to be an exit for the audience after the conclusion of the show, also propped open and left ajar.
Through it, one of themâone of those thingsâis emerging.
He doesnât have time to properly assess them. Theyâre wearing some sort of work uniform, either custodial or maintenance, if Grian had to guess. Scar would know, but thereâs no time to askâno point to it when every wasted second spells peril. The sleeves on the uniform are twisted up and rolled haphazardly, as if the creature was attempting to tear them off. Their head twitches left and right jerkily, like an animal hunting for its next meal.
Grian makes a noise, a choked gasp of surprise, and suddenly they find it.
The corpse lurches forward the second it spots him. Its movements are uncoordinated and unhinged, its jaw making an ungodly sound as it clamours for him. Itâs only the fortune of Grianâs high-strung nerves that has him falling back, stumbling over his own feet before he manages to catch himself against one of the benches. It should give him a second to assess his options, but in his panic his foot slides on the tile floor, and thereâs a moment where he feels his centre of balance shifting, his body made unfamiliar by the weight of the backpack resting on his shoulders.
He knows that if he topples over then the zombie will be on him in seconds, but the low back of the bench gives him nothing to grab onto for purchase. For a second he sees itâhis throat torn to shreds, left mutilated, twisted and torn in a puddle of viscera right smack dab in the middle of Scarâs most treasured memory. Then, out of nowhere, heavy hands are taking hold of his shoulders, straightening him up as Scar pulls Grian back, dragging him almost effortlessly as he manhandles them towards the door of the attraction.
âGrian, run!â
The word is grit out, brokering no argument as Scar shoves Grian forward. He stumbles down the shallow stairs leading into the attraction, Scar right at his back. With the benefit of his long reach, Scar yanks at the door that had previously been wedged open, shutting it quickly. The sound of it slamming is loud in the otherwise utter silence of the park.
Grian just hopes it doesnât sound like a dinner bell.
âVacation over,â Scar says, any trace of the delight that had filled him mere moments before completely evaporated. âBack to the gate. We gotta get out of here.â
They jog fast, occasionally sprinting as the urgency makes them frantic. Every shadow puts them on edge. Itâs been hours since they last saw a zombie, and while Grian had tried not to let his guard down, itâs obvious he had by the way this has shaken him. Just one creature in the margin of an otherwise undisturbed attraction makes the whole park feel suddenly unsafe and contaminated.
It doesnât make sense for there to be just a singular member of staff on duty, he reasonsâwhere thereâs one zombie, there must be others.
This whole time theyâve been wandering through a death trap.
Itâs only as they prepare to pass under the rail bridge and through the tunnel that leads to the entrance of the park that Scar slows, reluctant as he turns his gaze towards an old fashioned fire hall: a dusty pink brick building festooned in red and white bunting, with an enormous bell on its gabled roof.
âScarââ Grian feels the hiss boiling in his throat, but Scar waves him off, nodding his head towards the second floor window of the building.
âDo you see that light?â he asks, breathless from their flee.
Itâs obvious at a glance, an old fashioned oil lamp sat in the centre of the window, white lace curtains pulled back on either side of it.
âWhen Disney used to come here, in the early days of opening the park, heâd have that light lit to let everyone on staff know he was around.â
Thereâs something in Scarâs tone, a grief and a sadness, a nostalgia for something he never got to properly experience. It makes Grianâs heart twist in an uncomfortable way.
He wishes things could be different. Wishes he could reach out and comfort Scar in any way that matters.
âWe should go,â he hears himself say, unsympathetic. Heâs more curt than he means to be, but the anxiety of the encounter has left him unable to temper himself.
Scar looks at him and offers a small half-quirk of his lips, like thatâs what heâd expected him to say. Like heâs used to Grian pushing his words aside.
Itâs pointless to explain himselfâit would only waste time they donât have, so Grian doesnât. Heâll let Scar believe heâs being intentionally cruel.
Just another mark on the tally.
Together, they quickly walk the rest of the way to the gates. Scar puts his hand out and helps Grian climb back over. When theyâre both safe on the other side, he doesnât move to take Grianâs hand again like he had in the park.
They leave with the sun high in the sky overhead, cloudless and perfect. A pristine postcard kind of day.
The bittersweet unfairness of it sits sour on the back of Grianâs tongue.
Walking beside Scar, head stubbornly bowed, his hand feels empty and cold.
Notes:
Just something a little softer after the tension of the last chapter đ (Even though it didn't end on the best note HAHA)
Also! Please check out this doodle Lock did of the burning car from last chapter! :D They drew this like last year back in January, when we talked about what we wanted to happen in Chapter 5 for the very first time! Hard to believe we're finally at the posting stage :")
Chapter 7
Notes:
Another batch of amazing fanart!! Seriously, you guys are blowing all our expectations out of the water, we could not be more grateful for the tremendous amount of support ;w; TYSM!! Please give the artists all your love, we're honestly so humbled đ
Firstly, some moody, beautiful, eye-catching art by i-crave-sleep!
Secondly, great perspective and details by THB!
And finally, glowy, perfectly rendered work by verdantglow!
Thank you three for all the amazing art of Chapter 5! We're thrilled beyond words!! :'D đ«
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Leaving Disneyland and the tourist area surrounding it behind doesnât make things better.
In fact, it makes things worse.
They see them now. Zombies. Wandering aimless and alone, or in disorganised, shambling clusters.
Like a veil has been lifted, suddenly they become easy to spot, prowling aimless through back allies and across open parking lots. The sheer number of them is a stark contrast to anything theyâd encountered previously, and it puts Scar and Grian on an incredible edge as they venture forth.
Itâs not that itâs difficult to avoid themâif they cut down side streets and across backyards, or just change directions entirely, by and large the zombies donât seem to notice them. Itâs anxiety thatâs the issue. The tension wiring their jaws shut, clamping their joints stiff. The fear lodges thick and dense in their chests, making every movement, every word, fragile like glass that could shatter in an instant. No matter how hard they try, itâs hard not to wonder when theyâll find a hoard they canât easily back away from.
Scar tries not to be too hard on himself. A handful of days into the end of the world and they have no real experience to show for it. Theyâve been lucky so far, their rare encounters easy to flee and keeping them alive. However, the fact of the matter is that they donât know how best to keep the undead from noticing them. Avoiding being spotted is a given, and being quiet, too, but can they smell them if they get too close? Can they simply sense the difference between the living and the dead in an innate way that Grian and Scar canât hope to comprehend?
When it comes down to it, theyâre woefully ill-equipped as wellâjust one axe between the two of them, deadly but not nearly enough. All that they have to fend off the hordes they donât know nearly enough about.
They stick together and scope out areas as best they can, navigating tight corners with care. The few times theyâre sighted by a zombie, theyâre able to run without alerting others in the area. Scar wonders if maybe itâs because itâs only been a few days that things donât seem so dire yetâwonders if maybe the zombies have had their fill of the living in the area and are fully sated, making them slow and almost passive; not driven by a ravenous hunger, making them desperate to attack them.
He shakes the thoughts away, forcing himself not to be complacent. To stop searching for a silver lining when there simply isnât one.
Taking it slow is the right wayâthe safest wayâto go about things, but itâs tedious and time consuming. Every detour eats up precious daylight, and the high sun of the afternoon creeps by hot overhead. They canât afford to speed up; rushing through such a heavily infested area will only lead to careless mistakes, but as the afternoon crawls towards evening, the knowledge that they have nowhere safe to stay sits heavy in the silence between them.
The silence.
Yet another issue for them to contend with.
While Scar understands the need for quiet while in close quarters, sneaking past ghouls, there are so many open stretches of time that they could fill if only Grian would talk to him. It doesnât have to be anything special, heâs not looking for a deep dive into their breakup, or debate why Grian did what he did. He just wants something to keep his mind off the constant dread as they continue to push through the infested areas, looking for somewhere safe to stay.
He tries not to read too far into Grianâs reticent silence, but it feels unfair on a monumental scale. Itâs a problem he canât find a solution for, his softball topics of conversation met with simple, single word replies, or ignored entirely altogether.
Heâs not used to thisânot used to things being this complicated with Grian.
To be frank, every moment they spend together in silence is a reminder that heâs no longer with his Grian anymore. The Grian he lovedâthe Grian he was building his life withâno longer exists in the same way he once did. The Grian walking at his side is a person of decisions and actions Scar never would have ascribed to himâwould have sworn he was better than.
Heâs lied and cheated. Done things that Scar wouldnât have believed unless heâd seen them with his own two eyes.
Scar thinks about a version of himself that exists in a timeline where the world never fell to pieces. He thinks about a real breakupâ a proper breakup. The time he wouldâve spent meticulously scrubbing Grian out of every inch of his life. That version of him couldâve chosen to spend time with friends instead. Heâd have had the option to take all the time he needed to feel his grief, his anger, and eventually his acceptance. That Scar wouldâve had the ability to move on, in time. Not better for the experience, but grateful for the lessons it taught him.
A part of him hates that theyâve been forced to remain together. It leaves him unable to process what has happened, or grieve what heâs lost, or even share his pain with a sympathetic ear. Instead heâs made to relieve the reality of their situation over and over again, sharing every second with the person who hurt him most, continually scraping the wound raw so that it never has a chance to scab over.
Another part of him knows for a fact that he couldnât do this without Grian at his side. Dropping the axe, pushing ahead, making the judgement calls Scar needs to be made.
More than anyone else on earth. No matter what heâs done. That traitorous, pathetic, needy part of him is so, so glad Grianâs here.
âItâs nice that they donât seem all that interested in us,â he says, attempting yet again to fill the dead air between them.
Grian startles slightly, pulled out of his own thoughts, glancing first at Scar, and then down the street. Theyâre at a large intersection, stop lights blinking red overhead. Two blocks down they can see several zombies wandering together, aimless and utterly oblivious to their passing.
âYeahâŠâ Grian replies, dragging the syllable out as though heâs unconvinced. âIâd still feel better with another weapon or two in hand, though.â
âOh yeah?â Scar raises an eyebrow, relieved to finally have some conversation going to distract him from the complexities of his emotions. âYouâve already got that axeâwhat are you in the market for next? Tire iron? Machete? Bullwhip?â
âI was thinking just a good old fashioned gun,â Grian admits, hurrying his steps so they can get out of the zombieâs line of sight on the off-chance they spot them from this distance. Scar follows closely after him, sticking close. âMaybe two guns, actually. And a third in reserve, just in case.â
âIn reserve? What are you saving it for, a rainy day?â Scar jokes, and caught up in the complacency of unhostile conversation, Grian responds without thinking.
âSaving it for marriage, of course.â
They both hear it, but itâs too late to take it back. Itâs too soon to be joking about anything approaching the subject of relationships and marriage. Not when itâs something Scar had once professed to dreaming about and Grian had waved off. Especially when the easiest retort would be the reminder that Grian couldnât be trusted to save anything for anyone. Itâs too soon to touch on any of it, to glance even accidentally in its direction, for fear of the ugliness thatâll follow.
Taking a deep breath, Scar does everything in his power to tramp down the spiralling thoughts that kick up in the back of his head. Heâd wanted a conversation to keep him occupied, and heâs not about to give that up over one ill-timed comment. He canât afford to foster animosity between them, not now.
Besides⊠he canât help but think of Grianâs good mood. The way heâd laughed and humoured him through his theme park ramblings. Heâs not being intentionally cruel. He was just careless.
âI think thatâs called a shotgun wedding,â Scar smooths over with an awkward smile, and the tension visibly drains from Grianâs shoulders, followed by a small, relieved tremble of laughter.
The topic passes as they find themselves faced with another intersection, this one completely blocked by abandoned vehicles. A pile-up of cars driven recklessly into one another, windshields shattered and doors twisted inwards or thrown open as if in a hasty exit. Crushed glass litters the street, twisted bits of metal and torn fibreglass spreading out from the accidentâs centre, where more vehicles have been left, abandoned seemingly at random.
They pick through the cars and donât talk about whatâs inside of them. Bodies torn apart in ways thatâll be imprinted in Scarâs mind forever. A few of the corpses have turned, but remain strapped in by their seatbelts, clawing at air as Grian and Scar pass, desperate to sink their teeth in. It sends a full-body shudder through Scarâs system, a queasiness that sits like a rock in his gut.
âMaybe itâs better that we couldnât bring the car this far,â he says, testing the topic as he helps Grian over the wrecked remains of a pickup truck, trying not to look at the blood splattered across what remains of the seats and windshield. Itâs toeing the line of argument territory, but maybe itâll annoy Grian enough to make him keep a conversation going. âThereâs no way we couldâve driven through this.â
Unfortunately, as a conversation starter, it fails to work. Grian makes a face but doesnât disagree, and Scar throws in the towel.
Together they press on, wordless.
Itâs late afternoon when Scar starts to feel it. His muscles ache and his joints begin to hurt like they do before a flare-up. He keeps it to himself, doesnât want Grianâs irritation or panic.
Itâs not an easy walk, but itâs not the most difficult thing Scar has ever had to do. They follow the main through-ways, highway arteries of six lanes intended for rush hour traffic and heavy commuting. Itâs eerie, experiencing the world like thisâno passing cars, no sirens, no construction. He longs for an impatient honk, or a frenzied car alarm.
He canât help but wonder where everyone all went. There are zombies everywhere, more than he can count, but theyâve still yet to see even a sign of a single living survivor.
What happened during the two short days they spent driving alone through the desert? Had people escaped? Were their cars piled up elsewhere? He canât help but wonder if maybe the buildings theyâd passed were filled with survivors, hidden away for their own safety. Surely they hadnât all been turned, not so quickly. But then why hadnât they come across anyone else in all this timeâŠ?
Scar dreads the thought that maybe theyâre it. That they now live in a world where theyâre the only ones left. He swallows back the nausea that comes with that panicked thought, physically shaking his head to clear it. He tries not to think about it, focusing simply on placing one foot in front of the other.
Theyâre passing a golf course, tall palm trees and Italian cypress silhouetting immaculate greens, when Grian speaks up, surprising Scar by being the one to break the silence, finally.
âWould you rather a grassy lawn, or mushrooms?â
Bewildered, but desperate to have something distract his thoughts, Scar repeats, âMushrooms?â
Grian hums in assent, arms swinging as he walks. He looks tired but he hasnât yet complained, only requesting stops long enough to drink the water theyâve stolen from deserted gas stations and corner stores, still cold from refrigerators left running unattended.
âLike, instead of blades of grass thereâs hundreds of mushrooms?â
âNo, theyâre tall. Like trees. Big and red, with the white spots, like in books.â
Scar doesnât know what kind of books Grianâs been reading.
âTree-sized mushrooms?â he echoes.
Grian nods, driving the point home. âVersus grass.â
âJust grass? No weeds or hedges orââ
âJust grass.â
Scar takes a moment to consider the two options. He can tell that Grian assumes the choice is obviousâthat no one in their right mind would choose plain, uninspired grass over the wonders of a mushroom forest. He agrees, in a way. Thereâs certainly only one easy answer.
âIâll take the grass.â
Grian makes a sound of disbelief, as much genuinely perplexed as he is disgusted. âAre you kidding? Why?â
âI like the simplicity. Itâs like a blank canvas,â Scar insists, smiling at Grianâs utterly predictable reaction. âBesides that, itâs a nice lawn, easy to mow⊠even better if you get one of those rider-mowers, yâknow? Sit back and let it do the work for you. Nothing better than that. The American dream.â
âIâm pretty sure thatâs not the American dream,â Grian protests.
âWell itâs better than some âPrincess and the Frogâ mushroom forest situation,â Scar argues, grinning. âBig mushrooms towering up all over the place, wafting their spores, putting mycelium in the dirt. Nothing appealing about that, if you ask me. Itâs the kind of thing that should be outlawed.â
Grian shakes his head, unconvinced but bemused and Scarâs heart squeezes with fond familiarity. This is the Grian he knows. This is the Grian he fell in love with. The one who never cheated on him. Or put an axe through a zombie skull.
âMy turn,â Scar says as Grian looks up at him, waiting. âA man has wandered into your city and declared himself king. Would you rather join his side as a knight, or fight in the resistance?â
âIs it too predictable if I choose resistance?â Grian asks.
âIt is,â Scar says, chuckling, and Grian groans dramatically in response.
âIdeally Iâd just stay out of it, I think. Putting up a resistance these days is harder than it used to be.â
âIâd join the knights,â Scar says, matter of fact. âThe payâs gotta be good working for royalty, right? Imagine the riches!â
Grian rolls his eyes. âItâs always money with you. Say there was a civil war, would you ratherââ
âWar profiteering, easy.â
âI wasnât even done the question yet!â Grian exclaims, shrill, and Scar canât help the laughter bubbling up in his chest.
Itâs easy. Lighthearted, without any high stakes. Scar is grateful for the distraction. Itâs a slice of normalcy in whatâs been one world-shattering event after another. Walking side by side with Grian, no heaviness between themâScar canât help but feel nostalgic for a simpler time. He knows it makes him more forgiving than he should be, but he canât help it. Heâs always been a sucker this way.
They play the game for hours, heading north along abandoned roads, avoiding zombies when they see them, and giving corpses a respectful distance when they lay in their way. The sun is barely a finger above the horizon when Grian finally heaves a breath, dredging weariness up from the soles of his feet as he says, âThatâs enough for today. We need to hunker down for the night.â
Itâs not as easy as it sounds. Unluckily, there are no empty houses around for them to squat in.
Theyâre in a commercial area entirely made of strip malls, retail outlets, and storage units, with huge sprawls of asphalt parking lots spread out between them. Some of the businesses show signs of forced entry and looting, glass smashed and electronics pulled out of window displays, but they donât see any signs of zombies, which comes as a relief after hours and miles of avoiding them.
Itâs nice to have one less thing to worry about.
âThe storage unit might have a staff room,â Scar suggests, weighing their options one at a time. âBars on all the windows. Maybe a fridge and running water, if weâre lucky.â
Grian considers it, rubbing his jaw as he looks at the storage unit, a large stand-alone building with a cinderblock wall running around its perimeter.
âItâs not a bad idea,â he acknowledges, which is as close to a compliment as Scar is ever going to get.
âIf we get bored we can smash some locks. Play âPrice Is Rightâ with peopleâs treasures and trinkets,â Scar suggests, attempting to sweeten the pot.
âPeopleâs useless tat, more like,â Grian counters, but itâs clear heâs convinced and is in favour of Scarâs suggestion.
Together, they cross the centre of the abandoned intersection, traffic lights above them changing for no one. The front gate of the building is closed, but with a little brute force courtesy of the axe, they manage to pry it open.
Ultimately, the storage unit doesnât have much for them to benefit from. When they finally get in, abandoning their attempt to force the lock and simply smashing a window, they find the front office empty and useless. The reception desk has nothing of interest on it, just a computer from the early 2000s and a phone without a dial tone when they lift it off its cradle.
Scar finds the staff room while Grian goes through the shallow drawers of the reception desk. The door opens into a small space with a thin slit of a window high up on one wall. Thereâs a sink and a sliver of counter, which is promising. Thereâs also an old fridge covered in takeout menus and hand-written betting pools for every sport imaginable in one corner, and a table with four plastic-backed chairs in the other. Thereâs no couch to crash on, but there is a door marked as a washroom, and most exciting of allâ
âGrian,â Scar says, careful not to raise his voice as he speaks. âYouâre gonna want to see this.â
Grianâs steps approach quickly, not quite a run but understanding the urgency. Thereâs a second where he stands in silence at Scarâs side, and then he bursts out with a loud, excited exclamation.
âThis is the best day of my life.â
Itâs a sight for sore eyesâplaced right next to each other against the furthest wall: a fully stocked vending machine, and a self-serve coffee station.
Grian has crossed the room before Scar can get another word out. Thereâs a stack of styrofoam cups next to the coffee machine, and Grian puts one in place crouching slightly so he can figure out the buttons.
âScar, if this worksâŠâ Grian trails off in anticipation as the LCD panel flashes green. Something whirs inside the machine, a grinding that doesnât sound like a malfunction, and a moment later hot coffee is dispensing into the cup.
Grian shouts, and itâs hard not to get swept up in his excitement. Thereâs always been an infectiousness to Grianâs enthusiasm, and itâs no different now even with all the new complications between them. When the machine finishes brewing, Scar canât help but take a step forward as Grian picks up the paper cup.
âWell?â He asks, apprehension colouring his tone while he watches Grian blow on it and cautiously takes his first sip. âHow is it?â
âOh,â Grian sighs, blissful, his eyes fluttering closed. âItâs awful.â He beams at Scar, his smile radiant in a way thatâs uniquely his. âAnd itâs the best Iâve ever had.â
They hastily brew Scar a cup of truly mediocre, watery coffee for himself, and together they take a moment to simply enjoy the first warm caffeine theyâve had in days. It feels like a bonding moment, a threshold of endurance theyâve now passed together and get to celebrate. They share their drinks in a silence that feels companionable, grinning at one another between sips.
Eventually, once their cups are empty and the novelty of a warm drink has settled down, they return to assessing the situation with a slightly more clear-headed focus.
Together, they inspect the rest of the building, and ultimately determine that it doesnât have much to boast for itself. Outside the staff room the hall splitsâone direction leads to the front door and reception, and the other ends in two doorways. The first leads into a small janitor closet that contains only a mop, a bucket, and a vacuum. The other leads to what Scar assumes was the managerâs office. Inside sits a desk, several filing cabinets, a stubby potted palm, and a pair of beige armchairs.
âOh my god,â Grian exclaims, shrugging his backpack off his shoulders and dropping it to the floor, nearly throwing himself on one of the seats, legs tossed up over the stuffed armrests, curling up on his side as he relaxes into the upholstery. âFinally. Something comfortable for a change.â
Scar doesnât want the smoke of any hair-splitting. Doesnât want to point out that up until last night, Grian had been sleeping cozy, curled up in the backseat of his car. The backseat heâd cheated with another man in.
The chairs arenât large enough for either of them to sleep on, but they have cushions that they collect to take back to the staff room. Scar almost reminds Grian not to forget his things, but stops himself as he imagines his sigh and the exaggerated roll of his eyesâthe tone heâd use as heâd say âIâm not five, Scar. Donât nanny me.â
Instead, he turns his attention to the window, and with some measure of trepidation, casts a cautious glance through the lowered blinds.
The storage units themselves are outside, constructed out of cinder blocks with orange aluminium roll-up doors in orderly rows, walled in on all sides. Large spotlights mounted to the edge of the building illuminate the lanes running between the lockers. In the growing dark, they cast off-kilter, overlapping shadows that send a shiver down Scarâs spine, but from his vantage point there seems to be no sign of movement, neither from the living or the dead. The confirmation that theyâre alone doesnât necessarily ease the anxious clench pressing into Scarâs chest, but it does give him a sliver of reassurance.
The illusion of safety.
With the pillows in their possession Grian returns to the staff room, while Scar hangs back a few minutes longer. He paces the managerâs room, inspecting the cluttered surface of the desk and finding nothing remarkable about any of it. He feels like a voyeur, peering into someone else's life. The timetables and schedules of employees heâll never know, the client contracts left unsigned, the sticky notes with phone numbers and lunch orders. Ultimately, heâs not sure what he thought heâd find. The office is mundane and ordinary in every wayâ just another relic of a world that no longer exists. Feeling a touch subdued, he departs, returning to the staff room.
Heâs not at all expecting the sight that greets him. Grian sits at the small lunch table, grinning from ear to ear.
In front of him lies nearly the entire contents of the vending machine, spread out in an organised arrangement.
âWhat in the worldâŠâ Scar begins, but Grian cuts him off with a bursting eagerness.
âItâs a buffet!â
He seems incredibly proud of himself, and Scar canât help but again feel the infectiousness of his enthusiasm, a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Setting his share of the couch pillows next to their bags, he allows Grian to draw a chair out for him, sitting at the table as he excitedly shoves a selection of vending machine foods at him.
âLook at this! Ramen, instant oatmeal, apple chips, even miso! Mustâve been a real health-conscious cohort.â
Theyâve been eating the same gas station fare for days. The same granola bars, beef jerky, and chocolate bars. Itâs not that heâs unappreciative of having food to eat, but the additional options nearly make his mouth water. The vending machineâs contents arenât all that different, but itâs enough distinction to feel like a novelty. Even the different brands of chips strike Scar as exciting, something heâs not sure he would have noticed before the end of the world.
âHow did youâhow much did this cost you?â
âScar,â Grian chides, rolling his eyes in a light-hearted way that doesnât feel mean. âI donât think weâre ever going to have to pay for anything anymore, buddy.â He holds up a hand, fingers splayed wide. âFive finger discount, right? Well, five fingers and the leg of the chair that I used to smash the glass.â
That startles a burst of laughter out of Scar, which in turn makes Grian grin bright and wide, eyes twinkling in that mischievous way of his. Scar sees it nowâor, doesnât see it, rather. The glass that had previously been a part of the vending machine has been broken into large fragments, all of them swept carefully aside into a corner of the room.
âOh! And one more surprise,â Grian adds, perking up before he proudly slides a proper ceramic mug across the table. âI found it drying in the sink,â he explains. âI figured youâd get a kick out of it.â
Scar turns it around on the table, revealing the graphic printed on the side. Itâs a silhouette outline of Disneyland, the castle crested by a set of large mouse ears. The words â#1 Bossâ are printed on it in the classically recognisable lettering.
Itâs impossible not to crack a smile at it, and Scar doesnât fight the urge, letting his delight show. Itâs clearly the reaction Grian was seeking, because he beams, satisfied as he turns back to the food on the table. He picks up a mini sleeve of oreos, opening the bag and dumping them all out in front of them.
âBy the way, I checked the bathroom and thereâs no shower, but I at least want to try and scrub off in the sink later. I figured youâd probably want to as well.â He sounds organised and pragmatic, confidently in charge of the moment as he busies himself scraping the icing off each Oreo in an effort to create one large, incredibly thick cookie, which strikes Scar as amusing. Itâs like theyâre kids out camping, not adults surviving an apocalyptic scenario.
Working together they find an electric kettle under the sink and boil water, making a cup of instant noodles each. The end result is far too salty and the shrimp flavour is terrible, but after days of potato chips itâs still the best thing Scar thinks heâs ever tasted. They share in Grianâs cookie concoction for dessert, passing on another round of coffee in favour of hot chocolate instead, which the coffee maker produces, tasty but strangely gritty.
After theyâve eaten, they portion off what they can take with them and what they can save for the morning. Satisfied with their preparations, they each take turns in the bathroom, doing their best to wash their hair in the sink with watery hand-soap, and clean off using wads of damp paper towel. Scar watches as the water swirls down the drain with some measure of relief. He doesnât feel entirely cleanânot in the way a proper shower would allowâbut heâs no longer covered in dry sweat and dirt, so heâll take it as a win.
He finishes up in the bathroom in time to find Grian padding out their slapdash bed of stolen couch cushions with the few extra items of clothes they have. Itâs nothing to write home about, but itâs better than sleeping flat on the ground. Grian looks at him as Scar closes the bathroom door, smiling apologetically as he folds his sweater into a makeshift pillow.
âItâs not glamorous, but itâll get the job done.â He sits up on his knees, hands on his hips as he inspects his creation. âI think itâll fit us both with a squeeze,â he adds, sounding satisfied with his handiwork.
Obviously Grian doesnât mean anything by it, but the idea of sleeping lying next to him makes Scar feel suddenly ill. He doesnât know if heâs ready for that, even if itâs meant strictly for survivalâs sake.
âWe should probably still sleep in shifts,â he manages to say, hoping Grian canât hear the aversion in his tone.
Itâs a foolâs hope, because Grianâs always been able to read him at a glance. The soft smile on his face immediately turns downwards, an embarrassed flush rising quick to his cheeks, even as he keeps his expression carefully schooled. When Scar doesnât look away, Grian does, shamefully breaking eye contact.
âRight,â he manages at last, hands clenching tight in the folded sweater heâd been shaping. âThatâs smart.â
Quick and casual, before the moment can spin out into something any more awkward than it needs to be, Scar says, âIâll go first.â
He can see the subtle twist in Grianâs countenance, the twitch of his lips that implies âyou always take the first shift,â like he does it with some sort of agenda. However, instead of arguing, Grian simply nods in one sharp, jerky motion.
Scar doesnât press it, taking it for the concession it is.
Theyâre both far too tired to fight. Scar, in particular, can feel the worsening of his usual symptoms, inflamed in the back of his mind. Heâs always been an athletic guy, and his diagnosis had never stopped him from pursuing all avenues of exercise still available to him, but heâs found that in balancing both his enjoyment and his health, heâs got a better grasp of his body than most. His next flare-up is looming, and itâs going to be a bad one. He can only hope that theyâre somewhere safe so they can comfortably wait it out when it finally happens.
Not that he supposes theyâll have much say in the matter.
Whatever the case, heâs not about to make things worse by worrying. Theyâre both exhaustedâneither of them used to having to travel by foot. Theyâre pushing themselves to the limit for survival, and heâs not blind to the reality that this moment of security is a rare gift.
He doesnât intend to squander it.
While Grian settles down to sleep, Scar drags one of the chairs over to the door, taking his place by it for his watch. Across the room, Grian lays curled up alone on the makeshift bed. Neither of them says goodnight, and the silence wraps awkwardly around them in a way Scar canât begin to fix.
The light from the spotlights outside filters in through the high window, and in the blue-shadowed gloom Scar watches Grian shift restlessly. He lays first on one side, and then the other, a constant rustle in the dark as he shuffles back and forth.
Itâs just over half an hour before Grian finally breaks, sighing out his frustration before he whispers miserably, âItâs cold.â
Heâs right. The air conditioner hasnât yet been affected by the apocalypse, and they can hear the hiss of cool air coming in from the vents overhead.
âI canât sleep when itâs cold,â Grian adds, miserable.
Scar is intimately familiar with this. Heâs spent countless nights sweating in a room kept stifling while Grian slept soundly beside him.
He knows that maintaining his integrity would be the right thing to do here. He should stay true to his conviction. One of them needs to stand watch. One of them is nursing a broken heart. One of them is the one who carelessly broke that heart.
But if heâs being honest⊠heâs tired.
Heâs bone-deep exhausted. Itâs a weariness that crept in that moment he let himself relax, making his eyelids heavy and his mind fuzzy. He could fall asleep in a minute if given the chance.
Across the room comes another shift of Grianâs form on the cushions followed by another sigh, and suddenly Scarâs mind is made up. His knees protest, a little sore as he gets up and moves forward, and aching worse as he bends down. He braces his hands on the linoleum before he lowers himself into a crouch, and then resting on his elbow, finally settling next to Grian on the ground.
âCâmere, G.â
It slips out of him naturally, a nickname he hasnât said in days. He puts his arm out, inviting in the dark, and after a second of hesitation Grian tucks himself into it, pressing inward until his back touches Scarâs chest.
It twists something impossibly complicated in Scarâs core. The familiarity of it mixing with the necessity, trying to push down how much heâs missed this, how much it hurts, and how reluctant he is to fall back into familiar habits.
His arm drapes around Grianâs waist, bundled as he is in his extra layers, his body heat already seeping into the small curl of Grianâs body.
âBetter?â he asks, words mumbled into the damp tangle of Grianâs hair, still wet from the sink and smelling of cheap lemon hand soap.
It takes a moment for him to get a reply, Grianâs hand tentatively settling on his wrist before he pulls Scarâs arm tighter around him, nodding, his head remaining tucked under Scarâs chin.
They lay there, breathing quiet in the dark. Scar can feel himself drifting, slowly nodding off with Grian warm in his arms. Itâs complicated, but heâs too tired to think about it too much. Reluctantly he admits that thereâs some comfort in the normalcy of itâ a familiarity in the face of all the uncertainty surrounding them.
Pressed back into his chest Grian sighs, gentle, his thumb running slowly back and forth along Scarâs knuckles.
Heâs nearly asleep, limbs heavy and thoughts slow when he feels it, subtle but intentional.
Grianâs hips pressing back into the cradle of his pelvis.
Itâs not displeasing, but it does take him by surprise, consciousness seeping back into him as Grian breathes out heavy in the dark, pressing back more intentionally, his squirming unmistakable.
Firm, Scar settles a hand on Grianâs waist, holding him in place. Heâs too tired to make a scene. Not interested in hearing Grianâs rationalisation. Not wanting the inevitable fight that would ensue.
âGet some sleep,â he mumbles into the soft wisps of Grianâs hair, arm wrapping tight around him and putting an end to his movements. He can feel the tension in Grianâs shoulders, can sense the frustration he feels at his rejection, but Scar is simply too exhausted to care.
In another breath heâs drifted off, falling into a heavy, dreamless sleep, leaving Grian to churn over his own restless emotions by himself in the dark.
Notes:
That's all for now! :3 But in case you're still in a reading mood, feel free to check out a Valentine's Day Scarian fic Lock and I posted this week if you haven't already! đđ It's an entirely different mood because it's very much got that chill Hermitcraft vibe, but it was a pleasure to write all the same! :D (Definitely a nice exercise in reminding ourselves what Scar and Grian are like without the "Trauma and Angstâą" HAHA)
Chapter 8
Notes:
Starting with some gorgeous, new fanart from THB! Loving the desert vibes in this, tysm once again! ;w; đ
As for the chapter ahead, there's a bit of a CONTENT WARNING necessary for this one!
If you have any common triggers or are a minor, please skip to the end notes before proceeding for spoilers on what to expect.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Grian wakes up alone.
For a moment he enjoys it, wrapped in his blanket, warm. The familiar smell of coffee wafts into the bedroom, along with the clatter of Scar rummaging around in the kitchen. Grian hopes heâs making him breakfast in bed. He hopes itâs waffles.
He stretches, languid as his spine uncurls, and his feet fall off the end of the mattress.
He frowns, eyes still shut against the morning light. His bedâs never been that short. Neither is Scarâs.
He doesnât think itâs BâsâŠ
The movement in the kitchen is loud. Far too aggressive to simply be rummaging around for measuring cups and flour. It settles all wrong in his chest, heart pounding as the soft, cozy feelings of a slow morning dissipate in an instant.
His eyes snap open to drop ceiling tiles and lines of tubular fluorescent bulbs overhead.
Heâs not at home.
An instinct he doesnât know keeps him silent. A prickling up the back of his brain telling him to be quiet and stay still. Heâs not safe right now.
He knows where he is, at least. Laying on a bed made out of couch cushions on the floor of a staff room in a southern California storage unit. He fell asleep full and safe and clean, with Scarâs chest pressed warm against his back. He slept deep and dreamless.
Something outside the room makes a loud banging sound.
Carefully, by inches, he turns his head, looking left towards the door.
Green eyes meet his, dark circles smudged beneath them, making them appear even brighter than normal. Theyâre wide with an emotion Grian immediately recognises.
Fear.
The clattering outside continues, and with a slow motion Scar raises a hand to his lips, laying a finger across them, signalling silence. Heâs crouched next to the door, holding the doorknob with his other hand, tension wired tight into every line of his body.
Warily, bit by bit, Grian sits up as Scar continues to motion at him. Their eyes never leave one another. Itâs all too clear whatâs outside, now. The disorganised, aimless banging, the shuffle of careless movementâŠ
Itâs a zombie. Maybe more than one.
Internally Grian curses himself, immediately regretting their reckless decision making. Any number of mistakes couldâve led to their current predicamentâbreaking the window, not ensuring the gate was locked. They fell asleep together, confident in their seclusion. They practically begged for this, inviting the shambling corpses in with open arms.
Thereâs no window in the door, no way to tell whatâs outside of itâif itâs just the one undead creature thatâs wandered in on its own, or if itâs part of a large, dispersed horde.
With wary motions, Grian bends his knees and slowly pushes his feet back into his shoes. Then, in that same slow, trepidatious manner, he crawls over to Scar, mirroring his gesture as he holds his finger up to his lips.
Itâs a stilted pantomime as they motion out how long the zombie has been there and how many Scar thinks there are. With some fumbling of hand gestures, Grian gathers that the noise has been going on for the better part of twenty minutes, and that itâs steady but it seems contained. The actions of an individual, rather than that of a group.
What theyâre going to do about it is another debate, and this one is less clear in its verdict. Their supplies are scattered, carelessly left strewn out, assuming theyâd have the luxury of a leisurely morning to get themselves together. His bag is still in the office, where Grian put it down in order to pick up the armchair cushions. He curses internally, upset at his oversight. He let his guard downâhe was supposed to be careful, and heâd let the illusion of safety set them up for failure.
Theyâre at an extreme disadvantage if it comes down to a fight. Without a proper weapon, theyâll have to go hand-to-hand with the creature and thatâs a risk they simply canât take.
Their only option is to run for it and hope for the best, but to do that theyâll have to abandon the majority of their suppliesâŠ
Grian could start to pack what they have here with them, but thereâs no guarantee theyâll be able to do it without alerting the zombie and even then, Grianâs not confident the additional baggage wonât make any attempt to escape too encumbered.
Their best case scenario is if the zombie wanders past the offices and into one of the other rooms down the hallâthat way they could secure their things and make a run around the corner towards the front exit.
He stops himself from thinking about what will come afterâwhat theyâll find outside. He tries not to imagine the parking lot overrun with zombies. His self-flagellation is at an all-time high, bitter about the pointless risk they took, how they smashed the window with impunity, confident they were safe.
Itâs difficult not to dwell on how no kind of clever escape will matter if they run headlong into a throng waiting in the parking lot just outside.
The thumping outside the door continues, aimless in its trajectory. The door knob rattles.
Grianâs mouth feels dry.
Without a word, Scar gestures for Grian to get his backpack and to load up as much of the supplies as he can. Itâll be hard, but thereâs no time to hem and haw over what they want to keep and what they want to toss. Grian methodically chooses the things thatâll keep the longest and are the most filling.
Suddenly the ramen and miso arenât so exciting anymore.
Grianâs hands shake, barely able to breathe as he gathers as much as he can. When heâs done with what food he can fit into Scarâs pack, he edges towards the bathroom for the few things he left inside when theyâd cleaned up the night before. His throat feels thick with emotion. Itâs unfair. Itâs so f*cking unfair. Heâs already lost so much, and to have to give up the little he owns yet again?
He picks through things as fast as he can without making noise. Minutes feel like hours and every soft rustle feels like a siren alarm. Finally, he carefully eases the pack onto his shoulders, returning to Scar, crouched on hands and knees and nodding to signal his readiness.
They wait by the door, listening and gathering their courage.
The shuffling is in the hall, aimlessly pacing and directionless. They have no way to control the situationâno way to goad the zombie and no way to aim its attention. The best they can do is bide their time, concentrating on the sound of thumps and shuffling as they stray close, closer, to the point where the fumbling creature slides across the door, and then itâs passed, the sound distinctly disappearing up the bend in the hall.
They donât know where itâs gone.
Grian hopes itâs not just around the corner.
Scar looks at him, waiting for his assent, and despite every fibre of Grianâs being telling him to not to do itâto wait, even though he knows that itâs only inviting the situation to worsen, that inevitably more ghouls will drift in and make what is already difficult, impossibleâGrian nods, quick and tight as he pulls himself into a half-stand.
Scar doesnât waste time, swinging the door open. Immediately, Grian starts towards the office, hoping to grab the axe at least, but almost instantly Scar throws a hand across his chest, forbidding his movement. Scar points at his ears, mouth clamped shut, and Grian takes a moment to listen. His heart sinks, stomach twisting at the sounds of shuffling in the room where he knows all his possessions lay.
He has no choice but to leave it.
Together, they creep down the hall in the other direction, hunched low, shoulders pressed against the wall as they attempt to stay small and keep silent.
The reception is empty, which floods his body with more relief than Grian knew he could possibly feel at one time. The door remains locked shut, but the broken window shows signs of entry, tattered strips of cloth and shreds of viscera clinging to the jagged edges of glass where the ghoul had hauled itself in. Yet again, Grian chastises himself for his oversight. He shouldâve been more careful. If something had happened to themâhad happened to Scarâ
They donât have time for apologies now. Scar checks over his shoulder as Grian scrambles with the deadbolts, yanking the door open once he twists it free, the pair rushing out into the too-bright California morning.
The light is overwhelming after the dark of the staff room, and the halo of glare blinds Grian as his eyes struggle to adjust. It forces him to squint, hand instinctively reaching out to find Scarâs, the other raising to shield his eyes.
âGrian,â Scar says, clippedâurgentâand thatâs all Grian needs to hear to start sprinting, blindly following Scar as he waits for his eyesight to return.
Together, they run.
Dimly, Grian can tell theyâre skirting the edge of the building, heading away from the entrance gate theyâd originally come through. He doesnât stop to ask questions; doesnât hesitate to trust Scarâs judgement. Rows of storage lockers line the driveway to their left, single-lane avenues between them barely wide enough for a trailer to pass through. Scar mutters something Grian canât hear, and they duck into one, Grian following suit as Scar presses his shoulders flush back against the stippled concrete wall.
âThere were four,â Scar pants, drawing in quick, deep breaths after their mad-dash. âAt the gate. We canât get out that way.â
âMaybe thereâs a back exit,â Grian suggests, shoulders prickling with pain where theyâve chafed from impact on the textured concrete behind him. The adrenaline from the fear and the pain makes him feel light and clear-headed, like heâs never been more alive. âLike an alley gate, yâknow?â
Scar looks at him, considering, then draws in a deep breath and nods his head.
âStay close,â he instructs, and Grian doesnât need to be told twice. Thereâs an easy synchronicity to their movements, like somehow this is how theyâve always been, working together and trusting each otherâs actions. Swept up in the high of his endorphins, Grian thinks they make a pretty good team.
They creep along the wall, risking a glance down the avenue before they make another rush towards it, heading deeper into the rows of storage units.
Thereâs no noises, no guttural groans or growling to alert them, but that doesnât mean theyâre safe. Grianâs hands twitch as he thinks yearningly of the axe left propped up by his backpack in the office. He presses himself close to Scar, the two of them heading towards the back of the lot on silent feet, hoping for an exit; a door, a dumpster they can climb over, an escape of any kind.
Instead, theyâre met with a seven foot high brick wall with a loop of barbed wire running along the top.
âWhatâll we do?â Panic creeps into the edge of Grianâs voice, an anxiety he canât simply push aside.
Scar stares hard at the wall, expression inscrutable before he turns, quick, to face Grian.
âWhatâve you got in your pockets?â
The question catches Grian entirely off guard, prickling instinctive guilt up along his spineâthe product of one too many close calls in the life they lived before all this, the secrets he kept hidden away on purpose, for no other reason than because he knew he could.
He pushes his shoulders up, immediately defensive. âWhat are you talking about?â
âYour pockets, Grian,â Scar repeats, firm, like heâs making a demand. âWhatâve you got? Empty them.â
Grian canât help but feel like heâs being reprimanded. Caught doing something he wasnât supposed to be doing. His cheeks flush hot as he glares at Scar, uncomprehending. It feels like Scarâs expecting him to have catnip for zombies in his pockets. He doesnât know what heâs on about.
âBobby pins,â Scar snaps, clearly losing his patience. âPaperclips, a ballpoint pen. Come on, Grian! I saw you rifling through the desks, you definitely took something.â
âOh, so itâs alright when you take things.â Grian bristles, prickly as he feels himself unfairly pushed into a corner. He didnât do anything wrong. Not when it comes to this, anyhow. âYour âborrowingâ is different, I guess?â
âGrian.â Scar is keeping his voice down, but his agitation is palpable, brokering no argument as he continues to press. âPockets. Now.â
âFine!â Grianâs louder than he needs to be, unable to help his frustration from boiling over. Heâs bitter as he yanks the backpack over his shoulder, unzipping a side pouch and pulling out the things heâd taken from the reception desk. A pocket mirror, three pens, some elastic bands and paperclips, and a small emergency first-aid kit. It feels stupid and trivialising, like heâs a child being scolded.
âShall I go put it back?â He asks, livid. âWould that make it better? If I get bit while Iâm doing it will that make you happy?â
If Scar is listening to him he doesnât show it, pawing through what Grianâs taken out of his bag.
Heâs acting as if Grian isnât there, which only twists his frustration tighter.
âOkay,â Scar whispers under breath, both absent and focused at the same time. He takes the paper clips and then begins scanning the storage units, moving from one door to another, crouching down to check each of the heavy looking locks.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â Grian snaps. It comes out as angry as it could possibly sound, and he means it.
âStorage lockers, right?â Scar says, impervious to Grianâs tone. âSomeone here has a shovel or a baseball bat or some golf clubs. We just need to find one of the flimsier, unsecure styles ofââ He cuts off abruptly, turning one of the padlocks up in his hand and inspecting the keyhole. âOkay. Okay,â he repeats to himself, unbending one of the paperclips. âThis can work.â
âScar.â The fight drains from Grian all at once, like water through the bottom of a broken glass. He suddenly canât keep the exhaustion out of his tone, weariness and frustration blending together. âWhat are you doing?â
âCub and I used to watch these videosâlock picking ones,â Scar explains, his tone distracted. âSometimes weâd practise, yâknow? Just something to do.â
With one eye squinted, he slips the long end of the paper clip into the lock, angling it like he has an idea what heâs doing.
âCub was always better than me at it, butâŠâ he trails off, his words running out of steam as he works on the lock, jiggling it slowly.
They donât have time for this. Grian can feel the mounting pressure, gripping him like a vice. Heâs skeptical of Scarâs expertise, here. Something shambling and not quite alive is about to turn around the far corner any second and theyâll be defenceless and trapped, all on a foolâs errand.
âScarââ
âI need something thinner,â Scar mutters, brow furrowed as he focuses on the lock. âDo we have a sewing kit?â
They donât, but Grian finds himself thinking back to the first aid box and snatching it up anyways. He opens it despite his misgivings, rifling through bandages and gauze until he finds two long needles; one straight, one curved.
âWe need to get out of hereânot waste precious seconds on petty thievery,â he insists, petulant as he nevertheless hands Scar the straight needle.
If Scar hears him he doesnât acknowledge it and Grian bites the inside of his cheek, anxious as he crosses his arms. He doesnât even know what Scar is doingâwhat good will a weapon be if theyâre overrun? It feels stupid, wasting valuable time on a whim for something Scar has never done before and likely wonât even workâ
âGot it.â Scarâs breath leaves him in a rush, twisting the padlock as it springs open.
Grian gapes, gobsmacked.
For a moment, they both forget their situation as Scar looks up at him from his crouch, beaming with pride.
âI told Cub itâd be worth it, one day. I told him.â
It takes Scar a second to get up, hand braced against the unit door for leverage. Grian canât deny that heâs impressed. In fact, the display of competence sends a misplaced wave of affection through him, making him smile sidelong at Scar. Enjoying the thrill of success, Scar grins back at him with a rakish pride. Then, refocusing, he kneels down and grabs the handle on the sliding garage door, pulling it up in one fluid motion.
Itâs the loudest sound Grianâs ever heard.
Metal scraping on metal, unoiled wheels grating along a rusted track.
A sound like aluminum screaming.
âScar!â The shout is out of Grian before he can even pause to rethink it. The two gawk at each other, frozen stiff, recognizing in an instant the beacon theyâve just made of themselves.
âHurry,â Scar urges. âQuick.â
They duck inside and it takes a moment for their eyes to adjust to the shadows within the locker. Grianâs anticipating an overflowing bounty of supplies, a hidden cache, like a treasure trove left in place expressly for them. Anything to make it worth the time theyâve squandered, and the risk theyâve taken by making so much noise.
He looks around expectantly, dark shadows still blooming in the corners of his vision.
Theyâre sh*t out of luck.
Inside the storage unit are several wood pallets stacked with bags of mulch and grass seed. Several rakes and shovels, leaning against a corner. A coil of garden hose, and a single push mower.
Gardening supplies.
âScar,â Grian starts, and the acerbic anger in his tone is so strong he can taste it. âYouââ
âIâll try another one,â Scar responds, quick, like they havenât already run out of time. âGrab a shovel.â
âAnd do what? Dig our own graves?!â The words are out of him fast, biting, but Scar is already on the move, checking the lock of the next storage unit and then the one after that. He carries himself like heâs browsing the produce selection at the grocery store, albeit browsing in a bit of a rush. Nothing about him looks like heâs trying to avoid being cornered by hobbling undead corpses.
Bitterly, Grian stalks deeper into the locker. He doesnât want to admit Scarâs right, doesnât want to accept that a rake in his hand is better than nothing at all. His own failure still stings, the sole weapon they had now left behind thanks to his carelessness.
He shakes away those thoughts and focuses on testing the heft of the tools available, albeit admittedly not sure what heâs looking for. He can hear Scar approaching from behind him, and turns to offer him the shovel as he reaches for the rake.
Itâs only a millisecond of warningâa slight prickling of the hairs along the back of his neckâbut something makes him hesitate, has him turning quick, raising the shovel he had previously been about to offer above his head and slamming it down.
The zombieânot Scar; not Scar at allâlurches forward, some glottal, inarticulate sound choked in its throat as it reaches for Grian with grasping, fumbling hands. Grian strikes out, turning the flat blade of the shovel into a bludgeon as he attempts to swing at the zombieâs head. He misses, connecting to its shoulder with a wet noise that makes his stomach turn and sends a sharp shock rattling up his arm.
The zombie doesnât notice, unbothered by the hit as it takes another swipe at Grian that forces him to stumble back, tripping on the garden hose as his heel slips out from beneath him. He falls awkwardly, tumbling sideways into the pallet of grass seed.
He wants to yell, to alert Scar of his predicament at the very least, but he canât make a sound, fear silencing him entirely. The corpse lunges at him and Grian has no choice but to let instinct take over, heart pounding in his throat as he lifts up the shovel and jams it forward with a grunt.
The sharp edge of the blade finds the bottom of the zombieâs ribcage, pushing in, in, until he feels tissue split apart with the pliability of a wet paper bag. Something like blood, but not, slops in a wet gush down the zombieâs stomach. Coagulated, Grian thinks, dimly wondering where he learned that word in the first place.
It should be enough. For a human being it would be more than enough. The thing in front of him, however, endures the assault, snapping and snarling. Grian twists the shovel and feels resistance, stomach and entrails impeding his blow. He pulls the shovel out, guts falling out after it, slopping out in thick coils as the creature drools from its open maw, clawing at him desperately.
Heâll only have one more shot at this, so bracing himself, Grian levels the shovel properly, swinging it down violently, using the side of the blade this time and ensuring that it meets the skull. The decaying cranium parts like an egg, and Grian cleaves down, once, twice, until the corpse pitches sideways and falls.
Dead.
Properly dead.
Heâs left breathing hard in deep, rasping gasps, his hands shaking. He thinks he may be in shock, ears ringing in a way that fills up his head. He doesnât know whatâs happened, doesnât know what heâs done. Did he kill it? Is he safe?
Thereâs no time to process, no time to calm down.
Another infected corpse appears, silhouetted in the doorway.
Thereâs something wrong about it, worse than the first. Its right arm and leg bend at crooked angles, like theyâve been folded wrong and pinched in. It dawns on Grian suddenly that what heâs looking at is a body thatâs been mangled in a car accident. That either this person survived one only to be attacked, or that they turned, horrifically, while they were driving, and in so doing were wrecked almost beyond recognition.
Now they jerk towards him, uncoordinated and horrific, and try as he might, Grian canât pull the shovel free from the skull of the zombie he just struck down.
He pushes himself up, reaching for another makeshift weapon, and blindly grabs the handle of a garden hoe. Itâll be less effective than the shovel by every metric, but itâs all he has. He turns around and swings wildly, hoping that, if nothing else, itâll push the zombie back and leave an opening he can escape through.
The end of the hoe connects to the zombie with a wet sound of splitting flesh that makes Grian feel ill, but either the tool was made flimsy, or Grian has misunderstood his own strength his entire life, because the handle splinters in his hand, snapping in two midway down the shaft, sending both pieces clattering to the ground. Blindly, Grian grabs for the nearest pieceâhis hands landing on the length with the hoe blade still attachedâboth he and the zombie stumble back from the force of the impact.
Itâs not elegant. Heâd feel ridiculous defending himself with gardening tools if he wasnât mindless with fear and adrenaline. By sheer luck he manages to manoeuvre their positions around, putting his back towards the open locker door as he sends the zombie toppling over the same coil of hose he himself had stumbled on. The creature shrieks and snaps on the floor, mangled body twitching and twisting as it attempts to right itself on broken limbs.
Itâs the extra second of time Grian needs to retreat, ripping his gaze away from the ghoul and reaching up as high as he can in order to grab the handle of the garage door. He pulls it down with all the force he can muster, breath caught in his chest. The unoiled metal screeches, loud, but blessedly the door rattles down, slamming securely into place.
Almost immediately he can hear hands scraping futilely from inside the locker, banging against it in an attempt to get out. The metal barrier stays in place, separating them, and he feels the flush of overwhelming relief welling up so large in his chest that he trembles with it.
Thereâs no time for him to appreciate his accomplishment. Heâs panicking, pulling in shallow gasping breaths as he looks around wildly for Scar.
The alley is bare.
Grian canât see him, canât see any trace of him. The sunlight beats down, hot and unforgiving overhead, leaving no shadow of doubt that Scar has left him here. The reality of it flares terrifying in his mind. Grian manages one unsteady step forward, not sure which direction he should run without a partner by his side, when suddenly something grotesque grabs him from behind.
Itâs the backpack that saves him, the bulk of it meaning that the bite aimed for the vulnerable curved part in the crook of his shoulder falls short. Rancid spittle lands on his cheek, gnashing jaws making Grianâs gut twist. His assailant is larger than him and incredibly strong, its rotting arm grasping to seize him around his middle in an attempt to pull him back closer so it can get a proper bite.
Grian doesnât think to yell out. Canât form a thought at all. Thereâs no calm serenity or placid acceptance of his fateâall he feels is fear so strong that he chokes on it as heâs pulled back, backâ
A voice cuts in, loud over the rasped groaning in his ear.
âGrian! Down!â
He doesnât hesitate, legs buckling as he drops himself to the ground. Uncoordinated undead fingers grasp at him clumsily, but arenât able to get a secure hold. He doesnât have time to brace himself. Has no idea whatâs coming.
A millisecond later his eardrums reverberate with the loudest sound heâs ever heard.
It takes a moment to collect himself, his body shaking, pushed to its limits as he struggles to open his eyes.
The first thing he sees is the body of the ghoul, collapsed on bent knees next to him.
Itâs been shot once. Clean between the eyes.
A large hand, warm and strong, wraps around his bicep, pulling him to his feet. Panicked, familiar green eyes look him over quickly.
âDid it get you?!â
He canât answer the question. Canât process it quick enough in his daze to even know what heâs being asked in the first place.
âAre you bit?!â Scar presses, his grip firm and grounding as Grianâs focus slowly returns.
Inch by inch he processes, managing to shake his head, slow. His words are like a slurry, tongue thick as he husks out a single, âNo.â
Scar looks at him, expression broken, pupils only pin pricks, body constricted tight with fear, and surges forward all at once, a desperate hand fisting in the shoulder of Grianâs jacket as he yanks him close and kisses him hard.
Itâs not gentle and itâs not romantic. Scarâs lips are chapped and bruising against his own, and by the time Grian registers that itâs even happening, itâs already over. Scar leans back, hand brushing through Grianâs hair in a tender, devoted gesture before his eyes refocus on something over Grianâs shoulder and he says, firm, âWe have to go.â
Only when Scar steps back does Grian see it, the rifle gripped tight in his free hand. Stunned, his eyes scan the bank of storage units and see the two other doors Scar had managed to open while Grian was preoccupied fending off his attackers. One of them is entirely empty, but the other is piled with shelves, mattresses, bed frames andâtucked against the foot of a sofaâa gun safe, the door thrown open with its contents strewn across the paved floor.
âScar,â Grian whispers, relieved and confused and awed all at once. âHow did youââ
âLater,â Scar replies, hand wrapping around Grianâs wrist as he pulls him forward, leading him back towards the entrance gate they first came through. âWe dealt with three of themâI only saw four by the gate to begin with. If weâre lucky, it went the other way around the main building and hasnât caught on to us, yet. We can sneak out and shut it in.â
Distantly, Grian knows Scarâs explanation makes sense, but in the heat of the moment he canât make heads or tails of it. Neither of them says what theyâre both thinking. That maybe thereâs more than the handful of zombies theyâd originally seen. That maybe thereâs no safe exit now.
Scar jogs ahead, hugging the side of the long line of storage units, the rifle clutched easy in his hand. Grian follows after him, chest tight and ribs aching as he pushes through his short breaths of panic. Everything hurts and he feels scaredâmore scared than heâs ever been in his life. Possibly more scared than he knew he had the capacity to be.
Carefully but with haste they make their way to the front of the lot, rounding the small parking lot near the reception door that they first came out through. The gate is only a few metres away, clearly visible to them, but itâs what they hearâa low, agonising sound, pulled through clotted lungsâthat gives them pause, ducking low against the brick and hoping to stay out of sight.
âI canât tell how many there are,â Scar says, words whispered, his shoulders pressed flush to the wall. âOn the count of three you run, okay? Donât stop, donât look back. Make it through the gate and shut it behind you, no matter what.â
âWhat about you?â Grian asks, the fear of being separated, even for a minute, near strangling him.
âCome on,â Scar says, either not hearing him or refusing to acknowledge him, too preoccupied as he leans forward just enough to risk a glance around the edge of the building. âOn threeâone. Two.â
Grian wants to fight, wants to argue, wants to insist they take time to properly think about this and for Scar to fill him in on whatever he has planned so that Grian knows heâll be okay, but Scar is already counting up, numbers hissed in a whisper until he snaps, âThree!â and then theyâre both up and running.
Grian moves as fast as he can across the asphalt, hoping he doesnât trip and hoping even harder that nothing latches on to him. Heâs through the gate before he knows it, grabbing the bars, looking around wildly for Scar when a shot reverberates around him, exploding loud in the relative silence. Through the gate he sees Scar, shooting the corpses that are chasing after themâmore, much more, than theyâd originally accounted for. Scar seems undeterred, firing once, twice, each shot hitting its target. Two bodies drop heavy to the ground and then Scar is shouldering through the gate and Grian is slamming it shut andâwith forethought Grian didnât even know he hadâ Scar is securing it with one of the padlocks he took off a storage unit door.
Grian only has a second to admire the accuracy of Scarâs aimâthe two zombies laid out, shot with neat, pin-point accuracyâbefore Scar is pulling his arm again and they both break into a sprint. There are more of themâzombiesâtrickling out into the parking lots of the adjacent shopping plazas, no doubt drawn by the sound of Scarâs shots. Grian feels a sick twist in his gut as he wonders if they were there the whole time, hidden in the quiet while he and Scar had slept the night away, unprotected.
âWe can outrun them.â Scar shouts as they run, jarring him from his thoughts, sounding much more confident than Grian is. âLook, theyâre slow.â
Itâs true, they are. Theyâre not like the zombies from their first encounter, the one that ran towards Grianâs car, arms outstretched. Even alerted to their presence, the best these undead things can do is trudge forward at an amble. If he and Scar can keep up a jog theyâll be able to get away, easy.
Grianâs not at his most athletic, however. He hasnât trained for anything since he left secondary school behind. His lungs already hurt from the panic he felt earlier, and each inhale sears the inside of his chest like a brand. Not to mention the prior exhaustion he was already feeling from having walked for miles the day before.
Not for the first time, and definitely not for the last, he thinks about how much he misses his car. How much easier this would be if he could just foot the gas and go.
They run until they canât anymore. Maybe half a mile. Maybe less. Then they walk, checking over their shoulders at every opportunity. The zombies seem unable to maintain a pursuit, which comes as a small blessing, but as one threat fades, others rise up in their place, like eager weeds ready to choke their precious garden. Nowhere seems safe. Every building they investigate, every storefront they peer into, something grasping and shambling reaches out to greet them.
Whatever it was that had kept the zombies from rising up towards them throughout their journey thus far, itâs decidedly gone now. They encounter them repeatedly, around corners and on open streets. Thereâs not a moment to rest, every narrow escape pushing bile up into Grianâs throat, anxiety claw him like something feral and alive. They have no water and very few supplies, almost all their things left behind in the mad dash of the morning.
The day passes in a haze of adrenaline and fear as they push on and on and on in a desperate bid for safety.
Grian tries not to grant too much space to his growing negativity, knowing that once it takes hold it wonât easily tamper back down. Instead, he tries to take charge and control the things he can. He scours the map book they picked from their last rest stop and had luckily crammed into the backpack they had brought, deliberating over the best possible routes. He takes them away from major intersections and choke-holds of infection, pulling them through the suburbs, heading towards the undeveloped mountains he sees in the distance.
It takes hours.
They trade the backpack back and forth between one another, taking turns sharing the burden. Not that it amounts to muchâneither of them brings up how much lighter it is, how much they were forced to leave behind. Grian tries not to dwell on the hoard of food heâd pulled out of the vending machine, the treats heâd had to leave behind because they only had one bag to stuff it all into. He tries his best not to grieve the loss of the watery, flavourless coffee, reminding himself heâs always been more of a tea person anyway.
It doesnât help much, but at least he can pretend.
As they walk, they look across sun-baked lawns and wide empty driveways. Each house is tempting; the potential of a safe bed, a roof over their head, cupboards full of food, and running water⊠but theyâve both agreed itâs not worth the risk. Beyond the undead already milling about in yards and on patios, they canât take the risk of walking into a home and finding it harbouring the remnants of a family.
Or worse.
As they walk, Scar keeps suggesting that there may be survivors; that itâs too soon to give up hope on others having made it out or holed up alive. He says, conversational, but desperate for it to be true, that it would make sense for anyone still living to board themselves up in their homes, stocked with food and supplies in an attempt to wait things out.
Grian is unconvinced. If there are survivors, theyâve yet to see any sign of them, and even if there are people locked up in these houses they pass, itâs not like any of them would happily welcome the two of them in with open arms.
Grian knows he wouldnât.
No. Letting their guards down and setting up in any of these suburban homes, only to find themselves swarmed in the night, either by shambling corpses or other desperate survivors following their trail, is not in Grianâs game plan. He brushes Scarâs suggestions to go door-to-door seeking refuge aside, ignoring the look Scar gives him, and they push on, shadows lengthening as the day leans over from afternoon into evening.
Eventually, even the suburban neighbourhoods come to an end, the mountains that had seemed so far away earlier in the day now looming up, blue-purple above them, the road theyâve been following winding in a lazy serpentine up the first hill, the slope gradual enough that it doesnât intimidate them.
They come across the shooting range by chance, passing large plywood signs posted in the brush on either side of the road, directing them to a members-only gun club less than a mile ahead.
âItâll either be overrun or deserted.â Scar says, speaking with an authority that catches Grian by surprise. Heâs still not used to the idea of Scar being someone who knows how to handle a firearm. It runs against the affable, easy-going charmer heâs grown accustomed to. A side of Scar he wasnât prepared to see.
âWe should check it out, regardless,â Grian huffs, the slight incline as they trek upwards making him sound more than a little winded. âIf itâs bad weâll keep walking, but we need somewhere to stay the night.â
He doesnât want to sleep outdoors for a multitude of reasons, but most of all he just doesnât know if heâll be able to do it without the protective insulation of a tent to cover him. Some animal instinct part of his brain loathes the idea, so if thereâs somewhere safe, somewhere provisionedâsomewhere with ammunitionâtheyâd be fools not to at least take a look at it from a distance.
The walk stretches longer than it has any right to. Grian glances at Scar repeatedly, trying to gauge how heâs fairing under the stress, but while he doesnât look comfortable by any means, his expression stays in that same stateâa weary but resolved determination.
By the time they make it to the shooting range gates, Grian is hot, tired, thirsty, and more than willing to risk another attack if it means he gets to sit and rest for fifteen minutes. The sun is hot on the back of his neck, his feet ache, and the sight of the driveway veering left gives him a visceral sense of relief.
âFinally,â he sighs, shoulders sagging. âI thought weâd never make it.â
Scar, on the other hand, is not so careless. The lane bends into an empty parking lot, but that doesnât seem to mean anything to him as he cautiously slings the rifle off his shoulder, walking with it held steady in his hands as they approach the seemingly abandoned building.
The club is laid out like a compound, with three long, flat-roofed buildings covered by aluminium siding forming a U around the shooting range itself. They approach cautiously, checking the perimeter of each building, but the grounds seem entirely empty. No lurching creatures shamble out to greet them. No warning shots are fired to keep them at a distance.
They try the door of the first building and find it set up like a garage, with several ATVs up on blocks, their tires removed in the midst of refurbishing. The second building holds even less than the firstâmostly just plywood sheets and some siding. There are targets, decoys, and clay pigeon throwers arranged on some shelves; but itâs all things to shoot at, nothing to shoot with.
The third building is the least shed-like and clearly the most used of the establishment. Inside they find something like a clubhouse, with worn brown leather couches and sun-faded upholstery arranged around a single large room. Hunting trophies made of taxidermied deer heads and award plaques for marksmanship are mounted on the walls. Thereâs a bar in one corner, which strikes Grian as a ridiculous addition to a place teeming with guns; both dangerous and risky. It has a self-serve, honour system menu written on a whiteboard propped up against it, liquor bottles lined up against the wall.
âThereâll be an ammo room,â Scar explains, matter-of-fact as they stand in the doorway. There are large windows and sliding glass doors leading out to the shooting range. It looks nice, almost inviting.
Grian has never been somewhere more alien.
âHow do you know?â He asks, and Scar gives him a look, eyebrow raised as if it isnât obvious.
âI had other hobbies before I met you,â he says, as if that clarifies anything at all.
Grianâs not sure what to make of it. Not sure whether he should feel jilted by the statement, or guilty for not having learned more about Scar in all the years theyâd been together.
He settles on a dim neutral, pushing the exchange out of mind, trying not to get bent out of shape about their distant history, especially when the far more recent memory of Scarâs hand on his cheek and lips pressed to his are now so recent. A port in the storm, making him feel like they might not be as over as he had once thought.
Scar himself seems unconcerned, passing through the lounge and down a short hall. Thereâs a single door at its end and Grian watches as he tries the handle, finding it locked. Without stopping to consider, Scar puts his shoulder to it and shoves once, twice, until the cheap plywood splits and the door swings inward.
Grian tries not to stare. Tries to hide the flutter Scarâs strength ignites, warm and liquid in his belly.
Through the door is a small room lined with cheap wire racks and simple shelves. Sets of ear protection and glasses hang off hooks next to half a dozen reflective vests. There are no gun safes, thereâs no firearms at all.
What they do find, however, are boxes of ammunition, stacked in orderly, organised rows.
Scar moves without hesitation, acting with the confidence of a man who knows exactly what heâs looking for. It sends a buzz creeping up Grianâs spine, seeing him so competent. However, itâs not the time nor the place, so he instead focuses on looking over the rest of the room, hoping to find something they can use to resupply.
âA lot of these are useless,â Scar says, putting aside boxes he deems of no value. âWrong calibre, wrong model. It looks like this place dealt mostly with pistols and handguns.â
Grian hums in acknowledgement, getting the general gist of it despite not being a gun person himself. As he listens, he pulls an empty shoulder bag off of a shelf. Itâs meant to sit snug across the chestânot as good as a backpack, and unable to hold much, but absolutely better than nothing.
âWeâre gonna take everything worthwhile, though,â Scar adds, picking up his final selections of ammunition and putting the boxes into their backpack. âLetâs just hope this mess blows over before we go through it.â
Unable to help himself, Grian asks, âHow long do you think this is gonna last?â
Scar goes quiet. When Grian looks at him their eyes catch, speaking a million words that neither of them dare say out loud. The last of the setting sunlight slants in from the hall, casting a warm tint on Scarâs face. His mouth pulls tired around the corners, circles worn deep under his eyes.
âI think itâll be over right before the ammunition runs out,â he says, simple.
Grian chooses not to press it, nodding like he agrees.
It only takes them a little while longer to finish sorting through the tiny room, but by then the sun has set, the last dredges of light fading from the sky from a sunset that appears to have been magnificent. They decide to stay for the night, because it feels like they have no other choice. There are no street lights, nothing to light their way. They donât know whatâs out in the dark, and neither of them wants to risk it. The club might not be safe for long, but itâs safe for now, and thatâs all that they can ask for.
Still, there are windows on all sides of the lounge, and nothing to cover them with. The doors are flimsy, and they have nothing to secure them. Their last encounter weighs heavy on both their minds, but their choices are slim.
Itâs a crappy hand. All they can do is play it and hope their luck lasts the night.
âBeer nuts,â Grian announces from where heâs standing behind the bar, trying to brighten his tone and keep the mood between them upbeat. âAnd pretzels. Some M&Ms and those awful pre-packed brownies. Man, they really said âyou can, in fact, shoot guns on an empty stomachâ didnât they?â
âI donât think they meant for their off-grid shooting range to include five-star dining,â Scar snorts, affable. Heâs sitting on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him, yet again too tall to sleep comfortably on any of the couches. Though itâs dark out, they havenât risked turning a light on, relying instead on the dim glow shed by the open bar fridge.
Grian scoffs at that, picking out what interests him most from the meagre offering of snacks before he nudges the door shut with his elbow, plunging them into a darkness brightened only just slightly by the light of the moon. âWeâll just have to enjoy the best this mini-fridge has to offer, and I promise not to complain too much.â
Scar makes a noise in the back of his throat, bemused, tilting his head back to look at Grian as he steps carefully in order to avoid being silhouetted in any of the windows he passes by.
âYouâre in a good mood,â he remarks idly.
Grian sits down heavy on the sofa Scar is leaning back against, pulling his legs up under him as he places the snacks in his lap.
âWell yeah.â He canât hide the small tug of a smile, a flush rising to his cheeks that heâs glad the darkness will cover. âWe have a place to stay, weâre about to eat some potentially stale cheetosâŠâ he pauses, taking a breath before he adds, âAnd you kissed me today.â
For a moment Scar sits silent, his face in profile to Grian, expression unreadable.
Grian doesnât know if he overstepped. Doesnât know which direction their conversation is about to take.
âI thought I was going to lose you,â Scar says at last, admitting it carefully. âI donât know⊠I guess I panicked. And then I was so relieved when you were alright, I just...â
He trails off and a quiet settles between them. Theyâre on the precipice of something that feels enormous, something that puts Grian's heartbeat up in his throat. A part of him wonders if itâs too soon to push, when Scarâs clearly only just begun to forgive him⊠but another part canât resist. He misses Scar. He misses everything.
The worn leather of the couch cushions squeak as Grian slides off them, food abandoned in favour of something more appealing. He settles himself on the floor next to Scar, looking at him intently in the dark.
âScarâŠâ he whispers, soft, laying his hand against his cheek and turning his head to look at him. He canât see the fine details of Scarâs face in the dark, canât guess what heâs thinking.
He takes a risk, hoping itâs the right thing to do.
The kiss is slow and gentle, Grian leaning forward to press his lips against Scarâs. For a long moment nothing happens, and nothing is reciprocated. Scar is still, like Grianâs not even there. Itâs enough to make a knot of anxiety twist in Grianâs chest, one that nearly forces him into a shameful, red-faced retreat.
Then, finally, Scar kisses him back.
He takes his time, feeling almost distant, hands still in his lap even as Grian slides his fingers up and back, running them through Scarâs hair.
Thereâs nothing desperate between them, not the same passion Grian felt when the adrenaline was humming in him like a livewire and his ears were ringing from the gunshots. Grian kisses Scar, determined, and Scar kisses him, and slowly he opens up in a way he hasnât since⊠well, since before.
Before.
Grian really has missed him. Missed this. He knows theyâre not ready to pick things up where they left offâthat thereâs still too much left unresolved between them. But he knows, despite everything, that his feelings are still there. That he still wants Scar just the same.
He never stopped, really. Not even when he strayed.
It was justâŠ
Complicated.
Heâs shifting forward, raising his knee to straddle across Scarâs lap when Scar stalls him, hand heavy on his thigh. Grian makes a questioning noise, confused, and Scar slowly, carefully places a kiss on his cheek.
His voice is quiet in the dark as he asks, âCan we lay down instead? My legs are killing me.â
Relief blooms like a rose in his chest, petals fanning out to fill him eager and warm. A part of Grian that he didnât even know was grieving feels unburdened all at once. Heâd hoped Scar would eventually want this again, but he didnât dare dream that it would be so soon. And the fact that Scar is initiating it⊠the emotions swell up in him, all overlapping, nearly swamping him with their vigor.
He nods eagerly and lets himself be manoeuvred in place, Scar laying him down on the makeshift bed heâs made of cushions and hunting jackets heâd found in a closet. He tucks Grianâs back against his chest, hands warm and familiar on his body. When he settles and stills, Grian canât stem by the tide of his excitementâhis yearning for the same closeness they used to have. Now that it's within reach, he doesn't want to wait a second longer, even if he knows this must seem abrupt when Scar is easing into it so slowly. A pleading noise that works its way out of Grian's throat, wanting Scar to touch him, touch himâheâs pushing his hips, not sure whether to rock forward or nudge backwards, wanting to feel more, feel something.
âGrian,â Scar sighs into the nape of his neck, and something in him sounds lost.
âScar,â Grian replies, pushing back into the bulk of his chest, almost desperate for the contact. âDonât make me beg...â
The moment stretches, curling into something close to painful, but finally Scar gets the message, and though his hands are hesitant at first, he still manages to work Grianâs jeans open without complaint. Grian's entire body aches from how much heâs wanted this, how much heâs needed the familiarity and security of Scarâs touch. Heâd tried his best to keep it all locked away, but now, with Scar offering, he feels lost in itâintoxicated by the way it feels when Scar holds him, small and protected and secure against his body.
Grian doesnât know if he should make a noise or be quiet, but when Scarâs hand slips under the waistband of his trunks and works him free, he finds he canât keep silent, muffling a small moan out into the dark. Scarâs fingers curl around him, calloused and familiar as he strokes him once, slow, like he has to remember how Grian feels. Itâs a stupid thing to get worked up over, but Grian feels like heâs falling apart already. So content, so relieved.
Itâs good. Itâs exactly what he needs. Scar gets him to the edge of release embarrassingly quick, hand stroking him steady as he pulls the slick of Grianâs pre down his length, helping the slide of his hand, which almost completely encompassing him.
âScarâŠâ A soft sigh slips from between his lips as Grian hitches his hips forward, chasing the feeling of Scarâs palm wrapped around him. He repositions himself, pushing his shoulders back, wanting to feel Scarâwanting to be enveloped by him entirely. He feels crazed with it, like a starving man presented with a feast. He missed this so much, god, he missed it.
He can feel Scarâs breath, hot against his neck, even, in and out, pressing soft kisses to his nape as his hand moves faster, faster, picking up until Grian is gasping with every breath, feeling the knot wind tight in the pit of his belly, flaring out into his pelvis.
âScar,â his pitch rises, the hiss of his whisper breaking as he feels his body crest. âScarâScar, ohââ He comes in a rush, barely having a chance to catch it, his hips pushing forward in a few desperate ruts as his f*cks into the curl of Scarâs fingers, his mess splattering onto the floor and dripping down the ridge of Scarâs knuckles.
He relaxes almost immediately, breath leaving him in a moan that mixes out into a sigh as satisfaction floods into every pore of his body. He feels good, loose and gummy around the edges as he hears himself giggle, distant, like heâs not fully present within himself. Slowly, he feels Scarâs hold on him loosen up, moving to wipe Grianâs mess onto the lining of one of the hunting jackets theyâve stolen.
Thereâs a residual thought in Grianâs head, the reminder that itâs Scarâs turn now. Sluggishly he starts to turn over, hand pressing uncoordinated against the front of Scarâs trousers.
Heâs not expecting to find Scar soft, no hard line presenting itself to the searching pressure of his touch. Heâs not sure whatâs happened. Did Scar already finish?
âG,â Scar says, hushed in the dark. âItâs okay, donât worry about it.â
He feels Scarâs kiss, lips pressed gently against his forehead, then again to his temple.
âJust lay back. Relax.â
A part of Grian isn't sure, something unsettled creeping at the fringe of his consciousness. However, so much more of him is buried under the warm comfort of his org*sm, sleepiness settling into the marrow of his bones, that he lets his concern slowly ebb away.
Wordlessly, Scar helps tuck him back into his pants, buttoning his jeans and drawing up some of the jackets, tucking them around Grian like a blanket. He feels another kiss pressed against his cheek.
He wants Scar to kiss him properly. Wants words of adoration and assurance, the way he used to, but suddenly heâs not certain he knows how to ask.
âIâm going to take the first watch,â Scar explains, low in his ear.
Grian doesnât want him to go; doesnât want the moment to slip away. However, for the first time in days he feels secure and comfortable, like an inch of common ground has finally been reestablished between them.
He doesnât fight, laying still as Scar slowly stands up, footsteps retreating across the floor as he goes to take up watch where he can see out the majority of the windows.
Sleepily, Grian wants to say thank you. Wants to say heâs glad that Scar still cares. That heâs glad Scar chose to forgive him.
Instead, he lets himself drift off, falling asleep heavy and dreamless, thinking about the comfort of Scarâs strong hands.
Notes:
(Click to reveal.)[ SPOILERS ]
This chapter contains sexual content--the fic is already rated E, but if you're still reading along despite being sex repulsed, a minor, or otherwise uncomfortable with scenes of that nature, please skip the following section at the end of the chapter: stop reading from, "He nods eagerly" and continuing reading after, "Wordlessly". If you've read fics by us before, then you'll know that we love us some Plot Relevant Smutâą and, as such, there are some small nuances/details that might be missed on skipping that portion of the fic. To mitigate that, we've provided a short summary below that you can read if you're curious about the general details.
[ SUMMARY ]
After they kiss, Grian misinterprets Scar wanting to lay down as Scar wanting to take things further. Not wanting to waste the forgiveness he thinks Scar is presenting him with, Grian takes the risk (not entirely realising that it's a risk at all) and presses in close to Scar, relaying his desires with everything but words. After a moment of consideration, Scar reaches out for him and gives him what he wants. There is no penetration and Scar uses only his hands. Grian is thankful and relieved through it all, really thinking this means they've made progress together and that Scar isn't as upset with him anymore. Once Grian finishes, he turns over to do the same for Scar, but Scar gently turns him down, telling him not to worry about it and giving him two soft kisses to reassure him. Grian is confused, but too caught up in the post-release high to push the matter.
Finally got a lil HotGuy action in this chapter heheh đ«đč
Chapter 9
Notes:
More fanart from THB, this time in the form of a truly gorgeous comic of Chapter 8! đ« THB also made us this kickass playlist for TAMN, and it's been a ton of fun giving it a listen while writing! đ¶
Give both fanworks some love and please enjoy the chapter! :D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Scar wakes up to a hand gently shaking his shoulder and a voice whispering in his ear, calling for him by name. He frowns, trying to tuck his face deeper into his pillow, unwilling to let go of the serenity of sleep just yet, his body resisting wakefulness every step of the way.
âItâs morning,â Grian murmurs, low, and Scar supposes that by some definition it is. Thereâs sunlight on the horizon, a sliver of pink-orange pushing the deep indigo back. It canât be any later than six. Too early for himâheâs never been a morning bird.
He sits up slowly, feeling grimy and stale in the clothes he fell asleep in. Heâs been wearing the same thing since before the end of the world. The same blue gingham button-up, the same reliable pair of jeans. Thereâs nothing to do about it at this point, but he still wishes heâd had time to wash them at the storage unit. Or had time to look around through the boxes of other peoplesâ lives to find something else he could change into.
Heâs getting used to wishing for things that can simply never be.
Grian is crouched on his knees beside him, his features picked out in the warm light of the rising sun. Thereâs a small but earnest smile on his face, looking pleased and reasonably well rested. He angles himself in, leaning forward for a kiss.
Scar leans back on instinct, his heart pulsing up into his throat.
An expression he canât place moves quickly across Grianâs face, resolving after an instant with an understanding smile. He rocks back, settling his wait on the balls of his feet as he affectionately squeezes Scarâs shoulder.
âDonât worry, I have pretty bad morning breath, too.â
Scar doesnât know what to do with that statement. Doesnât know what to say. Instead, he wordlessly looks away, letting it sit strange between them as he instead works his hands into the sore tendons behind his knees.
âWe should get going,â Grian finally interjects, breaking up the quiet as he pushes himself to his feet. âIâm going to pack up as many of the water bottles as we can carry. Thereâs some energy drinks if you want them, but theyâre not exactly my favourite flavour.â
Heâs cheerful and downright chatty as he paces around, getting their things together. Itâs a side of Grian that Scar hasnât seen in a long time, even before the world spun off its axis. Each time Grian passes next to him, he touches Scarâa brush against his wrist, a hand on his shoulderâsmiling and enthusiastic. Itâs like theyâre on a romantic weekend getaway together, and not trying to outrun the collapse of society as they know it.
Scar tries not to let it get to him. Tries not to let it make his skin crawl. Something about it feels like heâs relapsing, that heâs let himself slide into something he should have tried harder to avoid.
He pushes himself to his feet and makes himself busy, trying to distract his uncomfortable wandering thoughts. He packs away the meagre supplies they have and double-checks his pack to make sure everything of value is still within it. His breakfast is a protein bar, which he eats, perfunctory and barely tasting it as he heads towards the fridge to pick out the aforementioned energy drinks.
Upon opening the door, he starts, blinking at the change from last night.
âThe lightâs gone.â
âMm?â Grian hums from where heâs sorting through food and water.
âThe fridge light,â Scar repeats, âLast night, it was still on. Did you unplug it, orâŠ?â
âOh,â Grian says, light and dismissive. âWe lost power. It happened during my watch, I guess about an hour before you woke up.â
A trickle of irritation crawls up Scarâs spine. He tries his best to keep any antagonism out of his tone, leveling on the non-hostile side of humour. âAnd you didnât think that was important information to share with the team?â
Grian shrugs, nonchalant. âIt was bound to happen at some point, right? Canât exactly manage the upkeep of electricity when thereâs no one left to do it. He scoffs a bit, unperturbed as he resumes packing M&Ms and pretzels into his bag. âRemember when you and Pearl watched all those disaster documentaries last year, and you got all paranoid? You were saying power would give out after a day or two. We had almost a week of it. Shows how little those prepper nerds knew, eh?â
Scarâs stomach turns. If theyâve lost power, then what does that mean for their survival when winter is only just around the corner? Their plan is to head north, away from the temperate safety theyâve grown accustomed to over the years. What will they do for heat? And light? As of now, theyâve got one sh*tty keychain flashlight between the two of them. How long will the batteries last when theyâre forced to use it every night while setting up camp in empty, powerless buildings?
Has Grian thought about that? Is he keeping it to himself, to protect Scar from his anxiety, or is he truly just indifferent to it all, too lost in his own thoughts?
âCâmon,â Grian calls with a smile. Heâs busy trying the long sleeves of his overshirt around his waist, leaving him in his somewhat dingy looking undershirt. âWe have a long day ahead of us, canât be dawdling.â
Scar shuts the fridge door, no longer in the mood for drinks. He knows this pernicious positivity and upbeat mood of Grianâs is his own doing. He knows he coaxed this into being. A direct result of how last night went. A thousand poor decisions made in the heat of the moment and acted on as exhaustion made it impossible to think straight.
He regrets it.
He wishes he could go back and undo it all.
It had just been so easy to fall back into old patterns and familiar habits. He hadnât wanted to rebuff Grian and fight, hadnât wanted to lie about how much he was missing him, so instead heâd let their intimacy come as a security. It had been worth it, at the time, to allow the moment to unfold naturally and not shatter it by picking at the tender scab that had formed between them.
Much of it had been prompted out of fearâthe terror from the near miss with the zombies back at the storage unit still looming large on his mind. The nightmarish possibility that maybe, just maybe, he had been about to lose Grian in that attack.
Even after theyâd escaped, it had remained a white-hot impression, seared on the forefront of his mind for the rest of the day. He hadnât stopped checking the entire way, looking at Grian, ensuring he was there at his side. The anger that had been simmering in his chest, the betrayal lingering in his gut, the rotten feel of rejection and deceit, had all suddenly seemed so inconsequential. Heâd just been glad to hold Grian in his arms again, solid and real. Unharmed and alive. It had come as such a reassurance, those moments when they kissed, when heâd held Grianâs hand again, that had Scar thought maybe⊠maybe securing their closeness could be something he wanted.
It was only when Grian fell apart under the touch of his hand, gasping and writhing, shoulders pushed back into Scarâs chest, that Scar had realised heâd pushed himself too far. He wasnât ready. Their intimacy had felt wrong and disjointedâwith none of the pleasure heâd come to expect from it.
Heâd made a mistake, and now he doesnât know how to walk it back.
Grian smiles at him as he puts on an ill-fitting hunting jacket he took from a closet, the size far too large, long sleeves bunching up at his wrists. The sandy coloured camo looks ridiculous on him and somehow suitable at the same time. It feels like something Scarâs seen him in before, but he canât place it.
Itâs better than gore stains, at least. Itâs better than blood.
âReady?â he asks, oblivious to the storm raging in Scarâs head.
Scar manages a smile of his own, forced and fake. âYeah. Letâs get going.â
He checks over his gun and adjusts it into a carry on his backpack while Grian explains the route theyâre taking. Heâs found maps in one of the bookshelves by the entranceâthey detail ATV trails and little-known side roads that cut through the shallowest slopes of the mountains, rejoining the major highways on the other side. From how Grian describes it, the path shouldnât be too longâa couple hours of hard hiking, but certainly something that they can manage.
Scar isnât so sure he agrees.
As they set out, he can feel the reluctance in his jointsâan ache that tells him heâs already pushed himself, and forcing his limits is only going to leave him worse for wear in the long run. He misses his cane, misses his chair, misses the times when even taking transit seemed too daunting, and Pearl would offer him her spare helmet and give him a ride home on the back of her motorcycle. He doesnât regret setting Grianâs car on fireâthe bitter catharsis it gave him was worth every aching stepâbut he does wish he had something to make the distance they have to travel easier.
Itâs not that he canât do this, he just doesnât know how long he can keep it up for.
He doesnât have infinite time. Sooner or later heâs going to have to stop.
The road leading out from the gun club is forested on both sides. Dense, hardy trees growing up out of the arid soil. The ground slopes up, steeper than Scar would like, but at least itâs shaded. The air is shrill with the sound of the morning chorus, a multitude of songbirds chirping loud in the grey light of early morning.
Grianâs cheerful, humming to himself like theyâre on a casual stroll. He repeatedly tries to catch Scarâs hand to hold, undeterred when Scar resists him every time.
Scar doesnât know how he can make his feelings more obvious without turning things into a confrontation, so he doesnât say a thing at all.
Eventually, Grian slips ahead, easygoing as he follows the road. It turns sandier the further they go, concrete replaced with hard-packed gravel, which eventually thins out into dirt rutted only by ATV tires and the occasional crescent print of a horse hoof.
The morning is turning to afternoon when Scarâs legs finally become too much of a pain to ignore. They stop at a bend in the road, the remaining third of the shallow mountain rising up in front of them, daunting in its own right. The trees are scrubby around them, stout growth with rough branches and bristly bushes made to weather the dryness and the heat. Scar knows that this is transient scenery. That the route theyâre taking will lead them down into the Mojave on the other side, returning them to the desert vistas that they had become so familiar with on their journey.
Grian is sitting down as he finishes a bottle of water, resting on a boulder that was likely heaved out of the way back when the road was being put in. He looks fresh-faced and pleased with himself, enjoying the exercise on a bright sunny day. Heâs clearly on the cusp of saying something carelessly casual when Scar cuts him off first.
âAre you using that?â
It takes Grian a moment to notice where Scarâs gaze has fixed on the broken garden hoe heâs strapped to his bag. He swallows the last of his water, twisting the plastic cap back on the bottle as he says, âWhy do you ask?â
âCan I borrow it?â
Grianâs already loosening the belt heâd used to hold the handle of the hoe in place, handing it over without any reservation.
âGonna do some gardening?â He asks, the corners of his mouth lifting in a grin.
Scar snorts, turning it over so the broken end of the handle is set on the ground, tapping it a few times to test its balance. Itâs not better than his cane, and a far sight from his chair, but itâll do.
âJust acclimating,â he says, gripping the handle near the trowel blade and nodding towards the road. âCâmon, ainât no flies on us.â
Grian eyes him mutely, then bends down, lifting up one of his shoes and yanking on the laces.
âJust give me a second,â he says. âThese damn laces are way too tight.â
Their break ends up dragging on as Grian muddles with seemingly every element of his outfit, allowing Scar some extra time to recoup, and Scar wonders if thatâs his way of apologising for not noticing his struggle before now. Regardless, itâs another hour of hard hiking before they reach the ridge that forms the crest of the mountain.
Itâs not a challenging landscape; more a gentle bend that buckles up and then descends down gradually in the other direction. Itâs mostly dry and grassy, pocked in places with short, weathered trees, their branches bent from years of growing in the lee of the wind.
Picturesque, people might say.
Thereâs a sense of pride in Scarâs chest for having dragged himself up here, despite the exhaustion thatâs settled into his bones. He looks to Grian, a small grin on his face, ready to wheedle a compliment out of him for reaching the summit, but all he finds is Grian looking back the way they came with a grim expression locked on his face. Frowning, Scar turns around, leaning heavily on his makeshift walking stick.
A mute kind of shock wedges itself in his throat, freezing him.
The city stretches out below them, wrapped tight to the base of the mountain and stretching out until it disappears into its own haze. Scarâs seen a city sprawl before, but heâs never seen anything like this. Parts of it are blackened, still smouldering from uncontained fires run amok. Other parts look cratered, homes, buildings, and entire blocks having crumbled back on top of themselves, leaving concrete skeletons standing in their absence. Smoke trickles up towards the sky in thready columns, signs of occupation or encampments, maybe, or just society continuing to collapse in on itself.
It looks like a war zone.
He feels sick.
âThis isnât a small hiccup, is it?â Grian asks as they both stare, his voice flattened and low. âThis isnât just going to blow over in a week.â
âI donât know.â Itâs not a lie, but deep in his gut Scar feels the permanence of their situation making itself clear. An irreparable shift in the way the world works.
They continue staring in silence, just the two of them, alone on the edge of the wreckage of what used to be. Mourning, not for the first time, and not for the last.
âHave you noticed there are no planes?â Grian asks after what feels like hours, though has only been a handful of minutes, at most. âNo highway sounds, no industry, no sirens. Itâs so quiet.â
Itâs true. Their last days have been crushingly devoid of sound, all the usual background clamour of their lives absent. Scar has tried not to dwell on it much.
It scares him.
âWe should keep going,â he says instead, even though every one of his limbs protests at the thought. âThe hard partâs over, right? All downhill from here.â
âRight,â Grian says, slowly tearing his eyes away from the scene spread before him. âHard partâs over.â
Heâs not wrong, really. The opposite side of the mountain slopes down, laced by the wide, lazy zig-zag of the dirt road. The path it makes stretches out before them, almost completely visible from where they stand. Its end is overlapped by a highway and what looks to be an average sized town beyond. This side of the mountain has no forests, the ground dry and arid as the terrain gives way to desert. They pass scrubby bushes fit to endure the climate, and patches of yellowed, wind-swept grass. The few trees they spot, clinging to the soil, look more like shrubs.
âThereâs a service road,â Grian explains as they walk side by side. âI saw it on the map. It runs north east, along the highway. We can follow it and maybe avoid any⊠you know, googlies.â
Itâs a practical plan but Scar doesnât know how realistic it is. His body aches more than heâs willing to admit. Another hike is going to push him well past his limits, and he doesnât think he can simply force himself through this one.
âWe might have to find somewhere to hole up,â he says as diplomatically as possible.
Grian brushes his words aside, dismissive. âOnce weâre far enough out of town, we will.â
Scar knows Grian hasnât truly heard him. Hasnât understood the implication behind his suggestion. However he canât spare the energy to argue, so he simply tightens his jaw and continues walking.
Together they descend the mountain, following the road. With less vegetation to cover the sandy soil, the slope is littered with stones of various sizes. Years of peopleâon foot or on ATVsâhave stopped to make piles out of the flat rocks that litter the ground. Some of them have names scratched on them, celebrating graduations or marked in memorial. A large boulder at a switch-back on their descent has the initials âM.E. + W.S.â encircled by a large heart painted on it in purple. Grian stops to admire it, casting his glance back at Scar with a smile.
âToo bad we donât have anything to write our names with,â he teases, unaware of how his casual flirtations stick like a stone in Scarâs shoe.
Without answering, Scar keeps moving. He steps carefully, more grateful than ever for his makeshift walking stick. The peak of the day has passed, and their shadows begin to lengthen out as they near the base of the mountain. The rutted trail empties into a flattened area that was clearly used by locals as a parking lot, splintered off from a rarely used service road.
There are no cars left to greet them.
As usual, there is no one.
âWe should sit for a minute,â Grian proposes, and even he looks tired, red splotches spread along his cheeks and brow from too much sun. He winces as he crouches down to rub the meat of his calves.
Scar doesnât want to sit. He knows too well what resting now will mean.
âGrian,â he says, keeping his tone a careful neutral. âWe canât stop yet.â
âI just need a minute, Scar,â Grian replies, dismissive as he continues rubbing his leg, working the tendons of his thigh.
âGrian,â Scar repeats, hoping not to scare him, knowing what this admission is going to do to him. âIf I sit down, Iâm not going to be able to get back up again.â He pauses, taking a deep breath. âFor a while.â
Grian looks at him as if seeing him clearly for the first time. Scar feels the direct point of his gaze as he asks, careful, âWhat are you getting at?â
âYou know what Iâm âgetting at,ââ Scar sighs, leaning heavy on his walking stick. âGrian⊠we need to find a place to stay. Somewhere safe. With doors and a roof.â
He sees the panic settling into Grianâs expressionâthe instant anxiety and the realisation that theyâre about to become much, much more vulnerable.
âYou canât be serious,â he says insistently, standing up, body tense as he bargains, like itâs something they can deliberate on. âScarââ
âGrian,â Scar repeats for what feels like the hundredth time. âIâm tired.â
âWhat are you asking us to do?â Grian stresses, shoulders stiff, his good mood abandoned. âWhat are you even saying?â
âIâm saying weâre going to find a place with a proper bed,â Scar says, laying it out as impartially as he can. âA bathroom, a kitchen, and a front door that we can barricade and lock.â He pauses to ground himself, bracing for Grianâs outburst. âAnd then weâre going to wait.â
âFor how long?!â
It feels like heâs bartering. Like thereâs some part of this situation that Grian thinks he can haggle down if he negotiates well enough. Itâs as frustrating as it is predictable, and Scar struggles to suppress a sigh.
âWe should get going,â he says, trying to put an end to the dispute instead, scratching the end of his walking hoe into the dry, sandy dirt. âItâs gonna get late if we dither around for much longer.â
âScar, I donât know if youâve noticed, but every place weâve stopped has been overrun with things that want to eat us alive!â Grian says, snapping like the apocalypse is something Scar is at fault for. âAnd weâre about to enter another no doubt infested town! We canât just decide toâto settle down and plant roots andââ
âGrian,â Scar snaps, and for the first time since their conversation began, his voice comes out sharp, shutting down any continued argument. âI know you donât want to hear this, but Iâm gonna need you to stop acting like Iâm making a choice here and listen to me when I tell you that we have a finite window to get somewhere safe before I lock up completely, and it is rapidly closing.â
That, at least, gets through to Grian, a shock of embarrassment passing over his features before he squares up and nods tightly.
âOkay,â he relents, understanding at last. âYouâre right. IâIâm sorry. We should get going, then.â
âWe should,â Scar agrees, exhausted from diverting the little energy he had left towards a squabble.
They resume walking, Grianâs pace far outmatching Scar as the urgency pushes him ahead.
The edge of the town is marked by the highway they saw from the mountain. Two lanes in each direction, piled with backed up, abandoned cars. The outskirts are the same as any highway-adjacent cityâgas stations, auto repair shops, drive-thrus, and convenience stores. Even from a distance they can see them, thoughâ wandering corpses, shambling as they wander aimlessly. There are dozens of them, littering the streets and sidewalk curbs.
They canât make a base here. They have to pass on through as best they can.
Scar can feel the mounting pressure every time Grian looks over his shoulder at him. He can tell that heâs judging his pace against the setting sun, casting his gaze around constantly to keep track of the movement of the ghouls around them, knowing thereâll be no sprinting to escape if they get ambushed.
Itâs exhausting.
Eventually, Grian pauses at an intersection, the traffic lights dead above them, not even blinking on emergency power. He crouches down, hiding behind a series of abandoned cars that conveniently block them from the zombies ambling along the cross street, groaning tonelessly. He holds up a hand, indicating for Scar to wait in place, and together they hold their breath and wait as the creatures move past them.
âI need you to wait here,â Grian says once theyâre gone, breaking the silence theyâve maintained since their argument at the foot of the mountain. âI have an idea. You just need to sit tight for a minute.â
Scar wants to push back, but his joints are in agony, searing pain running the full length of his legs and leeching up into his spine. Just having stopped here makes him never want to move again. This is as far as he realistically can go. Heâs beat.
âHow long will you be?â He asks, but Grian responds to his genuine question with a cynical raised eyebrow and a roll of his eyes.
âVery funny.â
Without any further explanation he unclips his shoulder bag from across his chest, holding it out to Scar.
âJust trust me, okay?â
Scar wants to say thatâs impossible. He wants to ask on what planet does Grian think he gets to be sensitive about Scar asking how long heâll be, and then turn around and ask for his trust? After lying to Scar over and over, after cancelling plans, delaying dates, being late because he was in bed with someone else, how can he look Scar in the eye and think he can ask for any faith at all? Grian made short work of Scar ever trusting him again.
But he canât afford a fight right now.
He knows theyâre already stinging; that it would make that cut fester if he were to pick at it any further. He knows that it wouldnât gain him anything other than further loneliness and isolation if he were to.
So instead of saying anything at all, Scar simply accepts the bag from Grian without complaint.
He wonders if Grian means it like collateralâa promise that heâll return, if not for Scar then at least for his belongings. Itâs a grim thing to think, that Grian might only be using him as a glorified coat rack, but he canât put it past him. Sighing, Scar hooks the straps over his right shoulder and casts his eyes around, looking for somewhere to wait that isnât out in the open but is still within a reasonable walking distance for his weary body.
âYeah, fine,â he says, flat. âIâll wait.â
Heâs distracted, trying to decide if he can make it to the glassed-in bus stop across the street, when he feels Grianâs hand on his forearm. He has only a second to prepare before Grian is rocking up on tiptoes and kissing his cheek, far too close to the corner of his mouth.
âIâll be quick,â he whispers, an assurance almost entirely lost on Scar, who finds himself blindsided by the gesture.
Before he can even form a reaction, Grian is off, crouched low as he jogs up the street, avoiding the direction the few zombies had straggled off in. At a distance he looks small and vulnerable in a way that has Scarâs heart twisting, a strange mix of emotions clogging his ventricles.
The anxiety of being left by himself sets in fast.
He hates being alone.
Forcing himself to turn away, Scar pushes the last few feet to the bus stop heâd been looking at. In terms of shelter, itâs in no way secureâa simple bench surrounded by glass on three sidesâbut beggars canât be choosers. He sits down heavily, tucking himself against the poster-ad plastered to one side, advertising a probiotic brand of yogurt, and tries to plan what heâll do if a zombie lurches towards him.
Heâs relatively safe, visually speaking at least. Heâs lower to the ground, and the pile-up of vehicles just ahead keeps the bus stop out of view of the creatures wandering just past them. Still, that doesnât mean he can lower his guard and relax. He checks his six often, followed by his open sides, all while going through escape routes in his head. He could use his gun but the sound would absolutely draw every other zombie in the area. In such close quarters, the best bet would be to run, but he doesnât know if his body is even capable of that at this point.
Beyond that, the thought of potentially losing track of Grian puts a terror in him that he doesnât have a name for. Itâs a wretched sort of vulnerability, a kind heâs never felt prior to this. Heâs clinging by his fingertips to the edge of the world and hoping he doesnât have to find out how far it takes to fall.
Itâs fifteen, maybe twenty minutes before Grian comes back. The time since heâs left has passed for Scar in a tense anxiety that ratched up one minute at a time, knowing itâs when not if heâd be discovered. Heâd started to stew in a darkening cloud of certainty that heâd been left behind, cast aside and abandoned, when he catches sight of Grianâs form pedaling towards him on a bicycle, its tires thick and its frame bright orange.
Seeing him again stirs up both relief and dread, the two emotions curled together, tumultuous in his gut.
âThereâs no way I can pedal that,â he blurts before Grian even has a chance to come to a complete stop. Itâs a nice bike, itâs practical, but Scarâs limbs feel like leadâthereâs just no way he can manage to ride it.
Thereâs a second of disappointment on Grianâs face, and Scar gets the feeling he was expecting a heroâs welcome. A part of him feels bad for robbing him of that, but they donât have time for the trappings of civility, not sitting out in the open, unguarded as they are with the snarling of the undead roving just outside their tentative hideaway.
âNo one said you have to pedal,â Grian mutters, propping out the kick stand as he hops off the bike. He moves with quick efficiency, holding out his hand for his bag and strapping it back across his shoulder once Scar returns it to him. âI worked it out. Itâs got one of those flat top bike rack thingies, see? You just sit on the back, Iâll take care of it.â
Scar is doubtful.
âGrian, Iâm not exactly a small guy. How on earth are we supposed to squeeze onto this thing together?â
âIf you keep your legs bent and your arms around me while we ride, itâll work,â Grian insists, âLook, I know itâs not the best method and it wonât exactly be comfortable, but we canât hole up here where thereâs dozensâmaybe hundredsâof corpses walking about.â
Scar is still hesitant, too many memories of a childhood spent falling off of bikes in front of the neighbourhood kids cluttering his mind. âWill you really be able to pedal with the weight of two people to push, though?â
Grian looks affronted, genuinely, and Scar gets the sense heâs touched a vulnerability he didnât even know Grian had.
âIâm stronger than I look.â
Itâs ridiculous. Thereâs every chance that this will only blow up in their faces, leaving them worse off than they started, but⊠with the way Grian looks at him, eyes bright and determined, Scar canât help but relent.
He sighs and hefts himself up off the bus stop bench, leaning heavily on the hoe to manage it. Itâs not the easiest thing heâs ever done, but itâs manageable. It has to be. He shakes himself out a bitâletting his body adjust to the pins and needles feeling of standing upâbefore he nods his acceptance to Grian.
âLetâs go, then.â
With a beaming smile, Grian immediately gets into position, sitting ready on the seat and waiting for him. It takes some effort, but Scar manages to leverage himself up onto the bike rack. Surprisingly, that part is easier than figuring out how to fit his legs into a position that doesnât snag the bike chain or drag his feet along the street. When heâs too tall for Grianâs earlier suggestion, he ends up awkwardly adjusting so that heâs sitting sideways, backpack worn across his chest and gun at his back in order to distribute the weight better. His feet just barely miss the pavement as he wraps an arm around Grianâs middle and tucks his face against his shoulder.
Thereâs a sharp intake of breath from Grian, something surprised and pleased, but Scar doesnât dwell on it, interrupting the moment with a question. âWhereâd you even find this thing?â
âLucky us, the bike store up the street was having a sale,â Grian laughs, sarcastic. âThat five-finger discountâs really come through for us lately.â
âShouldâve gotten a tandem bike then,â Scar remarks. âThat wouldâve worked a lot better for us.â
Grian snorts, amused. âAll sold out, Iâm afraid. Slim pickings at the end of the world.â
It takes them a bit to get going, a few false starts with Scar sliding off the rack and having to readjust how he sits. Grian grunts with the effort as he finally gets the bike moving, the initial startup requiring the most force from his pedaling. Once theyâve gotten moving however, their arrangement works remarkably well. They round back towards the highway, turning away from the rest of the town.
The direction catches Scar off guard, assuming they only had a few minutes to travel before they were going to find a place to lay up.
He taps Grianâs side to alert him. âWrong way.â
Grian shakes his head, pushing the pedals faster as they merge onto the deserted highway, easily skirting the few abandoned vehicles clogging the on-ramp. Scar tries not to stare at them, their windows smashed, rust-red viscera smeared across the hoods and dashboards.
âLotta googlies back there,â Grian explains, grim. âNot Scar safe.â
The anxiety nestled deep in Scarâs chest ratchets up, choking him on his own nerves. All at once, delayed fear for Grian wraps like a vice around him. He thinks of himself, left to sit idly by with a gun in his hands, kicking his feet at a bus stop for what felt like hours. He thinks of Grian, alone without their only means of defence, peering through windows and checking car doors in an attempt to find them some form of transportation. He knows the 'bike storeâ is just a bitâthat Grian was likely heading into backyards and other dangerous places he couldâve easily been cornered.
He couldâve gotten swarmed out there. Grian couldâve been surrounded, with no one to help him, mauled and ripped apart and Scar wouldâve never even known. All because he ventured out in hopes of finding something for Scar.
âWe donât split up again,â he says suddenly, firm.
Grianâs response is merely silence, though Scar gets the impression he wants to glance back. Instead, Grian concentrates on keeping them moving, panting from the exertion. They follow the line of the highway, past a road sign that lists the nearest town as just over twenty-five miles away.
Scar doesnât bother to ask how far Grian thinks he can cycle for.
For three hours they travel alone along the highway, Grian focused and Scar sitting silent behind him. The highway is a straight shot, flat, and relatively rut-free, but that doesnât mean their progress is easy. Grian labours, breathing hard, his hair sticking to his forehead from sweat that he repeatedly wipes away from his eyes. They stop a few times for him to catch his breath and drink some water. Their supply is already getting low, but Scar doesnât mention it, too worried that Grian will simply stop taking breaks and push himself to pedal for longer periods without respite in order to preserve what they have left.
The journey is bleak. Desert stretches out around them in every direction. Dry, sandy soil, pocked in places with clumps of agave and cacti, and nurturing very little else. It wouldnât be an interesting drive in a car, and itâs even less compelling from the back of a bike, staring out at the darkening horizon that only seems to creep by.
They come across just one delay. A collision of cars, with a miasma of traffic radiating out from in both directions. Thereâs a handful of undead milling about, distant enough to avoid, but thereâs no way to easily cycle around the pile up. They only slow down long enough to sidle the bike between gaps in the cars, but thatâs enough to draw the attention of a lone zombie they hadnât noticed, which pulls its head up out of the crumpled trunk it had been awkwardly slumped in. It makes a guttural, too-human noise that has them both alarmed, considering for just a brief instance that it might be an injured person in need of help.
Their concerns are dismissed when the zombie catches its own arm on the jagged edge of a car door as it lurches towards them, tearing muscle and sinew that peel off from the bone, clotted and gangrenous from days of sun exposure. It stumbles, struggling to pull itself free, leaving most of its forearm behind.
No living person would behave that way. Not a soul.
Scar raises his rifle, aiming down the barrel, finger resting careful on the trigger, but Grian elbows him gently, shaking his head. All it will do is alert the others in the area. Thereâs no need to waste the shot.
âI feel bad for it,â Scar says as he lowers the gun, voice quiet, meant only for Grian to hear.
âYou shouldnât,â Grian dismisses, simply. âI donât.â
They resume their progress, pushing the bike through the last of the mangled vehicles before they continue on. Behind them, the ghoul follows with slow, stumbled steps. Scar watches it silently over his shoulder until it dips out of sight, his arm tightening slightly around Grian, forehead turning to press between his shoulder blades.
By the time they reach their destination, itâs late. The day is long shadowed by evening, the sky a bruised blue-purple above them as it withers with the last of the sunlight.
It would be boastful to call the place a town. A gas station standing directly off the highway, with a meagre mainstreet of sun-faded businesses running a couple blocks behind it. Thereâs a sign declaring the presence of a space museum in the area and Scar nudges Grian with a grin, only to be met with a tired glower.
The town is small enough that, without even trying, they immediately slip into what stands for the residential area. Simple homes, single-wide trailers and tract housing, all spaced evenly apart on gravel lots with minimal gardens. Every window they pass is dark, every driveway empty. The place is eerily quietâeither evacuated, deserted, or devoured.
Itâs a sea of options for shelter though, which is why it confuses Scar when Grian doesnât stop.
âWhat are you looking for?â He questions after they pass the dozenth viable house without so much as slowing down. The night is fully around them now. The darkness unsettling, an unease burying bone deep in his chest, pulling out the animal instinct to find somewhere safe to hide. âAny of these will work fine.â
âIâll know it when I see it,â Grian replies.
Heâs winded; exhausted, breath laboured and shoulders heavy. Scar doesnât know why heâs pushing himself like this, what he could possibly have to prove. Heâs never understood Grianâs tenacity, nor his inability to compromise once his mind is made up.
Theyâre near the end of the cul-de-sac street when Scar spots it, the only house in the neighbourhood with a second storey. It must be one of the original homes from when the town was first established, weathered construction thatâs stood the test of time, with a larger lot and a detached garage set apart on the end of its forked driveway.
âI could see it from a distance,â Grian explains, breathing hard as he brings the bike to a stop at the curb. âI always wanted a big family house like this. Lots of space to grow into.â
Scar tries to ignore the way that stingsâGrianâs making a joke, heâs sure, but it still hurts to hear. Getting a cat together had been too much commitment for him, and here he is talking about notions of family.
He forces the feeling down. He doesnât want to know if this had been a long standing dream. Doesnât want to wonder if Grian had always wanted those things, just not with him.
Whatever the truth is, they donât have time to unpack it now. Donât have time for any of Grianâs nonsense. Scarâs body is an overlapping twist of searing pains as he carefully eases himself off the back of the bike. He wobbles as he pushes his backpack and gun back to their appropriate places. He can barely walkâin fact, itâs a miracle he can stand. The hours sat hunched over hanging tight to Grian have sapped what little was left of his reserves.
âGrian,â he says, voice tight, and automatically Grian moves to his side, Scar resting his arm heavy across Grianâs shoulders as he leans all of his weight against him.
Up close the house is dark; looming, and intimidating. Unbidden, the memories of the ambush at the storage locker, and the encounter with the zombie that wandered out of the pantry in the farmhouse, loom up in Scarâs mind, nagging at him. They donât know what waits for them insideâif the former residents are pacing the rooms, mindless, ravenous, just waiting for someone to crack the door open before they springâand Scar knows he doesnât have the fortitude to fend off an attack.
âWeâll sleep in the garage,â Grian says, innately picking up on his concern. âFigure the rest out in the morning.â
Itâs as good an idea as any, both of them too tired and, in Scarâs case, in too much pain to dither about it. Together, Grian helps Scar limp the short distance up the driveway, the simple counterweight garage door swinging up when Grian bends down to pull on it. Inside the space is almost comically vacant, a dusty cement floor with a bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling. Thereâs a door to the side and in the far corner: an empty tool bench with nothing but a stack of water-damaged magazines on top of it, the paper buckled and covers rolled back.
It feels stupid to rest here when they both know thereâs a bed less than twenty feet away, but Grian reassures Scar that itâs fine. He helps Scar down until heâs sitting, legs stretched out long in front him, back resting against the unfinished plywood wall.
âThere,â Grian says, smile strained with exhaustion as he sits down heavy beside him. âOur five-star suite.â
Scar canât joke, canât even bring himself to offer a smile in return. With careful movements he eases the backpack off his shoulders, settling the rifle next to his thigh. His body feels heavily, his movements impossibly slow, like heâs dragging them around on puppet strings from a great distance. Next to him Grian is talking, but Scar canât hear, canât focus beyond his pain and the relief to be somewhere he can relax. Somewhere safe.
Theyâve left the garage door open for now, moonlight offering what little light it can in the otherwise total darkness of the room. Theyâll have to shut it before long, lest it attract the wrong type of attention, but for now Scar lets himself breathe in the night air, steady breaths that fill his lungs before he exhales. He closes his eyes, listening to Grian talk until even he, eventually, quiets. Scar doesnât quite fall asleep, but he does let go of himself in an out-of-body sort of way, forcing himself to untense, letting each limb drop loose. In doing so, his whole body throbs in an almost satisfying wayâthe kind that hurts but is a relief to feel all at once.
He doesnât know how long he sits there, but by the time heâs finally cognizant enough to open his eyes again, Grian has laid out provisions for the night and is looking at the water-logged magazines theyâd spotted earlier. Scar peers at the protein bar, chips, and bottle of water with blankness. Heâs hungry, but in an absent wayâlike his body doesnât consider it a priority next to everything else itâs currently dealing with. Never-the-less, he takes a deep breath and inches himself up and forward, reaching out towards the rations.
Itâs as heâs unwrapping the protein bar that he hears a foot scuff outside, heel dragging slow across the ground.
Scar wrenches his gaze towards Grian, and Grianâs eyes snap to his, wide.
Silently, Scar reaches for the gun propped beside him.
Suddenly it seems monumentally short-sighted for them to have left the garage door pulled up, leaving them entirely exposed. The noise draws nearer still, careless shuffling. The telltale, aimless approach theyâve both become familiar with.
Scar fits the rifle against his shoulder, aiming it at the moonlit opening. Neither he nor Grian breathe, dead silent.
They wait, tense, but itâs not the open garage that gets them.
Abruptly, without warning, the side doorâthe one leading towards the houseâswings open. Nearest to it, Grian jumps, a startled yelp escaping him at the unexpected motion.
On pure instinct Scar spins around, ignition catching with a bang thatâs ear-splitting as he aims and pulls the trigger.
Notes:
Annnd that cliffhanger brings us to the end of the first arc of this fic! >:D đ„đ«
I've mentioned this over on tumblr a bit but, essentially, each arc focuses on mainly one character, with the other's POV popping up a few times in between. So, the next arc will be heavily Grian POV, with a scattering of Scar POV here and there to supplement it, in a reverse of what we've had so far! We'll ease into it with a couple of Scar chapters though, so there's plenty of our favourite boy to come ;)
Very excited to share the next portion of adventure it with y'all! Anxiously hoping you'll enjoy it hahaha! đ
Chapter 10
Notes:
HELLO ALL! There is Great News, Good News, and Bad News.
The Great News is!! THB came through with some more fanart! :D This time of Grian in Chapter 9 looking sooo, so good đ
The bad news is--there won't be a new chapter next week đ Think of it as us taking a mini-vacation on our end! A week off and then posting should go back to normal after that :3 The good news is: this current chapter is twice as long as a regular chapter in order to make up for it >:D So hopefully you'll have plenty to keep you occupied while we rest up!
All that said, this chapter was an exciting one to write--we really hope you'll enjoy it! đ«
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
On a good day, Scar is an expert marksman. Years of practice, dedication, and a love for the skill have paid off for him. Of course, the edge of having a knack for it helps as well. He can hit a moving target at a distance, he can nail a bullseyeâŠ
On a good day, he doesnât miss.
On a bad day, the pain in his joints and the strain on his muscles makes his hands unsteady, unable to follow the sights of a rifle or accurately gauge the movement of a target. On a bad day, it means his shots are off-centre, listing to the right as he pulls up to favour the aches in his arms. Itâs why he gave up shooting in the first placeâitâs no good being unreliable when youâve got a gun in your hands.
All things considered though, Scarâs lucky that today is a bad day.
The ignition fires but the barrel pulls to the side, missing his mark entirely. The sound of the rifle firing deafens him for a moment, Scar wincing as he suffers through the ringing in his ears. In the doorway, another figure winces as well. A young man, barely into his twenties. His brown hair hangs, unwashed and tousled, in front of his eyes. Heâs dressed in an over-large floral knit sweater under a khaki overcoat, feet shoved into leather boots with dangling, untied laces. Blotchy, sunburnt skin; chipped nail polish; breathing. Alive.
Alive.
âOh,â the stranger says, voice brighter than it has any right to be. âYouâre people.â
âOh my god.â The revelation hits Scar all at once, the surprise and delight at meeting another personâsomeone else; not just him and Grian, but another survivorâupended by the fact that heâd instinctively tried to kill him. âI almost shot you.â
A laugh bubbles up out of the stranger, high and delighted, almost manic.
âHoly sh*t,â he gasps, voice edged in disbelief. âYou almost shot me.â
They look at one another, Scar laid out on the floor, back resting against the plywood wall, rifle still held tight in his hands, and the stranger, hands fidgeting at his sides, rocking his weight from one foot to the other.
At almost the exact same time, they both dissolve into relieved, jittery laughter.
âYou couldâve killed me,â the stranger adds, like the revelation is still settling in. âI couldâve died.â
Itâs a nerve-wracking thing to consider. In all their reckless slaughter of the wandering corpses lurching out at them from the dark, Scar had forgotten he still had the potential to kill real people. If heâs being honest, a part of him had already lost hope that there were any real people left.
âDamn, and here I was, coming in all co*cksure and confident because I thought I heard a noise! Didnât stop to think about someone packing heat.â The stranger lifts his foot, about to move further into the garage when a cry from behind him catches his attention. His gaze hooks back over his shoulder, turning to greet the two panicked voices that shout out, overlapping one another.
âWe heard a gunshot!â
âAre you okay?!â
âIâm fine,â the stranger shushes, reassuring. âI was just making a friend.â
âDid you take it out?â One of the voices asks, the lowest timbre of the three. âHow the f*ck did one figure out how to shoot a gun?â
The stranger giggles with the same high, infectious laugh as he gestures into the garage, stepping in as he waves the two outside to join him.
âNot a zomboid,â he says, as two tentative sets of footsteps approach, scuffed soles dragging on the gravel. âCheck it outâwe got guests.â
Warrily, two new faces join the stranger, both matching him in age, fresh and out of place in the new grimness of the world. Theyâre both shorter than their companionâthe shortest has a beanie crammed down over shoulder-length black hair, and the other boasts a ragged wolf cut, bangs held back by a bandanna. They wear the same mishmash of layers as their friend, one of them in a Nevada U sweatshirt, while the other sports a white shirt over a dark hoodie with fire designs snaking up the sleeves.
â⊠They gotta go.â
The statement comes from the boy in the flame-sleeved sweater, turning to face the other two after only a moment spent studying Scar and Grian.
Beside him, Grian bristles, and Scar rests a cautioning on his forearm, quieting him with a motion. Thereâs no point in playing their cards early if they want something out of this exchange. Better to wait and see where things stand.
A brief discussion breaks out between the three strangers, their backs turning to Grian and Scar, apparently unthreatened by them, despite the reverb of Scarâs shot still ringing in their ears.
âDonât be like that,â the tallest says, face squinting with distaste at his companionâs knee-jerk reaction. âThey only just got here. Howâs that for hospitality? Think of the Yelp review...â
âKarl, we donât have time to dick around. Itâs getting late. We gotta get them out of here, now.â
âAnd thatâs exactly why we canât make them leave. Câmon Sap, donât be heartless.â
âIâm not being heartless. Iâm being realistic.â The speakerâSap; with the flamesâtilts his head forward, giving the one Scar nearly shot a serious expression. âCâmon, Karl. Think about this.â
Thereâs something loaded in that sentence. It piques Scarâs interest, listening intently for further clarity on their situation.
Unfortunately, despite his cautioning, Grian refuses to remain silent.
âWe can hear you, you know,â his voice sounds out, irritable.
âOf course you can,â Karl says, looking at them with a grin. Itâs a sweet smile, boyish and naĂŻve, lips parted wide, like theyâre not in the middle of a tense negotiation. âAnd thatâs why weâre gonna ask you to spend the night with usâplatonically, of course.â
Scar can feel Grian coiling. Heâs on the defense, which brings out the hair-trigger in him. While normally Grian is humorous and jovial, with a mischievous touch that made Scar fall for him in the first place, all of that is absent when he feels like heâs been backed into a corner. Like this, heâs a lit fuse. A stick of dynamite primed to go off at any moment. Because whatâs more threatening than encountering a too-sweet stranger in the middle of the apocalypse?
Scar can easily imagine the multitude of ways Grian is likely to lash out and ruin this for all of them, all too familiar with his barked words and cutting insults. He knows he has to think quicklyâthat his window of opportunity is closing fast, and that Grian is liable to shoot them both in the foot if he feels himself being back-talked in the slightest.
He canât let Grian blow this for them, but thereâs no time to step aside and form a plan.
So he takes a breath and goes for it.
âWell shucks, weâd love to,â he supplies, quick, before Grian has a chance to speak. He matches Karlâs smile with a radiant one of his own, the kind he knows reads as affable and charming; the one that says âtrust me, Iâm a good guy.â âYou know, I was just saying to Grian that folks âround here are known far and wide for their generous hospitality? You boys are certainly living up to the reputation.â
âWeâre not from around here,â the smallest of the three mutters, shoulders pulled up defensively as he subtly leans into Sapâs personal space.
âMust be the local air rubbing off on you,â Scar counters, effortlessly moving with the conversation. âHonestly speaking, itâs gotten to me as well. Put me in a real sharing mood! Maybe we could all pass around our names while weâre feeling so givingâmineâs Scar.â Before Grian can speak, he sets a large hand on his shoulder, patting him fondly. âAnd this is my sidekick, Grian.â
The tallest of the three smiles brightly at that, stepping forward as he holds out his hand. âIâm Karl,â he offers, without a shred of hesitation.
Scarâs expression tightens at the corners as he sits still, unable to rise and meet his hand. âKarl! Great nameâso glad I didnât shoot you before I had the chance to learn it,â he says with a smile. âYouâll forgive me for not getting up. Weâve had a long day.â
Without hesitation, Karl bends his knees and sits down affably on the ground next to him. He meets Scar at his level as he eagerly takes his hand and shakes it. Still crouched beside him, Grian makes no motion to offer the same gesture, and Scar is relieved when Karl doesnât even try.
âBelieve me, man, weâve all been there,â Karl confesses, like he has decades of experience to draw from. âAnyway, Pandas hereâI mean, this is Sapnap. And thatâs Quackity.â
Uneasily, Sapnap kneels down beside Karl, not willing to sit, but getting near enough to give Scar an acknowledging nod. Quackity doesnât move at all, arms folded tight across his chest, expression pinched with distrust and concern.
âQuackity, eh?â Scar offers, sensing his reticence to join them. âNever heard that one before. You get it from your mallardâs side?â
Karl bites down on a quick laugh, but Quackity doesnât see the humour in it, bristling in a way that Scar is all too familiar with.
âNone of your business where I f*cking got it from,â he snaps, shutting the conversation down before he shifts his attention to his companions. âCâmon, letâs get out of here,â he mutters, blunt and tense.
âWell I thinkââ Scar begins, but is interrupted by Grianâs hand grabbing his shoulder.
He mock-whispers, just loud enough for all to hear. âJust let them go, Scar. We donât know what their angle isâwe canât trust them.â
âHey f*ck you, pal,â Quackity bites, hackles raised. âItâs you we canât trust.â
âQâs got a point, Karl,â Sapnap cautions, words civil but the spark in his eyes no less dangerous than Quackityâs. âWeâre not exactly in a position to take risks right now.â
âSee?â Grian says, uncrossing his arms to gesture emphatically, taking their rejection as a triumph. âNone of us like each other, so itâs just best to go our separate ways, and since we got here firstââ
âLike hell you did!â Quackity snaps, his voice raising up against Grianâs, the two of them talking over one another in a way thatâs already getting hectic. âWeâve been here for days, pal. You canât justââ
âNow hang on a second, gentlemen,â Scar reasons, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. âAll this getting up in arms and thereâs simply no need. We can make this work! Theyâve always said thereâs safety in numbers, right? So what say we huddle together for warmth tonight, and weâll go our separate ways in the morning.â
He uses his most charming voice, the kind thatâs gotten him out of multiple sticky situations before. Heâs good at talking his way out of things; much like shooting, heâs got a knack for it. However, just like shooting, sometimes he misses, and Scar gets to enjoy only a beat of silence before three voices speak out at onceâGrian, Quackity and Sapnap making a din in their rush to object.
âAbsolutely not, no.â
âAre you out of your f*cking mind?â
âWe donât even know you.â
âScar,â Grian calls, springing to his feet at last. He dusts his knees off before he presses his toe into Scarâs thigh. âItâs time for them to go.â
With an incredulous snort, Quackity laughs, âTime for you to go.â
âNo offence,â Sapnap adds, softer in demeanour than Quackity, but still firmly refusing to budge. âWe just canât riskââ
âRisk what, exactly?â Grian snaps. âI told you: we got here first.â
The cacophony builds, Grian raising his voice to argue and Quackity raising his in turn. The sound of shouting is a beacon to attract any wandering ghouls, if the gun shot hadnât alerted them already. The tension is high, and Scar remains stuck in place, joints stiff, his heart up in his throat as he watches their first chance to catch a break spiral down the drain.
He speaks up, adding his voice to the din as he tries to negotiate. âOkay, okay, so maybe we need to workshop our terms, but you boys canât tell me thereâs not a glimmer of a good idea in there.â
If the other three hear him they donât let up, arguing back and forth until all at once theyâre interrupted by the sound of two hands clapping together, just once, followed by Karlâs voice, loud above it all.
âEnough.â
Like a switch has been thrown, both Quackity and Sapnap fall silent, leaving Grianâs voice to ring out alone, alarmingly loud in the now quiet space. He immediately pauses, abruptly self conscious by his volume as his eyes dart around to the others in the room.
âWow.â Scar breathes out a huff of surprise, admiration in his tone. âHow did you get them to do that?â
Karl glances at him, eyebrow quirked and a grin pulling at his lips. âDo what?â
âListen to you.â
Karlâs laugh is tittering and delighted. It trails off into a giggle as he rocks to his right, pitching his shoulder into Sapnap as he leans heavily against him.
âThatâs just how we work,â he explains, easygoing, like the words explain themselves. Thereâs a momentary pause, and Scar watches as Karl looks him over, shrewd, before taking a quick glance at Grian as well. Whatever he sees, it makes him hum. âYou knowâŠâ he adds, eyes narrowing with a conspiratory smirk. âBecause weâre in love.â
Scar blinks at that, not quite taken aback but somewhat confused. He waits, wondering if itâs the lead up to some joke and the punchline is about to be delivered, but when only silence follows, he reassesses.
Slow and careful, he takes in the way Karl leans into Sapnapâs space, looking for all the world like he belongs there. At the same time, Sapnap crouches just in front of Quackity, blocking him in a way thatâs decidedly protective. The admittance must be a jokeâScar canât fathom three people in a real relationship like that, when just two together makes such a complicated mess. But itâs hard to see it as anything but truthful when Karl conveys it with all the enthusiasm of someone newly engaged, heart full with all the beauty of the world and eager to let everyone around him know it.
âAh,â Scar laughs, a weird bittersweetness settling over him. Being in love would explain it, of course. Respecting and listening to each other⊠heâd almost forgotten how it worked for most people. âWell, that would explain it, I suppose.â
The strangeness of his reaction doesnât seem to register to Karl, who abruptly leverages himself back up, adopting a practical position as he says, matter-of-fact, âSeriously, though. I think Mr. Scar here has a point. Thereâs safety in numbers and, no offence, thereâs strength in it too.â
He pauses, giving Scar and Grian time to do the quick math heâs implying. His three to their two. Beside him, Grian takes a breath to speak, but Karl simply continues, talking over him with an easy confidence.
âAnd instead of taking that as a threat, maybe you could just let us give you a hand.â
Thereâs a pause, expectant as he waits for them to react.
âDo we look that bad?â Scar asks at last, smiling despite himself.
âYou look like car crash victims,â Karl explains bluntly. âAnd, Iâm gonna be honest, thereâs no point any of us sleeping out here when thereâs beds and a shower inside.â His voice softens, genuine as he adds, âI promise weâre not bad people, man. We could help each other.â
Itâs enough to sway Scarâelbow nudging into Grian as he needles persuasively. âA bed and a shower, Grian.â
He can see Grianâs reluctance, the petulant set of his expression and the stubborn way he bites his bottom lip. For all his attitude, heâs sharpâmuch sharper than he lets on. Itâs clear to Scar that he doesnât trust these people as far as he could throw them, and Scar knows how unlikely it will be for him to budge. Grian would sooner sleep outside on the dirt, confident of his distrust, than accept the suspiciously convenient charity of a helping hand. Itâs a survivorâs instinct, and while it often benefits them, Scar knows he needs them to take a risk right now.
âPlease,â he whispers, pulling Grian down gently by the arm and lowering his voice to keep it just between the two of them. He tips his hand, leaning on a soft diminutive. âG. I need this.â
Grian stares at him, frowning, the chewing on his lip becoming more aggressive until finally he sighs.
He heaves his shoulders in an exaggerated shrug, long-suffering. âFine.â
âAwesome!â Karl crows, effortlessly getting to his feet with Sapnap following suit right behind him. âAnd youâre just in time for dinner, too.â
He looks down expectantly, hands on his hips as he waits for Scar and Grian to join them.
Itâs a sudden and unexpectedly tricky situation. While Scarâs happy to have some new company, heâs not about to become an open book. He doesnât want them to know any more than they need to, and that includes his current inability to stand.
âWeâll catch up in a minute, if itâs all the same to you,â he says diplomatically, praying it doesnât sound as suspicious as it feels. âPack our things up. Make sure all that shouting and gunfire didnât draw over any unmentionables.â
His words have a curious effect, Quackity stiffening up immediately. Scar catches Sapnap glance at him, hand twitching at his side like he wants to reach out. Karl, however, only smiles.
âHey, no rush,â he says, calm, elbowing Sapnap and Quackity as he shares a grin between them. âThatâll give us a minute to make the place decent. Canât remember the last time we had guests that werenât dead-eyed and slobbering.â
âWeâve never had guests at all,â Sapnap corrects plainly, but still lets himself be lead as Karl links elbows with him and moves towards the door. The only one of the three to hang back is Quackity, sharing the same distrustful expression on his face that Grian wears plainly on his own. After a tense second, he snorts, muttering something under his breath before he turns to leave.
The door closes, leaving Scar and Grian alone, a lingering tension rolling loose and unformed between them. Scar waits a moment for the trio to clear away from the doorway, then he turns Grian with a grimace.
âI need you to help me get up.â
Thereâs no hesitation as Grian pulls his knees under him, shifting into a crouch before he easily slings Scarâs arm over his shoulder, helping him to his feet with practised familiarity.
âWhat the hell are you thinking?â he hisses, sour and upset.
Scar shrugs easily, not letting go of Grianâs support. He wonât be steady on his feet without it, and he needs all the leverage he can get before he has to pretend in front of their new friends.
âIâm thinking we need a win,â he answers, succinct.
âAnd if they kill us in our sleep?â
âGrian,â Scar sighs, barely stopping himself from rolling his eyes. âTheyâre three scared kids. The tallest one canât be older than twenty-three. I donât think theyâre the threats youâre mistaking them for.â
Grian doesnât look convinced but to his credit, he drops it. Together, they move towards the door, Scar keeping his arm around Grianâs shoulders and propping himself up with the rifle when he dips too low. Itâs not exactly proper handling of a firearm, but itâs not like anyoneâs around to write him up for it.
âBesides,â he teases, unable to help himself as they make their way out of the garage and move towards the house. âWeâve been taking risks this whole time. Whatâs one more?â
The front door has been left cracked open, a risk Grian would never approve of in a million years. The moment they step inside itâs clear that the trio have been squatting there for a while. All of the windows have been covered up from the inside with sheets and blankets, barricaded in place with the majority of the homeâs furniture. There are board games and puzzles piled on the floor, and candles arranged on almost every surface.
It looks less like a survival situation, and more like a sleepover with insurance.
The trio greet them with a relaxed familiarity as Grian nudges the door open and helps Scar in. Itâs clear theyâre as tired as Grian and Scar are, because the conversation that follows is perfunctory at best, Sapnap explaining that heâll take the first watch as he volunteers Grian to join him, and Karl saying heâll take the second shift with Scar. Neither Grian nor Scar feel in a position to disagree, so itâs declared settled.
Once the minutiae are sorted, Karl makes a grand sweeping gesture and offers to show them to their room. He heads up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and Scar feels Grianâs hand spreading against the small of his back, getting ready to support him.
Itâs to Scarâs detriment that he forces himself, walking steady, gripping the handrail so tightly he worries his knuckles are going to split. At the top of the stairs, Karl points towards a closed door, indicating it as the bathroom with the aforementioned shower. While the idea of getting clean sounds heavenly, Scar grits his teeth as his body threatens to teeter. It feels like far too long before Karl brings them to an open doorway, ushering them into what mightâve once been a guest room. The windows are curtained, but not heavily barricaded. The bed looks large and luxurious, with fresh sheets and an abundance of pillows. It looks like an invitation, and every inch of Scar longs to succumb to it.
Karl asks if theyâre hungry, and Scar's smile wavers, his joints echoing with pain. He doesnât know what to say that wonât immediately give him away.
âWe want to settle in first,â Grian says, tactfully avoiding Karlâs question. âIâll come down in time for our watch, I promise.â
âWasnât doubting you,â Karl says, effortlessly quick on the reply, and seemingly unbothered. âGet comfy, and, heyââ he pauses, hand resting on the doorframe, idly scratching his thumbnail into the wood grain before he speaks. âWeâre glad youâre here.â
Itâs a vulnerability or a ruse, but blessedly Grian doesnât reply in time to question it. Karlâs feet thump loud as he heads back downstairs, and Grian closes the door behind them, letting his breath out the moment theyâre in private.
Like a battery on empty, Scar feels his energy drain, whatever adrenaline that was keeping him going well and truly shot. He only has a second to mumble Grianâs name in warning before he stumbles into bed, exhausted beyond belief. Without hesitation, Grian remains at his side, saying familiar reassurances as he helps Scar out of his jacket and shoes. Scar nods along mutely, just wanting to curl up and pass out. Now that he's completely let the tension in his muscles go, he feels more exhausted than ever. Grian mumbles something about going to talk to the boys as he pulls the covers up over Scar's body. Scar thinks he manages a nod, but he can't be sure of it, sleep already edging in on the fringes of his consciousness. He watches Grian leave the room with blearily eyes, and that's all he can recall before, with minimal tossing and turning, he gives in to sleep.
Itâs another deep, dreamless night, and Scar doesnât realise heâs slept through his watch until Grian is waking him up, hand gentle but insistent on his shoulder as he shakes him awake.
Itâs a nice feeling, being woken up by him while laying in a bedâa real bed, with sheets and pillows and a comforter tucked up around his ears. They spent the night in a room, safe, with a bedroom door that shuts. Thereâs the familiar sounds of pots and pans bustling in the kitchen and the smell of food cooking in the air.
Scar never knew he could miss something so much.
He never knew he could sleep so heavily.
âScar.â Itâs not the first time Grianâs whispered his name, but itâs the first time it properly catches his attention, inhaling deep before he slowly twists around to lay on his back.
âHey,â he mumbles, sleep-slurred, only just barely cracking his eyes open, unwilling to fully commit to being awake just yet.
âTheyâre making breakfast,â Grian says, soft. Heâs dressed and looks clean, probably having spent the better part of an hour in the shower adjacent to the room Karl, Quackity and Sapnap had set them up in. Scar foggily remembers Karl pointing it out last night, though heâd been too tired to follow up about it. Grian has cleaned up nice though; he always does. Heâs properly shaven for the first time in weeks, hair brushed back, looking like the Grian Scar remembers before it all went wrong.
A part of Scar that he wishes he could squash down wants to compliment Grianâwants to drag him close and kiss him. Wants to languish in the afterimage of what used to be.
Instead, Scar clears his throat, rubbing the heels of his palms against his eyelids to stop himself from thinking about it anymore.
âWhatâs on the menu?â
âWaffles.â Grian grins, a genuine thread of excitement in his tone. âReal waffles. Theyâve got a waffle iron and a mix.â
Scar chuckles, canât help himself, having to admire how the universe once again dips in Grianâs favour.
âSounds like I should get up, then.â
Itâs a gamble and they both know it. Scar can feel Grianâs eyes on him, watching intently, trying not to add any additional pressure but failing. That ship sailed the second Scar discovered that, despite Grian insisting he didnât care if Scar couldnât physically do certain things, he only said it because he was turning around and fulfilling those desires with someone else.
He just canât help but think heâs letting Grian down if he doesnât push himself now. It wraps around his chest wrong, and logically he knows itâs stupid to blame himself for something he canât control; that the cheating was Grianâs fault and not his, but he canât help himself. He continues pushing anyway, for a man heâs broken up with.
Taking a deep breath, Scar throws the covers back and leverages himself up, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress. His joints donât feel as bad as yesterday, just the persistent ache thatâs always thereâsomething heâs long since gotten used to. Emboldened, he clenches his jaw, bracing himself as he puts his weight on his feet.
Slowly, carefully, he stands up.
Thereâs pain, but itâs not significant. He feels the soreness heâd expect from a long day spent walking, throbbing muscles and stiff joints, but itâs nothing he canât handle.
He takes a step forward and behind him Grian lets out the breath heâd been holding.
âGood day today,â Grian says, relief evident in his tone.
âDonât get ahead of yourself,â Scar deflects, attempting to shift the tightness out of his shoulders with a stretch as he moves towards the bedroom door.
The noise filtering up from the kitchen is warm and inviting. Thereâs a deep comfort in the sound of casual voices caught deep in conversation, punctuated by the occasional high giggling laughâlaughter that Scar now knows is Karlâs. He can smell their cooking from up the stairs, something he hasnât been able to enjoy since the world fell to pieces. He misses warm food. He misses breakfast. He misses companionship.
âGimmie a hand,â he says, extending his arm out to Grian, who helps him without question as together they make their way down the stairs, taking it slow and easy as he lowers himself down every step.
The scene that greets them in the kitchen makes Scarâs heart pang. A nice, tender squeeze in his chest. The room is dim, even in daylight, the windows blocked out with cardboard and bedsheets. The kitchen looks visibly picked apart, thoroughly rummaged through for supplies, the majority of the cupboards thrown open and the contents of the pantry pulled up onto the countertops and piled haphazardly on the floor. Itâs a mess, plates and dishes everywhere, and Scar canât help but remember how his kitchen in a similar state used to have Pearl heaving a long-suffering sigh before sheâd roll up her sleeves and start tidying.
Around the table is something much softer. Quackity, in a baggy t-shirt with his hair hanging over his eyes, is sitting with his shoulder tucked into Karlâs chest. Karlâs arm is lazily looped around him, the two are in conversation with Sapnap, who stands at the stove next to a messy, cast-iron waffle iron. The iron is the old-fashioned, non-electric kind that Scar had only ever seen his grandparents use. Quite a find at the end of the world, and it looks like Sapnap is making good use of it. He looks relaxed and open, his attention split between his companions and the breakfast heâs cooking on the gas stove.
The three of them together paint a domestic picture, though Scarâs still uncertain how itâs meant to work between three partners.
All the same, heâs missed seeing people look so happy.
Itâs Quackity who notices them first, the easy smile on his face vanishing, eyes fixing on them as tension wires through his body. His sudden stiffness alerts Karl, who looks towards the door with a smile.
âHey, look whoâs awake.â
Karlâs on his feet easily, drawing a chair out from the table as he motions Scar and Grian in, inviting them to join. âWe were just taking bets on how long youâd sleep.â
Scar smiles. He canât help himself, enamoured by the genuine hospitality from a stranger. Taking the chair Karl offers him, he sits down with relief, glad he doesnât have to waste his limited capacity calculating how best to hide his disability. It sits uncomfortably on him to have to do it at all, butâmuch like travelling with Grianâthe end of the world has forced him to make compromises with himself.
Leaning back, Scar pats the seat next to him, motioning for Grian to join them. After a pause Grian does, but itâs clear heâs reluctant, sitting perched on the edge of the chair, as if ready to take flight at a momentâs notice.
âAnd so? Which of you called it?â Scar asks, driving the conversation forward.
âIt was Q. Right darlinâ?â Sapnap says, nodding towards Quackity. It seems like heâs had a change of heart over the night, his attitude towards them much more easygoing in the newness of the morning. Heâs tied his dark hair up in a bun at the top of his head, and it makes him look sweet. Like the kind of guy youâd tip generously at a coffee shop.
Quackity nods carefully. Thereâs still an uncertainty in him. It doesnât feel like distrust, but Scar canât put his finger on what else it might be. His behaviour reminds Scar of Grian, in a lot of ways. Constantly on guard. An open book until heâs not.
âI hope you put money on it.â Scar jokes, and Quackity offers him a thin smile but not much else.
âWaffles will be ready in a minute,â Sapnap says, nearly apologetic as he flips the waffle iron over. âThereâs a learning curve on this thing. No wonder we buy Eggos.â
Karl retakes his seat as Scar chuckles, planting his elbows on the table and propping his chin up in his palms. âSo,â he says, cheerful like a talk show host. âTwo guys on a bike in the middle of nowhere. Pretty far from home, I bet.â He winks. âWhere were you when the zombies attacked?â
Itâs blunt, but Karl seems extremely casual as he says it. Still, Scarâs smile falters, and he can feel Grian tense up beside him.
Karl doesnât mean anything by it, obviously. Itâs a normal thing to be curious about, and Scar knows heâs just as curious about Karlâs answer.
Thereâs no way he knows what a sensitive topic it is. How little Scar and Grian themselves have thought about itâthe reason they were together when all hell broke loose.
âScarâs apartment,â Grian says, clipped, offering the answer before Scar can.
Itâs the exact thing Scar wouldâve said, but it bristles against his nerves anyhowâlike somehow Grian cut him off, getting his answer in ahead because he couldnât trust Scar not to immediately air out their dirty laundry.
Not to be beat, Scar leans back in his seat, looking Grian in the eyes with a bright smile as he adds, âWe were just doing a little spring cleaning together. Getting rid of things we didnât need anymore.â
Scar can see the flash of betrayal in Grianâs eyes before he smooths his expression over. Itâs a stupid and petty to say, especially when things have been generally civil between them for the last few days, but somehow Scar feels less sorry for saying it than maybe he should.
âI knew it!â Sapnap crows from where heâs plating the first round of fresh waffles, the smell of them wafting in a way that makes Scarâs stomach audibly growl.
Grian frowns, confused. âSorry?â
Thereâs a bit of shared laughter from the trio, exchanging grins and glances before Karl finally explains, âLike, itâs obvious that you two havenât just met along the way. The way you act around each otherâyou have history, clearly. Only, Pandas here took that one step further. Heâs sure that you two are together, you know?â
The silence that follows is potent.
Itâs awkward in a tangible way, Karl waiting for an enthusiastic confirmation that will never come. The laughter has died down, and unless one of them speaks, Scar knows this is about to become a bigger deal than it needs to be.
âOh. No, weâre not together.â Scar doesnât dare look in Grianâs direction as he says it, afraid itâll make him lose his nerve. âBut! We have known each other for a long time, so points for that at least!â
âNo f*ckinâ way,â Sapnap slaps the countertop, shaking his head. âSo whatâs with the crazy vibes between you two, then? Just apocalypse UST or what?â
âSapnap!â Karl gasps, covering his mouth with a hand, eyes twinkling with very obvious amusem*nt.
âC'mon, you see it too, don't you?â Sapnap crows, and itâs clear heâs having fun, like theyâre playing some sort of game. Scarâs never been ribbed like this. It makes him feel like heâs sitting at the kidâs table at a family event.
Face crawling with heat, he fights to keep his voice from cracking in embarrassment. He carefully keeps his gaze fixed ahead, trying not to read too much into Grianâs silence. His heart pounds incriminatingly loud in his chest, the idea of sexual tensionâmemories of Grian warm against him, moaning, calling his name as he finished in his handâvivid in his head.
âDefinitely nothing like that,â he lies.
âSo,â Quackity says with the glint of an opportunist, eyes catching Scarâs from across the breakfast table as a smirk quirks at the edges of his mouth. âYouâre saying youâre single?â
The reaction is immediate and loud. Karl bursts out laughing, kicking back his chair as he clutches his stomach. Sapnap sighs loudly, melodramatic as he mutters âhere we go againâ while plating another two waffles before he sets them on the table. Quackity rolls his eyes, smiling as he gestures with his hands, attempting to explain himself, but neither of the other two give him a moment to speak, shouting and yelling, all with wide grins on their faces.
Scar feels entirely out of the loop.
âSorry,â Sapnap says as the mayhem dies down, a wry grin on his face. âQâs got a thing for handsome older men.â
If Scar felt embarrassed before, it was nothing like how he feels now, warmth flooding his cheeks and turning everything from the tips of his ears to the skin of his neck red. Beside him, Grian shifts in his chair, and Scar tries not to think about itâtries to pretend Grian isnât here at all. Itâs easier than imagining the fight thatâll no doubt come of this after.
âShut the f*ck up, Sapnap,â Quackity snaps, and his tone would be intimidating if not for the way heâs hiding behind his hands in mortification. âWhat the hell is wrong with you, oh my god?â
âAm I wrong?â Sapnap presses, clearly enjoying himself as he prods at Quackity.
Gleefully, Karl answers, âYouâre not, your honour!â He turns towards Scar, mock-whispering, loud and conspiratory, âBetween that and his boner for politics, we canât watch the news around him at allâheâd run off with the first barrel-chested politician he saw on screen.â
âThatâs not even close to true. What the f*ck Karl, youâre supposed to be on my side,â Quackity cries, glowering but unable to wipe the guilty smile off his face.
âPlus, Q has a typeâtall and broad,â Sapnap teases, finishing off the last of the waffles and leaning in to press a kiss to the side of Quackityâs temple. âTell Scar what you said to us last night about how he checks all your boxes.â
âYou guys are such dicks,â Quackity groans, but doesnât resist when Karl scoots in close and wraps his arms around him, pressing a kiss to his other temple, mirroring Sapnapâs affections.
âWell, weâve really enjoyed our breakfast, thank you,â Grian interrupts, using the curt, forced-polite tone he uses when dealing with the bank or his landlord. Itâs entirely at odds with the mood of the moment, and the trio abruptly stop what theyâre doing to listen to him.
âWe really need to get going, though,â Grian continues, clipped. âDonât we, Scar?â
Itâs a rhetorical question, Scar can hear it plainly in the way Grian speaks. He turns to face his companion at last and hates the twist in his heart when he sees how closed off Grianâs expression is. It shouldnât matter to him anymore that his jealous, insecure feelings are hurt. It shouldnât.
And yet a part of him wants to console and reassure Grian all the same.
âWhatâs the rush?â Karl asks, clearly trying to read the energy of the room and keep things up-beat. âScar hasnât even had his waffles yet.â
At that, Sapnap slides the syrup Scarâs way and, despite Grianâs bristling, Scar canât help but be excited. He digs in immediately, sighing aloud at the first forkful, grateful for the hot meal.
Itâs impossible not to notice Grianâs pointed glare out the corner of his eye, though. Something he needs to acknowledge, at least.
He defers slightly, shrugging a shoulder as he speaks around a mouthful of waffle. âI wouldnât say weâre in a rush.â
Heâs ambiguous on purpose. While he doesnât want to incense Grian any further, heâs not yet ready to part ways from the only other living company theyâve had in weeks. Theyâre a welcome buffer. Even if all they seem to have done is piss Grian off, itâs still nice to be around other people. Comforting to know theyâre not the only two people left in the world.
âYou got a destination in mind?â Karl asks, co*cking his head to the side as he turns to Grian with his smile as bright and enthusiastic as ever.
âNorth,â Grian replies, guarded for no good reason. âBefore all the radios went out thatâs where the emergency broadcasts were saying to go. Supposedly itâs better up there.â He pauses, and Scar knows him well enough to anticipate it comingâa calculating jab. âBut I'm sure you knew as much?â
âWe didnât!â Karl says, Grianâs words sluicing off him like water off a duckâs back. He claps his hands together, nodding confidently. âSounds like we have a plan now, though. We can get our stuff together pretty quickly, canât we, boys? Weâve been saying we need a reason to pull up these roots, and I donât know about you two, but the three of us agree weâd really like the company.â
Itâs presented like the best possible option and an extremely logical conclusion, but Scar can feel the desperation in it. Behind Karlâs easy smile and Sapnapâs gentle affection he can see their apprehension.
'Donât leave us, please,' it says.
âWell itâs certainly an idea,â Grian allows, dragging the word out in a slow drawl. âWhat do you think, Scar?â
Itâs clear what answer Grian wants to hear, his attention pinned on Scar. Grian would rather continue without them. For whatever reason, he canât seem to stand having them around.
Itâs an issue they should probably pick apart later, but absolutely not something they can dissect right now.
That doesnât mean Scarâs about to fold, though.
âI think it wouldnât be a long, perilous journey into the frigid north through a zombie infested wasteland without you three,â Scar quips, ever magnanimous. He winks at the three younger men, and the instant relief from them is palpable. Tensions Scar hadnât even realised theyâd been holding relax right in front of his eyes as they exchange quick looks and small, private nods.
âI just⊠I donât know,â Grian interrupts, the only note of dissent at the table. âWe hadnât really planned our route to accommodate fiveâŠâ
âThen why even ask me if youâve already decided, Grian?â Scar asks, sharp. His frustration bubbles up fast, catching even him off guard, fork clattering down onto his plate as he lets it drop. This isnât something Scar wants to air in front of strangers, but itâs not a situation where he can back down, either. âKind of feels like a jerk move when youâve already made up your mind.â
Thereâs a sting in his words and it lands, Grianâs brows pinching together as he frowns.
âNo offence,â Grian says, surprising Scar by choosing to speak to the trio rather than address him at all.
âSome taken,â Karl cracks, and itâd be funny if the tension around them wasnât wound so tight.
Grian blows out his breath in a frustrated sigh. âThe thing is, we just met. Thereâs googlâthereâs zombies outside. The worldâs gone to hell. Itâs a big ask when we donât know you at all.â
âFunny,â Karl replies smoothly, tone mild but aloof with the confidence of youth. ââCause we donât know you at all, and yet, we still invited you in, gave you a bed, and shared our food.â
Itâs a checkmate and Grian clearly knows it. He folds his arms across his chest tightly and looks away, jaw held clenched.
âWhere exactly were you planning on heading anyway?â Itâs the first words Sapnap has spoken in awhile, clearly attempting to broker peace between them before things can fracture further. Itâs obvious heâs not used to negotiating, words coming out slow between pauses for thought.
Scar canât help but find it endearing.
âYou said you had a route in mind,â Sapnap continues. âWe might not even want to go in the same direction.â
Grian says nothing, and Scar wonders if heâs been shamed into silence by the simple rationality heâs been presented. Whatever it is, Scar can practically feel him stewing.
âGrian,â he needles at last, when it becomes clear the conversation wonât continue on its own. âGo get the maps.â
Itâs another mark against him, Scar knows. Their camaraderie is tenuous at best and Scar shouldnât be pushing it, but heâs not willing to give up on the chance of company. Not yet.
Luckily, Grian doesnât argue or bite back, simply shoving his chair aside as he stands, feet thumping in heavy steps as he heads back up the stairs.
âIâm sorry about him,â Scar says, quick while they have the minute, his voice low. âHeâsââ
âHey,â Karl interrupts, smiling soft and understanding. âDonât worry about it. Itâs the end of the world, dude. Nobodyâs at their best right now.â
An unkind part of Scarâthe part still hurting from the betrayal that forced their break upâwants to say something callous. Wants to explain that Grian wasnât at his best before the world fell off the rails. That heâs been cruel and selfish and only looking out for himself for seemingly years. But Scar pushes that down, simply smiling and nodding instead, appreciating the sympathy for what it is.
It only takes a few minutes for Grian to return with the maps and, to his credit, he brandishes them without a fuss. Karl and Quackity quickly clear the table of their plates, breakfast polished off and minds set towards what comes next. Officiously, Grian unfolds the maps and lay them out, and then they listen intently as Grian lays out the tentative route he and Scar plan to follow.
âWe donât want to go too far west,â Quackity corrects after Grian is finished explaining. Heâs standing so he can lean over the table and properly study the map, his eyes calculating and keen. âThereâs a lot of big cities that way. We have to avoid them as much as we can.â
âWhy?â Grian snipes without hesitation. Itâs the kind of hostility that reads like it carries a personal grudge. Unbidden, Scar thinks back to the teasing flirtation over breakfast and hopes against hope thatâs not the reason why Grianâs decided to put up a fight. âIs there something youâre trying to hide?â
âHide?â Sapnap echoes, incredulous. âWeâre not trying to hide anything, what the hell are you talking about?â
âThe cities are infected wastelands, asshole,â Quackity explains brusquely.
âTheyâre also the only places weâre going to find shelter and supplies,â Grian counters, like heâs played some sort of masterstroke.
âDude, have you never seen a zombie movie in your life? You know that when those things bite you, you turn into one, right?â Sapnap argues, brushing a hand back through his hair in frustration. âYou die and you⊠you come back different.â
âYou come back worse,â Quackity says, curt, drawing looks from both Karl and Sapnap. âI donât care what your reason is; supplies or not, youâre crazy if you think walking directly into a hotspot makes any sense at all.â
âItâs not that bad,â Grian dismisses breezily. âWe were in Anaheim and got through it fine.â
Theyâre met with a stunned, incredulous sort of silence.
âYou were in Anaheim during a zombie apocalypse?â Sapnap says at last. âWhy the f*ckâŠ?â
Sheepish, Scar chuckles. âIâd never been to Disney and we were already in the area, soâŠâ
âOh I love you, dude,â Karl cackles, delighted. âHoly sh*t, youâre amazing. Did you, like, climb the Matterhorn? Orââ
âPoint being,â Grian interrupts. âThe zombies we encountered were slow, mostly uninterested, and kept their distance. Iâm not saying it was easy, butââ
âFor now,â Quackity interrupts, quiet.
âExcuse me?â
A strange mood descends over the group in an instant. Scar doesnât know what it is, but whatever Quackityâs about to say has Karl and Sapnap exchanging significant glances. Quackity doesnât look in either of their directions, gaze fixed on Grian, mouth set seriously and expression knit.
âItâs been, what? A week since things went to sh*t? Give or take a couple days, depending on how fast it spread in your area.â Quackityâs voice is level and strong, engaging in a way that has Scar hooked on his every word. Absently, Scar wonders if heâd done a lot of public speaking before this mess; heâs a natural at it. âThe infected humans are all degraded to their base instincts: eat and spread. Right now, all weâre encountering are creatures that are well-fed and satiated. Theyâve had their fill of the people that werenât fast or smart or lucky enough to find somewhere to hideâtheyâre f*cking full. So why the hell would they go against their instincts and put themselves at risk by going after dessert carrying a shotgun?â
Grianâs expression is carefully neutral. The room remains completely silent, all of them gripped by Quackityâs words.
âIn a week or two, when theyâre hungry and have no easy prey left to pick off⊠when theyâre desperate and starving and single-mindedly trying to fuel their decaying bodiesâitâs not going to be so easy anymore.â Quackityâs eyes flash, agitated. âYouâre a f*cking idiot if you think things wonât changeâthat this is as bad as itâs gonna get.â
The silence persists, mood darker than itâs been since Scar and Grian first arrived. Scar doesnât pretend he gets all the implications of whatâs being said, but he processes enough to feel that Quackityâs making several extremely valid points. He looks over in Grianâs direction, hoping to find the same acknowledgement in his eyes, but all he finds is a blank look of indifference.
âAnd youâre a biological expert on these things, I suppose?â Grian asks, only managing to draw a minorly irritated sigh from Karl.
âLook, if itâs supplies youâre worried about, we have them,â Karl reasons. He reaches out, pressing his finger down on the map, pointing to a thin line heading north. âWe were gonna head this way originally. Thereâs loads of old ghost towns from the gold rush along this route. Not a lot of people, a clear road, and empty places to crash for the night when we have to.â He pauses for a moment, carefully considering Scar and Grian before he continues earnestly. âI wonât speak for these two, but this whole⊠everything has been hardâreally hard. Weâre not getting down on one knee to propose here, but it would be nice to have some company for a while.â
Unconvinced, Grian huffs a breath, making a little noise to Scarâs left, tetchy and unconvinced.
âWhen this road meets the interstate heading into Oregon you can tell us to f*ck off,â Karl adds persuasively. âJust a little temporary partnership, yâknow?â
Itâs increasingly obvious that no matter what Karl says, Grian is not going to bend. His mind set on splitting up here and now, despite the obvious benefits being part of a larger group would be. Itâs cruel to make them continue begging for something that would be of mutual benefit for them all.
So Scar abruptly puts an end to it, making a unilateral decision.
âGentlemen, weâd be honoured.â He extends his hand in a flourish, ignoring the way Grian hisses his name at his side. With clear relief, Karl reaches out and shakes his hand, wrapping long fingers tipped in chipped nail polish around Scarâs palm, that now-familiar giggle of his working its way out of his throat.
âYou wonât regret this,â he says, like a kid whoâs just gotten his first full time job. âI promise you, weâre a hoot.â
âGuess we should get packing then,â Quackity murmurs from the side.
Scar gives him a wide grin, hand still gripped by Karlâs, ignoring Grian to the best of his ability. âGuess you should.â
The trio immediately get started, divvying tasks with their usual play-shouting and bantering. It amuses Scar, and he watches them while Grian gathers up the maps from the table. Heâs holding himself stiff, mouth shut in a way that suggests clenched teeth.
Scar is ready for the fallout thatâs guaranteed the moment theyâre alone. Itâs not his first rodeo.
Sure enough, they're barely back in their room before Grian is snapping at him.
âWhatâs the matter with you?â
Heâs madâas mad as Scarâs ever seen him. He used to find Grianâs temper endearing in its own way, the way heâd bend himself out of shape over every minor inconvenience. Nowadays he just finds it exhausting.
âWhatâs the matter with me?â Scar asks, sitting down heavily on the edge of the bed, his legs already aching from going up and down the stairs. Heâs on the edge of a bad flare-up, and fighting with Grian is the last thing he wants to be doing. âWhatâs the matter with you?â
âI donât want to stick with them,â Grian retorts, blunt. âTheyâre a liability, canât you see that?â
âGrian, theyâre a bunch of scared kids.â
âNot kidsânot even close.â
âYoung adults then, whatever. You know what I mean,â Scar sighs, rolling his eyes as they split this hair. âWeâve got a decade on them, Grian. Theyâre kids to me, and I canât in good conscience leave them here to fend for themselves when theyâre begging us to help them just because one of them looked at you funny.â
âItâs not how they look at me,â Grian spits, pacing the floor. âItâs how they look at you.â
The confession, the sheer unbelievable audacity of it, shocks Scar to his core. It shouldnât, maybeânot after years of Scar defending his friendship with Cub against Grianâs constant criticism. Itâs funny, looking back at it now. Because when it comes down to it, despite Scar being âtoo friendly,â heâs not the one who ended up cheating.
He sighs, wearier than heâs ever felt. âTheyâre not a threat to you, Grian.â
That, at least, gets Grian to stop his pacing, looking at Scar with a mixture of emotions on his face that Scar canât even begin to pull apart. It frustrates him. He hates their fragility. He hates his instinct to comfort and reassure Grian, even now. Feeling like he yet again has to cover for the people in his life.
âBesides,â he continues, stubbornly rising to his feet despite the ache in his legs, wanting the height advantage when he speaks, redrawing the line between them yet again. âYou need to remember that there is no us to feel threatened about.â
He doesnât look at Grian as he says it, not interested in what kind of expression heâll make. Scarâs always been soft at heartâespecially when it comes to Grian. If heâs being entirely honest, itâs taking a lot of effort to keep his distance. All Grian would have to do is look hurt for Scarâs insides to twist in guilt and for him to cave in some degree, so he avoids facing that reality at all, instead focusing on getting their meagre belongings together.
It doesnât take him very long. He manages it in silence while Grian silently watches him in the background until finally he hauls the pack with all their worldly possessions up onto his back and slings the strap of the rifle over his arm.
âGet your things together,â he says as he moves towards the bedroom door, still not looking Grianâs way. âIâm going to take a shower, and then we're out of here. I'm not keeping them waiting any longer than we have to.â
He puts his things next to the bathroom door and heads in. It's dark, the only light coming from a window covered by thin, sheer curtains. It's enough visibility for him to work by, so he doesn't bother with moving the coverings aside. He strips down quickly and steps into the shower, preparing himself for the blast of cold before it hits him. Even so, he yelps as the first bits of spray hits his warm body. Working quick, Scar washes himself in the chill, making use of the soap and shampoo that the either the boys or the prior owners of this home have left behind.
It feels good to get clean. Feels even better to focus on nothing but wiping himself down, letting his mind go blank. He wishes he could stay inside longer, but the cold water makes it near impossible to linger, his teeth slowly beginning to chatter. He rinses off the soap and shampoo in a few passes, hurriedly shutting off the water and stepping wet onto the shower mat outside the stall. He grabs the towel laying on the rod, still slightly damp from when Grian used it last. Drying off, he sighs forlornly as he stares at his dirty clothes.
A shame to have to get back into those when the rest of him feels so clean. Nevertheless, Scar does what he has to, dressing back up and heading out of the bathroom. His things are still where he left them, and he grabs them up as he makes his way down the stairs, taking it slow and keeping a firm grip on the railing. Once heâs at the bottom, he heads straight for where he hears the loud voices of the trio presumably packing their things. They smile at Scar as he enters the room, and for the first time in a long time, Scar feels welcome.
It takes them the better part of an hour to sift through the things the trio have amassed to determine what to take. Grian joins them partway through, and when Scar meets his gaze he sees nothing but an intent focus on the task at hand. Together, they pack up bed rolls and blankets along with canned foods, matches, and candles. Itâs with great reluctance that they set the perishables aside, mourning them almost overdramatically. Thereâs a mood the three carry between them, like theyâre preparing to go campingâtheyâre excitable and enthusiastic, laughing and joking amongst each other with a levity Scar hadnât expected but finds himself enjoying.
They donât have any firearms, but each has a weapon of their own. A machete, a tire iron, and a crow bar. Additionally, Sapnap keeps a hunting knife strapped to his hip and shin guards on his legs. Of the three of them, Quackity travels the lightest, either on purpose or out of ignorance. Heâs got the fewest layers and the lightest pack, his sleeves partially rolled up, exposing his unprotected forearms.
Still, he remains organized and practical, keeping Sapnap on track with their gear while Karl and Scar sit aside and plan their route.
Karl again touches on what Quackity warned, citing it as the reason why they need to leave their current base as soon as possible. He relays to Scar that they'd scoped out the nearby neighbourhoods when they'd first arrived, and it's heavily infested. Together the trio has looted what they can, but thereâs an understanding lingering that they need to be gone, and soon, because the corpses wandering around are bound to grow hungry any day now. While this particular house may be safe, if they wait any longer, the zombies are going to spread out from where they've been loitering. And by the time they come looking for them, itâll be too late to leave.
They both agree that the best thing they can do is split up and rendezvous at the same destination, daisy-chaining their way north. Since Scar and Grian have a bike, it simply doesnât make sense for them to slow down for the other three. Instead, they can scout ahead to find safe places to stop, while the trio follow behind on foot.
Their first day goal is an abandoned outpost town a three hour walk away. Theyâre anticipating something abandonedâold trailer homes and shacks left to rot in the desert. No zombies. No survivors. No one around for miles.
Itâs nearly noon by the time theyâre ready to go, standing inside the front door of the house with packs strapped to their backs. Scarâs own is heavy with supplies for the first time since they were forced to strike out together. Itâs reassuring for their odds of survival, but he worries about his legs.
âHere.â Sapnap reaches out to him, holding a walkie talkie in his hand. âWe tested it and itâs got a range of about seven miles. Itâs not ideal, butâŠâ He trails off, shaking the walkie impatiently as he waits for Scar to take it. âIf you check in every half hour or so, at least weâll know when weâre getting near and what to expect.â
âDonât take any stupid risks,â Karl says, cautioning them both. âWeâve stopped at a few of these kinds of places and havenât had any trouble yet, but you never know when that luckâs about to run out.â
âWeâre a bad omen, we get it,â Grian sighs, making a show of rolling his eyes.
âWeâll assess things from a safe distance,â Scar promises, speaking over Grianâs dramatics. âIf thereâs any googlies, weâll wait for your arrival to set âem straight.â
Karlâs eyes light up, delighted. âWait, what wasâdo you call them googlies?â
âAhâoh. Well, Grian started it,â Scar says, seeing the opportunity and wanting to encourage camaraderie. Even now, broken up and with Grian at his worst, a part of Scar canât help but want others to see Grian the way he does. The way he used to. Grian is resourceful, intelligent, witty, and so, so funny. He doesnât know if calling attention to it will help, but itâs worth a shot.
âI canât believe you two were wandering around Anaheim,â Sapnap marvels, shaking his head. âItâs a miracle the zombos didnât tear you up just for calling âem that.â
âYeah, well, Iâm sure when they caught sight of those guns, they thought twice,â Quackity teases, elbowing Sapnap as he grins in Scarâs direction.
âIâve only got the one,â Scar explains, pleasant.
Karl canât hide his smile, shaking his head fondly. âHe wasnât talking about your rifle, dude.â
Sapnap gets a good laugh out of it, and Quackity giggles as Karl loops an arm around him and mutters âdown, boyâ in a way thatâs clearly fond. Scar feels the heat rising in his cheeks. He knows itâs a joke, but itâs been a while since heâs been appreciated for his appearance. Even when he had Grian were dating, Grianâs compliments had grown scarcer in the months leading to their breakup.
Maybe that shouldâve been a sign.
They split up with little fanfare, quieter out in the open where they could draw attention. The trio hang back for a moment, something about Karl wanting to say goodbye to the house, which Grian ignores as he goes to collect their bike. They set off together, Scarâs seated behind Grian with his backpack in his lap and rifle on his back. He keeps the walkie talkie in hand, counting down the minutes before he can use it. They ride quietly for a while, with nothing but the sounds of wheels on concrete and the pattern of Grianâs breathing to keep them company.
Once Scar estimates that theyâve travelled about five miles, he holds the device up to his mouth and presses down on the push-to-talk button.
âPandas, Pandas, this is Sparrow, come in, over.â
He hears Grian sigh heavilyâcan imagine him rolling his eyesâbut it does nothing to dim his excitement. A moment passes, and then another, until Scar begins to worry that maybe theyâve overshot the seven mile leeway they had.
But then, crackling over the speakerâ
âUh, hey ScarâI mean⊠Sparrow.â Sapnapâs voice comes, crackly through the radio, laughter apparent even in his choppy tone. âWhatâs up?â
âSay again? Pandas, is that you, over?â
Another pause, followed by a rush of static and then, firmer than the last time: âRoger that, Sparrow. This is Pandas, over.â
Scar grins wide, chuckling to himself as he presses down on the button again. âReading you loud and clear now, Pandas. Just wanted to inform you boys that itâs been smooth sailingâor biking, as it were. Not a googlie in sight. Over.â
âRoger that, Sparrow. When will you be checking in next, over?â
âLetâs say at around 1300 hours, Pandas. Do you copy, over?â
âErr, thatâs like... one oâclock, right?â Comes the uncertain response, breaking off before starting again, only to add, âOver.â
Scar bites back a laugh. âAffirmative, Pandas. Over.â
âAlright, Sparrow. Weâll stand by for an update when youâre ready. Over.â
âRoger wilco,â Scar agrees. âThis is Sparrow, over and out.â
He takes his thumb off the PTT, the walkie cutting off into silence as he takes in a deep breath, enjoying the fresh air. Above them, the sun is at its zenith, not a cloud to block it as it shines down on them, lighting the desert in bright tans and oranges that reflect the lift in Scarâs mood.
âWell that was fun,â he says, prompting conversation, wanting Grian to have enjoyed it even just a fraction as much as he did.
Grian replies with a tiny grunt of acknowledgement and nothing else.
Grin faltering for a second, Scar tries again, making a couple light observations about the scenery around them. This time, Grian doesnât reply at all. Ultimately, Scar gives up, resolving to enjoy the ride simply out of spite alone. Let Grian peddle out his frustration in silence.
Itâs another half-mile before Scar gets bored of the flat and the silence. Trying not to jostle Grian, he digs his phone out to pass the time, powering it up and trying not to look too closely at the already greatly depleted battery life. Out of habit, he pokes into his social media apps, unsurprised when nothing connects to the internet. Itâs what he expected, but it still feels wrong in a way heâs not used to.
He looks into his photo album next, going through snapshots of various cats from his walks, landscape inspiration, and meme after ridiculous meme he saved for a chuckle. The nostalgia gets a few grins out of him, but the humour is quickly lost when he hits the first few selfies of himself with Grian. A snapshot of the two of them lazing around in bed on a weekend, Grian pressing a kiss to his cheek sleepily. Another where Grian is holding the phone up at an angle to catch himself in the photo, laughing hard as he frames Scar in the background, absolutely soaked from an escalating series of pranks theyâd been playing back and forth for nearly two weeks.
The memories curl up into a knot in his stomach, and Scar finds himself flicking through the pictures with Grian as quick as he can, trying not to see them but lingering all the same. His anxiety spikes even further as he stumbles onto the first selfie of him and Cub. His best friendâs never been a picture guy, but heâd made an exception for when Scar had thrown him a surprise party for securing his newest grant. In the photo, Scarâs arm is around Cub, pumping his fist in the air and cheering, all while his friend sips casually on a drink and looks to the side. Thereâs a small smile on his face, hidden behind his glass, and itâs so Cub that it makes Scarâs chest hurt.
On automatic, he switches over to Cubâs text messages, staring hard at the unanswered messages and feeling the guilt that comes from having missed his last calls. He hesitates, disquieted, sending another, âI hope youâre doing alright,â into the list of unanswered texts. Trying not to dwell on it, he flicks screens to his texts with Pearl, with the intention of sending a similar message. Itâs there that his heart nearly stops.
There are no replies, no reactions, no responseânothing as remarkable as thatâbut⊠beneath his last message to her, the grey text has changed from âDeliveredâ to âRead.â
It should make him feel hopeful, but it doesnâtâall Scar can think of is what it means. Is it a glitch? Has something gone wrong? Or did Pearl actually open the message and then simply never bother to reply? That doesnât seem right. Neither Cub nor Pearl would leave him on read like that; especially in such a dire situation. So then⊠what? What had kept Pearl from responding?
Scar knows that the likeliest outcome is that his messages have gone glitchyâitâs the end of the world, the power grid is down, itâs not like they have proper service. Hell, he doubts that his messages are even going through anymore. And yetâŠ
The possibilities, good, bad and worse, all stick like burrs inside his head.
Anxious and restless, Scar looks to Grian, hoping to share his concerns, or at the very least his discovery, but the memory of Grian's bad mood makes him close his mouth again. Heart heavy, he powers down the phone and tucks it away, pushing down the gnawing unrest of the mystery and focusing on the problem at hand instead.
Grian has held out a lot longer than Scar expected him to. Their destination isnât far now, and the entirety of the journey has passed with his determined silence. In truth, Scar had thought theyâd spend the majority of the ride bickering, and in the rising tension of the absence of an argument leaves him feeling like something between them is about to snap.
âCan we talk?â he prods.
Blessedly, Grian doesnât ignore him this time.
âKind of a captive audience right now,â he huffs, hands flexing on the handlebars. âDonât think I can really stop you.â
Thatâs fair enough.
âWhatâs your problem with them?â Scar asks. âReally. Not just âI donât like it when they look at you.ââ
âJust going straight for the kill,â Grian mutters, incredulous. Scar would give him a winning smile, but the mood isnât right, and itâs not like Grian can see his expression anyway.
Grian continues pedaling, fixing his voice into that scolding tone he uses sometimes, like heâs pointing out something astoundingly obvious. âYou donât think itâs suspicious? Like, why were they just there? Hanging out and waiting for us?â
âI wouldnât say they were waiting for us,â Scar argues, trying to keep an open mind. âIt was one of those coincidences. Honestly, it was weirder that we hadnât seen anyone up until we met them, yâknow?â
âThatâs just it though, isnât it?â Grian huffs. âIf we didnât come across anyone before because they were all turned or dead, how come those three werenât? Why were they just wandering out in the open like that?â
âWe were also just wandering out in the open.â Scar points out.
âThatâs different,â Grian insists, undeterred. âWeâre heading north. Thatâs been our plan from the very first day. But they had no clue where to go until we gave them a direction!â
Scar closes his eyes, resisting the urge to drop his forehead against Grianâs bag. âThatâs nothing, Grian. All that tells us is that they were lost and confused, just like anyone their age would be when thrown into a survival situation.â
âSo whatâs all the secrecy about, then?â
Scar canât help himself, giving into the impulse to roll his eyes at Grianâs paranoia.
âWhat secrecy?â
âYou canât be serious,â Grian says, huffing a laugh with no humour in it. Heâs speaking through gritted teeth, pedaling harder, making the gears creak. âAll those little glances they exchange with one another? Donât tell me you havenât noticed. Or what about all the information they have on how zombies act and behave. Where did they learn all that?â
âWhat are you implying?â Scar challenges, frustrated with Grianâs obstinance. âAre you saying theyâre double agents? Working on the side of the zombies?â
âI donât know,â Grian counters. âIâm just saying itâs suspicious, thatâs all!â
âListen to yourself, Grian.â
âI am listening!â Grian retorts, twisting his head to the side so he can throw a quick glare at Scar over his shoulder. âAnd you asked! So Iâm telling you: I just donât like them, Scar. But itâs fine. Weâre doing it your way, so thatâsâyou know. It is what it is.â
The accusation stings. The implication that Scar has somehow strong-armed Grian into something wholly unreasonable when Scar genuinely believes being grouped up like this is nothing but an asset to them both. Heâs trying to help. Heâd never willingly put Grian in harmâs way. Never.
âI donât like this side of you,â he mutters, words low in his chest. âYouâreââ
âNot the man you married,â Grian bites, bitter and viciously sharp.
The words connect with Scar like a slap across the face. He jerks himself back, almost offsetting the balance of the bikeâand maybe thatâs what does it.
Maybe the disorientation, the shifting of gravity, is the final nail in the coffin. Maybe itâs Grianâs rough pedaling, his heavy handling of delicate parts, or even just the strain of having to accommodate the weight of two people and their gear when the bike was only ever built for one.
Whatever it is, itâs still a surprise when the gear chain snaps, the resulting swerve of the bike sending Scar tumbling off the back.
âScar!â Grian shouts, distressed, turning sharply around on instinct.
The bikeâs tires screech on the patchy pavement as Grian comes to a stop. However, he barely has the time to cast the bike aside before Scar is gathering himself up off the ground, trying not to appear winded. Grian moves to crouch by his side, telling him to take it slow and reaching out to help him, but Scar jerks away from his touch, rejecting his aid, and Grian pulls his hands back like heâs been burned. Scar doesnât know why, doesnât know what makes him so petty, all he knows is that after their argument mere moments before, the last thing he wants is Grianâs immediate pity.
It takes longer than he would like, but eventually, Scar manages to get upright on his own, head still swimming from vertigo. He sits on the ground as he assesses the rifle, checking it over to make sure nothingâs broken or jammed from the fall. He counts himself lucky it didnât misfire when he hit the ground, trying not to think about who or what an errant shot might have alerted, or how bad the distant sound might have worried the boys.
The rest of his things are within arms reach, the backpack too heavy to have fallen far, and the walkie talkie jammed uncomfortably into his hip.
If his body was aching before, itâs worse now, pain shooting through Scarâs joints as he attempts to stand.
Grian hovers next to him, hand held loose in front of his body like he wants to reach out and steady him but is afraid of being rebuffed again. Scar pretends he doesnât notice, leveraging himself to his feet on his own. He walks shakily past Grian, picking up his backpack and hefting it back onto his shoulders before he grabs the walkie talkie from where it skidded out from under him, immediately holding down the push-to-talk button.
âPandas, this is Sparrow,â he says, curt. All trace of his earlier excitement is gone, giving his message a purely perfunctory air. âThe roadâs clear. Iâll hail again once weâve reached the destination, over.â
The walkie talkie crackles moments later, Sapnapâs voice concerned over the line.
âHey Sparrow, this is Pandasâthat's good but, uh, you sound a little rough. We got some static a couple minutes ago, gave us a bit of a scare, is everything okay? Um. Over.â
âAffirmative,â Scar responds, short and to the point. âThis is Sparrow, over and out.â
He lets go of the PTT, gripping the walkie tight in his hand as he takes a deep, long breath and then blows it all out, trying to vent his frustration without losing his cool. Pain ricochets up his leg as he continues to stand, but he ignores that too. The only thing he canât ignoreâno matter how much he triesâis Grian, watching him with worry creasing the bridge between his brows.
âScar, are you alrâ?â
âI still care about you,â Scar interrupts, struggling to keep his voice even. He takes another breath, deep and even, trying to settle his riotous thoughts. âYou know that, right? You know I still care. You know that this is hard for me.â
Grianâs expression immediately shutters, his hands tightening into fists at his sides, knuckles white. He looks resolutely towards the horizon, jaw fixed.
He remains silent.
Of course he does.
âWhat do you want me to do?â Scar asks, begs, pressing a palm flat against his chest. âBecause I have no other options right now, Grian. Itâs you and me, or itâs no one and Iâm alone, and we both know how far Iâll make it by myself so justâput yourself in my shoes, alright? Try.â
Seconds pass in uncomfortable silence, Scarâs heart aching in his chest, racing too fast, feeling too many emotions all at once.
Still, Grian doesnât speak.
Scar wishes it didnât have to be this way, struggling with the reality of the hand heâs been dealt. If he couldâve chosen to be with anyone during the fallout of something so horrible, it wouldnât have been with the man that had just broken his trust and torn his heart to pieces.
What he needs is distance. What he needs is time to grieve and recover. But the universe has opted to grant him neither, so in the absence of all of that, Scar is doing the best he can.
Is it too much to ask for Grian to do the same?
âGrian,â Scar pleads, âIâm not asking the world here. All I want is a civil forty-eight hours with some strangers. We can tell âem to take a hike afterwards. Itâs not forever. But for now letâs make the best of it, because they need us and, god damn it, we need them too. Grian. Please.â
Thereâs a familiar tension in the air, the kind that Scarâs grown used to in the months leading up to their breakup. He presses harder, intentionally picking at scabs, hitting where he knows itâll hurt.
âYouâve already shown me what hitting rock bottom feels like, so why donât we try something else for a change, huh?â
Itâs a cheap shot, but it works.
âFine,â Grian spits at last, choking the word like itâs some sort of surrender.
As if that in any way settles things, Grian turns away from him, heading back towards the bike.
Scar uses the time Grian spends trying to salvage the chain to rub the soreness around his knees. They have the broken hoe at least. It's strapped to the side of Grianâs bag, a makeshift walking stick coming back into play.
Cursing from Grian draws Scarâs attention, the other man standing back from the bike with a grim expression on his face.
âWe canât fix the chain. Not without the right tools. Weâre gonna have to go the rest of the way on foot.â He looks like he wants to say something more, his expression flickering as he eyes where Scar is massaging his thighs. âShouldnât be much left, at least. We were almost there.â
Grian moves the bike to the side, pushing it off the edge of the road and letting it fall over onto a clump of dry, brittle weeds. He hesitates as he adjusts his pack across his shoulder, glancing at Scar again before he wordlessly tugs the hoe free. He hands it over to Scar before he starts off towards their destination.
The idea of walking the rest of the way is daunting, but Scar knows thereâs nothing left for it. Heâll walk until he canât anymore. Thatâs their only option.
Brushing the dust and dirt off his clothes, Scar straightens up as best he can under the weight of his bag, adjusting his grip on the garden hoe. And then, with a final, parting glance at the bikeâlying broken on the side of the road, useless and lonelyâhe follows after Grian.
Notes:
To nip any confusion in the bud--yes, the Life Series peeps will be in this fic. There's just a very specific part we want them to appear during, so until we get to that part, our choices essentially were: 1) Have Scar and Grian continue to travel alone for longer and risk making the future chapters boring/repetitive 2) Make OCs for them to interact with along the way 3) Do cameos from other MCYT and otherwise related media. We chose to do the last one, simply because it seemed like the most fun :3
If you don't know these characters, you're safe to treat them as OCs since, within the text, Scar and Grian are also meeting them for the first time. Any necessary information will be traded between the characters within the fic itself, so you won't be missing much ;) If you DO know these characters, then I hope you'll enjoy a temporary little crossover! :D For us, Karlnapity was what got us into MCYT, so it was exciting and nostalgic to revisit them :')
Thanks again for reading and supporting our fic! đ Reminder once more that there won't be a new chapter next week, but we'll get right back to it after our break! :3 Love y'all--see you two weeks from now!
Chapter 11
Notes:
Hi hi everyone! Let's get into it with some sweet, new fanart!
We've got this gorgeous, monotone piece of Scarian at the gun range in Chapter 8 by roseandmaple!
As well as a heart-wrenching, soft work of the boys together by mishori-o!
And finally this incredible piece that looks just like a book cover by caroline-bunny!
Thank you all so much!! Your styles are so lovely, we literally can't get enough of fawning over your work ;w; đ
Hope all of you reading had a nice spring break if you had one--and a nice week overall if you didn't! Glad to be back with another new chapter!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Itâs mid-afternoon when they finally spot their destinationâa clustered shanty of what once was a building crouched on the otherwise flat, featureless desert.
Itâs generous to call the place anything more than an outpost. A single weathered trailerhome on a cinder block foundation standing next to a trio of ramshackle sheds left to fade into obscurity. Nothing has the look of permanence. A place patched together for years, lingering over the bones of something that held value to someone once, now left wholly abandoned.
The tension between Scar and Grian hasnât faded, and as they do a cursory look around the area to check for any potential zombies, they do it wordlessly. Once the area is secure and Scar has radioed in to let the trio know theyâve made it, the two of them settle down to rest, pulling out water bottles and taking long, deep drinks. They sit in the shade of one of the broken down sheds, Grian perched on the rusted out drum from an old washing machine, and Scar resting on a stack of wood pallets left to rot into the sand.
Itâs quiet, with not even a stir of wind to keep them company. The sky is clear above them, sun shining bright without a cloud in its path. Despite the sunlight, the November chill is apparent, and though itâs not exactly cold, Scar canât help but wonder how theyâll fare when itâs later in the month and theyâre far further up north.
Fifteen minutes pass, and then fifteen more. Scar is beginning to doze off when he finally hears the approach of Karl, Sapnap, and Quackity. He can tell itâs them by the sound of their laughter; a cacophony of overlapping calls and chattering. It takes him a moment of hard thought to remember the last time he had a chance to enjoy himself like that.
The sentimentalist in him wants it to have been with Grian, but reluctantly heâs almost positive that it was with Pearl.
He tries not to overthink itâdoesnât want to spend his time wrestling with the bag of cats that are his feelings for Grian. It doesnât matter, he tells himself. Despite it all, Scar would rather have Grian with him than be alone without him. Even if it comes at the cost of the laughter and light-hearted banter that he so desperately wishes he could share with him again.
He co*cks his head to the side, listening as they approach. Karl is giggling, giddy and loud, and Sapnap and Quackity are bantering back and forth, words indiscernible from a distance, but recognizable from their pitch and tones. Itâs funny to hear them when they think no one else is around. Understandably, Quackity and Sapnap have both remained carefully subdued in their presenceâa caution that Karl seems to have forgoneâbut at a distance, Scar can hear them as they normally are. Boisterous, talking easily over top of one another, shouting and laughing in a casual, comfortable exchange.
âTheyâre certainly loud enough, arenât they?â Grian criticizes, busying himself with putting away the snacks they had out during their break, cleaning up the area. âTheyâre lucky thereâs no googlies around. Theyâd be calling them in for miles.â
âI think itâs nice,â Scar remarks, almost without thinking, speaking before he has a chance to consider how Grian will react. âIâm glad they can still be happy.â
He can see the way his words dig into Grianâs skin, poorly timed at best. Grianâs expression immediately shutters, dipping into something terse as he turns his torso away, focusing on packing his bag. Scar wants to apologise, not wanting to push their fragile truce into something argumentative. He feels the words building up in the back of his throat, but before he can say anything, Karlâs shaggy head peers around the corner of the trailer, face lighting up as he sees them.
âWell arenât you a sight for sore eyes!â Karl crows, sounding genuinely glad to see them. He tilts his attention back over his shoulder, calling out a âthis way, fellasâ before he ambles over to where Scar and Grian are sitting. Oblivious to their tension, he sits down between them, legs stretched out on the sandy soil, his shoulders pressing back against the rusted aluminium siding of the trailer as he heaves a relieved sigh.
He looks heated from the exertion of his walk, but not overly tired, bangs slicked down to his forehead with a sheen of sweat. Several of his layers have been discarded from when Scar saw him last, now wearing a loose shirt unbuttoned almost to his navel, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
âGot any water on ya, big guy?â Karl asks, and without hesitating Scar digs into his backpack for one of the water bottles heâd packed.
Taking the offered water and drinking deeply, Karl is preoccupied when Sapnap and Quackity catch up, smiling just as brightly as Karl had when they round the side of the trailer. Predictably, Sapnap takes a seat beside Karl, shouldering off his backpack with a sigh of relief but, curiously, Quackity opts to settle next to Scar, legs nearly touching as he sits on the stack of pallets.
They're both in the same easygoing mood Scar had heard as they approached, but itâs clear theyâre back to acting guarded around the two of them, the trust of familiarity not yet earned.
âSo?â Karl asks, after having drained a third of the water bottle. âWas it as good for you as it was for us? It seems like you made pretty good time.â
âThe bike chain snapped,â Grian says without preamble, not surprising Scar in the slightest as he focuses on the negative. âSo that was a pretty big bust for us.â
âAw, well, welcome to the On Foot gang,â Karl chuckles, handing his water bottle to Sapnap.
âIâm not pleased about it,â Grian mutters, getting to his feet and dusting himself off before he clips his pack back across his chest. âBut letâs get going.â
âWhoa,â Sapnap says, Quackity giving into a laugh of disbelief.
âSo, we just got here,â Karl smiles, delicate but firm. âYouâre gonna need to give us a minute to catch our breath.â
Grian stands silent as he looks down at Karl. Grianâs never called himself a leader per say, but heâs got the personality of someone who expects to be listened to when he speaks, and people have always tended to follow his direction as a result. At the moment, his expression alone speaks a thousand words, clearly not used to being talked back to, and even less used to being told what to do himselfâespecially by someone so much younger than him.
âHis face,â Quackity snickers, quiet, so only Scar can hear.
Itâs not that heâs picking sides, but Scar canât help but smile. Itâs nice to feel in on something, especially when itâs versus Grian. After so long without contact from anyone else, itâs freeing to be able to enjoy a moment with someone entirely unrelated to him and Grian and the history theyâre burdened by.
âWe saw a kangaroo rat,â Sapnap interjects, butting into the tension between Karl and Grian with almost endearingly inoffensive smalltalk.
âWe wanted to see some wild horses,â Karl adds, instantly relaxing as he leans against the broad slant of Sapnapâs shoulder. âImagine if we got our hands on some horses, right? Weâd be made in the shade.â
âHave you been on the bike since the outbreak started?â Quackity asks, looking to Scar with a curious, conversational smile.
It strikes Scar, not for the first time, just how young the three of them are. Easily a decade younger than him, barely into their twenties. The way Quackity speaks to him has the polite deference of a student to a teacher, or an employee to their boss. Scar wants to tell him to relax, that Quackity doesnât have to treat him like a distant uncle heâs unfamiliar with, but he doesnât know how to say the words in a way that wonât come off as insulting or condescending.
âIâve never been good with kids,â is the joke he wants to make, but he knows it wouldnât go over well. Not yet, anyway.
âWe had a car,â he shares, opting to just speak to Quackity like heâd speak to any adult peer of his. âBut we had to put her down.â
âSounds like thereâs a story there,â Quackity encourages, his smile turning a little more genuine.
âHe set her on fire,â Grian interrupts, arms crossed, still standing.
âOh sh*t,â Sapnap pipes up, and thereâs awe in his tone that Scar knows Grian wonât appreciate. âThatâs so badass.â
âYou see, baby?â Karl hums with a smile, speaking to Quackity and clearly picking up a well-worn subject. âI told you, thereâs no rules anymore. We can do whatever we want, now.â
Intrigued, Scar sits up a little straighter, his grin turning rakish, like heâs some sort of expert on the subject. âAre you saying youâve been nurturing a craving for arson?â
Karl laughs, almost a chortle, shaking his head before he pushes his tousled hair back with an absent flick of his wrist.
âI want us to get married. The three of us.â
He says it simply, like itâs very matter-of-fact, but his words catch both Scar and Grian in a similar way, both their eyebrows shooting up in unison as they react to his declaration.
âWe couldnâtâyâknow, it didnât work like that before. Three people and all,â Karl continues, hand dropping to his side as he seeks out Sapnapâs, threading their fingers together in a fond, familiar way. âBut if nothing matters anymore, whatâs to say we canât just do it now? Make our own rules.â
Itâs wholesome. A sweet, romantic, remarkably mature sentiment from someone Scar had been thinking of as basically children just moments ago. Scar canât help but wonder about the logistics of it. Marriage, so early on in their years? In the wreck of the world? How could they trust that it would last? How would they even go about it? Did all of them share the fantasy, or was this just Karlâs dream?
A part of Scar wants to question them, but another part worries that maybe this is just the way normal people are when they fall in love these days and heâs the one whoâs been turned cynical by years of half-hearted efforts from his own flagging partner.
He can feel Grian watching him, focused and incredibly intense, but chooses to ignore it in favour of finding out more, motivated by genuine curiosity, and a tiny bit of spite.
âHave you been together that long?â
The question makes Grianâs shoulders tense up, stiff, as he finally, reluctantly sits back down. The two of them hadnât ever really discussed marriage themselves. The few times it had come up itâd been brushed away with a joke or a distraction. Scar had always wanted it, desperately, but Grian would only quip that he was allergic to rings, and didnât know whenâif everâheâd be ready to settle down.
It had been funny enough at the time. Jokes from friends occasionally teasing about proposals, admiring engagement rings in storefront windows, looking at vacation destinations and wondering if they would work for a honeymoon. The entire time laughing at Grainâs complaints of rushing into things, of the stress and inconvenience of wedding planning, of the ridiculousness of the expectation.
And then discovering that Grian didnât just need more time. That he was truly allergic to any kind of commitment at all.
âWe havenât been together long, no,â Karl admits, and laughs at the expression Scar canât keep off his face. âI mean, me and Sap, yeah. Weâve been together for years. But as far as the three of us go, weâve all been friends for a while, but Q wasâŠâ
âI was both of their Other Man,â Quackity teases, unaware of how Scarâs mouth instantly goes dry, the air becoming loaded in a way he knows the trio wonât understandâwonât recognise at all. âI third wheeled them for ages. I didnât know what the f*ck I was doing.â
âYou were in love with us,â Karl says, soft. He reaches a hand towards Quackity, who brushes his fingertips against Karlâs fondly before he lets Karl hook their pinkies together. âAnd we were in love with you. It just took us all a little while to sync up.â
âWhat happened?â Scar canât help but ask. Heâs always been a romantic, and heâll admit that the idea of three people togetherâwithout jealousy or angerâis entirely foreign to him. It touches a frayed part of his aching soul, something pained and spiteful, but his interest outweighs it, curiosity getting the better of him. âWhat got you all on the same page?â
A look passes between the three, quick and deliberate. Itâs the kind of glance that Grian had been upset about earlier, but Scar canât find it in himself to be suspicious. Itâs clear that itâs the kind of wordless communication that can exist between three individuals entirely in tune with one another. Theyâre just being careful. Willing to share, but acknowledging that thereâs a level of trust being unlocked in order to reveal this information.
âIt was the zombies,â Karl offers at last.
âWe had⊠a pretty bad scare that first day when it all went to sh*t,â Sapnap adds, hand reaching out to find Karlâs, fingers intertwining naturally before he puts his other hand out to Quackity, whoâs gone completely silent but moves his hand towards Sapnapâs from across the gap anyhow. âIt put a lot of things into perspective for us. Showed us how much time we were all wasting being⊠I dunno, dumb and shy and stupid.â
âIt sounds crazy,â Karl jokes, smiling and honest. âThe zombies were the best thing that couldâve happened to us.â
Sitting there beside the three of them, hearing them tell their story, marveling at how this catastrophe brought them cohesion and not whatever he and Grian are currently putting themselves throughâŠ
It hurts.
Of all the people to meet in the apocalypse, itâs ironic that they ended up crossing paths like this. Three people who came together so strongly in the chaos, overcoming hurdles that Scar had never even known about, while simultaneously he and Grian had fallen so disastrously apart.
A part of Scar is happy for themâoverjoyed that they could find such joy in the face of a world turned on its head.
Another part of him nurses his own heartache bitterly. Resenting the idea that three people could navigate something so complex as this and not fall victim to cheating and lies the way Grian had.
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
Scarâs heart aches in his chest, longing for the opportunity to have approached Grianâs infidelity from another angle. To have had the chance to broach things differently. To be open. To share.
He doesnât know if he could have done what the trio have doneâdoesnât know if his love was meant to split into thirds that way. But the fact that he was never even given the chance to try leaves him feeling robbed. An added insult to injury, like a fresh bruise on an already deep and painful ache.
As polite as he can be in the midst of his own turmoil, Scar manages to speak.
âIt sounds like it all worked out for the best.â
âWeâve genuinely never been happier,â Karl replies, looking at Quackity as he says it, who returns the confession with a blush and a smile.
Abruptly, Grian stands up, fists clenched tight at his sides.
Scar couldâve seen this coming from a mile away. It astounds him, sometimes, how Grian can take everything as a personal attack on his characterâeven when the people involved know absolutely nothing about him or the skeletons in his closet. A stray thought in his head tells him he's being unkind, reading too much into Grian's reaction when he likely doesn't intend it that way. And yet, Scar can't shake himself of the negativity.
Leave it to Grian to get insecure about another personâs happiness.
âExcuse me,â Grian mutters, stiff as he cuts across their circle, moving to put himself at a distance from the group.
It makes Scarâs heart sink. Makes him tired. Itâs not unexpected, but itâs still disappointing. If anyone should need to get some distance, itâs Scar. And yet, he knows perfectly well that there would be no place for such actions, that it would be childish and petty to do anything other than politely listen to the trio.
âWas it something I said?â Karl asks, light, a rhetorical joke that has Sapnap chuckling half-heartedly at his side.
âDonât worry about it. Heâs justâŠâ Scar sighs, trailing off, flexing a hand on his knee as he prepares to get up and follow after Grian. Surprisingly, Quackity hops to his feet first, motioning for Scar to stay where he is.
âIâll go,â he suggests, easy, like heâs done it a hundred times. âJust keep him company, right? No problem.â
Scar hesitates, but itâs a good call. Grianâs no doubt prepared for Scar to follow himâready to pick an easy, predictable, guilt-riddled fight. Quackity going instead will force Grian onto his back foot, and hopefully off centre him enough that the sore spot will blow over without any larger issue. Scar wonders if Quackity sees it like thatâadmiring his maturity for the suggestion either way.
Maybe he judged him by his age too quickly.
âThanks,â Scar says, and means it. He sits back heavily, like a puppet with its strings cut, letting his breath out in a rush. It takes him a moment, lingering on the words and rolling them over on his tongue, before he adds, âGrianâs not a bad person. Weâre just⊠in a rough spot right now.â
âBeen there, done that,â Quackity says, huffing a small laugh. Heâs casual about it when he speaks, expression serious but holding no judgement. âNo worries, man. What are friends for, right?â
Scar tilts his head to the side, considering him carefullyâitâs an odd idea, to be friends already. The idea isnât unwelcome, but it still feels strange and a little premature. Tough, like under-ripe fruit. Heâs not about to rebuff Quackity for it, though. He likes him well enough, and Scarâs never been opposed to making as many connections as possible.
âYouâre a good guy, Q-bert,â he says, and means it.
Quackity grins at that, tugging his beanie back into place before he turns to follow the direction Grian had stormed off in. He walks a few paces before he seems to remember something, turning and blowing two comically large kisses back towards his partners. Karl and Sapnap both mime catching them, and place them to their heart and mouth respectively. Itâs clearly a familiar practice theyâve played out dozens of times before and itâs achingly sweet to observe. Scar finds himself smiling, nothing in him capable of feeling resentful for such a warm display.
âSo⊠how long have you and Grian known each other?â Sapnap pipes up once Quackity disappears from view around the corner of the trailer. Scar tries not to respond with how much he doesnât want to think about Grian right now, closing his eyes and letting himself think about it
âWell, thatâs a bit of a complicated question,â he muses after a pause, absently scratching at his chin. âGrian and I had a lot of mutual friends before we formally met one another, so Iâd heard about him and knew of him for maybe five or six years? We didnât get, uh⊠close, until about a year after that, though.â
Karl and Sapnap exchange a look, but Scar doesnât mind. Frankly, heâs okay with the trio finding out that he and Grian have dated and then broken up, even finding a bit of catharsis in being the one to share the story. Heâs not about to divulge too many details, but he doesnât see the harm in it. He has nothing to hide. He didnât cheat on anyone.
Neither of them pursue the topic any further however, Sapnap simply taking a swig from the water bottle Karl had handed him earlier before wiping his mouth on his wrist. âMe and Karl have you beat,â he says, almost bragging in a way that comes across as oddly endearing. âWeâve known each other since halfway through middle schoolâwell, known of each other.â
Karl grins fondly, like heâs reminiscing on something decades in the past and not a handful of years ago at best. âI saw your dumbass hanging out on the bleachers attempting to look cool with your asshole friends a total of three times before I got pulled out.â
âPulled out?â Scar asks, mildly amused by the idea. âWhat were you, a couple of bad boys?â
Karl shakes his head, smiling. âNah, man. Puberty had me all f*cked up. I could not stay awake and my grades were a disaster, so eventually everyone decided Iâd try homeschooling for a year to see if that could help me out.â He jerks his chin in Sapnapâs direction, smiling fondly. âSap ended up coming over to my place a lot âcause one of his dads was my tutor andââ Karl stops suddenly. His eyes dart to Sapnap, and Scar follows his glance.
Sapnapâs expression has gone closed, mouth tight around the corners.
âGod,â Karl breathes, the words tumbling out in a rush. âIâm sorry baby, I forgot. I didnât meanââ
âItâs okay,â Sapnap interrupts, shoulders tense but voice even. âTheyâre fine. I know they are.â
Karl leans close to him, and Sapnap leans in, clearly glad for it, their hands finding each other. After Sapnap catches a breath, he looks back at Scar and explains.
âMe and Karl went out of state for college. My dads were really supportive, but they both cried a lot when I left, andââ his words stutter, faltering. âI shouldâve called them more, I shouldâve gone home to see them. I shouldâve...â
âSap, if anyoneâs still out there, itâs your dads,â Karl reassures, squeezing Sapnapâs hand in his.
Sapnap manages a small smile, nodding his head, clinging to the hope Karl provides him. Scar had been so caught up in his own trauma that he'd entirely forgotten people had whole families they must be worried about. Feeling chagrinned, Scar awkwardly reaches out to give Sapnap a bracing clap on the shoulder, taking the small huff of laughter that comes out of him as a victory.
Itâs a raw, choked-up moment, vulnerable and fragile between the three of them, when suddenly Quackity and Grian return.
Theyâre not coming back good-natured and laughing, but then Scar didnât expect them to. Itâs enough to see Grianâs expression somewhat less twisted up. Not smiling but not outright scowling either.
It also helps that Quackity flashes him two thumbs-up and a quick grin.
âAre we ready to go?â Grian asks the moment heâs back by Scarâs side, arms folded tight across his chest, impatient.
âMm,â Karl hums, âI think weâve rested enough to keep pushingâwhat do you think boys?â
âItâs probably best to go while weâve still got light,â Sapnap offers, peering up at the sun and gauging its distance from the horizon. Beside him Quackity nods in agreement, hooking his thumbs under his backpack straps before he nods towards the direction they were heading in.
âWe continue,â Karl says, chipper, and Scar manages a low chuckle as he gets back on his feet.
They file out of the pitstop in a loose cluster, the trio sticking more or less together, naturally pulled into each othersâ gravity. Unsurprisingly, Scar ends up walking beside Grian, who keeps step beside him, attention focused on the ground immediately in front of his feet. He wonders if he should ask if Grianâs okay, but ultimately he just puts an arm around Grianâs shouldersâa sort of half-hug that lasts for only a second before he breaks away. He can feel Grian watching him as he drifts off to join Karl, Sapnap and Quackity taking the lead, leaving Grian awash in the middle, walking on his own.
Logically, Scar knows itâs petty to keep his distance, but he doesnât want to deal with the weird, antagonistic way Grian gets when heâs feeling guilty with nowhere else to put it. Heâs still not used to this version of Grian; the one whoâs hot and cold and needy and distant all at once. He longs for Grian he fell for, all embarrassed flushes and earnest apologies when he spilled a drink or broke a cup at Scarâs. The Grian who laughed at silly jokes and stupid pranks, uniquely fond in secret, private ways; stolen moments kept just between the two of them.
His nostalgia barely has a chance to breathe before it curdles, memories of missed meals and curt texts flashing through his head instead, sitting wrong in his stomach. He wants so badly to treasure the Grian he had, but at the moment all he can dwell on is how he canât remember the last time Grian apologised to him and meant it.
Time passes faster while traveling in a group, Scar finds. Itâs easier having people to talk to, exchanging stories, and getting to know one another. They trade off positions from time to time, so Scar gets the opportunity to talk to the entirety of the trio as they advance across the seemingly endless desert. Itâs nice to be able to connect with them, especially Sapnap and Quackity since, thus far, he's mostly been conversing with Karl. He already finds himself mourning their loss, dreading the return to silence after Grian insists on parting ways once theyâre through the next town.
Itâs silly, because Scar knows Grian would love these three if heâd just give them a chance. Especially Quackity, who seems to have grown incredibly fond of Scar. Heâs got the calculation and intelligence hidden behind easy words that reminds Scar so much of when he had first met Grian.
Theyâre alike in so many ways, right down to the slightly abrasive edge to their personality that doesn't come out until you're on their bad side, and Scar just wishes he could convey that to Grian without making him bristle up defensively.
Unfortunately, Grian makes his thoughts on travelling with the trio clear, keeping himself several steps away at all times, rarely participating in conversation or the games they play to pass the time. The boys exchange significant looks with one another each time Grian snubs them, which they make no effort to hide from Scar, but if they hold any ill-will towards him for it they donât say it out loud. Instead, without any formal signal, they simply tone down the number of times they ask Grian to join in, until eventually theyâre making no effort to include him at all.
It hurts Scarâs heart to see Grian isolated like this, and the part of him that still cares, still desperately wants them to see Grian the way he knows he can be, has to hold himself back from interfering. Instead, he keeps a smile on his face, laughing and chatting as the sun dips lower in the sky, their shadows lengthening beneath their feet as the air around them starts to cool off.
Theyâve been walking for several hoursâfollowing the straight line of the highway as it cuts across the desert, keeping the distant range of mountains to their leftâwhen they see the zombies coming.
Thereâs maybe half a dozen of themâeight at mostâfollowing the road, with no obvious sight of origin.
Scar knows they mustâve come from an accident or roadside rest-stop somewhere up ahead, but itâs hard not to imagine them clawing their way wretchedly up from out of the dry dusty earth, like the Hollywood horrors heâs familiar with.
Somehow that would be preferable, he thinks. It would be a damn sight better than this.
Theyâre far enough away from the horde that they havenât yet been spotted. Sapnap, who up until now has been leading them at a brisk pace, slows down. Thereâs a winding tension between the five, all of them chewing an uncertainty about how to address this obstacle.
âAlright,â Sapnap says eventually. His voice is low and calm, expression serious, attention fixed on the zombies as he speaks. âThey havenât seen us. If we give them enough room, we can just walk around and give âem a wide berth. No stupid risks. Itâs just not worth it.â
The suggestion comes with the air of experience, and Scarâs inclined to agree with it. It doesnât benefit any of them to put themselves at risk of an errant bite or scratch when the whole situation could be easily avoided. Plus, he canât deny the relief he feels about not being tasked to put any additional stress or fatigue on his body which, despite the welcome distraction of the trioâs company, is crying out in desperate need of a rest. Already a weariness is clawing at the edges of his consciousness, calling at him to doze.
Heâs opening his mouth to agree when Grian shoulders up to him, yanking the hoe that Scar had been carrying strapped next to the rifle free with a single, rough gesture.
Thereâs no discussion, no additional conversation. Without a word Grian rushes towards the zombies, raising his voice in a shout to draw their meandering, unfocused attention. Beside him, Karl says something loud and unrepeatable, but Scar doesnât have time to acknowledge it, heart up in his throat as all eight of the creatures turn their gazes on Grian in unison, locked on him like a target.
Thereâs no pause to think, just a single, automatic reaction. Without hesitating, Scar is already unhooking the rifle from across his back and raising it to his shoulder, focusing down its sight as beside him, the trio shout and scramble for their weapons.
He exhales, controlled, and squeezes the trigger, the recoil butting up hard against his shoulder. His first shot takes out one of the two zombies converging on Grian easily. At the same time, Grian dodges to one side, knocking the feet out from under the second with the broken handle of the hoe. When it stumbles and falls, he cleaves clean through its head, burying the sharp edge of the hoe into its skull before he jerks it back, violent, as he focuses on the next.
Scar lines up a second shot as another swing from Grianâs hoe cleaves into a skull. Together, he and Grian have taken out half the ghouls before Karl and Quackity even have a chance to get their weapons at the ready and catch up. Sapnap at least, had been walking with his crowbar swinging idle in his hand, and is able to sprint and join Grian. He yells something loud and fierce as he brings the blunt end of his tool down once, twice, three times, on a zombie that looks to have once been a man old enough to be his father.
Despite the fear, despite the panicâthereâs a thrill to it all that Scar doesnât yet understand.
Itâs exhilarating, the way he can tell from a distance what Grian is about to do; where heâll step next, when heâll flex and get ready to heft his weapon up once more. Scar can aim easily to aid him, taking out a zombie that stumbles too close as Grian is busy with his back half-turned. By the time Karl and Quackity catch up, thereâs only one left, and they work in easy unison to put it down, Quackity going so far as to raise his leg to kick it roughly in the mid-section, throwing it backwards as Karl dispatches it with rough, aggressive hacks from his machete.
Quick, efficient, and the zombies are dispatched of. Every last one.
The aftermath of the violence is swallowed by an almost eerie silence, each of them breathing hard as the adrenaline catches up with them. After a long enough wait to ensure the zombies are all truly down, Scar kicks the end of the rifle off his shoulder, lowering the sight as he thumbs the safety back in place.
âSmarter to deal with them now when we have light, instead risking them sneaking up on us in the dark later,â Grian says, smug in the way Scar is all too familiar with as he taps the blade end of the hoe against the sole of his shoe, knocking off the clinging viscera. âYouâre welcome.â
Karl, Sapnap, and Quackity exchange a look, but neither of them speaks up to argue. Stepping over the prone corpse of a zombie, Karl puts his arm out to Quackity, murmuring something quiet to him before Quackity nods, mumbling something that sounds like âIâm fineâ before he crouches down. Focused, he uses a handful of sand to scour the gore off his tire iron, face set in a carefully neutral expression, taking a deep breath as he finishes before he stands back up, slinging the tire iron over his shoulder.
âWow,â he crows, and Scar gets the impression that heâs putting on a brave face, forcing normalcy to prevent himself from breaking down. âTall, handsome, and a good shot. Are you sure youâre not single?â Quackity smiles at him, waiting for the perfect comedic pause before he concludes, ââCause Iâm not.â
Scar manages a chuckle, but itâs half-hearted at best.
Together, they resume walking, but they keep their weapons in-hand, glancing around warily, on alert for any stragglers. Almost instinctively, the trio cluster together, a closed circle that Scar is not included in. Reading their need for some distance and privacy, he finds himself walking with Grian, offering the three what space he can.
âI made the right call,â Grian insists, words low under his breath. âYou know I did.â
âIâm not mad at you,â Scar replies, calm.
âI didnât say you were.â
âGrian,â Scar tries. âWe were all thinking it. But Sapnap decidedââ
âAnd heâs the leader now? When did we decide that?â Grian snaps.
Scar sighs, rubbing at his eyes before he drags his palm down over the scruff of his jaw, tired. âItâs not about anyone being the leader. Itâs about jumping headfirst into a group of zombies without any plan or any backup.â
âI wasnât in danger,â Grian dismisses.
âYou couldâve been overtaken. You couldâve gotten bit.â Scar wants his words to have heft to them, he wants Grian to take this as seriously as he needs to.
Instead, Grian tilts his head back, aloof as he brags.
âI wasnât worried. I knew youâd have my back.â
Scar snaps his mouth shut, heart thudding against his sternum. He wets dry lips, cracked from the desert air. He doesnât know how to feel, doesnât know what he wants. Itâs clear from the way Grian speaks that heâd felt it tooâthe rush as theyâd synched up so perfectly, working together in an effortless unison.
He doesnât know if he wants that, though. Already feeling the fear of failing to meet Grianâs standards.
âI just donât want you taking risks,â he settles for at last, voice quiet.
âScar,â Grian huffs, covering up his nerves with bluster in a way thatâs incredibly familiar. âIt wasnât a risk! You had a gun and I knew youâd cover me. Besides, since when have you been risk-averse? Youâve always been a shoot first, ask later sort of guy.â
Heâs not wrong. For all that Scar likes to plan, heâs always been easily pulled towards chaos. Thereâs a freedom in doing things off the cuff and on impulse; an excitement with dealing with life as it comes.
But then again, heâs beginning to see that there are many moments in his life where he couldâve saved himself the hurt and anxiety if heâd just taken a moment to think things through.
âMaybe Iâve changed,â he says after a pause. âMaybe we both have.â
Grian clamps his mouth shut, eyes reading stung.
They donât talk after that, walking side-by-side with their gazes fixed ahead.
The sun sets behind the distant line of mountains, the sky smeared gaudy orange and fuchsia before it fades into indigo darkness. Ahead of them, Karl and Sapnap pull out flashlights and the group cluster together, following the jittering beam of their lights across the cracked asphalt.
Progress is slow. Slower than theyâd anticipated when picking their destination on the map that morning, but none of them feel comfortable camping out in the open for the night. Despite having dealt with the zombies, the bruise of their presence lingers. Theyâre overly-cautious as they continuously scan ahead, looking up the road as far as possible in the gloom and trying to pick out any grotesque, shambling shapes in the milk-dark distance.
Itâs past nine when they see itânot a gang of zombies, but a road sign marking the outskirts of a town.
Itâs weathered and tilted to one side where one of the support posts has been knocked out. The aluminum is pock-marked from years of passers by taking shots at it with bullets and paintball pellets. The name of the town itself has been worn away by time, only the A and L left legible, but the âWelcomes youâ printed beneath it remains, as well as âPopulation: 221.â
Itâs the first sign of civilization theyâve seen since they left their rundown rest stop hours ago, and the relief they feel as they cast their flashlight beams over it is palpable.
Behind it, the road forksâasphalt turning to rough grit and sand that leads off the main highway, softer under their feet as they take to the right. It feels surreal, in the dark of night, as their flashlights pick out chicken wire fences and squat, red-brick walls. Property markers, clearly delineated; places where homes and buildings used to be but arenât anymore.
Thereâs no signs of life. No lights in windows, no presence whatsoever. The feeling of itâthe sense of trespassing somewhere theyâre not meant to disturbâcrawls eerie up the back of Scarâs neck, making his hair stand on end.
As they continue walking, their flashlights start to outline the shapes of homes. Empty windows stare out to greet them. Broken glass, doors left hanging on busted hinges, half-hearted graffiti scrawled across weathered siding left to rot in the desert for decades, all speaking one fact clear and out loud.
Nobody lived here before the outbreak. Nobody lingers here now.
A ghost town.
âThis place gives me the creeps,â Karl whispers, loud enough for the group to hear, doing them the favour of saying what theyâre all thinking.
âI donât think we should separate,â Sapnap advises, voice low despite the feeling of almost crushing isolation. âLetâs pick a place, secure it for the night, and assess stuff properly tomorrow morning when we can see sh*t.â
A ripple of agreement passes between them, and after some hesitant decision making, they head towards the house with the most windows left intactâa flat bungalow, much like all the others; its car-port roof fallen in and sagging to one side like a sleepy-eyelid.
They pass hesitantly in through the front door, moving quiet and careful. Thereâs dirt and sand tracked in on the floor, bits of masonry having fallen down from the ceiling, and empty beer cans pushed into corners, all signs of trespassers who have come and gone over the years.
There are a few pieces of furnitureâa ragged recliner and a battered looking table with three chairs pushed up against a wallâbut nothing that looks like it was meant for the place. Maybe theyâre items dragged in by squatters drifting through the area, or maybe the work of curfew-breaking teens. Tentatively, they inspect all the rooms, as meticulous as they can be with their limited lighting. Thereâs a bathroom with several bike tires piled into the tub, a den with a pullout couch propped up by plastic egg crates, a main bedroom, and an empty hall cupboard.
Thereâs no bed-frame in the bedroom, only a threadbare mattress placed on pallets on the floor. However, the moment Scar sees it he feels his body give out, every muscle tightening as he instinctively reaches to grip Grianâs shoulder for support.
Itâs only their years of familiarityâof Grian seeing Scar at his weakest and most vulnerable, and knowing how to assist him in those momentsâthat saves him from being left to fall to his knees. Quickly, Grian slings Scarâs arm around his shoulder, hugging his own arm around his waist as he takes on the job of supporting his weight. It gives Scar a moment to reorient himself, pushing the last vestiges of his strength to its limits. He hppes the darkness will hide how it looks well enough for the trio to ignore.
âWeâre taking this room,â Grian announces, declaring it firm and matter-of-fact.
Quackity immediately bristles at the assumption. âAre you out of your f*cking mind?â
âYou three take the pullout. Itâs bigger.â
Grianâs not wrong, the pullout is bigger, but thereâs no denying that the bedroom is the better of the two options.
âLike hell are you gonna decide for us, like youâre the boss now,â Quackity snaps. âYou think just because you got lucky murdering those zombies back there that suddenly youâre in charge?â
âItâs not murder,â Grian counters, tense. âTheyâre not people.â
âDonât fight about it, Q,â Karl sighs, putting his arm in front of Quackity, embodying the exhaustion they all feel. âWeâll take the pullout. We can figure it out in the morningâhell, we can pick our own place in the morning. Okay?â
He presses his forehead to Quackityâs temple, murmuring something Scar canât hear. Whatever it is, it works to defuse Quackityâs tension, who turns abruptly to stomp out of the room, his shoulder bumping into Sapnapâs as he says, âCâmon, Sap. Help me barricade the front door with that table.â
Sapnap hesitates for a moment, staring hard at Grian for a moment before he turns to join Quackity. Their departure leaves Karl alone with them, the mood low and untenable.
âYouâll take first watch, then,â Karl says neutrally, and his tone brokers no argument.
Scar can feel his legs weakening, his window rapidly closing. He's been ignoring it all day, the shooting pains in his limbs. But now that there's clear respite available, it's like his body refuses to pretend anymore, all of Scar's exhaustion catching up to him at once. And for all that heâs grown to trust the trio, he doesnât want the spectacle of collapsing in front of any of themâdoesnât want the burden of explaining, and the weight of their pity when heâs already pushing himself to him limits.
His fingertips dig into Grianâs shoulder, biting, painful, beggingâbeggingâhim to swallow his pride and agree.
âThat goes without saying,â Grian replies, shrugging a shoulder as if the fact is plain and simple.
Karl takes a moment, studying them both before he nods. âIâm glad thatâs settled.â
He hesitates at the doorway, turning back to face them, and itâs only the darkness that masks the strain on Scarâs face at being forced to stand a moment longer.
âIt was the right move, taking those zombies out,â Karl confesses, and itâs a clear peace offering, meant to bleed out the tension Grian has created. âBut youâre killing us with your inability to be a team-player, dude. I told youâweâre not your enemies. Weâre good guys, I swear. I know times are tough, but if you stop treating us like a bother and give us a chance, we could really be an asset to you.â
Thereâs a pause after he speaks, and Scar can feel the way Grian works his shoulder back, straightening his spine.
His tone is carefully blank of sentiment when he speaks.
âIâll sleep on it.â
The expression on Karlâs face is wry, evident even in the darkness. âGuess thatâs all I can ask for.â
And then heâs gone, shutting the door behind him.
The moment theyâre alone, Grian springs into motion, helping lower Scar down to the mattress. Scar hisses, wincing as he sits and then immediately lays back. Heâs worn down to the bone, exhausted from maintaining a smile and keeping up pleasantries despite feeling these aches and pains all throughout their walk. Itâs a relief like no other to bare it plainly now, to be able to air his ailment to someone who already knows the intricacies of it.
Grian helps him undress enough to relax in place before whispering that heâll take both their watches. Scar is too tired to fight it, taking the offering for what it is and thanking Grian with a nod. He thinks Grian smiles at that, or at least squeezes his hand in affirmation. Itâs hard to remember exactly as weariness clouds over him and sleep edges in from the corners of his mind. He barely hears it as Grian leaves the room, and it doesn't take much longer before he's falling asleep.
He rests deeply, waking only briefly as Grian slips into bed beside him, likely hours later. He throws an arm around Scarâs middle and presses close to his back. In a distant, sleepy way, it feels nice, and Scar wishes he had the physical energy to turn around and put his arms around Grian properly, pressing a kiss to his head.
Something about that thought feels wrong, but it doesnât seem important when heâs so disconnected and dreamy. He sighs, placing a hand over Grianâs and running his thumb softly across his knuckles.
âGânna need mâchair tomorrow,â he mumbles, words heavy as he drifts back asleep. âHelp me with it, please. Dunno where I put it.â
âOkay, Scar,â Grian replies after a lengthy pause, so soft that Scar barely hears it. He wonders why Grian sounds so different, so sadâitâs just his wheelchair, the one heâs used a hundred times before. But that line of questioning doesnât have time to take root, Scar pulled back into sleep in the warmth in Grianâs embrace.
Itâs nice, he thinks.
He missed this.
Heâs happy to sink into it.
Notes:
In our absence last week, we've since hit 200+ kudos, 100+ subscriptions, and 80+ bookmarks of this fic! đđ Thank you all so, so much for your love!
And if you're interested in reading some more, we wrote a silly little Ghost Hunter Scarian oneshot set in Phasmophobia, very much inspired by the GIGS streams! Please check it out if you're in the mood for something steamy that doesn't take itself too seriously ;)
Catch you next week! đ«
Chapter 12
Notes:
Hellooo everyone! We're finally making a switch to Grian POV for the arc! >:D
A bit of a CONTENT WARNING for this chapter!
Please skip to the end notes for spoilers if you are a minor or feel it might apply to you! Stay safe :3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Grian wakes up with sun on his face, Scar breathing slow and deep at his side, and the muffled sounds of giggled laughter and voices filtering in through the wall. He canât place where he is, confused and disoriented as he lays in a bed that isnât his, wearing clothes that feel stale, and arms aching like he had a strenuous workout. It takes him a minute of laying still, thoughts sluggish, before he finally remembers where he is.
Not at home, not in his bed, not safe.
Not with Scar.
Not in any way that matters, at least.
For a while he lays in silence, staring up at the crumbly popcorn ceiling above him. Heâs not yet ready to commit to being awake, still tired from the previous day, and all the previous days that came before that. Heâs not really thinking of anything at all, which comes as a relief, a reprieve from the tangled knot thatâs made a mess in his head lately.
Through the wall, the muffled voices eventually taper off into quiet, and then, tellingly, the lull gives way to soft sighs, and the occasional unmistakable moan.
Heat floods Grian cheeks, even as a scowl works its way onto his face. He wishes he had a pillow to ball up and shove over his head, or even just earplugs to block out the noise. A part of him wants to bang his fist on the wall and tell them to knock it off. There's no way the trio don't know they'll be overheard, and the audacity of such a thing digs into him.
Another part of Grian remembers being the same way onceâa time that feels so long ago, now.
Lately, he feels like heâs become a stranger to the him that exists in his memories. Like heâs someone looking in on a person that no longer exists, cataloguing the things that used to make him laugh, make him happy, made him smirk all sly and confident as he pulled the person he loved into a room and ran his hands reverently over each and every one of his scars.
Heâs an observer to who he was in the past; the Grian that would giggle through kisses and grin against Scarâs mouth and moan aloud when touched. In a way, he envies the trio and their naĂŻve loveâtoo young and too foolhardy to realise how much harder things get as life goes on.
And yet, as the voices murmur and sigh pleasantly just feet away, Grian finds himself wondering if there isnât some mollusk shell left from their history that they can make a new home in. A do-over, with the person he is nowâthe person who made a mistake, the person who still wants what he once had, the person who doesnât want to be aloneâat the centre. It's an urge he can relate to without feeling like an outsider in his own skin.
He knows itâs not entirely right. He knows there would be more than one person from Scarâs old life that would frown at this. He knows theyâre not together-together.
But Scarâs been nice to him lately. Nicer. Still keeping him at an emotional distance, and still stung when their past is brought up, but theyâre laying next to one another right now, arenât they? Scar shifted over in bed to make room for him last night, and Scar was there with his rifle ready when Grian needed him to have his back. They're a team, for better or worse. And besides...
Scar kissed him back at the storage lockers.
He'd initiated that himself.
Scar had kissed him again at the gun range, holding him close and touching him the way he liked.
People hook up with their exes all the time. It doesn't have to be weird. It's reassurance and companionship and a reminder that they still care about one another, even if circ*mstances have changed. It's a way to speak without saying any words at all, something Grian finds easier to do when everything else around them is overwhelming.
If Scar rebuffs him, he'll back off. It'll be embarrassing but...
The worst he can do is try, right?
Itâs almost too easy for Grian to turn onto his side, pressing a kiss, tender, against Scarâs shoulder.
It doesnât wake him, doesnât even cause Scar to stir, but it gives Grian the confidence to lean in closer and kiss him again. He follows the line of Scarâs collarbone towards his throat. Slowly, Scar lets out a breath, shifting onto his back as he relaxes under Grianâs gentle kisses. Grian can feel him waking up, entering the syrupy warm state that follows a deep sleep. He wants to keep him here, to hold him in that fuzzy liminal space, tender and pleasant and not yet anchored in reality.
âGood morning,â he whispers, soft against Scarâs neck, feeling scratchy stubble against his cheek and nose. Itâs familiar in a way that tugs at his heart, and Grian burrows himself closer to Scar to feel it itch, raw.
Scar doesnât speak, simply humming something low in his throat as Grianâs hands trace across his chest. He feels softness and muscle in equal measures, warm beneath his palms. He continues to trace his fingertips along Scar's body, wondering at his next step in between slow, fleeting kisses. He's not sure what else to do to make his intentions clear without alarming Scar and ruining the soft, haziness of their morning.
As it turns out, he needn't do anything elseâScarâs shifts their positions in a move that surprises Grian, wrapping his arms around Grianâs middle and pulling him up onto his chest.
Their bodies slot flush together, Grianâs legs settling between Scarâs thighs.
Grian doesnât question it, doesnât stop to think. He doesnât want to let this miraculous moment go. He recalls the sounds of the trio that disrupted him, and with a fierce pang he finds himself as determined to mark his territory as the others seemed to be to mark theirs. He lets Scar sleepily pull him closer, muscles flexing, a gentle press up that Grian responds yo by rolling his hips down. The awakening thrill from the contact goes through him like a live wire. They shift together, sleep-warm and slow, and Grian canât help the way he feels, vulnerable from how much heâs missed this.
âScarâŠâ he whispers, a quiet whine slipping between his teeth as he pushes his hips down again, rolling them against Scarâs. In response, Scarâs right hand settles on the curve of his rear, squeezing firmly, fingers flexing as he grinds up with his slowly growing arousal.
Itâs nice. It feels nice. The comfortable, easy motions, the relaxed familiarity of it. At some point, Scar moves his hand, angling his wrist to slide his palm under the waistband on the back of Grianâs jeans. The warmth of his palm spreads across Grianâs skin, kneading and squeezing him the way Grian likes, the firm warmth of their dicks frotting together through too many layers of denim until Grian finally whispers, âI have lube.â
Itâs a risky confession, one that might ruin the moment. Itâs tentative, what they have here. Fragile like glass. Grian is half-surprised that Scarâs allowed things to get as far as they have, but maybe the sounds of the trio outside have gotten to him, tooâmaybe their open affections have dug just as deep under his skin.
Maybe he misses Grian in the same way Grian misses him, even if he wonât admit it out loud.
Still, bringing up something that has no business being in his possession right now could put an end to this if Scar thinks too deeply on it. The lube is something Grian kept tucked in the backseat of his car, just in case. And after everything thatâs happened, he and Scar both know that âjust in caseâ wasnât meant for the two of them.
Grian had fished it out surreptitiously when they were picking out their supplies, right before Scar dropped his lighter and set it all ablaze. He'd kept it in his back pocket ever since, and when theyâd met up with the trio, heâd snuck it into his new pack. Another choice for 'just in case'.
A moment of silence settles between them, one that has Grianâs heart up in his throat, wondering if Scar is trying to piece together why Grian has the offending item in the first place. He doesnât want to ruin the tranquil mood theyâve garnered here; doesnât want to lose Scarâs hands warm on his hips. As the seconds stretch, a low anxiety begins to bubble up inside of himâa regret for pushing. He shouldnât have suggested it so soon. He should've waited until Scar had warmed up a little more. He shouldâve been happy with what they had.
He tries not to think about how that's a running theme.
But then Scar exhales, heavy, and pulls Grian tighter against him, mumbling a quiet, âGet it.â
Itâs exhilarating, giddiness going through Grianâs chest like an electric shock. He leans over eagerly, sprawling across Scarâs chest and fumbling for his pack, digging into one of the side pockets, uncoordinated and eager. He doesnât know if itâs the sun warm on their faces, the bed sagging but soft beneath them, or some actual effort at reconciliation that has made Scar so willing, but heâs not about to squander the moment.
Tube in hands, Grian settles back into place comfortably against Scar. Stubble scratches his cheek as they press together, somewhat hurried from anticipation but relaxed in that slow, familiar, sleepy morning way. Grian presses the lube into Scarâs hand, and muffles a noise into his throat as Scar thumbs open his jeans.
Disappointingly, his hands slip away after a moment, gone too soon, leaving Grian oddly bereft. He squirms his hips, managing to push his pants low enough to give Scar room to work with. Heâs not going to strip downâitâs too soon to dive in head-first like that. Heâll be patient; let things evolve in their own time.
The click of the lube uncapping makes his chest tighten with anticipation, fiery and eager. Scarâs palm returns to his rear in short order, edging his thighs apart as far as the legs of his jeans will allow before, at last, a slick, calloused finger is pressing gently up against his hole.
The noise Grian makes is shameless, he can hear it as it escapes his throat, making Scar chuckle, a low rumble beneath him. Scar lets his touch circle him slowly, idle with the confidence of experience. He takes his time to tease, enjoying it, before he lets the pad of his middle finger slowly press in.
Grian sucks in a breath, canât help himself after so long without. He lets it out a moment later in a soft moan, and Scar continues easing in slow, slow, taking his dear sweet time.
Iâve missed this, Grian thinks but doesnât say, awash with an emotion he canât find a name for. Itâs true that they havenât spent a moment apart in days, but Grian has missed the closeness they used to share. How they used to lay together like this on lazy mornings, Scar making him feel grounded and safe and wanted all at once.
âOhh,â Grian murmurs, breathing out in a rush, forehead pressed into Scarâs chest as Scar fingers him, unhurried and steady. Grian can feel his own dick, achingly hard, still trapped by the thin cotton of his pants. He fumbles his hand down, and it feels good when he presses the heel of his palm against the shape of his erection. It feels better when he pulls his arousal free. He tucks the elastic of his waistband low, circling his thumb over the sticky head of his co*ck, and smears his pre down his length.
Itâs an easy rhythm, stroking himself in response to the movement of Scarâs hand. It feels goodânormal, even. Like memories of mornings long since passed, laying in until noon, talking and touching, and kissing and laughing. Theyâd enjoy each other, and Grian would indulge himself, letting Scar spoil him as he fell to pieces under his guiding hands.
âLove it when you sound like thatâŠâ
Scarâs words cut through the heady cloud of Grianâs nostalgia, pulling him back into the moment. He hadnât realised heâd gotten so loud, hadnât realised heâd been making any sounds at all. He whimpers in response, pushing his forehead into the crook of Scarâs neck as he continues to touch himself. He feels full with the thickness of Scarâs middle and ring finger, eagerly anticipating the pleasant stretch of his third.
âScar,â Grian whines, hand speeding up as he pleasures himself. His body parts easily under the patience of Scarâs hand, and he grinds himself forward, shameless, rutting against the swell of Scarâs arousal, mind full of nothing but the pleasure Scar is giving him, and his eager willingness to take more.
âf*ck,â Scar groans, guttural and low. His free hand shifts from where it had been settled on Grianâs hip, and then Grian hears the rattle of Scarâs belt, Scar undoing his jeans with ease and pulling his dick free. He curls his fist around it, touching himself to the sounds that Grian is making.
Itâs the closest theyâve been in ages. The most in-sync theyâve felt in awhile, even counting before everything fell to pieces. Grian gasps, choking on words he barely hears himself, and Scar shushes him tenderly, his cheek pressed to the prickling sweat on Grianâs forehead as he holds him close and f*cks him full with his fingers.
âIâve got you,â Scar whispers into the mat of Grianâs hair, coated in desert dust, like itâs a promise he intends to keep. âI wonât let you go.â
His words touch something vulnerable and desperate in Grian, something he didnât know he was starving for until he hears it, and all at once his body tenses, a moan catching in his throat as his org*sm sweeps over him. Itâs unexpected and overwhelming, his hand working in quick, greedy strokes on his dick as he ruts against the exposed sliver of Scarâs stomach. His mouth is open and noises shameless as he comes, hard, into the curl of his fist.
It takes Grian a moment to collect himself, taking greedy, gasping breaths, hot and humid against Scarâs chest. He turns, collapsing boneless against Scar, hiding his face against his shoulder to muffle his laughter, flooded with relief that they can still have this after all, that itâs not all lostâthat things havenât been broken irreparably forever.
Itâs only when Grian gathers his knees underneath himself, wobbly but determined to show Scar his appreciation, that the fragility of the moment reveals itself.
A knock, loud and determined sounds itself against the bedroom door, followed by a voice, barely containing a laugh of its own.
âHey, you two awake in there?â
Itâs Sapnap, smothering his giddy mirth at catching them at their most vulnerable. He plays oblivious, voice light in a clearly mocking manner. âUp and at âem! Weâre gonna have breakfast and take a look around.â
Like the turning of something immense and irreversible, Grian feels Scar still beneath him, muscles stiffening in a way that speaks to immediate discomfort.
âWeâre awake,â Grian says at last, raising his voice enough to be heard, impatience colouring his tone. âWeâll be out in a minute. Just getting up.â
âI bet you are,â comes a second voiceâQuackityâsâand itâs barely spoken before he and Sapnap bite down on barely stifled laughter.
âTake your time,â Sapnap rushes, and thereâs a sound of bodies moving just outside the door, the tousle of the two playfully pushing at one another. âItâs pretty hard to get out of bed.â
That tips them both over, the two cackling aloud like hyenas.
Grian grits his teeth, ready to tell them to piss off when Karlâs voice calls out from somewhere further in the house.
âBoys? Câmere.â
Itâs a casually called instruction, but the direction is firm. Quackity and Sapnap can be heard retreating down the hall, still laughing in a way that sets Grian on edge. Their departure leaves him and Scar on their own once more, and Grian takes a moment of embarrassed silence to collect himself, breathing in deep before he returns his attention to Scar.
âWhere were we?â
Itâs meant to sound cuteâa coy segue back into the moment theyâd been enjoying. He has visions of falling back into Scarâs warm arms, tugging his legs free from his jeans and straddling Scarâs hips, taking him inside himself and helping him feel as good as Scar just made him feel. But when Grian moves to slip his hand down and cup Scarâs arousal, Scar redirects his motion with a nudge of his arm.
He glances down at him, questioning, and finds himself met by Scarâs green eyes, their brightness dimmed by the deep circles worn beneath them. He looks just as exhausted as he did before they fell asleep.
Grian can tell at a glance that the moment is gone. Whatever had unfurled between them, familiar and warm and magical, is now over.
He shifts, his gaze slanting further down as Scar eases him off his chest, hands busying to re-buckle his jeans. Itâs with a twist of something that feels like rejection that he notices Scarâs already gone soft. Itâs an oddly fragile hurt, to see that he could be passed on so quickly.
An insecure part of him wants to twist up, smallâfeels ridiculous for letting himself get caught up in the excitement that this was something they could return to.
Silly to think it was a good idea to hook up with his ex.
Stupid.
It takes him a second to pull himself together, jostling his layers back in place as he marinates in his feelings, shame and foolishness sinking deep in through his skin. Heâs so wrapped up in his own awkward misery that he doesnât realise Scar is speaking to him until he sees that way heâs staring at him, expectant.
âWhat?â His question comes off boorish, and itâs clearly the wrong thing to say judging by the way Scar frowns, looking humiliated more than anything else as he repeats himself.
âI asked if you could give me a hand.â Itâs a vulnerable request, repeated stand-offishly, and Grian immediately feels bad for making him repeat himself. âThis bedâs too low. Iââ The word sticks in Scarâs throat, forced out with a cough as he clears it. âI canât.â
Grian doesnât hesitate, standing up and offering both hands out immediately, his own fragility at Scarâs rejection pushed aside as he lets Scar grip his wrists for leverage while he does the same in turn. With a strong pull, Scar hauls himself up, making it halfway before something twinges and he flinches. Grian struggles to help him back down, taking most of his weight as he eases him down onto the mattress again, Scar hissing a breath as his weight settles.
âScarâŠâ Grian looks at him and trails off, not wanting to say anything that might be taken as pitying. He canât help but worry, though, remembering with a start the way Scar had sleepily asked for his wheelchair last night, clearly lost in-between dreams. He hovers anxiously as Scar works his hands into the muscles of his legs. Scar's breathing is measured and slow as he works through whatever spasm heâs feeling, keeping his expression schooled, not allowing Grian the ability to read him.
âI need a minute,â he says neutrally and Grian nods, moving to sit down next to him before Scar shakes his head. âGo on and meet up with the trio. Theyâll get suspicious if both of us stay holed up in here.â
âWith what Sapnap and Quackity overheard, I donât think thereâs much left to hide,â Grian tries to joke, offering Scar a smile.
Scar doesnât return the expression. If anything, it almost seems as if he gets tenser.
âGrian,â he mutters, quiet. âPlease. Iâll catch up with you in a minute, okay?â
Itâs with lingering hesitation that Grian turns away, murmuring a âsee you soonâ over his shoulder that Scar doesnât reply to.
When he walks through the door and it clicks shut behind him, somehow it feels lonelier than he expected.
He finds the main room of the house empty, but itâs clear from the general din he can hear that the trio are outsideâor rather, theyâre in the collapsed section of what used to be the carport. He steps out the front door and finds them talking easily in the morning sun, grins bright and hands animatedly moving about as they chatter. They quieten down in unison when they spot him and Sapnap smirks, canines sharp against his lower lip.
âWell, good morning,â he purrs, all insinuation and tooth. âScar still getting dressed?â
âSomething like that,â Grian replies, light, squinting as he waits for his eyes to adjust to the sunlight.
Heâs on his best behaviour, trying not to ruffle any feathers. Grianâs well aware of the precarious position he left them in last night and how even Karl got short with him towards the end. In fact, even now, despite Karl and Quackityâs snickering, Sapnap watches Grian from a distance, something calculated and impatient behind his eyes. Grian doesnât pick at itâknows he needs to maintain civility for Scarâs sake. It would be stupid to stoke a fire now, when they can afford it the least. After the previous day sulking and stonewalling them, he knows he needs to extend the olive branch and be nice.
âWhatâs on the schedule for today, then?â he asks, ignoring the way Quackity elbows Karl, copying his voice with a terrible accent as he repeats the way he pronounces âschedule,â to Karl's clear delight.
âWe were thinking of checking out the rest of the place once you two were up, right boys?â Karl says, tilting his head back and crossing his arms behind his head as he makes a large display of stretching out his spine. âSee what there is to see; the shopping, the sights, the shows.â
At the mention of venturing out, Sapnapâs smile slips, his expression settling into something more serious.
âThatâs right. Weâve got enough supplies for now, but itâs best to scope out and find whatever we can. Plus, even if it is a ghost town, we need to make sure there arenât any zombies hanging around just waiting to sneak up on us.â
âCanât let our guard down,â Grian agrees.
Thereâs a laugh at that, and Grian turns his gaze over, finding Quackityâs delighted, incredulous expression looking back at him.
âWhat, no bullsh*t today? No drama-queen push-back about who gets to lead or some sh*t?â
âQââ Karl starts, but Grian interrupts with a tight smile and an even tone.
âIâm only looking out for our best interests.â
âYou mean your best interests,â Sapnap corrects, and itâs clear that Grianâs efforts to maintain the peace arenât going over as well as heâd hoped. Futilely, he wishes for Scar to sweep in, wanting his big charming personality to diffuse the situation. Heâs not good at this on his own, not blessed with the same way with words Scar so effortlessly makes games of. âYou gave us attitude all day, you were a huge bitch last night, you sleep, and now you come out here with your post-nut clarity like weâre all buddy-buddy and weâre lucky to be in your presence?â
Itâs clear whatever briefing Karl had previously given Sapnap has fallen through, Sapnapâs impatience showing itself in abundance, his amiable mood abandoned.
âWhat is your problem, anyway? Scar says youâre a decent guy, but weâve yet to see it. You know we were fine without you, right? You know itâs our supplies in your backpacks right now.â
âScar said thatâŠ?â Grian asks, focusing on the wrong words, immediately distracted by the idea of Scar defending him against these strangers that Grian was so sure he'd leave him for.
âSapnap. Fellas, come on,â Karl sighs, and thereâs a familiarity to his weariness, like this isnât new behaviour. âItâs too early for this. Letâs just cool our heads and take a walk, alright? Scout the place, like we planned.â
Thereâs a pause, tension still thick in the air. Sapnap and Quackity exchange glances with one another, but ultimately keep quiet. Quackity in particular makes a show of sighing aloud, shoulders dropping in an affected manner, going casual with purpose.
Karl smiles at the display, fondness etched on every inch of him, turning back to the task at hand as he addresses Grian.
âHow are we splitting teams?â
âI want to be with Scar,â Quackity pipes up, which has Grian quickly looking in his direction, unable to hide his reaction.
Karl chortles, amused. âI think Grian will probably want to be on the same team as Scar, Big Q.â
âIâm okay with that,â Quackity says, grinning, sending Grian a sly smile. âSo long as Grian doesnât mind sharing.â
Grian tries not to visibly bristle, well aware heâs being toyed with.
âScar and I work better as a duo,â he maintains, forcing himself to sound more calm than he feels.
âWell, why donât I go ask him?â Quackity teases, âIâm sure I could convince him to change his mind. I can be very persuasive.â
Irritation claws its way up Grianâs spine, the way heâs being spoken to annoying him like nails on a chalkboard. Jealousy, insecurity, and the fear that the trio might discover whatâs wrong before Scar is ready to share tug at him, threatening his earlier promise to be polite and agreeable. He tries to shake it off, forcing a thin smile to his face.
âTell you what,â Grian counters. âWhy donât you three get ready, and Iâll go ask Scar. Then Iâll come back and let you know what he says.â
If heâs met with protest, Grian doesnât hear it, turning around and making his way back into the house, stepping over bits of broken plaster littered across the already dirty floors.
When he enters the room, Scar is still sitting in bed, exactly where Grian left him.
He doesnât look good.
âThe trioâs ready to check out the townâŠâ Grian says, words carefully neutral as he stands with his back to the door. âAre you comingâŠ?â
Scar is quiet for a long time, clearly working through something. His face is conflicted, and all Grian wants to do is reach out and reassure him but, despite their morning together, he doesnât know if his consolation would be well received.
âGrian,â he says at last, the inflection of his words delicate. âWe shouldnât haveâŠâ he trails off before clearing his throat uncomfortably, his words sticking funny. âWe need to talk later,â he finishes, but the implication is clear. This morning was a mistake.
Grian stands still and silent, experiencing too many emotions at once to truly feel any of them at all.
Eventually, Scar continues, low, âI donât think I can join you four. I canât make myself move right now. Itâs beyond me.â
The tension of their relationship and the bruise of Scarâs rejection blinks away in an instant. It's replaced by a panic that blooms, high and anxious, in Grianâs chest. He bites down on his lip to keep himself silent, knowing an outburst wonât add anything to this moment. Heâs well aware of how hard this is for Scar to admit. He knows thereâs no way to simply 'push though' when heâs in the middle of a flare-upâthat Scarâs only saying this because he has no other options.
He swallows the fear bubbling up in his throat, nodding, tight.
âOkay,â he says, voice clipped into something forced-calm. âThatâs alright. We can work around that.â
He can feel the unspoken element looming large in the room. The what if?
What if itâs a bad flare-up? What if it lingers? What if Scar canât move for weeks?
âYou should get some rest then, right?â Grian adds, clinging to words that sound normal. âIâll handle things with the guys, donât worry.â
Scar looks up at him finally, making eye contact in a vulnerably direct way. Thereâs a look on his face like he wants to say something moreâbut ultimately he turns away again, motioning towards the corner of the room instead.
âPass me my rifle before you go? If youâre all heading out, I want to be able to defend myself just in case.â
Hesitant, Grian grabs the gun and gives it to Scar, passing the butt to him like heâs casually offering over a kitchen knife. âI could stay, if you want?â
Scar only shakes his head, gripping the rifle in a practiced manner and giving Grian a wry, half-smile. âJust hurry back.â
It feels wrong, but thereâs some relief in getting a moment apart, if only so that Grian can feel his own emotions without passing the pressure on to Scar. With a final parting glance, he picks up his pack from the floor on his side of the mattress and leaves the room. Outside the door he takes a moment to settle his nerves, and only once heâs certain his expression wonât give anything away does he head back to where the trio are waiting.
Sapnap is up and pacing, but Karl still seems relaxed and under control. Quackity alone remains impervious to scrutinyâa nut Grian canât crack at a glance.
âSo? What did âScarâ say?â Sapnap asks, making finger quotes around Scarâs name as if doubting Grian spoke to him at all.
Grian ignores the slight, forcing an indifferent smile onto his face. âHeâs gonna stay here and hold down the fort,â he explains simply. âWeâve got too much stuff here to just leave it unattended.â
Sapnap raises an eyebrow, critical. âYou think heâll be okay on his own?â
Grianâs not sure. The fear is so palpable that he can feel it lodged thick in his throat. He and Scar havenât been apart since the apocalypse started, and even if this is a ghost town, the idea of overlooking a monster that might sneak up on Scar while Grianâs away terrifies him to his core.
A part of him knows that heâs hurt Scar enough. He canât be responsible for letting him get hurt more.
âScar can handle himself.â he shrugs, acting disinterested.
The trio exchange a glance, significant in a way Grian canât miss, but quite frankly, he doesnât care. Theyâre probably tallying another strike against him, another stupid notion that heâs untrustworthy, or only looking out for himself. None of that matters to him. All he needs is to do right by Scarâeveryone else is expendable.
âGood luck, baby duck,â Sapnap laughs, clapping a hand on Quackityâs shoulder hard enough to make him yelp.
âI always get the short end of the f*cking stickâŠâ Quackity grumbles, taking the hint and trudging over to Grian, fists shoved deep into his pockets.
âI can go on my own,â Grian insists, âYou three do your thing, we can meet back here in a few hours.â
Karl gives him a sideways glance, ever-present smile soft on his face. âThereâs no shot, dude. Weâre gonna buddy up whether you like it or not. Besides, what would we tell Scar if something happened to you?â
Grian bites back the urge to tell them that Scar would probably be relieved more than anything. That he cares about Scar far more than Scar cares about him, and how the way Scar looks at him these days makes Grian wish he could shrink into the floor.
Whatever.
Thatâs not something the trio need to know about.
âFine,â he says, wishing he could sound more aloof and not just petulant. âBut why am I paired up withââ
âBecause we played rock-paper-scissors for the pleasure of your company while you were inside wasting time,â Sapnap says, rushing the words out with impatience. âNow can we please get a move on before we lose the entire day?â
The division is made and they leave the sagging carport together with weapons in hand. At the end of the driveway, he and Quackity go left while Karl and Sapnap head right. They plan to circle the perimeter of the ghost town, while Grian and Quackity opt to pick through the interior.
Not that thereâs much to look atâmost of the buildings are too dilapidated to be worth investigating, and the others are visibly empty just from looking in off the street.
Grian tries not to read too deeply into it; tries not to think about it how it feels like theyâve been given the easier portion of the task. He doesnât know if itâs in deference to him, for Quackityâs sake, or because Karl and Sapnap feel that oneâor bothâof them arenât fit for a proper reconnaissance.
Together they walk in silence, leading the way as they cross from one point of interest to the next. Wordlessly, they peer through the broken windows of several abandoned homes before Quackity takes it upon himself to interrupt the peace.
âSo,â he says, having clearly psyched himself up to begin the conversation. âGrianâs a pretty cool name. Did you pick it yourself?â
Grian doesnât know what to make of the question, weirdly baffled by it.
âWhy would I have done that?â he asks, prickly but curious.
âNo reason, I guess.â Quackity shrugs, oblivious to Grianâs bristling as he swings his weapon at a dry, scraggly clump of desert grass. âQuackityâs not my, like, government name,â he adds, as if it clarifies as anything.
âWell Grian is mine,â Grian dismisses, which only manages to pull a bemused laugh from Quackity.
âYouâre not really a small talk kind of guy, huh?â
The accusation strikes Grian sideways, effectively disarming him entirely. He doesnât want to confirm or deny it. Doesnât want to be caught saying anything that might make its way back to Scar like a poor performance review. It already stings the way the trio has caught Scarâs attention, making him smile and laugh and chatter away like a fun new hobby Grian doesnât see the point of.
He wishes for the days when they were alone, just the two of them, so that even if Scar was mad, at least Grian didnât have to share him.
He takes a breath and levels himself. Asks, flat, âWell, what do you want to talk about?â
For whatever reason, Quackity perks up at that, eyes glinting as his mouth tugs up in a grin.
âWhat was your life like? Yâknow, before all this.â
Itâs an aggressively inoffensive question, but Grian side-eyes Quackity anyway. He doesnât want to share the facets of his life with a near stranger. Talk about the dreams he had and the people he lost. He doesnât want to invite a new person into his life just to be judged by him.
âI worked in marketing,â he eventually replies, something true, but separate enough to the real details of his life. His words are stilted, like heâs at a family dinner explaining himself to relatives he doesnât want to be around. âBranding, consulting. Sales. That kind of thing.â
âWere you good at it?â
Itâs a genuine question, backed by an actual interest in getting to know more about him, but all it does is make Grian tense and uncomfortable. He doesnât want to do thisâdoesnât want to shoot the sh*t and team-build like heâs on some sort of corporate excursion. Especially with Quackity, who seems particularly skilled at picking at his vulnerabilities.
âI donât know. It didnât matter,â he dismisses, shrugging a shoulder. âIt wasnât my passion. I wasnât planning on doing it forever.â
Grian wishes heâd lied and said he worked as a private investigator. He wishes heâd said he was a masked vigilante, or a train conductor. He wishes heâd said he used to pitch elaborate game shows to television. He wishes heâd said anything else at all, because the reality of his life prior to the apocalypse makes him feel bitter and sour.
He remembers his ambitionsâhis grand plans to return to school and change career paths entirely. How heâd had Scarâs unfailing support as heâd dragged his feet on making any real steps towards change, even as Scar himself had been able to work less and less, reprioritizing his own life in order to accommodate his declining health.
He remembers Scar brushing all the negatives off, simply winking at him and saying that his time off just gave him more time to be there for Grian.
Unfailing support; unconditional and endlessâScar had been so patient and understanding that it had made Grian sick.
âWhat about you?â he cuts in, turning the topic away from himself, needing a break from the introspection clawing ugly at the inside of his chest.
âI was at school,â Quackity declares with an air of pride. âHotel and casino management. Las Vegas boy, yâknow?â He rolls his shoulders, casually stretching his arms up above his head for a second before he adds, âI had a part time thing at a club, but Iâd barely started before it allâyou know.â
Grian nods, not really contributing, and in his silence Quackity easily fills the void.
âThatâs how I met Karl and Sap. Kinda. We kept bumping into each other on campusâKarl was studying creative writing, and Sapnap was majoring in Having Rich Dads And A Hot Boyfriend.â He laughs, smiling in Grianâs direction like theyâre both in on the same joke. Grianâs aware of Quackityâs eyes on him, waiting for a reply, but he keeps his gaze focused ahead, acting intent on scouting for things of use.
In the lull, they lapse back into silence.
Itâs not that he hates Quackity. He justâŠ
Thereâs something about him that rubs Grian the wrong way. Heâs not sure if itâs the constant chest-puffing, the way he talks like heâs everyoneâs best friend, the little glances he exchanges with the others, or if itâs just the way Scar will look at him sometimes, nostalgic and fond in a way that makes Grian desperate to know what heâs thinking.
In any other world, heâs sure he couldâve managed to enjoy Quackity's company, despite the obnoxious self-assurance that his youth has given him.
In this world however, letting Quackity endear himself to him is not a risk heâs willing to take.
He lengthens his stride and they move forward together, rounding a short cinder block wall to find a yard filled with rusted-out, abandoned cars. There are dozens of them, arranged in disorganised rows, most stripped for partsâmissing windows, hoods, doors, or entire engine blocks. There are a few that look remarkably intact, hauled up on blocks and missing only their tires. All of them are well aged, coated in sand and patchy with rust.
Thereâs a chain-link gate hemming the cars in, and Grian drags it open without a thought. The hinges wail in protest and barely budge, but Quackity steps in to help, pulling with Grian in tandem. With a little force they manage to yank the gate open, standing together at the entrance to the yard.
Itâs eerie.
A feeling Grian doesnât enjoy prickles uncomfortably up the back of his neck, like theyâre trespassing in a cemetery. At the far back of the yard is a garage, half the structure fallen in from age, but enough in-tact that they move forward to check it out.
Grian doesnât know what they hope to find at this point. Itâs clear that no oneâs been here for years, maybe decades. Theyâre not going to find a life saving cure-all. No cache of secret supplies. Theyâll be lucky if they find anything there at all.
âSo how long have you and Scar been together?â Quackity asks as he picks through the garage, bending down to peer in through the smashed windshield of a car.
The question twists an insecurity inside Grian, vulnerable in a way he doesnât want to admit to. The only benefit of the apocalypse happening mere moments after Scar broke up with him is that he hasnât had to tell anyone the embarrassing truth yet. It stings, and in the face of Quackityâs perpetual honeymoon happiness with his two boyfriends, Grian really doesnât want to talk about it.
âWeâre not,â he answers simply, resisting the urge to put his weapon through one of the remaining car windows.
âf*ck off, you liar,â Quackity laughs, but when Grian simply shrugs, his expression scrunches up.Thereâs a clear confusion on his face, the kind Grian wishes he could take pride in. He can almost hear Quackityâs mind racing, hearing the question before Quackity even asks it. âWhat was this morning about, then?â
âIt wasnât about anything,â Grian snaps, prior to forcefully changing the subject. âThereâs nothing but scrap metal and junk here,â he announces. âI donât think there's any point in hanging around.â
Quackity wavers, expression pinched like heâs about to say something. They stand in undecided silence for a moment, Grianâs lack of patience wrapping like barbed wire around his chest. He doesnât know what theyâre doing here. He doesnât know what the point of any of this is. Heâs wasting time combing through a ghost town while Scar is alone and confined to a dirty mattress on the floor. He hates being apart from him. He hates it in every way imaginable.
âLetâs try the next place,â Quackity suggests at last, offering the option like an olive branchâas if wasting more time is what Grian wants to do.
Itâs not like he can turn Quackity down, though. Heâs already on thin ice with the groupâhe doesnât want to be the one to insist they head back to camp only to have Quackity say he wanted to explore more but Grian said no.
They turn back towards the gate together, leaving the rest of the yard unexplored.
âYou won the apocalypse lottery getting stuck with him then,â Quackity says, picking up the conversation again once theyâve made their way back out through the fence. He carries on like itâs just a regular day, far too relaxed for the end of the world. âThat guyâs the real deal.â
Grian ignores him, walking ahead so Quackity canât see his face.
âTall, broad and handsome. Sweet and funny. Plus, he can shoot?â Quackity whistles appreciatively. âThatâs the complete package.â
Grian grits his teeth to keep from saying anything heâll regret, fists tight to his sides.
âYou already have two boyfriends,â he rebukes, curt.
âI donât see your name on him,â Quackity replies, rapid-fast and grinning bright, like theyâre discussing good weather or playing a fun game.
Jealousy hits Grian like a freight train, the magnitude of it so strong he feels like he might be sick. Logically he knows Quackity is just messing with him, trying to smoke out a confession about the nature of their relationship by pressing all of Grianâs buttons at once. Heâs in his twentiesâitâs practically in his nature to be a dick. But then Grian thinks back to Scarâs frigidity when he told him they were though, how heâd raised his eyebrows in interest when the trio had explained the multiplicity of their partnership, and the fear of being abandoned digs deep into his gut.
He fights his urge to lash out, burying his insecurity and trying to answer like he would if he werenât Scarâs ex.
If he werenât anyone to Scar at all.
âYouâve only got two hands. Which one are you gonna trade out for him?â
Quackity laughs uproariously, like the question is the funniest thing heâs ever heard. âDude, thatâs so f*cked up. Theyâre not PokĂ©mon cards, what do you mean âtrade outâ?â
Grian manages an enormous shrug, flustered to be called out for how little he understands their arrangement. He wants to move on, desperately, but Quackity seems delighted by what heâs uncovered, pressing in with a wide, wolfish smile.
âWait, do you really think thatâs how it works? Oh my god, dude. Come on.â
He laughs, clapping his hands together.
âDoes that mean youâd trade Scar for one of us?â
The notion is absurd, but Quackity persists, clarifying, âCâmon, have fun with it, you asshole. Pretend you had to pick one, which would it be? Who's your favourite?â
Grian feels like heâs boiling, the idea of choosing someone else over Scar hitting far too close to home.
âIâm not an asshole,â he defends, obstinately.
In response Quackity throws his head back, laughing loud.
âDude, youâve been frowning since we met you! Your whole vibe is just âf*ck off, donât speak to me.â Literally the only reason I have to believe there must be more to you is that Scar said you two have known each other for years, and he doesnât seem like the type of guy to hang out with irredeemable lost causes. No offense.â
âYou canât just stick âno offenseâ at the end of something objectively offensive and call it a day,â Grian snaps, exasperated.
Undaunted, Quackity continues to grin at him. âAm I wrong though?â
Itâs true that Grianâs been incredibly closed off since he met the trioâitâs true that in a perfect world he would normally be more inviting than that.
He just doesnât feel inclined to be gracious with his back up against a wall.
With a sigh, exasperated, gestures at the desert around them, barren and lifeless. âTake a look at where weâre at, and think about the situation weâre in,â he explains, bitterly. âItâs not exactly the kind of environment where the kindness of strangers thrives.â
âWhy not?â Quackity immediately presses, and Grian feels his gut twist, hating the gleam of optimism in his eyes. Itâs too much like how he himself used to be, wishing for the best and believing in the inherent good of those around him. It's how Scar still is, unlike Grian, who let his own apathy sink in and swamp himâworn down by the monotony of the world, too big to change, and too overwhelming to challenge. Just day after day of the same, the same, the same.
âBecause itâs dangerous,â he says at last. âIf I trusted you from the outset and youâd smothered us in our sleep, where would that have left me? Where would that have left Scar? Iâm only an âassholeâ because I need to be, because thatâs how itâs going to be from now on.â
âI donât agree,â Quackity argues back, his humour fading into something more determined and passionate. âWe have a chance right now to change all those old assumptions. We can choose to be better than we used to be.â
Itâs naĂŻve, and Grian canât stand it. Foolhardy in a way that will ultimately only end in people getting killed.
âThe world is life and death, now,â he dismisses. âWe donât get to be ambiguous like we were before. Lowering your guard in order to be kind is going to have you out there with the googlies, and if thatâs where you end up, then frankly, you deserve it.â
âIâm not saying itâs easyâf*ck, Iâm not even saying itâs smart,â Quackity insists, stubborn beyond Grianâs understanding. âIâm just saying, it doesnât have to be that black and white.â
Grian stares at him, uncomprehending. âWhy are you so hung up on this?â he presses, and that, at least, seems to knock Quackity off the subject.
He averts his gaze, muttering a rough ânevermindâ under his breath before he scuffs his shoes against the ground and walks faster, pressing ahead of Grian and leaving him behind.
It should relieve him to be done with the conversation, but something about it nags at him. With a sigh, Grian jogs after Quackity until theyâre keeping pace again, walking side by side.
âLook, youâre young. Youâre idealistic. I get it.â As Grian speaks, Quackity looks over at him, expression guarded. âBut what youâre asking for isnât as simple as it sounds.â
He gets no response, Quackity snorting in a way that has Grian feeling too much like a parent dealing with a moody teenager.
He tries to put himself in Quackityâs shoesâstill in college, falling in love for the first time; by all accounts just barely starting to establish himself when suddenly something beyond his control snatched it all away.
He sighs, resisting the urge to run a hand tiredly down his face.
âIâm not saying the only way to prosper is to be a dick. Iâm not saying nice guys finish last. Iâm just asking you to take a good hard look at the world around you, think about what you care about, and understand nothingâs ever going to be as easy as you think. Thisâthis disease, this desert⊠the world is starving, Quackity. Itâs ravenous.â He pauses, letting his words sink in. He has Quackityâs full attention, now, both of them no longer walking as Grian looks directly into his eyes. Dark and focused and so much like his own.
âYou can give all your smiles and sweet words, but what this is gonna take is more than a pleasant idea. Itâs gonna take the sweat of you toiling and the tears running down your face. If you really want to do better by whatever comes next, and leave some sort of legacy behind after youâre gone, youâre going to have to work for it. Otherwise, this world will swallow you up whole." They stare at each other, dark eyes intense. "Kindness is not, and will never be, enough.â
Silence stills between them, Quackity letting his words sink in as Grian wishes, desperately, for this moment to end.
âA legacy, huh?â he whispers at length, and the way his eyes flash sends a shiver down Grianâs spine.
He has to break eye contact, his heart beating fast against his ribs. He hates that he recognises the look in Quackityâs eyes.
Hates that heâs seen it so often in his own.
Without another word, Quackity resumes walking, and Grian falls into step right behind him, wordless now that theyâve both said what was needed. Their conversation resonates between them as they pick through the remaining areas on their way back. Unlike earlier, itâs a reasonably comfortable silence despite the loaded discussion, and the two of them make quick work of the last few homes. There's something that's been forged between themânot companionship exactly, but something more than the polite strangers they'd been when they'd set off together.
By the time Sapnap reaches out to them, voice crackling through the walkie-talkie, theyâre already done with their sweep of the interior. Grian gives Quackity his space as he chats with his boyfriend over the radio, half for his own comfort. It tugs something awful in him just to hear them flirt, however casual it may be, and he's in no mood to sour their fragile alliance by getting his back-up over something that would be negligible to anyone else.
âSapnap says he and Karl havenât found much either,â Quackity relays to Grian once he makes his way back out to him, stepping through what might have once been a storage shed.
âShall we head back then?â he asks.
âMight as well. Sap says they just have one final place they wanna check out.â
Grian nods, and the two of them turn back towards their homebase. Thereâs an anxiousness in his chest at the thought of returning; not because he thinks anythingâs happened, but because he hopes that Scar has somehow recovered in the time theyâve been away, however unlikely it may be. He doesnât know how much longer they can hide things from the trio, but still doesn't trust them enough to want to share their vulnerability either. It stews inside of him, boiling over in a way he's not sure he can control.
âHey,â Quackity says, and Grian resists the urge to jump, startled out of his thoughts.
âYeah?â
âYou never did answer.â Quackity presses, his smiles mild. âWhich one of us is your favourite?â
Grian doesnât have to answer. He can brush it aside and it would be perfectly within the personality heâs crafted for himself in front of these strangers. He could roll his eyes and scoff, turn away from Quackity without another word and it would be entirely expected. There would be no remarkable story here for Quackity to share with the others, just the same, cranky, cold Grian.
But... he canât help but think of dark eyes, a mouth set with stubborn determination, and a fire sparking in every word.
'Which one of us is your favourite?'
âKarl,â Grian lies, and the taste of it sits bittersweet on his tongue.
Notes:
(Click to reveal.)[ SPOILERS ]
This chapter contains sexual content, so if you're a minor or would otherwise like to skip that section, please stop reading from, "Scar doesnât speak" and continuing reading after, "It takes him a second". Like last time, we've provided a short summary below that you can read in order to keep up with any plot details that might be relevant.
[ SUMMARY ]
Grian kisses Scar awake, slow and soft. He's not sure how to make his desires known beyond just touching Scar, but is pleasantly surprised when Scar understands him and reciprocates by moving Grian onto his lap. The two of them rock against each other for a bit before Grian confesses that he has lube, indicating he wants to take things further, and deliberately skipping over that it was lube he kept in his car specifically to use while cheating. After a bit of a tense silence, Scar agrees to proceeding. Scar uses the lube to ease the way for fingering, and both Grian and Scar mutually masturbat* while he does so. During, Scar speaks softly to Grian, like he used to, and emotional weight of it all sends Grian over the edge into a rapid org*sm. They are then interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by jeering from Sapnap and Quackity, which derails the remainder of their shared intimacy. Once the boys are gone, Grian tries to get Scar back in the mood, but is hurt to find that Scar's already gone soft. Scar bats away Grian's hands and rebuckles his jeans, effectively ending the coupling, and all of it makes Grian feel small and stupid for ever having tried in the first place.
Man, in the Phasmo fic Lock and I posted last week, I had Grian say (paraphased) "It's not like I keep lube in my back pocket." as a cheeky reference to this chapter because I totally forgot it hadn't even been posted yet đ So a little trivia for y'all I guessâthat was meant to be a callback to the start of this chapter HAHA! Hope you guys enjoyed it! See you next week! :3
Chapter 13
Notes:
Every new chapter I get nervous like "Okay listen, I know this makes Grian look bad, BUT--" đ
Here's yet another promise that our boy gets better! ...he just... has to get worse first ;) Enjoy!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
When Grian and Quackity return to the house, Scar is waiting for them.
Itâs a relief to see him up, even if he doesnât look much better. He presents a good front, the way he leans heavily against the doorframe barely noticeable to anyone whoâs not explicitly looking for it.
âMissed me so much youâre back already?â he asks, smiling with his teeth.
Grian opens his mouth to respond, but Quackity beats him to it laughing easily. âYou caught me,â he teases. âIâm obsessed with you, canât get you off myââ he stops, pausing to squint dramatically as he shields his eyes with the side of his hand before he chuckles and shakes his head. âOh, sorry, I thought you were Karl and Sapnap.â
Scar gasps at that, placing a hand on his heart and acting wounded. Itâs silly and playfulâthe way Scar used to act with Grian. Quackity jogs up to the front door to meet up with Scar, sliding away from Grian as heâs drawn into Scarâs orbit by conversation alone.
Grian watches them like an outsider, on the fringes of their solar system.
He takes off his pack on his own, trying to ignore how it makes it feel. It sits petty in Grianâs stomach how the scene looks. Scar open and smiling and Quackity bantering alongside him, the two talking like theyâre old friends. Their conversation flows naturally and it makes Grianâs chest hurt, well aware of all heâs lost in the schism thatâs grown between him and Scar. A small part of him even manages to feel betrayed by Quackity, though logically he knows thatâs not fairâthat one scouting mission together doesnât mean heâs earned Quackityâs exclusive loyalty.
By the time Sapnap and Karl return, the two of them are still chatting, Grian sitting quietly off to the side on his own.
âThis place is a bust,â Sapnap announces, words edged in frustration as he pushes the door open, his hair slicked down with sweat at his temples. He looks beat, depositing a satchel onto the floor without fanfare before he sits down heavily in the only other chair.
âI know we figured as much, but it doesnât look like anyoneâs lived here for years. Decades even,â Karl explains, trailing in after Sapnap. He looks equally worn out from his time in the sun, flushed across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. âWe found a few camps at the far end of the streetâthere were ATV tracks, but they looked old. We swiped some cans and stuff. I think most of itâs expired by a year, but itâs better than nothing.â
He sits down on the floor, shrugging his arms out of his jacket sleeves before he reaches down and hauls up the hem of his sweater, pulling it off over his head. It leaves him clad only in a t-shirt; one thatâs definitely seen cleaner days.
âWe did have one good find, though. Show âem, Sap.â
Sapnap perks up a bit at the reminder, at least some of his good mood returning as he opens the satchel, rooting around until he produces their find: a solar powered camping lantern.
âCheck this out,â he enthuses, placing it on the table and switching it on. The light is sterileâthe kind of chill white glow youâd expect from an LED bulbâbut itâs bright, and even Grian can admit itâs a good find.
âHow âbout you two lovebirds?â Karl asks, and the question startles a shocked laugh from Grian and an amused grin from Quackity.
âThereâs a car graveyard at the far end of town,â Quackity explains, folding his arms across his chest. âNothing there, though. Everythingâs rusted out.â
âQuackity wanted to check out a few other places nearby,â Grian adds, âBut we didnât find anything salvageable.â
âWhy do you think this place is abandoned?â Sapnap asks. Itâs obvious heâs trying not to sound too concerned, but heâs unable to hide the edge from his voice. He turns towards Karl, as if to share his worry, but Karlâs brow is smooth, his posture calm. He only hums low and shrugs.
âI think there are hundreds of places like this. People die, kids grow up and move away, nobody moves inâŠâ
âItâs the highways,â Scar explains, and Grian canât help a small, bemused grin. Of course Scar is up-to-date on the history of run-down little towns. Itâs just like him to have these bits of obscure knowledge tucked away. âWhen they built all the interstates back in the 60s, people stopped needing these little side roads and winders. Communities got cut off, and they didnât have any industry to sustain them, so they slowly died out.â
âYouâre telling me thereâs a million more of these sh*tty little dead-end ghost towns in our way?â Quackity groans, rubbing at his face in frustration. âThatâs gonna suck for us. Thereâs nothing we can scavenge. Weâre just gonna waste time and supplies.â
âItâs fine, we can avoid them once weâre back on the interstate,â Sapnap says, reassuring and confident. âWhichâwe should figure out where to go next from here. Especially if we wanna move before we start losing daylight.â
Immediately, Grian looks in Scarâs direction. He finds Scar meeting his gaze over top of Quackityâs head, the same dread in his eyes that Grian feels in his bones. The trio donât notice, still chatting about how quickly they'll need to pack and if they have time for a proper lunch before the next trek onwards.
âIâm sure we can leave the catering in your capable hands,â Scar says, bright and enthusiastic as he claps his hands together. âMeanwhile, Grian! Can I trouble you for a moment of your time?â
It sparks a note of selfish satisfaction in Grian that Scar would make a point of asking for him and him alone. Itâs sillyâof course Scar would choose him right nowâbut it still feels nice to be invited by name.
âIâll allow it,â Karl jokes, none-the-less taking the hint and leveraging himself to his feet. He nudges Sapnap with the toe of his boot and gestures for Quackity to join them, motioning towards the door as they walk over together. âWeâll be right outside if you need us.â
âKeep your hands where I can see âem though. And leave room for the lord. No funny business,â Quackity teases. The other two laugh as they leave, oblivious to the tension that settles into the room on their departure.
The second the door shuts behind the trio, Scar is shifting in his seat, the wince in his expression obvious. Something worrisome grips tight around Grianâs heart, and he resists the urge to gravitate to Scarâs side and fuss.
âGrian,â Scar says, serious.
âHow bad?â
Scar looks towards the door, expression inscrutable before he breathes out, slow and even. âBad.â
Silence settles between them, the air suddenly thick and stuffy, heavy with the implication.
âI need you to help me get back to the bedroom.â
The reality of what Scar is saying unfolds in Grianâs chest like something dreadful and rancid. The worst case scenario of Scar pushing himself too hard for too many days.
âOkay.â Grianâs numb as he says it, stepping forward on autopilot as he slings Scarâs arm across his shoulder and helps leverage him to his feet. Scarâs expression is tight, determined to look strong even in a vulnerable moment. He lets a short breath in and out through his nose before he nods and they move with slow, careful steps down the hall.
Theyâre lucky they have a bed. For a moment, Grian tries to imagine what would have happened had Scar seized up in the open desert, but the horror of the hypothetical compresses the question into an impenetrable knot in his mind.
Working together, Grian helps Scar lay down on the mattress, expression creased as he focuses and tries not to panic. Once safely down, Scar closes his eyes and tilts his head back, exposing the long column of his throat as he heaves a long, pained sigh.
Hesitant, Grian deliberates for a moment before he asks, âWhat do we tell them?â
âI donât want them to panic.â Scar replies, eyes still closed.
âI donât want them to know,â Grian stresses, determined.
Scar chuckles, a forced, pained sound that devolves into a sort of wheeze. Slowly, he opens his eyes, staring up at the patchy popcorn ceiling.
âAt this point, I donât know if thatâs really an option.â
âDo you think youâll feel better after you sleep?â Grian rushes, words tumbling out of him all at once. Even as he speaks, he knows this isnât something he can barter their way around, knows it isnât fair. âMaybe tomorrowââ
He stops himself, forcibly closing his mouth. Scar watches him from the mattress with tired eyes, and guiltily, Grian looks away. He knows how much Scar hates when people explain his own limitations to him. Of all things, Scar doesnât need Grian attempting to negotiate with him about his health.
âIâll take care of it,â he states instead, simple, broaching no argument.
âYouâll take care of it?â
Thereâs something skeptical in Scarâs tone, but Grian merely nods, not sure how heâs going to follow through but refusing to let it show on his face.
Scar continues to look him over, as if unsure of Grianâs conviction. In the end, he offers a weary smile of acceptance, more tired than grateful.
âOkay, Gri,â he says, and the use of his long-abandoned nickname momentarily takes Grianâs breath away. Leaves him feeling light-headed, with his pulse racing, already desperate to hear it said againâin praise instead of in surrender.
For a moment Grian lingers, unwilling to leave Scarâs side. It takes everything to pry himself away, and he exits the room with his heart pounding as he tries to calculate the next step to take.
While heâs good at thinking on his feet, heâs got no practical experience with a situation like this, and he knows that persuading people is more Scarâs forte. Grian can lie just as well as Scar, but thereâs a charm to Scarâs method that wins people over far easier than Grian could ever dream of.
Karl and Quackity are sitting on the front step of the house when Grian opens the front door. Sapnap is standing in front of them, arms crossed, and squinting unhappily in the sunlight. They all look at him expectantly as he appears.
He takes a bracing breath.
âWeâre going to stay here another night,â he explains, as simple as fact.
Three sets of eyebrows rise in response in almost comedic unity.
âSays who?â Sapnap asks, shoulders bristling.
âSays me,â Grian says, firm. âWe have good shelter here, weâve got enough provisions for nowâthereâs no reason to go running right back into the fray when we have a chance to spend a few days in peace and quiet without a single soul around.â
âWe canât just dawdle,â Sapnap argues, vehement in a way Grian hadnât quite expected. Heâs been fairly quiet and polite after getting over his initial mistrust of Grian and Scar right at the start, but now his temper rises seemingly out of nowhere. It puts Grianâs back up a bit to have the younger man in his face, angrier than he had any reason to be. âHow many of those things did we just see wandering out on the road on our way up here? You think weâre safe right now? Weâre not.â
âWeâre in the middle of the desert,â Grian refutes, glad that Karl and Quackity are silent at least, their eyes darting back and forth between them. âWeâd be able to see anyone or anything coming for miles.â
âBut why the f*ck would we wait for them at all?! Thereâs literally no place to restock on supplies or water in this dust bowl, and you wanna stay here longer?â
Something about the situation reads wrong to Grian. Has him on his back foot, defending what doesnât feel like a big ask.
He talks around it, slow and even, watching Sapnapâs face for a reaction. âWeâll leave tomorrow morning and be back on the interstate by afternoon, if itâs so important to you.â
Sure enough, Sapnapâs expression wavers, his eyes flicking in the direction of Quackity and Karl. Paranoia sinks into Grianâs gut, even as Sapnap draws back, retreating out of Grianâs space.
âThis is such f*cking bullsh*t.â
âI donât see how wanting to rest one more night is such a big deal,â Grian needles. âWe left a bad spot, walked for hours to get here, and now that weâre safe you want us to just push on? Seems reckless to me.â
âLike it isnât reckless to stay here and whittle our down resources to nothing?â
The frustration rolling off of Sapnap is evident, his arms crossed tight over his chest and anger creasing his expression. Again, his gaze shifts in the direction of the other two in his party, and this time Grian manages to glance their way as well. Quackity has his mouth set in a firm line, and Karlâs expression is carefully neutral. All of it has Grianâs back up.
Thereâs something more to this. There has to be.
âItâs one night, Sapnap,â he insists, determined.
âItâs a big f*cking waste of our time is what it is.â
Grian laughs, sharp and without humour. âIf itâs that much of a waste of time then, by all means, you three can leave without us.â
âWhatâs up with Scar?â Quackity interrupts, precise in a way that catches Grian completely off guard.
The question cuts through him like a knife, the epicentre of his vulnerability suddenly exposed and pulled out into the open. Abruptly, all the tension turns on him, the trio exchanging glances with one another before looking at Grian. It puts him on the spot in a viscerally uncomfortable way, and he finds himself crossing his arms in a defensive mirror to Sapnapâs pose and posture.
âWhat are you talking about? Nothingâs up with Scar.â
Thereâs a reluctance in Quackityâs eyes, an uncertainty Grian canât quite place.
âNothingâs up with Scar, but when Sapnap suggests moving on, suddenly he has to talk to you alone and then without warning youâre saying weâre staying put for another night?â
A chill runs down Grianâs spine, followed by the cold sweat of being caught acting careless. Heâd been so busy seething in his own distrust and dislike of the trio that heâs failed to keep his motives subtle. In his haste, heâs now put Scar in danger.
He feels ill.
âIs he sick?â Quackity asks when Grian remains silent, careful as he voices the question. A tense quiet spreads between them, breaths held as three sets of eyes bore into Grian. When no reply is offered, Quackity presses, insistent. âDid he get bit?â
The question snaps like the breaking of a dam, and suddenly itâs too hot, too much, too loud, and Grian is angry, livid at the accusation that he and Scar would ever harbour a secret like that. He draws in a breath, sharp, squaring his shoulders as he gets ready to lash out. OnlyâKarl intervenes.
He rises up off the front stoop in a smooth, fluid gesture, brushing sand and grit off his hands before he says, calm, âCome on, Big Q, donât be ridiculous.â
It takes the wind out of Grianâs sails, shoulders untensing. The idea that he has an ally on his side knocking the temper right out of him.
âWhen would Scar have gotten bit?â Karl asks, more rational than Grian wouldâve given him credit for. âWeâve had eyes on him since we ran into him. If he was bitten before we met, he wouldâve turned by now. Weâve seen enough to know that.â
âHe didnât get close to the googlies on the road,â Grian adds, insistent. âIf anyone, Sapnapââ
âI didnât get f*cking bit,â Sapnap snarls, bristling. âYou got close to them too, by the way. In fact, you were the first one to rush into them.â
âAnd I didnât get bit, did I?â Grian argues, voice rising slightly. âSo if I didnât, then Scar definitely didnât.â
âBoys,â Karl interrupts again, level and firm. âWeâve all made our points. Nobody got bit, nobodyâs turning into a zombie.â He stares at each of them in turn before his eyes rest on Quackity, who stares back at him, guilty and indignant at the same time. Itâs a look Grian knows well, having worn it plenty of times himself. Karl sighs, more patient than he has any need to be, âLetâs not jump to conclusions.â
With Sapnap and Quackityâs accusation defanged, Grian doesnât know what to do with the adrenaline rushing through his system. Itâs almost a relief when Karl turns to him, using the same no-nonsense toneâso different from the way he normally presents himself.
âGrianâyouâre saying you want to take a rest day? Stay here just for another night?â
Itâs weird being spoken to in such a way by someone almost a decade younger than him, but Grian takes the hit to his pride with as much grace as he can manage. He nods, not trusting himself to speak and start up the argument once more.
Karl nods back, decided. âThat settles it, then. Weâll stay the night and head out in the morning.â
âKarlâŠâ Sapnap starts, clearly unhappy with the decision.
âItâs okay, baby,â Karl promises, âTomorrow, first light: weâre gone. It won't even be a full twenty-four hours from now. Okay?â
Karl passes the question between both his partners, and they hesitate as if waiting for each otherâs agreement. Quackity hesitates, clearly reluctant, but after a moment he nods, and Karl smiles wide, pulling him into a hug. After that Sapnap seems to relent, the stiffness in his posture relaxing.
âIs that it thenâŠ?â Grian asks, cautious. âAre we good?â
âWeâre good,â Sapnap says, and Grian chooses to believe him.
He leaves the trio to their business, relieved to get a break from them, heading back inside only to find that Scarâs fallen asleep. He could leaveâhe shouldâbut instead Grian takes a seat on the floor, resting his back against the wall as he simply watches Scar instead. After the better part of an hour, clattering and scraping noises filter in from the main room but Scar sleeps through it all. Grian tries to picture what they could be doing, the sounds of Karl and Sapnap cursing and Quackityâs high laughter bleeding in through the walls.
Their good moods should be a comfort, a sign that everythingâs fine, but to Grian theyâre not. Everything catches like a bur on his skin, twisting his mood into a knot of tension he nurses bitterly, like itâs something of value he should preserve. Heâs envious of them and their laughter, and he hates it.
When Scar eventually stirs, itâs late afternoon. He wakes up slow, consciousness filling him up like water poured into a glass, relaxed in a way that makes a private, guarded part of Grian glad. Heâs not jerking awake, quick-pulsed and frightened. Heâs not pulling out of one nightmare, opening his eyes into another. Heâs been resting, deeply, and Grian knows thatâs what Scar needs.
âNice nap?â he asks, pulling his knees up to his chest and circling his arms around them.
Scar nods, yawning large as he sits up, rubbing the heel of his palms against his eyelids.
âDidnât realise how much I needed it,â he mutters, clearing his throat to dislodge the growl that curled into it while he was asleep.
âWeâre gonna stay another night,â Grian explains, answering the question he knows Scarâs about to ask. âKarl made the call. If it matters.â
Scar nods, still sleep-relaxed, yawning again. âGood.â
âTheyâve been up to something. Kept hearing great big noises, like theyâre chucking things about.â Grian jerks his chin in the direction of the main room.
âYou didnât go see?â Scar asks, tone casual, reminding Grian so much of the morning conversations they used to have on lazy Sundays, sprawled out on Scarâs enormous bed.
The question catches Grian sideways, causing him to tense up, guilty, as Scar smiles slow.
âDid you keep guard over me, Grian?â
His head tilts to the side, genuinely curious. The question feels oddâGrian hadnât been thinking about it that way, but now that itâs asked he canât exactly deny thatâs what it looks like. He feels his cheeks go hot, tightening his arms around his knees, the uncertain shame of whether or not heâs about to get in trouble making him reluctant to answer.
âTheyâre not exactly my number one fans right now,â he says at length. âI didnât want to third wheel where Iâm not wanted.â
Heâs so focused on deflecting Scarâs question that he almost misses the fond smile that passes over his face. Heâd been so sure that Scar would chastise him that it shocks him to see Scar smothering his grin before it has a chance to manifest further.
âThird wheeling a trio⊠thatâs just a car, isnât it?â
âScar,â Grian snorts, but his relief that heâs passed Scarâs scrutiny makes him smile despite himself.
Scar chuckles, rubbing the stubble on his jaw for a moment as he thinks. Grian watches him, quiet, wanting to reach out and touch it himself. He knows the way Scarâs stubble feelsâagainst his palms, and his cheeks, and the inside of his thighs. Itâs difficult to reconcile with the part of him that wonders if heâll ever feel it again.
âDo you think that really works for them?â Scar asks at last, interrupting Grianâs wistful yearning with a carefully neutral voice. âThat three peas in a pod routine?â
All at once Grian remembers Quackity musing after Scarâs availability back at the rusted-out trailer, and the jealousy from that conversation comes rushing back tenfold. Itâs stupid and pointless to feel this way, he knows that. He and Scar arenât together, theyâre not discussing the nature of their relationship. Scar isnât the one who cheated in the first place.
And yet, Grian canât help but feel jealous and possessive anyway.
Thereâs too much to unpack and not enough time for him to process any of it, so Grian does what he does best and pushes it aside, letting it fall off his priorities to fester unattended in the background. Instead, he lowers his head onto his arms as they rest atop his knees, muttering low and dismissive, âI donât think it matters.â
He can feel Scarâs eyes on him, even as he keeps his own locked on the far wall of the room. He doesnât want to know what Scar is thinking, but itâs easy to guessâthe obvious âwhat ifâ that he knows theyâre both circling around. The idea that in some universe, one where heâd made different, more honest choices, maybe Grian couldâve openly had two partners as well. That he could have spared them both the hurt, if heâd simply just told Scar the truth.
It wouldnât have worked like that, Grian is certain.
Itâs not what he or Scar wouldâve wanted.
And yetâŠ
âDo you think you can stand up?â he asks, desperate to change the subject before it has the chance to metastasize any further.
Scar shifts on the mattress, testing his knees as he bends his legs before he gives a small nod. âIf you give me a hand.â
Brushing himself off, Grian stands, making his way over to Scar in a few short steps. Together they get Scar back on his feet, and after a minute of balancing and waiting for him to acclimate after a long day of laying down, they decide to make their way into the main room.
They proceed cautiously towards the sounds of the trioâs voices, Scar leaning heavily on Grian and both of them trying not to be obvious about it.
Grian doesnât know what he was expecting when they enter the living room. Heâd heard the three of them moving constantly, presumably dragging things around all afternoon. Heâd entertained the idea that maybe they were playing some sort of game or fortifying the windows and doors, but his assumptions leave him surprised at the reality.
Before them lies an almost fully furnished living space.
Itâs cobbled together, made of salvaged wood pallets and broken furniture, mostly likely pulled out from the nearby houses. Grian counts seating enough for five, all arranged around the brick fireplace. The plywood that had been wedged up against it to keep out the draft has been removed, a wood pile made from broken chairs and scrap lumber organised semi-neatly beside its hearth. Itâs meagre and makeshift, but Grian can see the effort that went into itâa peace offering, maybe, after the accusations hurled at him on the front steps earlier.
âWell, hello there,â Scar greets, the pleasant surprise in his voice evident as they step further into the room. âMy, my, gentlemen. Now what do we have here?â
Sapnap stands up first, hands tucking into his pockets as he approaches. He shoots a glance back towards Karl and Quackity, both standing at the table and sorting through the cans he and Karl had pilfered earlier. When he meets Grianâs eyes, thereâs something apologetic in them.
âWe figured⊠since weâre staying another night, we might as well make the place more, yâknow⊠liveable.â
Itâs a kindness that Grian hadnât anticipated, and all at once he feels awful for reacting so strongly earlier. He tries to find something to say in response, but then Scar steps away from his side, and his attention immediately turns to follow him. Heâs anxious as he waits for him to stumble, but when Scar takes another few steps, as casual and confident as ever, the relief that swells in his chest is palpable.
The seats the trio have made arenât elaborateâsimple benches more than anythingâbut Scar sits without complaint, patting the space beside him as he looks Grianâs way. âMaking a house a home, now thatâs just genius. I like you boys, youâve got a good style.â
Before Grian can sit down next to Scar, Quackity is inserting himself into the space, putting his knee on the seat as he shuffles over. âWe like you too, handsome,â he says, familiar and fond.
It reignites the jealousy Scarâs question had sparked back in the bedroom, and Grian tries to tamp it down, tightening his jaw in a way he hopes isnât noticeable to the others. He knows he canât afford to turn his nose up at the trioâs efforts at reconciliation, but itâs hard to remember that when he sees Quackity next to Scar, smiling bright and eager and far too friendly.
Next to Scar, oblivious to Grianâs turmoil, Quackity holds up two cans in his hands. âNow, are you canned Alphagetti guys, or Beefaroni?â
âAnd, totally unrelated,â Karl pipes up from behind them, still standing at the table sorting supplies. âDo either of you fine gentlemen know how to start a fire?â
Grian doesnât want to say itâknows itâs petty beyond compareâbut the words come out of him anyway.
âWe do. Donât we, Scar?â
He looks at Scar pointedly, and thereâs only a split second of confusion on his face before recognition sets in. His hand moves absently down to his pocket, where Grian knows the lighter Scar used to set his car alight still resides. Thereâs a guilty twist on Scarâs features that Grian wishes he could relish, but most of him is anxious about having spoken up at all. Stupid, knee-jerk behaviour. Always acting first and thinking after.
Hesitant, Scar pulls the lighter out of his pocket, turning it over in his hand. He considers something as he looks down at it, expression morphing from upset to resolute.
âYou could say weâre both experts at letting things go up in flames,â he answers, meeting Grianâs eyes.
It hurts more than Grian would like to admit.
Resolute, he steps forward and snatches up the lighter, quick, before he moves over to the empty fireplace. He busies himself to keep from spiraling, rejection curling around his heart. He knows he brought this on himself, knows it mightâve been alright if heâd just kept his mouth shut and been nice, but heâs never been good under pressure. And watching Scar interact with the trio... with Quackityâsmiling and laughing and happier than heâd ever been while travelling with him⊠it gets under his skin.
It makes it hard to breathe.
Grian stays kneeling as he starts snapping the smallest pieces of wood into kindling. Try as he might to stay focused, he canât stop his thoughts from wandering. Behind him, Quackity continues chatting Scar up, and Scar replies to him easily. Heâs always been friendly. Sometimes more friendly than Grian can stand. People like Scar, drawn in by his natural, easygoing charm. When theyâd first gotten together, in those easy days, rife with insecurity, Grian had felt sure he was only a passing interestâa blip in Scarâs life that would come and go and hardly be missed.
Now, heâs well aware that heâs made himself memorable; unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
Heâs spiraling. He knows he is. Balanced on the very edge of a panic attack.
For every piece of kindling he splits, another thought, another worry, another insecurityâall with Quackityâs bright, eager laughter running in the background. Itâs nothing Grian wants to hearâhis leading questions, his teasing replies, the affable way he keeps Scar engaged, the conversation carrying on and on and on as Grian's kindling piles up until his fingernails hurt and he canât take it anymore. Canât take the talking and the laughing and the flirtingâ
âWill you knock it off already?â he snaps, throwing his gaze angrily over his shoulder, twisting around only to be met by Quackityâs exaggerated expression of surprise.
Somehow, it only makes Grian angrier.
âFor f*ckâs sake, could you be any more annoying about your little crush? Heâs clearly not into you, so just give it a rest already.â
The silence barely has time to settle before Quackity is smiling, wolfish, as he leans forward. His chin nestles in the palm of his hand, elbow planted on his knee, eyes narrowed as his canines peek through the edge of his grin. Heâs enjoying this, and Grian seethes.
âJealous much?â
Karl laughs at that, and Sapnap hoots like theyâre in grade school, mocking and immature. It infuriates Grian, pushing the bitterness coagulating in his chest up into his throat until he feels like heâll choke on it. It feels juvenile. It is juvenile.
He doesnât want any part of it.
âLight your own fire,â he snaps, tossing the lighter with excessive force into the soot-black back of the fireplace and getting to his feet as he storms towards the door.
Heâs outside before he can take a proper breath, the door slamming loud behind him. He can hear Quackity laughing through the wall, loud and callous, followed by the cheerful voices of Karl and Sapnap encouraging it. Their voices are muffled by the door and the plaster and the plywood, but clear enough that he can tell that theyâre all in on it. A united front.
Itâs ridiculous and childish. Heâs overreacting and he knows it, but he hates feeling like heâs being ganged up on by obnoxious teenagers.
The sand scuffs under his feet, kicking up dust as he paces out into the middle of the gravel yard and stares angrily up at the darkening sky. He wonât give them the satisfaction of hearing him yell, so he merely compresses his hands into fists until theyâre clenched tight enough he can feel the sting of his nail biting into his palms.
He wishes they didnât have the power to bother him so much. He wishes he didnât care.
He wishes they would just leave Scar alone.
âGrian?â
He turns to find Scar standing on the top stair outside the door, looking reluctant to step down and approach him. He watches Grian with a mix of weariness and concern, one hand steadying himself against the door frame, the other favouring his hip.
Itâs humiliating to be followed, but the knowledge that Scar came after him ignites something in Grianâs chest.
He couldâve stayed inside but he didnât.
He came out.
For him.
âI donât know why you let him talk to you like that. All fawning and cute.â The words are out of Grian, sharp and possessive, before he can even think to temper them into something less needy. His tone is edged in angerâthe desire for attention and reassurance shot through with how badly he wants to make a scene. The over-reactive boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. It doesnât matter to him right now. Anything to stake his claim and make his priority clear.
Scar looks at him in the early evening light, not rising to the bait as much as surrendering to it.
âWhy wouldnât I?â
His neutrality is incendiary, burning up inside Grianâs chest until it hurts.
âBecause I hate it.â
The words are out of Grian before he can consider them, reckless in a way that has him regretting them the moment they leave his lips. Itâs stupid and insecure. So grade school he might as well have been stomping his foot as he said it. Like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Scar looks at him and says nothing, and Grian feels the pressure of his attention like a weight. It wasnât the right thing to say and it was the worst way to say it, but he doesnât want to take it back. The trio donât know Scar like he does. They havenât spent years alongside him, through laughter and tears and everything in between. They arenât friends, they arenât close.
âTheyâre kids, Grian,â Scar eventually sighs, something heâs already pointed out before.
It isnât reassuring. Not when Grianâs insecurity is running rampant, and certainly not when he keeps catching themâQuackityâexpressing interest in Scar in a way that makes his stomach tie itself in knots.
But he canât say that, well aware he has no leg to stand on. If anything, pursuing it further will force a painful conversation about intent and boundaries that he doesnât want to have.
The silence stretches, heavy, no one around to break it for them. Even the trio are quiet inside, no muffled words or laughter trailing out through the door. Grian doesnât know what to do, vulnerable and on the edge of rejection. He doesnât want to hear Scar explain that he has no right to feel the way he does, as true as it may be.
âIâm going back in,â Scar says at last, and itâs detached in a way that throws Grian off. Heâs unsure how to respond, so convinced they were about to have a fight that he feels weirdly robbed now that itâs not about to happen. âAre you coming, or do you need a minute?â
Grian stays silent, looking stubbornly towards the horizon, hands crammed into his pockets.
âAlright,â Scar says, exhaling the word with a sigh. âSuit yourself.â
The door closes behind him, and Grian is left outside with the sand and the stars.
He feels the hot pressure of his emotions in his cheeks and the tips of his ears, twisting foolish and short-sighted as he rides out the petulance of his feelings.
Itâs not his fault. None of this is his fault. Itâs Quackity and his wandering eyes and open appreciation. Itâs Karl and Sapnap, who let it happen with fond, besotted smiles. Itâs Scar, who laughs politely and doesnât take it as seriously as he should.
Itâs the apocalypseâs fault for putting them in this situation in the first place.
He tries to curb his emotions with those empty reassurances, repeating them over and over like a mantra in his head.
It takes him some time to settle back down. Once the initial crest of his jealousy and anger passes, heâs left feeling increasingly ridiculousâa grown man throwing a fit that he now has to walk back inside and acknowledge. He presses the heels of his palms against his eyelids with a groan. Already, he can imagine the snide grin mirrored across three smug faces.
When Grian finally pushes his embarrassment far enough away to step back into the house, he finds a domestic scene settled around the fire. Karl, Sapnap, and Quackity are sitting together on one of the pallet benches, their arms wrapped around one another, legs overlapped, and crisscrossed in a comfortable looking tangle. Across from them, Scar has one of his legs propped up on a makeshift footstool, with the air that heâs been taken care of.
âOh good,â Scar says as Grian deadbolts the front door behind him, cheerful in the way he gets when heâs putting on a performance for people. âWe got our soap opera dramatics out of the way just in time for dinner.â
Grian can see Sapnap whisper something to Quackity while looking at him, and it stings in a way that reminds him of secondary school, but rather than pushing back, he simply sits on the edge of the seat thatâs been left for him, taking pains to leave everyone in the room at ample distance.
He leans in only far enough forward to see whatâs been jammed into the coals of the fire, finding a skillet and a saucepan sitting on the embers. One holds canned spaghetti and sauce, while the other has a slow bubbling white paste that Grian recognizes as grits. Itâs not a great looking dinner, but itâs the best they have, and heâs far from turning his nose up at a hot meal.
âLooks good,â he says, affecting a tone that sounds polite, a half-hearted attempt to bridge the gap formed after his outburst.
They share the meal in relative civility, sharing cutlery and eating directly out of the pans. After a time the conversation returns, tentative at first, and then relaxing as the truce extends. Karl has no problems speaking whatever thought is on his mind and Scar, as always, is a natural conversationalist. Quackity keeps up easily with his quick wit and sense of humour, and once he gets going he continually elbows Sapnap, egging him into eventually joining in. Their banter is easy and natural, and their brightness and laughter recover almost as if it had never gone away.
If any of them notice that Grian is barely participating, they donât mention it.
Eventually they finish eating and the conversation tapers off naturally. Quackity starts yawning, and despite his day spent sleeping, Scar echoes each and every one. It prompts Karl to use the rim of the skillet to pull the logs in the fire apart, distributing the flames so that it will burn itself out faster.
âSo whoâs on first watch?â Quackity asks at last, and Grian knows the expectation will be on him to volunteer. Some penance for his little production.
âIâll take it.â
Surprising him, itâs Sapnap who speaks up, stretching his arms above his head as he rises to his feet. He pops the joints in his wrists and shoulders before he shakes them out, shifting his weight from foot to foot and looking around the group. âIâm a late-night guy, so I donât think Iâd be able to sleep yet anyhow.â
âThatâs mighty nice of you. Real nice, in fact,â Scar says, smiling in earnest. Grian can see him schooling his expression, bracing as he prepares to get to his feet. He knows Scar is hoping his legs will take mercy on him and not buckle under the sudden shift in pressure, heâs said as much during previous flare-ups. âI know I slept like a log today, but if I can be honest, Iâm still beat. You know, all those health experts were right when they said itâall this nice outdoor air really does a number on you. Number two killer, after smoking.â
Itâs a lie, and a pointless one, talking just for the sake of it, to hide any pain he might be feeling.
Grian frowns to himself, wondering what theyâll do in the morning if Scar isnât feeling any better. His anxiety immediately starts to creep up when his spiral is interrupted by Scar gallantly holding his hand out to him.
âReady to call it a night?â
The chivalry catches on something soft in Grianâs chest, even though knows Scarâs only doing it as a disguise for what he really needs. All the same, he reaches out automatically, letting Scar use his hand not to hold, but as the leverage he needs to help get himself back on his feet.
âGânight fellas,â Karl says with a sleep-soft smile, looking tired himself as he leans into Quackityâs side.
Before they turn away, Grian makes eye contact with Quackity, whoâs remained quiet as they start to say their goodnights. Thereâs no way he can make himself apologise when he still feels the sting of his insecurity, but he doesnât want to let things fester between them, knowing he needs to be the bigger man.
He takes a breath and does his best. âSleep well, Big Q. Sweet dreams.â
The corners of Quackityâs mouth quirk, his expression carefully schooled but still a little wry. âYeah. Same to you.â
Grian figures thatâs as good as itâs going to get for now.
Itâs a short walk down the hall, the door closing quiet behind them as they feel their way into bed. They move in silence, maneuvering in the dark until Scar is laying on his side and Grian is spooned into the bend of his legs and the curve of his chest. They donât talk, no hushed conversation about the day, no low words about Grianâs behaviour, and no questions about Scarâs pain. The silence stretches, and in its inescapable presence, Grian does the only thing he can think to do.
He eases himself back by centimetres, feigning discomfort as he tries to push for some physical reassurance.
âSmall mattress,â he mumbles as an excuse, elbow bent to serve as a pillow under his head.
A moment of stillness passes, Grian holding his breath, uncertain. Then, by way of answer, Scar shifts forward, his arm looping around Grianâs waist, pulling him back so their bodies fit snug together. The contact is muffled through layers of clothing, neither of them having bothered to get undressed, but theyâre still close enough that it makes Grianâs heart race.
Hopefulâand needy despite himselfâGrian lets his spine uncurl, flattening his shoulders out flush to Scarâs chest as he presses his hips back into Scarâs.
âI had fun this morning,â he whispers, thinking back to how well the day has started. The softness, the slow indulgenceâit felt so much like they used to be.
He misses it more than ever.
Behind him, Scar catches himself on a sigh, voice low in the dark as he answers, âAnd you were a lot all night.â
A part of Grian canât help but fall back into how things used to be, playful as long as heâs safe and warm in Scarâs arms. He wears a teasing grin as he nudges himself back against Scar.
âCan you blame me?â
When only silence meets him as a response, Scar unyielding behind him, Grian deflates a little. It takes a few moments before he tries another approach, sighing, intentionally dramatic as he runs his fingertips over Scarâs knuckles. He lifts them, pressing his lips against them, just barely short of a kiss, prompting with a whisper, âScarâŠ?â
He doesnât hear the acknowledging hum, but he feels its implication rumbled through Scarâs chest pressed against his spine. Scarâs forearm flexes as his arm shifts around him with purpose. His palm presses flat to Grianâs abdomen, body moving behind him as he rolls his hips forward with a clear, obvious intent.
The burst of adrenaline that floods Grianâs system is like a firecracker lit in every one of his arteries. Glad for the darkness to hide his smile, Grian arches his body fluidly to move with Scar. A selfish, haughty part of him feels vindicatedâthe trio can try all they like, but Scar is still his. He always has been. And as Scar pushes forward again, Grian lets himself moan aloud, clear and intentional in the poorly contained privacy of their room.
Leisurely, Scarâs hand shifts, tugging up the layers of Grianâs sweatshirt to expose a sliver of his stomach. He strokes his thumb gently along the soft vulnerability of his belly, slow and soothing. It sends a shock through Grian, a tenderness he wasnât expecting. He feels his body start to respond as Scar grinds against him again, his heat unmistakable.
Heâs giddy, ready to take whatever Scar gives him, craving the connection, his body on fire.
He thinks to the trio outside, close enough that they definitely can hear them. He doesnât care. Let them listen in and understand that even if he and Scar arenât together anymore, itâs still only Grian who shares his bed, only Grian held tight his arms, only Grian who he follows out into the darkness. Not them. Not anyone else.
âThink youâve proved your point?â Scar mumbles into the back of his neck. âHappy now?â
The words catch him off guard. Blindsided.
Scarâs tone is cold, and the abrupt stillness that falls between them is colder still. Grianâs not prepared for the way Scar removes his hand, smoothing his shirt layers back down before all at once his contact is gone. Suddenly, Scar is rolling over to lay on his back, letting his breath out in a long, heavy sigh.
âGoodnight, Grian.â
Itâs final, no room for negotiation.
Grian doesnât know what to do. Guilt crawls up inside him, feeling like somehow Scar heard his thoughts and was disgusted by the notion. Heâs humiliated, body hot with embarrassment. They settle into silence, Grian laying stiff and uncomfortable at Scarâs side.
In time, Scarâs breathing slows and evens out. He falls asleep, and beside him Grian lays wide awake, staring up at the ceiling in the dark, not knowing what Scar wants, and not knowing what he needs either.
Notes:
If you haven't yet, please check out the art Lock did of what Karlnapity look like in TAMN!
Chapter 14: Chapter 14
Notes:
Hi it's Lock :3 Normally Key posts our chapters and responds to comments, but we agreed that if she were ever to be stolen away by a dragon I should probably learn how to format and queue a chapter just in case, so that's what I'm doing right now! Please be proud of me, I've never properly posted on AO3 before.
We got fanart this week! This moody drawing of a moody grian based on his outburst in chapter 12, drawn by konoisms!
On a personal note: chapter 14 has one of my favourite Vulnerable Grian Momentsâą in the entire fic, so I'm really happy I get to post this one!
We hope you enjoy it!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
âYouâre being so f*cking selfish.â
The words are shouted, angry, Sapnapâs expression sour with frustration. He glares at Grian across the makeshift living room, and Grian looks back at him with forced neutrality.
Itâs mid-morning, and sunlight is streaming in through the gaps in the barricaded window. Sapnap is standing by the front door, shoulders squared, arms folded tight across his chest while Karl and Quackity sit together on one of the pallet seats, Karl eating a cold pop tart, the foil crinkling in his hand as he takes a cautious bite in the uneasy silence.
âYesterday. Yesterday we said that weâd be moving on. And then we stayed another night âcause you threw a f*cking tantrum, and now youâre saying weâre going to be staying a couple more?â
Sapnap throws his arms out wide before he lets them fall to his sides, fingers curled into loose fists.
âYouâre just declaring this sh*t like youâre the one who gets to call the shots, and itâs pissing me off.â
âSap câmon,â Quackity cautions from the sideline, clearly able to hear the anger mounting in his boyfriendâs tone. The expression on his face is empathetic, however, mouth twisted in disapproval as he eyes Grian from where he sits. âLetâs be chill.â
âNo, this is bullsh*t!â Sapnap insists, looking towards Karl for support before he quickly pivots his attention back to Grian. âYouâre not the boss here,â he adds, forceful, and it rankles Grian just as much as it intimidates him. For all that Sapnap is on the short side, barely a head taller than him, heâs still a force to be reckoned with when he gets fired up.
âHe never said he was,â Karl remarks blandly, keeping his tone aloof and neutral as he takes another bite of his breakfast. âAll the same, it is a pretty strong suggestion youâve made, Grian.â
Despite presenting himself as almost frustratingly uninvested in the scene Sapnap is causing, Karl has his attention fully on Grian, sleepy eyes belaying an intent focus. Grian can feel himself being slowly pressed into a corner, sinking back one metaphorical step at a time. His statement is being picked apart, the declaration that theyâd be staying in the house another few days met with an immediate resistance that heâd somewhat anticipated, but hadnât expected to raise quite so much contention.
Itâs not like he has a choice, however.
Scarâs symptoms had worsened overnight. To the point where his joints are so badly inflamed that he hadnât been able to sit up or roll over without wincing through pained breaths when Grian had woken him up.
It had Grianâs hands twitching, itching to pass him his medications, hating that he had nothing to offer him. Not for the first time, heâd felt sick and guilty about the situation surrounding their departure from Scarâs apartment. Maybe, if things had been different, Scar wouldâve had time to properly pack.
Or maybe he wouldâve been one of the first to die.
At this point, Grian doesnât know which wouldâve been kinder.
Itâs that same sense of responsibility and guilt that had Grian volunteering to go speak to the trio on Scarâs behalf. Heâd assuaged Scarâs concerns, assuring him that heâd handle it, and then broke the decision to the boys face-to-face. A declarationâno room for debate, no room to argue.
âIâm not making a suggestion,â Grian says flatly, watching as Karl balls up the foil wrapping from his breakfast before he tosses it into the ashy fireplace. âWeâre going to stay another day or two. It doesnât make sense to move yet.â
âIt doesnât make sense to stay here!â Sapnap exclaims, pressing one hand to his chest, the other spreading wide as he looks angrily at Grian and then pivots towards his two partners. âWeâd just be sitting here wasting rations day by day until desperation would drive us out. Iâm telling you guys, heâs up to something. No f*cking way he really thinks sitting here indefinitely is the right call.â
Grian scoffs, rolling his eyes. âRight, my insidious plan to keep us in a safe, googlie-free location, with beds to sleep in and a roof over our heads. How dastardly.â
Despite his dismissal, itâs clear Sapnapâs tirade has gotten to his companions, both of them looking torn with indecision over the situation. It sets Grian on edge, unsure how much he can keep from disclosing without making things worse.
The last thing he wants to do is reveal that Scar is their weakest link. If nothing else than for the sake of Scarâs dignity.
He owes him that much, at least.
âIs there something here?â Karl asks, addressing Grian in a way that seems genuinely curious. âAre you looking? Is that it?â
âKarl, thatâs not it, câmon. Thereâs nothing in this sh*thole, weâve explored enough to know that much,â Quackity dismisses, shaking his head as he rejects the question.
For a moment Grian nearly convinces himself that Quackity is on his side. That hope is short-lived however, his stomach dropping as Quackity looks at him and asks, blunt, âWho are you waiting for?â
The question catches Grian off guard.
Everything about it reeks of distrust and paranoia. How on earth would he and Scar communicate with anyone outside the group without attracting attention? And why the hell would they do it in the first place? The sheer absurdity of it sparks a deeply satisfied, bitter validation in Grianâs chestâthe proof he needed to confirm he isn't the only one with apprehensions lurking in the back of his head.
âWho do you think?â Grian challenges without answering the question.
âIt just seems like you were really pushing for us to get us here as fast as possible, and now youâre in no hurry to move on,â Quackity deflects in a perfectly level tone, acting like he has the higher moral ground. âPut yourself in our shoesâhow do you think that comes off?â
âIâm in an organ harvesting cult thatâs in league with the zombies,â Grian scoffs, rolling his eyes at the absurdity of it all. âIs that what you want to hear?â
âYouâre the one saying it,â Quackity pressures, relentless. âI just asked a question. You started making all these wild leaps.â
Grian doesnât have time for this, resenting how heâs been pushed so effortlessly onto his back foot by Quackityâs clever questioning. The validation of the trioâs mistrust doesnât benefit him, and he still doesnât want to out Scar to people who could not only be a threat, but have just shown that they don't see them as equals.
âAre we in court?â Grian snaps. âAm I on trial? Thereâs no hidden meeting with some ragtag party of bandits waiting in the wings. Weâre just tired. Itâs not a secret. And frankly, Iâm sick of you three acting like weâre holding you back. Iâve said it before, but clearly it bears repeatingâyou can leave without us. Go ahead. No oneâs going to stop you.â
Itâs a bold ultimatum, one that Grianâs sure Scar wouldnât appreciate, seeing as he's made it abundantly clear they benefit from the strength in numbers.
Quackity gives Karl a look, loaded. He then makes a gesture that communicates something Karl clearly understands, but Grian canât decipher. It feels damning.
It feels like heâs been caught.
Itâs a feeling heâs been experiencing way too often.
âI think we should talk to Scar,â Karl says at last, gentle but firm in a way thatâs clear he wants to put an end to this argument.
âScarâs going to agree with me,â Grian mutters anyway.
âThen checking in with him shouldnât be a problem.â
The words sting. Grian feels their persuasion pressing down on him like a knee on his throat. Itâs unfairâlike the social rules he used to know and understand no longer apply, and he canât yet parse the new ones.
He hates that Karl and Quackity seem to have adapted so quickly.
âWeâre not hiding anything,â he insists, and it sounds guiltier than if he had simply stayed silent.
âIâm sure youâre not,â Karl agrees, and itâs painfully clear that he doesnât believe him.
Sapnap snorts in disbelief, shaking his head and turning away from the group. âIâm getting our things ready,â he tells Karl, his mind clearly made up as he begins to pack up their belongings, gathering the things theyâve strewn across the floor. âWe can head out when youâre done with this bullsh*t.â
Karl stands up, reaching out to rest a hand on his shoulder before he kisses his cheek, a gesture Sapnap doesnât return but leans easily into, his forehead momentarily pressing against Karlâs. Itâs a soft moment that Grian isnât sure heâs supposed to see, and he darts his gaze away before they can turn their eyes on him.
Envy settles atop his chest. He wishes he could share a moment like that with Scar; something tender and gentle, just for them. Hell, he wishes he could just have a chance to speak to him ahead of Karl right now. Just long enough to get ahead of the half-truth he needs Scar to pick up and run with so their cover-up doesnât fall apart in front of him.
Instead, all he can do is stay a step ahead of Karl, being the first to open the bedroom door. He speaks loudly into the space when itâs only an inch ajar, announcing, âWeâve got a visitor, Scar.â
Luckily, Scar is sitting up when Karl enters, looking less visibly pained than he did when Grian left him.
âMorning, gentlemen,â he says, cheerful to the point of strain. âMaking quite a din out there! Hard for a man to get his beauty sleep.â He pauses, smiling as he teases, âYou barging in here to get me to settle where we go for breakfast?â
Karl looks a little surprised, Scarâs affable greeting catching him off guard following his tense exchange with Grian.
âIâve always been a Dennyâs guy, myself,â Scar continues, undaunted. âBut most of the folks I know are pretty passionate about IHOP. Grianâs a Waffle House guy though. Arenât ya, Grian?â
âScar,â Karl says at last, speaking carefully, with the tone of a professional mediator. âCan I talk with you about something?â
Scarâs eyebrows raise up but he speaks with an easy smile, nodding as he motions Karl into the room. âOf course, of course. Come right on in.â
The moment sticks, silence permeating the air. Karl looks between Scar and Grian, his gaze lingering and his intention clear.
âIn private,â he adds, and it rankles Grian like a scab rubbed wrong.
âIn private, of course,â Scar echoes, magnanimous.
Scarâs clever eyes meet Grianâs, communicating volumes in a glance. Grian can read his confidence and he wants to believe in him, wants to place his trust in Scar fully and walk away without concern. Scarâs never had a problem with words, never struggled to get his point acrossâto convince people that heâs speaking rationally and with the best possible motive. If anyone can hold his own in a conversation, itâs him.
Grian still struggles to let go, though. Afraid that leaving him alone even just for a second will cause him to slip and fall without Grian there to catch him.
âWeâll call you back in a minute,â Scar asserts, and the gentleness of it slices into something resistant in Grian. The strength of his reaction surprising even himself, his spine straightening as he plants his feet firmly in place.
âWeâre not doing this behind-doors bullsh*t, Scar,â Grian declares, firm, with a resolution that clearly catches Karl off guard. âAnything Karl can say in front of you, he can say in front of me. Thereâs nothing to hide.â
Karlâs expression is inscrutable, betrayed only by the way he bites his lower lip for a moment. Thereâs obvious consideration on his face, weighing the pros and cons of outing what Grianâs already said in front of him on the off-chance that he and Scar arenât on the same page. Whatever conclusion he comes to, he does so by exhaling heavily, shaking his hands out before he drags his focus back to Scar.
âWe need to talk about where we go from here as a cohort,â he says, speaking frankly, without his usual lighthearted manner of speech. His words are focused in a way Grian hasnât heard from him before, eyes unusually sharp. âBecause the problem is: from the way I see itâwe all had a plan we agreed on. It was a good plan, and we liked the plan. But now Iâm hearing from Grian that the planâs changed. And, listen, Iâm not trying to make a scene, but I donât remember us talking about changing the plan. So you can see why Iâm keen to talk this out before we jump to any wild conclusions about secrets and hidden agendas.â
He pauses, sighing as he pushes a hand back through his hair, sweeping loose curls out of his eyes. âJust⊠walk a mile in my shoes here, Scar. You can see why this is making an issue for me and my boys, right?â
To his credit, Scar nods, patient to a fault despite how painfully Karl has trod directly onto the crux of the matter. His smile is self-effacing and relaxed, charming in a way that begs to be trusted and understood.
Grian keeps his arms crossed and mouth shut.
âI understand your frustration, believe me,â Scar sympathizes, and nothing about his words sound anything less than genuine. âIt was by no means our intention to upset you or your lovely boys, and Iâm sure Grian didnât intend to go out of his way to stomp all over you on my behalf.â
Grian would snap something in his own defense, but heâs immediately distracted by the way Scar pats the edge of the mattress, magnanimously motioning for Karl to come over.
Grianâs eyes go wide, mouth dry. Well aware of what Scarâs doing. What heâs about to admit.
âTake a seat, Karl.â
Without questioning him, Karl does as requested. He sits down on the bed, landing heavy on the squeaking springs, crossing his legs and settling his hands on his knees. Easy and comfortable.
âAlright,â Scar approves, nodding. âNow stand up. Can you do that?â
Karl hesitates, clearly confused by the question, co*cking his head to the side.
Ultimately, he shrugs. âWell, yeah.â
He rocks forward smoothly, hands moving to push himself up, legs unbending as he gets to his feet without a smidgen of effort.
Scar smiles, earnest as he looks up at Karl. âRight now, I canât.â
Karl stands still for a moment, body stiff, face moving through several complicated expressions. By the doorway, Grian bites the inside of his cheek. His hands are pressed tight into fists, hating himself, hating the situation, and hating how Scar has to reveal his vulnerabilities like this. He can see Karl working through the revelation bit by bit and it sits sour in his stomach.
âYou were walking fine yesterday,â Karl says at last. Quiet, curious.
âItâs like that,â Scar explains. âI get good days and bad. Yesterday wasnât great, butââ
âThe bikeâŠâ Karl works out, reaching the conclusion faster than Scar has a chance to speak it. He lifts his hand, fingers pushing back through his hair again before he half-turns, sitting down on the edge of the mattress once more. âThe f*cking bike. You alreadyâwhen you met usââ
Scar nods. Thereâs a patience to him that Grian has never been able to understand. The ability to calmly explain himself; to not lash out in frustration or irritation when faced with the abled assumptions of everyone around him. Grian knows for a fact that heâd never be able to conduct himself in the same way, no matter how hard he tried.
âsh*t,â Karl breathes at length, tilting his head forward, the heels of his palms pressing against his eyelids. âThat explains Grian, then.â
He drops his hands into his lap, and despite who the apology is about, Grian might as well not even be there as Karl turns towards Scar and says, sincere, âIâm sorry, man. He was trying to protect your privacy andâsh*t, we really assumed the worst, there.â
Scar laughs half heartedly, shrugging with the easy nonchalance thatâs born from years of experience.
âThat doesnât really sound like Grian,â he excuses, eyes meeting Grianâs briefly, their corners creased with a smile that looks forced. âI donât think he cares either way.â
âPff, are you kidding? He cares a lot, dude.â Karlâs reply is quick, sounding more like himself now that thereâs an explanation that assuages his doubts. He looks back towards Grian, smiling warm and encouraging, his gaze expectant as he insists, âTell him how crazy you got trying to cover for him.â
Grian can feel Scar watching him intently, face kept carefully neutral. It makes him feel like heâs been caught, pinned in a position he canât stomach or stand. It reminds him of moments back during their time together as a coupleâloud exclamations from friends and colleagues, encouraging a kiss, a hug, a hand-hold. Demanding physical affection from Grian as if he had something to proveânot to Scar, but to them. Heâd hated it then, when he and Scar had meant something to each other. He hates it even more now, when what they have is now only a ghost of what it was.
âIt doesnât matter,â he dismisses, cutting his words with impatience. âYou get it now at least, right? He canât get up, we canât make him move.â
âYeah man, I get it,â Karl soothes, like everythingâs easy now. Drama resolved without incident. A part of Grian recoils at itâdistressed that all it took was the truth to defuse their situation. Itâs an uncomfortable reminder of how his lying got him to where he is today, and how much easier honesty can be.
Unaware of his spiraling thoughts, Karl gets back up from the mattress, smoothing down the creases in his pants. âDonât worry, Iâll talk to Sap and Q. Theyâll understand when I tell them itâs physically impossible.â
âYou really think that?â Grian mutters, thick with sarcasm and unable to bite his tongue.
Karl pauses, considering. Thereâs determination in the way he squares his shoulders. His tone serious, words pointed as he clarifies, âWeâre not monsters.â
Something about it rankles Grian, jangling like an alarm inside his head. It tugs at that suspicious part of him that he canât let go, paranoia creeping up on him. The hairs rise on the back of his neck, his heart setting an anxious pace that makes him want to run.
Instead, he steps out from in front of the door, gesturing towards it impatiently. âGo defuse your bomb, then.â
The air is thick between them. Then, miraculously, Karl bends.
âTheyâre a lot, but they mean well,â he admits, chuckling gently. âWe had a rough start when all hell broke loose, and I know that means they can come across pretty strong now. Especially Sapnap. Youâll get used to them though, I promise.â
Grian doesnât respond. He has nothing to say in return, wanting to keep the line clear between them segmented and sectioned. No tenderness bridging between them. No attachments.
It isnât worth the risk of an inevitable betrayal.
Seeing that Grian isnât interested in conversation, Karl simply shrugs and walks past him, a hand patting his shoulderâjust onceâbefore he leaves him alone with Scar.
The moment heâs gone the room falls silent. Scarâs fixed grins falters at last, and he lets out a long, slow breath.
âGrianââ he starts, weary, as though heâs preparing for a well-rehearsed but exhausted apology.
Grian cuts Scar off. âHow many supplies do you think we have?â
Itâs silly, he knows. Avoiding talking about the important things this far into the end of the world. Despite having been so desperate to talk to Scar alone, now he repels it like something vile, afraid of how much a little honesty might open a floodgate he wonât know how to shut.
Instead, he distracts Scar by dragging him into his ponderingâimagining a hypothetical where he can heave Scar up on his feet and carry him far away from these strangers who smile too wide and speak too earnestly and share too enthusiastically.
âSuppliesâŠ?â Scar repeats, breaking his initial surprised silence with careful words, like cautious footsteps on ice too thin to support a personâs weight. âFor all five of us?â
Grian shakes his head, sharp violence in the motion. âJust two.â
Itâs meant to be a thought experimentâa distractionâmore for Grianâs sake than Scarâs. Obviously Grian knows thereâs no way they could leave right now, not with the amount of pain Scar is in. Itâs a game, like the would-you-rathers they played earlier during their trek. However, something passes across Scarâs face that indicates heâs not on the same page; maybe not even on the same chapter. Itâs an emotion Grian doesnât know how to readâdeep-rooted, vulnerable, and raw.
âThe waterâs gonna run out quick, but the food will last, if you ration it.â Scar answers, voice dull and lifeless.
âWeâll find water easy,â Grian reassures, trying to get Scar to warm back up to the idea. âWeâre not that far from civilization.â
Thereâs something wretched and resigned written across Scarâs features. Itâs a warning sign Grian doesnât catch, too caught up in his own spiteful, self-righteous machinations. Heâs daydreaming, planning out a future that will never come to fruition. No more polite sidelining to a trio he doesnât like or trust. Just him and Scar. No more extras to worry about. No one heâll need to protect Scar and his overly trusting nature from.
Itâs the only kind of escapism that Grian can allow himself in a hellscape like this.
âWhich of them are you leaving with, then?â
The question strikes Grian like an open-palm slap across the face.
It hits hard and unexpected, tearing into a part of him he hadnât even known was vulnerably exposed.
Wide eyes meet Scarâs and find a hooded expression looking back at him, his face schooled into careful nonchalance. With a pang, Grian wonders if his months of sneaking around and neglect taught Scar to look like that.
âWhat are you saying?â he hears himself ask, like heâs far removed from his own body, unmoored and untethered, yanked out of his own skin by the implication that Scar would assume a lack of loyalty from him. âScarâŠâ
Scarâs eyes slant away, fists curled loose in his lap, humiliation burning on his cheeks as he does his best to breathe through the emotions heâs struggling with.
âI didnât really see any of them as your type, but I guess you got closer to them than I thought,â he says, quiet. âIt wouldnât be the first time I didnât notice something like that,â he adds, sounding more disappointed in himself than anyone else.
The words are a simple acceptance of the reality of the situation as Scar sees it, but they still cut into Grian, deep and accusing. It takes him a moment to collect himself, forced to fully reckon with the depth of the distrust heâs laid into Scar. The rot heâs infested into their foundation, larger and far more catastrophic than he could have ever imagined when he first slipped into the warmth of a strangerâs bed.
âIs that really what you think of me?â he whispers, words just a breath above silent.
Scar merely shrugs a heavy shoulder.
âTo be honest⊠nowadays, I feel like I barely know you.â
Itâs a painful realisation, to recognize that Scar no longer feels for him like he used to. The hurt is made even more potent by how much heâd been trying to protect Scar only minutes before. He knows he has no one to blame for it but himself, he knows that. But that doesnât stop it from hurting all the same.
His throat feels tight with emotion, tongue swollen in his mouth, but he canât let it linger like this. He canât.
âIâm not gonna leave you,â He saysâpromises, to the best of his ability. âI wouldnât⊠I wouldnât do that, Scar.â
Silence stretches between them, uncomfortable and incriminating.
âOkay,â Scar replies at last, lackluster.
Thereâs so much more Grian wants to say. A confession, an admittance, even something mean and spiteful. However, somehow, he feels like no matter what he says now, it wonât make a difference. Scarâs made up his mind. Maybe fairly, maybe not.
Thatâs all there is to it.
âIâm not going anywhere,â he repeats, but his reassurance falls flat when he canât muster up more than a timid voice to say it with.
This time, Scar says nothing at all.
Together, they descend into silence.
The rest of the morning and much of the afternoon pass, slow and uneventful. With the decision made to stay for at least another day, the tension between the party ebbs.
Instead, the focus shifts to making a more palatable temporary home for the five of them.
Karl spearheads the initiative, enthusiastic and outspoken about his vision for their space. He and Sapnap drift in and out of the house, pulling out the old counters and mildewed shelves from the kitchen and bringing in the few items of interest that they found in the surrounding homes. Thereâs no power, so together they clean out the fireplace and scavenge enough scrap wood to stock it for the evening. At one point, Karl carries in a large framed painting of two horses standing in a field that he proudly puts up on the hearth. He and Sapnap laugh about it, daydreaming about another life where they meet as horse ranchers in the midwest.
Quackity is gone the longest. Grian had watched as he smooth-talked Scar into borrowing his rifleâfond eyes belaying a sharp, calculating smile. Scar had handed over his weapon with ease and Grian had had to bite his tongue from saying something about trust and betrayal that he knew Scar wouldnât appreciate, especially coming from him. Instead, heâd stood back and watched Quackity leave with the gun under his arm, and Sapnapâs walkie clipped to his belt.
Quackity had checked in regularly over the radio until heâd finally returned late in the afternoon, with his shadow stretching out long behind him. Instead of gear or supplies, Quackity comes back carrying a plastic egg crate full of paperback novels and old magazines. These, he proudly dumps onto their pallet benches, which have been dressed with threadbare throw pillows and old curtain fabric that Sapnap and Karl found in the neighbouring homes while he was gone.
The set up looks nice. Cosy. The trio seem proud of itâthey laugh and talk constantly, their enthusiasm and mirth filling the space.
Grian doesnât contribute to it at all, instead alternating between sitting with Scar in moody silence, and pacing the hallway outside their bedroom door. He feels awkward, not so much unwelcome as he is a non-integral part to the dynamic the trio have going. Karl invites him into their conversation, but more often than not Grian simply canât keep up with their rapid-fire banter and loud, laughing voices. He feels like heâs back in his first years of universityâtoo nervous to participate, and too worried about missing something important to completely check out.
Meanwhile, Scar sleeps off and on. Itâs not unusual for him to pass the time napping while he waits for the ache in his legs to subside. It had happened often at the start of their relationshipâmostly on bad days, when Scar had forgotten to fill his prescriptions.
It had gotten better once Grian had taken up getting them filled for him, though; more inclined at keeping track of minutiae like that.
Not that it matters now, when thereâs not even a bottle of ibuprofen to their name.
If they were back at Scarâs apartment there were medications he could be taking. He wouldâve been able to use his cane⊠his chairâŠ
Grian tries not to dwell on it, but he feels powerless not being able to help him.
The afternoon drags on and the sun sets. Sapnap starts a fire, and they discuss rations for the night, eventually agreeing to let Quackity use a bit of their water to make dough out of flour they brought in large ziplock bags. He works industriously, using their skillet to cook unseasoned flatbreadsâtoo thick to be proper tortillasâthat they scoop canned chilli onto. Quackity narrates while he cooks, speaking out like heâs entertaining a studio audience. Karl and Sapnap play along, cheering him on and making salacious comments that have Quackity laughing through his blush and batting them away with fond affection.
It twists something jealous in Grianâs guts, but try as he might he canât look away, wishing that he had the benefit of youth to keep him that hopeful in the face of everything theyâre up against.
Once the food is prepared, Scar manages to join them in the main room. With Grian and Sapnapâs help, and Scarâs arms draped across both their shoulders, he lets the two of them help him across the floor before they carefully sit him down. Karl fusses over making his seat comfortable, arranging their blankets around him for support.
Itâs clear that the trio are trying their best to make up for the earlier assumptions theyâd made and the hostilities that had arisen from it. Theyâre overcompensating to the point of treating Scar like something fragile, which sets Grian on edge. Itâs a tendency heâs used to seeing from well-meaning strangers that Grian knows Scar doesnât appreciate, but in this case Scar swallows it down with civility.
There is a moment when Scar catches Grian's attention over the trioâs heads, however. Raising his eyebrows at their antics, leaving Grian to try not to read too much into the shared commiseration, despite the way it warms him inside out.
Unfortunately, the heady feeling of sharing a secret look doesnât last long because Quackity seems determined to win Scar over. Heâs been talkative and friendly towards him from the start, but now heâs laughing loud at every little thing that Scar says and hanging off his every word.
It shouldnât make Grian insecure, but it does. Maybe that's why Quackity does it, prodding at Grian's childish outburst from the day before. It doesn't matter why when Grian can't stop himself from feeling the way he does, even when he knows he no longer has any right to. The group sits together on their makeshift seats around the fireplace, eating dinner and chatting, and Grian feels a spike of jealousy that seizes his chest every time Quackity looks over at Scar, every time he offers him another serving, every time he smiles at him.
It makes Grian feel petty and territorial.
It makes him feel alone.
Once they finish eating, they all settle back together to watch the fire burn. Thereâs a comfort that runs between the trio, who sit with their arms and legs overlapped on top of each other, leaning shoulder to shoulder to shoulder in a pile. Sapnap had found twist ties in one of the mildewed drawers earlier that day, and Karl had inexpertly turned them into ringsâengagement rings, heâd declared proudly. Thereâs one on each of their ring fingers now, child-like but profound. Sapnap keeps touching Karlâs, over and over, and Karl smiles at him softly each time.
Grian wants to think itâs stupid, wants to roll his eyes at the whole performance, but some part of him knows how much it stems from his own longing. Itâs not that he and Scar were ever on the road to marriageânot when Grian had waved away every conversation Scar had tried to start about commitmentâbut it tugs at a feeling he canât smother. His desperate desire to have even a fraction of the open, unabashed affection that the trio share so easily between one another.
Heâs about to open his mouth and say something heâll regret when Quackity abruptly hops to his feet, crossing the room and gathering up the pile of reading material heâd scavenged earlier that day.
He sits back down, this time next to Scar, offering the collection to him like a kid at show and tell, enthusiastic with his prize. The novels arenât goodâdetective mysteries, some suspense thrillers, and a few syrupy romance novels. Plus, the magazines are several years old, some of them torn and crumpled, but the majority intact.
The magazines turn out to all be aimed at women, boasting high fashion, makeup, and modelling. Grian braces himself, preparing for the inevitable dismissive comment from at least one of the trio, but all heâs met with is unabashed enthusiasm from Karl, who pulls half the stack into his lap, easily folding back the glossy cover as he begins flipping through the pages.
âI think, out of everything, Iâm going to miss dressing up nice most of all,â Karl remarks wistfully as he looks through spreads of runway highlights from fashion weeks long past. He hums as he flips pages, lingering on sheer, diaphanous evening gowns, cropped bolero jackets, and high-waisted flared corduroys.
âHave you thought about that sh*t yet?â Quackity asks, elbowing Scar, conspiratorial in his question. âWhat youâre gonna miss most?â
Itâs a macabre question, and Scar raises his eyebrows at it. Yet again, he glances in Grianâs direction, as if to confirm theyâre both on the same dreary page.
âI donât know if weâve thought that far ahead,â he admits after a pause, choosing his words carefully. Thereâs a deep well of sadness theyâre all carefully skirting, one Grian doesnât think the other three are quite aware of yet. For the first time since their meeting he becomes all too aware of their youth. The naivety of their questions. âKids,â Scar had called them.
âIâm gonna miss bagel bites,â Sapnap bemoans, arms crossed behind his head. Heâs reclining, resting across Karlâs lap as Karl continues to leaf through the magazines, one hand absently combing through Sapnapâs tangled hair. âHot pockets, pizza rolls⊠the whole frozen pizza spectrum, really.â
âThe internet,â Karl offers, looking up, the expression in his eyes faraway and dreamy. âSpotify. Livestreams. 10 hour long YouTube playlists of people unboxing expensive designer advent calendarsâŠâ
âDude, the internetâs not gonna go anywhere,â Sapnap insists, tilting his head back to look up at Karl.
âAre you crazy? Of course it will,â Quackity snickers, rolling his eyes in a fond way.
âNo way,â Sapnap persists, dogged. âNobodyâs gonna flip the big âkill the internetâ switch right before they turn, dumbass. Itâll just keep⊠broadcasting, or whatever.â
âI think people need to be around to keep it running,â Scar muses, mildly matter-of-fact. âItâs not self⊠imposedâŠ? Self-inferredâŠ? Selfâwhatâs the word, Grian?â
âSelf-sustaining,â Grian supplies easily, innately knowing Scarâs intention. âAnd heâs right. If itâs not down already, it will be soon.â
âNo way, thatâs nuts,â Sapnap mourns, regret kicking in instantly. âsh*t. How are we gonnaâ? Oh my god⊠f*ck, weâre never gonna see p*rn again.â
âThatâs my boy,â Karl chuckles, affectionate, dipping his head down as he smooths Sapnapâs hair back and kisses his forehead. âOne track mind.â
âIâm serious,â Sapnap groans. âIf Iâd knownââ
âYou wouldâve what? Jerked off more?â Quackity teases, cackling. âCâmon babe, donât be like that in front of our new friends. They still have some respect for you.â
âThis is f*cking ludicrous,â Sapnap grumbles, huffing despite the small grin tugging at the corner of his mouth. âLike burning the Library of Alexandria.â
Karl shakes his head, overly indulgent in his boyfriendâs antics. He continues stroking Sapnapâs hair as he finishes one magazine and then reaches for the next, far more engrossed than Grian wouldâve expected from him.
âIâm gonna miss nice spa days,â Karl adds after several minutes of silence have passed. âA long soak in the tub. Lo-fi beats. Doing my nails.â He turns his hands over, inspecting his fingertips, folding them flat against his palms. His nail polish, alternating bright blue and orange, is chippedâsome of the paint flaked off completely.
Something about it stirs an emotion in Grian; a longing to sympathise without wanting to expose the vulnerability that it would force him into. He looks away without saying a word, instead getting to his feet so he can stoke the fire.
âDid you always paint them?â The sound of Scarâs voice, deep and ponderous, startles Grian.
Thereâs genuine curiosity in his question, and though Grian keeps his eyes resolutely on the fire, he can picture Scar leaning forward in his seat, studying Karlâs hands with interest.
âMm,â Karl says, relaxed and at-ease. âWhenever I remembered. Iâd forget a lotâbut yeah, I loved it. Love it.â
âHuhâŠâ
Karl laughs, unbothered. âNo shade on you rough-and-tumble lads or anything. I love me a gritty guy, just⊠mans loves to feel pretty sometimes, yâknow?â
Grianâs mouth feels dry. He keeps his head down, not sure why the conversation is distressing him as much as it is. Something about Karlâs openness, the lack of concern in his tone, carefree and unafraid as he speaks. Heâs confident as he shows off something Grian has never allowed himself to look at as anything more than a fleeting peek caught in the corner of his eye.
Thereâs nothing wrong with it, he justâŠ
âI always wanted to try it.â
Scarâs confession wrenches Grianâs head around with a twist so strong he feels a pinch in his shoulders. He tries not to look any particular way, but heâs sure he must look like a fool, mouth parted in shock. He canât help himself, riveted at the casual way Scar says the words.
Inclined across the space between their seats, Scar has Karlâs hand delicately cradled in his palm, turning his fingertips towards the fire to get a better look.
âWhy didnât you?â Karl asks, voicing the question before Grian can.
Scar shrugs a shoulder, letting Karlâs hand go as he sits back.
âJust never got around to it,â he admits. âThought I had all the time in the world. And I meanâI didnât really know where to get started.â
I couldâve told you, Grian wants to say. Fragile and sensitive. Another missed connection between them. Something that he no doubt fostered.
Grian thinks about a makeup bag pushed into the back of his bathroom cabinet. He thinks about kitten heels with rhinestones on the toes. He thinks about drag nights at local bars he paid the cover for, but then hovered just outside the entrance, too nervous to step all the way in.
He thinks about a piece of himself he never had the chance to properly explore, and how itâs now being brought up between Scar and a man who, just a few days ago, was a complete stranger.
He bites his tongue so hard it hurts.
With the slap of glossy pages flipping shut, Karl sits up. He gets to his feet in a fluid motion, somehow managing not to jostle Sapnap as he moves. Grian turns to watch him leave the room, not knowing whatâs happening. He looks to Scar, but Scar merely mirrors his confusion, the two of them simmering in uncertainty until Karl returns a moment later, his backpack held against his chest as he digs into one of its deepest pockets.
âAinât this your lucky night,â he announces cheerfully.
Without hesitating he sits back down, tucking his backpack against his feet and holding out his hands, several bottles of nail polish cupped in his palms. When heâs met with silence, Karl scoots forward, moving to sit cross legged on the floor in front of Scar. He holds up the colours he hasâbright blue, purple, orange, pink, and something glossy flecked with glitter.
Grian feels the lump forming in his throat, something choked and asphyxiating as he watches the scene unfold like a pariah lurking in the rafters.
Scar doesnât try to hide his smile, letting Karl press the bottles into his hands, one by one. Leaning back, Karl yanks one of the cushions off his seat, tucking it under himself before he digs back into his backpack. After a moment of searching, he produces a nail file.
Itâs the first time Grian really realises that the trio had time to properly pack. Unlike him and Scar, who left with what Grian had shoved into his backseat, they brought things with themâproper things. Items to make living bearable, beyond the essentials. Little things, nostalgic and warm.
A feeling he canât explain festers in Grianâs chest at the revelation. Another jab to stoke the fires.
âI donât have black,â Karl apologises. âI know a lot of guys like to start with it⊠but I wasnât thinking Iâd be doing manicures in the apocalypse.â
Scar chuckles, rotating through the colours in his hands, the glass bottles clacking together before he turns one towards Karl.
âOrange is my favourite,â he explains, pausing before he reconsiders. âOr should I go for blueâŠ?â
âYou can have both,â Quackity pipes up, semi-absorbed in one of the romance novels heâd found. Heâs angled himself towards the fire to take better advantage of the light, legs stretched out on the seat. âHot guy perks. Right, Karl?â
âThatâs what people in the industry call it,â Karl quips in confirmation, taking the bottles back from Scar and setting the orange and blue aside.
He looks gentle, almost reverent, as he takes Scarâs right hand in his, smoothing his thumbs over Scarâs knuckles, briefly massaging his palm before he flattens Scarâs fingers out and begins tending to his nails with the rasp of the file. Karl doesnât have small hands by any means, heâs not diminutive, but Scarâs hand dwarfs his all the same.
âThe boys donât let me paint their nails,â he says conversationally as he moves from one nail to the next. It must be easier work than he expects, Grian thinks. Scar wasnât fastidious, but he took care of himself prior to the apocalypse. He has nice handsâor, at least, Grian had always thought so.
If Karl compliments them, he doesnât know what heâll do.
âI let you! Once,â Sapnap insists. In Karlâs absence, heâs spread out on the pallet seat, paging through the magazines himself, laying on his back as he holds it up to catch the firelight.
âFor our very first date,â Karl confides to Scar like itâs tantalising gossip. âAnd heâd picked the paint all off by the next time I saw him.â
âNot a nail polish guy, what can I say?â Sapnap shrugs, dismissive of the fact.
The trio titter, and Grian finds himself phasing their conversation out as he stares at Scarâs bright smile. His enthusiasm for the moment is clear, letting Karl do his work as he patiently watches Karl work. Itâs clear that theyâre sharing a good moment, something everyone is enjoying.
Grian doesnât want to be the wet blanket. He doesnât want to bring the collective mood down.
He turns to poke another wedge of wood into the fire, wishing he was anywhere else in the world but here, with a stranger painting his boyfriendâsâex-boyfriendâs nails.
In another world, this couldâve been something he and Scar shared together. Something Grian could introduce Scar to and teach him about. Instead, the whole situation sits sour in his stomach; hopeless nostalgia for a life that never existed.
As the painting session drags on, Grian triesâagain and againâto involve himself. He opens his mouth, hesitating over a compliment or commiseration, but every time he makes an attempt, he canât get his voice out. Whatâs the use when none of them seem to care that heâs been silent all this time? When not even Scar has looked his way once since Karl graced his attention on him.
By the time Scarâs nails are dry and itâs time for bed, Grian is lost in his own misery. Itâs unfair. Itâs stupid. He knows the way heâs reacting is irrational, and yetâŠ
When they finally retire to their room, he makes every effort not to speak. Heâs quiet as he shrugs off his sweater and pulls his feet out of his shoes, padding forward in socked feet to their bed and laying down with ample distance between Scar and himself.
If Scar notices, he makes no comment on itâappreciating the amiability of the moment as if everything is fine. Scar lays on his back, one hand resting on his chest, and the other raised as he admires the daubs of colour on his nails in the dim moonlight sifting in through the window. Even Grian can admit that Karl did a good job, the paint neat and even, with nothing spilled over onto Scarâs cuticles.
âCanât believe it took me until the apocalypse to try this,â Scar muses quietly after a lengthy pause, letting his hand drop to his side and half-chuckling in the dimness.
Grian says nothing, weirdly tangled in his own emotions, caught like a flower petal pressed flat between heavy pages, compressed flat and frozen. He doesnât know how to fix this. Doesnât know how to reorient himself so that heâs the him he used to be. Or, at least, always wanted to be; the one that Scar fell in love with.
Resolutely he keeps his eyes closed, feigning sleep.
He knows full well Scar wonât buy it.
âTheyâre nice boys,â Scar adds, low and conversational, in the deep, rumbling tone Grianâs familiar with from a hundred nights of past pillow talk. âWe really lucked out with them, I think.â
âI still feel like theyâre up to something.â
Itâs a stupid thing to say, after so long in silence, with no grounds except jealousy on which to say it. The words are out of him before he can help himself.
Even as he says them, he knows heâs f*cked up.
âYou still want to pick at this?â Scar asks, sombre in the darkness. âReally?â
Grian says nothing, knowing any word will incite an argumentâwishing, too late, that heâd just kept pretending to sleep.
âDo you honestly think theyâre suspicious, or do you just not like it when I have friends?â Scar asks after enough silence has passed. âBecause I know what this feels like, and Iâm not sure youâll like the answer.â
The question burns, incriminating and hot on the back of Grianâs neck, making him feel wretched. The memory of too many arguments about the amount of time Scar would spend with Cub, and his easy affection for Pearl. The way his openly fond nature would pick at Grian like a scab. How, the more distance Grian had put between them, the more paradoxically possessive heâd gotten over Scarâs affections. A cover-up for the way heâd been going around behind Scarâs backâthinking the worst of him because heâd been doing the worst himself.
Grian bites his tongue, hands clasped in tight fists, body tense, waiting for the moment to pass.
Eventually Scar sighs, surrendering to the futility of the moment.
âGânight, Grian,â he relents, curtânot angry, but close enough to it to feel damning.
Without another word, Scar turns over, mattress springs squeaking as he moves to face away from Grian, looking out towards the stained, empty floor of the room.
Sooner than Grian wouldâve guessed, his breathing evens out; slow, steady inhales and deep, heavy exhales. Itâs a rhythm Grian is familiar with, but it offers him no comfort when theyâve gone to bed having solved nothing. He stares at the scuffed plaster of the wall in front of him as he lays awake, letting his mind rush through a hundred different scenarios.
On the one hand, he could try for a change. It wouldnât take much to pretend nothing was wrong. He could embrace the trio and at the very least act like he didnât believe they were out to stab them in the back. Scar would like that, he thinks. And maybe itâd be easier that way, to lie and go about like they were all trusting and happy and normal. To bury his jealousy and will away his possessiveness, hide all of it behind a smile and sweet words.
On the other hand, all it takes is one false move, one tiny mistake in the midst of this apocalypse, to lose everything that matters to him in an instant. Despite how much he knows Scar wants it, he canât afford to place his trust in the wrong people.
He lies awake until even the boys outside are asleep, Sapnapâs snores shaking the thin walls placed between them. He thinks about his options. He thinks about their future. He thinks about Scar, and himself, and the trio that has come between them.
He thinks, hard, about which road to take next.
Notes:
Phew we did it! Hopefully that formatted and posted right aaaaaaaa. Everyone thank Key for all the work she does getting this fic ready to post- I never want to do it again so PLEASE don't get kidnapped by a dragon, bestie. I cannot stress this enough.
xox Lock